The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

My Little Chappy – Friendship is Kind of Explicit Now

You know, there comes a time when friends need to have a chat with each other. Sometimes, it is only through talking with others that we realize that true friendship is not in the eye of the beholder but in the bosom or groin of the person you are with. For we all know the secret to living a happy life is to shut up and get undressed. Or possibly see a psychiatrist but that cost money.

This applies to all people, animals, aliens, the French, and anything in-between. The only real issue to work out is who will bring the beer and who's paying for the protection. And that, my friends is why far too many of us are single, alone, or God-forbid – Married!

Either that or we don't have enough money to pay a cute young prostitute to pretend to be Chappy for our office party…which is totally cool if it's handled by the right person!

I'm looking at you Derek! Your "Chappy" clocked in at over 300 pounds. Not cool bro! Not Cool!

-Karakura University-

"Was this really necessary? You could have taken a few more days off," Ichigo groaned.

"I'm fine with it." Rukia replied with a confident smile.

"Of course you are! You're not the one pushing the cart!"

Their fellow students stared as Ichigo used a dolly to cart around a large flat piece of wood with Rukia leaning against it to keep a straight back. As they noisily moved through the hall, she put on her best actress smile and waved to her classmates and admirers. It had been like this all day.

Shirayuki, wanting Rukia to continue her education, designed the dolly and wood combination to allow her mistress to get to and from class each day. Today was the first day they had tried it. Aside from the glares and whispers, it worked wonders. Rukia was propped up next to Ichigo in class and she even took her own notes. The entire time, Ichigo just scowled and tried to pretend his reputation still existed.

Now, as he wheeled her out toward the waiting limo, all he could think about was getting back to Rukia's manor and hiding in her Hole for a while. All the while, the students gossiped as to why the orange haired delinquent was the one pushing her.

"Do you think they're an item?" one student pondered.

"Or do you think he's the one who caused Ms. Kuchiki's car accident?!" another excited student surmised.

A nerdy student with glasses scoffed and confidently said, "Guys, guys…it's clear to us all that they're aliens who have come to rape and impregnate our women, and probably enslave the men, in a mad quest for universal dominance!"

…

…

…How did you get into this story?! Seriously, who locked up last night because that fucker shouldn't be here! Security!...

Ichigo grit his teeth as he heard all the ridiculous claims. Well, apart from the item part which was what he was ultimately working toward. Come to think of it, Rukia hadn't really reacted to his confession of love when he told her about admiring her. Then again, what with the whole Perverted Lion thing, he wasn't really focused on it either. But that didn't stop him from wondering.

What did Rukia really think about him?

"Ichigo, stop!"

Responding to Rukia's words, he jerked to a halt. Luckily, Rukia was strapped to the wood and didn't go flying off. Ichigo jumped in front of her, prepared for whatever they had stopped for. Strangely, nothing seemed to be there. He turned and glared at her.

"What's with the urgent stop?! Are you trying to hurt yourself?" he sneered, as she frowned.

"Firstly, it would technically be you who hurt me, again, so be more careful. Second, I told you to stop because—".

"RUKIA!" a bubbly voice shouted, making Ichigo whirl around in horror. Orihime rushed toward them, dragging Uryu by his arm. "I heard you go hurt! What happened?!" the busty girl said as she got closer.

Rukia giggled and replied, "A bit of trouble thanks to Mr. Dandelion. But I'll be fine with more physical therapy." Ichigo grumbled and looked away but she just smirked at him. Just because she couldn't move her spine didn't mean she didn't have power.

"I'm so glad! I thought this might be permanent!" Orihime shouted as she finally unhinged herself from Uryu and moved to give Rukia one of her signature bone crushing hugs. Rukia's eyes widened and she gasped, preparing for the pain.

However, Ichigo quickly grabbed the dolly and moved it aside at the last second and Orihime caught nothing but air. She stumbled and fell forward but luckily she had a pair of huge airbags to, somewhat, break her fall. Ichigo winced and guilt welled up before a hand smacked him from behind.

"Why did you do that to my friend?!" Rukia growled as she swiped at him again, barely missing her target.

"Hey, it was your spine or her balance! I chose the one that was more durable to hit the floor!" Ichigo retorted, matching the glare she was giving him.

Suddenly, an icy presence appeared behind Ichigo and a chill ran down his spine. "Be that as it may, I still can't overlook you letting my fiancé fall like that," a menacing voice replied. Ichigo slowly turned around to see Uryu, pushing up his glasses with this middle finger, a deadly look in his eyes.

"Oh honey, its fine. I kinda went overboard and Ichigo was just trying to keep Rukia safe." Orihime picked herself up with no problems and even smiled and winked at Rukia. Uryu turned and smiled at her before taking her into his arms. All the while, Ichigo and Rukia were frozen in shock.

"That's another thing I love about you. Not only are you forgiving but understanding as well."

"Will you leave him be then? Rukia might be upset if my fiancé roughs up her beau."

"Anything you want, sweetie." Uryu turned his head and glared at Ichigo, "We may be friends but if she hadn't have been so understand, I would have done something unspeakable to you, Ichigo."

Orihime wrapper her arms around her fiancé and giggled, "You're so protective. It makes me love you even more."

"Then I'll protect you from even the tiniest of germs if it means receiving your love." Uryu replied with a sweet smile. They leaned in and kissed passionately, the room heating up with their fiery display of affection.

…Okay, does anyone else want to gouge their eyes out with a spoon at this 'display' of affection? Seriously, we've stayed quiet for long enough! We need some fother-mucking angst!...

During the "lovely" exchange, Ichigo and Rukia stared in complete shock. Their two best friends made out for nearly an entire minute before breaking apart for air, a new record! As the happy couple turned back to their shocked friends, Ichigo struggled to form words.

"Who did you…how did you…why are you…when did you—", a smack on the back of his head from Rukia's hand rang out, "When did this happen?!"

Orihime blushed and Uryu smiled at her before replying, "Well, on the day that we met—".

"Which was three days ago mind you," Ichigo reminded them.

"—We decided to go out for a pleasant evening at Charlie's – The Mexican Restaurant What Has Italian." Uryu continued, his fingers lacing between Orihime's. "After a fantastic sushi dish, we went back to my place for a few drinks. And well, one thing led to another…"

"We're engaged!" Orihime shouted as she proudly lifted her left hand to show a diamond ring on a specific finger. "But don't worry, we're taking it slow."

…No, no you're not! There are speed-dating places that work slower than you! The Flash is a fucking tortoise compared to the speed of your relationship! God himself would go, "Damn bitch, you fast" and that's from freaking God! This is not the angst we were looking for!...

Rukia's jaw practically dropped but her friend looked at her expectedly, she had no choice. "I-I'm s-so happy for y-you, really."

Her voice was shaky and nervous but only Ichigo seemed to notice. As the orange haired man turned to give her a questioning look, Rukia gave him a stern shake of the head, clearly meaning 'don't fucking ask about it!'. With no other options, and being indebted to the petite superheroine, Ichigo had no choice but to smile awkwardly at Uryu and his fiancé.

"Well, uh, nice work, Uryu! Never figured you'd get married before me!" his enthusiasm was so false that any normal person would see through it but the lovely couple was too busy staring into each other's eyes.

"Speak of relationships," Uryu said, "How are things with you and Rukia going? First or second base? Or have you already progressed to third?"

Oddly enough, his tone was genuine and not condescending in the least, which only added to the embarrassment. Cheeks flushed as Ichigo and Rukia refused to answer, or make eye contact. Simultaneously, Uryu and Orihime's eyes widened as they looked between their two closest friends.

"You can't be serious," Orihime said, utterly stunned, "We figured you'd be way ahead of us by now! You've been dating longer than we have!"

Ichigo and Rukia fidgeted and continued to avoid any kind of contact.

"Yeah, well…"

"Things happen…"

"Not to you people," Uryu chided, "It happens to us though."

"Repeatedly," Orihime corrected.

"How many times is repeatedly?!" Rukia nearly shouted, eyes bulging.

"North of twenty."

Rukia and Ichigo shared a frantic look before shouting in unison, "HOW?!"

...We're going ignore how dumb this question is, in favor of its validity…because while we really want to know the answer, we also really don't want to know the answer…

Orihime blushes and smiles sweetly at Uryu before answering, "Well, you start by getting naked—".

"We don't need to know this part!" Ichigo and Rukia shouted in unison again.

"Yes, you do. Because this is not happening and that is what you're doing wrong." Uryu told them with a frown as he slipped out of his fiancé's reach and approaching his friend. "Ichigo, a word please?"

He grabbed his orange haired friend by the collar and practically dragged him away. At the same time, Rukia was approached by Orihime.

Uryu got Ichigo a good distance away before looking him in the eye. After staring for a few too many seconds, the dark haired man sighed and shook his head. "You haven't even kissed her yet," it wasn't a question but a statement and they both knew it.

Flabbergasted, Ichigo sputtered, "H-H-How did you know?!"

"You just told me," Uryu replied as Ichigo scowled, "I thought things were going well between you."

"Yeah, well…Let's just say our relationship it a wall," Ichigo fidgeted as he spoke, "A brick wall more specifically."

"Why a brick wall?"

"Because she…kinda—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"You crashed through a brick wall?!" Orihime practically shouted as Rukia recalled the events. "And Ichigo did this to you?" She gasps suddenly, "Does this have to do with the whole superheroine thing? I kind of lost track about that I went overseas. Chappy just isn't popular in other countries for some reason."

Rukia rolled her eyes and said, "That's because Chappy only exists here in Japan, which should be illegal."

"Chappy should be illegal in Japan?"

"No, that's not what I…Let's just get back on topic I don't want to get into that right now. Yes, the crashing through a wall was because of the superhero thing."

"Yay!" Orihime squealed in joy. Rukia gave her friend a death glare and she finally seemed to get it. "Oh, that's right this is ouchy stuff! But I thought that since you both were super-people then you'd make a great couple."

Rukia suddenly froze. Her friend's words kept ringing in her head. She slowly turned to see Orihime smiling brightly but tilting her head in confusion. Looking around carefully to see if anyone might overhear, the raven haired superheroine whispered, "How do you know about that?! I never told you anything about Ichigo being my nemesis!"

"Well, yeah but," Orihime glanced over to Uryu and blushed before saying, "Uryu and I don't have secrets with each other. So we kind confessed all we know about the two of you."

"You told him I was Chappy!" Rukia nearly screamed, trying to free herself so she could stop her friend. A stinging pain stopped her and she groaned. Her friend instantly coddled her and patted her head.

"No, no. You've got it all wrong, Rukia. I didn't tell him you were Chappy." Orihime insisted, continually patting her friend's head. Rukia allowed a wave of relief to wash over her before, "Uryu told me how Ichigo told him about you being Chappy and stalking you for the last few months."

Too many things came to Rukia's blown mind that all she could spout was, "Uh, um, that, could, follow, me, who, how, WHAT!" She gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes toward the men. "Uryu was stalking me! I don't even know him!"

"Actually, it was Ichigo who was stalking you," Orihime corrected, earning a confused but understanding look from Rukia. "Is that better?"

"…Kinda?" she confessed, "I knew he was keeping an eye on me but stalking? That's a bit extreme."

Orihime smiled again and patted her friend gently. "Shouldn't you be more proud of yourself? I mean, he is your slave now. You pretty much domesticated a stalker! That makes things okay, right?"

"Well…I guess it feeling kinda…nice?"

"Oh, and if it worth anything, the way Uryu described it was very sweet."

"…Really?" Rukia asked earnestly.

"Well, yeah! He told me that Ichigo always kept an eye on you when you walked near some of the dark alleys on campus. He even got into a few fights with people who were trying to capture you because of their crazy infatuations."

As Orihime continued to ramble and defend Ichigo's suspicious behavior, Rukia thought back to all the times that Ichigo had been caught fighting on campus. Ironically, she had been around for most of them, or perhaps it wasn't so ironic anymore. She had just thought he was a delinquent that like to beat up other punks. Had he been secretly keeping watch over her that long?

Come to think of it, there had once been a group of people protesting Chappy on campus that he seemingly attacked at random. She remembered because she was gonna take them on herself but when she got there, Ichigo had beaten them into the pavement. He said that it was because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and nearly got expelled for it. It didn't make sense at the time but now? He must have known that she could defend herself and her reputation but still he did it.

Was his declaration of love to her a few days ago…actually legit?

"I mean, with all that attention and obvious affection for you, I'd have thought he'd at least declare his undying love for you by now."

Rukia snapped back to their conversation but slowly turned away as a light blush crept over her face. "Well, it's not that he…didn't tell me something along those lines." Orihime perked up and a brilliant smile broke out as she got right in her best friend's face.

"That's means that—!"

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—you confessed your love for her after bashing her through a brick wall and breaking her spine?" Uryu asked, entirely confused. Ichigo slowly nodded with a broken smile while his friend's head sank. "Do you have any concept of timing?"

Ichigo's face was beat red and he groaned as he turned away. "Look, it just kind of came out. We were in her hole and—". Suddenly he stopped and Uryu lifted his head but his jaw stayed on the floor. "I mean her Chappy Hole!" Ichigo defended.

"You did it with her in the suit? Bold, I must say."

"No! We—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—bonded together after telling stories of our origins," Rukia finished explaining to Orihime. "But now we're in this whole Master and Slave relationship thing—".

"Oh, Uryu and I have that too!"

"Never say that again, and not like that!"

Orihime pouts and hung her head, looking up at Rukia with puppy dog eyes. "So, we can't go shopping for gimps suits together?"

"No! Why would you—No! It's not like that! I've never even seen him naked! How would I know what size to—!"

"Oh, that reminds me, I have to ask Uryu about the banana thing," Orihime interrupted, earning another petrified look from the raven haired superheroine. "He mentioned wanting to try new things and—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—long story short, we decided to use maple syrup instead of chocolate ice cream," Uryu explained to his confused and utterly shocked friend. "So, you two are stuck in rut and can't get out of it?" he questioned as Ichigo fervently defended his still virginity, much to both their dismays. The orange haired young man leaned against the wall and snuck a peek at Rukia, his features softening.

"I just don't want to lie to her anymore. Hell, she asked me about why I took the hit on her and I…"

"And you told her the truth, right?"

"Of course I did! I told her everything!"

"Everything?" Uryu said with a sharp glare.

Ichigo jerked back at the comment and rubbed his neck nervously. He glanced back to Rukia before leaning into his friend to whisper. "Okay, so I omitted the part about snuggling with her breast piece but that's all." His friend gave him another sideways glance so he added, "And the little known fact about me following—".

"Stalking…"

"—alright fine, stalking her! But it was purely for—".

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

"—selfish reasons?! I don't see how keeping my feelings to myself is selfish," Rukia said folding her arms as she lay propped up.

…So sorry to interrupt but what the fuck is up with the "-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-" bullshit?! Just let the scene flow naturally because it's making this part very hard to follow! We don't know whose fucking who and it's getting annoying! Stop it!…

Orihime gave her friend a sweet smile and said, "He told you he loves you, right? And you didn't tell him anything? But don't you feel the same?"

Rukia glanced over at Ichigo, who was yelling at his friend in frustration, and sighed. "I-I don't know. I mean, I do really care about him but…he sent me flying through a wall! He was so forceful he broke my spine!"

"He certainly rocked your world!" Orihime said with a sly grin.

"Yeah," Rukia replied with a devilish grin before shaking her head. "No! That's not the point!" She took a deep breath to calm herself and get all sorts sexually related images of Ichigo out of her mind. "It's mainly that I'm conflicted about what to do when I'm fully healed…do I kill him or not?"

"Well, definitely don't kill him! He's your only hope for love!" Her words made Rukia narrow her eyes at her friend. "What? Have you met your maid?"

"Let's not go there right now."

"Oh, is it because Ichigo broke her?"

"How do you know that?!"

"I stay in touch," Orihime answered, whipping out her cell for emphasis. "But that's what I mean. Ichigo's the only guy to go up against your maid and walk away still a man. He did that for you. Isn't that worth something?"

Rukia listened carefully with her eyes downcast. It was true that Ichigo had always been different to her. He didn't clamber to be noticed by her, unlike everyone else she'd met. He enjoyed making fun of her and arguing pointless things, just the way she did. Even when he turned out to be her greatest nemesis, it was all just to help her and keep her safe.

Not to mentions that he had stunning good looks and admired her for being the greatest superheroine of all time. All in all, without the whole back-breaking incident, she'd probably have been all over him by now. Was she really not going after him simple because of a stupid little grudge?

…Because having your spine broken by your boyfriend is totally grounds for wanting him even more…Even abstinent people would call her a complicated and conflicted woman who needs a good fuck!..

Orihime smiled as she saw the boy finish their conversation and begin moving toward them. "Listen Rukia, you never been interested in other guys before. Ichigo may have made a mistake but in the end, all that matter is that you like each other. That and how we all know you're both dying for the chance to lose your V-cards."

Rukia's jaw nearly dropped as Orihime leaned in and whispered huskily, "Trust me, it hurts at first but then it'll start to feel soooo good afterward!"

Before Rukia could respond, the guys returned and she threw on a nervous smile as Ichigo walked up to her. Uryu resumed his place at his fiancé's side and they looped arms and laced fingers again. Rukia looked at them with jealously and stole a glance at Ichigo's hand, almost reaching for it. However, when the orange haired young man turned to her, she retracted her hand and abruptly slapped him instead.

"Hurry up, asshole! We need to get home before Shirayuki sends the feds after us. Or worse, comes to find us herself!"

Her sudden outburst masked her embarrassment but Ichigo growled and shouted in her face, "You could just ask you psycho midget! If you weren't laid up, I'd teach you to have a little respect for the guy who wheels you around everywhere!"

She scoffed and replied, "Whatever. Let's just go." She turned to the happy couple and said, "Bye Orihime, good luck with whole, uh, marriage thing."

"You too!"

Rukia giggled but Ichigo grumbled as he tilted the wood and began wheeling her away. A long silence followed their departure, until he heard Rukia shift on the panel and heard her suppressing her voice.

"What do want now? Need to stop at a restroom or something?" Ichigo asked, still reeling from their argument and his friend's discussion. A pause followed his question and he was about to ask it again when he heard Rukia laugh. Not her fake schoolgirl laugh but a genuine one that he only heard a few times before.

"What's so funny?!" he demanded, unsure if it was a good or bad thing she was hysteric right now.

Slowly, her laughter died down and she said, "It's nothing really, just…" she laughed loudly again before finally forcing out.

"I tamed my stalker!"

The laughter continued for a moment before a loud crash followed as Ichigo threw himself out the nearby window.

Orihime furiously waved as her friends moved farther and farther into the distance. When they heard the ominous crashing of glass, Uryu and Orihime grinned at each other before wrapping themselves in each other's arms.

"So, how long before they actually acknowledge their feelings?" Orihime pondered.

"Probably not until Rukia's all healed and Ichigo stops being a pansy. So really, it's anyone's guess," Uryu replied, snuggling into her.

"True, but then again," she leaned closer into him, "Women tend to be driven by more carnal desires," Orihime said as she traced the edge of her fiancé's chest with her finger. "Love and lust go hand-in-hand. You taught me that."

They smiled as they kissed passionately, the heat from their bodies nearly scorching the halls.

…Oh, come on! Would someone throw a fucking pie for God's sake!...

To Be Continued…

Hello again my beautiful readers! Finals are finally done! (You see what I did there?) And now I am officially graduated from college and ready for the big…wide…scary…unrelenting…cruel…world. You know never mind, I want to go back to my happy place! But that's why I have you all, isn't it?

Anyway, here's another chapter for you and I'm working hard on more. I've solidified the remaining chapters, which are quite a few so don't get depressed quite yet. But we are officially over half-way done! We may be approaching the climax but even after that I've got a few surprises for you all!

Please leave a review because they keep my creative juices flowing and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!