Chapter 21-
You're Welcome
"So, birthday girl," Emma turns to look at her, a smile lightening up her entire face, and gently bumps her shoulder against Regina's. "anything else you want to do, or should we call it a night?"
Not long after she decided to go forward with telling Emma about Regina's night of bad decisions, Kathryn excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she returned a few minutes later her face was significantly paler than before, and they decided it was time to go. Conveniently enough, and probably previously planned and thought of, if you ask Regina, the restaurant wasn't far from where Kathryn was staying. Dragging Kathryn to Regina's apartment just to go back to where they came from was futile and so Kathryn was let off the hook, not before promising to keep Regina updated about how she was feeling. Emma offered to accompany Regina back to her place, and Regina, with her mind foggy from the wine and more at peace with herself and her emotions in quite a while, agreed without much resistance. If she's honest, the brunette didn't really want the night to end just yet. For the first time in a long time she was genuinely enjoying herself.
They decide to walk back.
On this warmer than usual spring night, while the air is still quite chilly, it also feels like a waste not to take advantage of the nicer weather. It's the inevitable effect of places that host harsh, cold, light-less winters for a good portion of the year; you learn to appreciate the way the sun caresses the skin, the way the warm air almost hugs the body and the soul, the distinctive ticklish sensation the nose experiences as flowers start to bloom, the glow of sweaty skin or the rosy taint that spreads on people's cheeks, a faint blush caused by the rays. And so, even though they're not there just yet, the promise of what to come raises a small smile on Regina's face and she narrows her eyes in an attempt to spot buds whenever they pass a bush or a tree. She finds that she quite likes the cold air as it hits her heated face, serving as a calming, almost relieving, effect on the warm redness the wine has granted her skin with. She takes a deep breath and allows the dry cold air to fill her lungs, sighing as it somehow makes its way to her head, sobering her in the best sense of the word.
She hums softly as she considers her options. Shoving her hands deeper into the pockets of her coat, she stares ahead. "I don't want to call it a night yet." she admits, feeling the blonde's gaze on her. "I'm enjoying myself."
"Glad to hear that" Emma grins in response, coming to a halt when they reach the entrance to Regina's building. "What do you have in mind then? Do you want to find a bar nearby maybe?" she suggests, chuckling at the brunette's quick refusal.
"Oh, definitely not" Regina shakes her head. She chews her lip for a moment, and then stares up at the blonde. "You can come up if you want, I bought beer." she suggests as casually as she can. Despite the fact that she is now thinking in a certain direction when it comes to Emma, she does not want that to be the impression the blonde would be getting, she can't simply assume the blonde is feeling the same way, even if it sometimes looks like it.
"Uh, yeah sure." is what Emma ends up saying, eyes flickering up to where Regina's apartment is all while bouncing back and forth on her heels. The evident hesitation in her demeanor isn't lost on Regina, and she is quick to offer her an out.
"You don't have to if you don't want to..."
"No, it's not- not that. Sure, let's go inside." she determines and starts going up the stairs towards the entrance door while Regina's still standing in her spot, slightly frowning as her eyes follow Emma. Regina is not good at reading people at any given circumstance, but even more so when she's drunk; therefore, despite sensing an additional meaning in between the lines, she gives up trying to figure out what Emma actually meant and chooses to take her word for it instead; Partially because that outcome suits her will. She follows Emma into the building without another word.
"Can I get you anything to drink? A beer?" she asks from the kitchen, already grabbing her choice of beverage off its place on a shelf in the fridge.
"What are you having?"
"Wine."
"Ew no." Emma scrunches her nose and Regina chuckles.
"Beer then?"
"Yes, ma'am"
It's Regina's turn to make a face.
"Ma'am, really?"
Emma laughs. "It's just a saying."
"Still"
They move to the living room, both positioning themselves on the opposite ends of the couch, Emma nursing a beer and Regina already sipping from her glass of wine.
Her tipsiness didn't really go away, but it has settled nicely with the food and the stroll in the fresh air. Now, with another glass in hand, the faint haze slips back gracefully, wrapping her head and body in a blanket of distant warmth and a light buzz.
Alcohol makes Regina honest; honest, direct and unafraid. It gives her serenity and calm confidence to approach or do things she might avoid sober. It's almost as if the alcohol manages to only fight her walls down before it dissipates. She won't do crazy things while drunk, just the things she wished she had the courage to being sober.
She lifts her gaze, staring into Emma's eyes for a period much longer than she would ever feel comfortable with under any other circumstance. She smiles when what feels like minutes tick by and Emma remains fixated on her. She takes the last sip that empties the glass, places it gently on the table only to return to her previous position on the couch; this time she lets her head loll back into the sofa with a content sigh. Her body is completely turned to face Emma and she watches as the blonde does the same with her bottle of beer.
Regina finds herself staring at the blonde's lips way too many times since they sat down, and yet nothing has happened on the other side of the couch. Regina was never good with initiating, which didn't pose as a problem at all when the men usually would be the ones to take the lead. She did know what ticked them off, though. Starting from long-held gazes, eyes dipping to lips and back, licking her lips and so on. Those moves were all put to display tonight but Emma remained in her place, engaging and noting, but not acting on them. A frown forms on the brunette's face at that thought.
"What is it?" Emma asks, her voice soft yet clear in the otherwise silent apartment.
Regina shakes her head as she tries to assemble the right sentence but gives up and runs a not so steady hand through her hair instead.
"Regina" the blonde urges, lifting her head and sitting up straighter. "tell me."
She stares into the distance for a moment before looking back at Emma.
"Do you find me attractive?" she asks bluntly, her tone and face neutral. Though not for long; A flash of hurt washes over her face when Emma's response in nothing but a laugh.
"Are you serious?" she asks in return and shakes her head at the ridiculousness of the situation.
"Yes" she answers, instantly losing the will to continue this conversation. She really did hope Emma fancied her in that sense, but maybe she was reading this whole thing wrong, making up signals in her head to match her own emotions.
"Of course I do" Emma answers and her face turn serious. "I can't believe you even felt the need to ask."
"So-" Regina scratches the back of her neck, caught off guard by that response. Her gaze wanders down for a moment before she looks back up, perplexed. "Did I not make it clear that I was, you know…" she clears her throat, uneasy, as heat spreads over her face. "interested?"
"You did" Emma confirms, face coloring with understanding.
"So why didn't you, you know," she breathes "kiss me the other night?"
Emma fidgets uncomfortably, running her hands multiple times through her hair before she brings herself to look at Regina. Her face is apologetic almost, and before she can speak up Regina catches up to her.
"Oh, I see." she murmurs, mainly to herself, but loud enough that Emma hears it too. "You aren't interested."
"What? No!" Emma calls out, confusion and frustration evident in her tone and features. "Why would you say that?"
"Is it not true?"
"Not at all." the blonde says pointedly and leans forward.
"So why didn't you?" she folds her hands tightly against her chest, knowing she can't hold that conversation in its current state much longer. Something decisive needs to happen, she needs to be charging forward or out of the room and preferably sooner than later. She needs acceptance or rejection. "Kiss me?"
Emma sighs shakily and shakes her head while her eyes flutter close, evidently feeling strongly about the situation. "I don't want to take advantage of you. I care about you, Regina, and what you've gone through is traumatic. I see how you flinch around people, I was there to witness how long it took you to lay your guard down just with me touching you, and in a very non-sexual way. So kissing you, even though I really really want to" she shoots a meaningful look Regina's way. "Is very selfish and insensitive of me. I would never do anything that might make you feel uncomfortable and even asking it seemed out of place. Besides, I wouldn't want to assume anything regarding who you're attracted to or how that area in your life has been affected by what happened."
Regina quiets for a moment as she takes it all in. Confusion turns to comprehension and then determination. "Emma, me wanting you to kiss me has nothing to do with what happened. I need you to hear me and understand what I'm saying. I was into women before that, just very keen on suppressing it and I have my reasons that I'd like to keep to myself for now. And as appreciative as I am, and I really mean it, I am appreciative of how respecting and sensitive you are" she leans forwards, minimizing the distance between them greatly. "I want you to kiss me and I'm asking you to kiss me." she states, the beginning of the sentence firm and the end almost inaudible as her eyes alternate distractedly between Emma's lips and eyes. She hears Emma's sharp intake of breath and closes her eyes briefly.
"Regina, are you sure?" Emma asks, already involuntarily closing the distance between them.
"As sure as I've been about anything in a very long time."
Emma hesitates just for a second before leaning in and pressing her lips, so gently, against Regina's. The brunette closes her eyes and lets the sensations flow freely through her body. She moves her lips against Emma's, lips quirking up at the faint groan that rumbles at the base of the blonde's throat and the fact that she can so distinctively feel it.
"Wow, okay" Emma whispers, flustered, and chuckles breathily while gently shaking her head.
"Okay what?" Regina asks when Emma pulls back a little, still in inches away from the blonde.
"We need to stop now before it gets to a point where I won't be able to stop." she says, eyes fluttering closed, followed by a soft gasp when Regina's hands graze her shoulders on their way up and snake into her hair in response to the admission.
"So don't stop"
Emma shakes her head. "You're drunk"
"So are you" Regina retorts, making Emma laugh.
"Exactly my point" she says and leans back, watching the brunette's hands land on her lap instead with sparkling eyes.
They remain seated for a while after, taking each other in, their mere presence enough to satisfy a deep, undefined need Regina didn't even know she had. Emma is the first one to get up, and Regina follows suit.
"I think it's best if I go now." she says, reaching the door and turning to look at Regina. "You look truly lovely tonight." she breathes out as she looks Regina up and down one more time. "I want to make this very clear," she says, tone turning serious, and raises a hand to graze Regina's cheek. "I'm not running away, I'm not going to regret it the minute I walk out. It's not about that, okay?" Regina nods, automatically leaning into the comforting touch. She feels very vulnerable at that moment, not sure how to feel or react, and as if Emma actually senses it, she leans into another soft kiss, then stares intently into Regina's eyes. "I'm going to go now, and it's only because you deserve better than a drunk version of me, okay?"
"Okay" she nods, her voice a hair above a whisper.
"I'll text you when I get home"
"Okay" she responds, chuckling lightly when Emma remains still, staring at her as if she's about to break. Not that she can blame Emma for thinking that, but surprisingly so, she's completely comfortable and at peace with what has transpired that night. She's surprised to find that just like she remembered regarding that girl at the bar back when she was in college, kissing Emma, a woman, stirred and pulled completely different strings in her heart and soul. It makes her almost giddy, as she was fearing what had transpired tainted everything and everyone for Regina. But as it turns out, she may still have hope. "Really Emma, you can go." she nudges the blonde and wears her most convincing expression. Of course she's buzzing in all kinds of ways, and is charged by a desire to pull Emma back inside, but the blonde's step back from the situation makes Regina's chest tighten in a completely different, deeper way. And if Regina hadn't trusted Emma until now, doing the right thing and having self-control definitely gives her a whole lot of extra points, especially since Emma seems to be as drunk as Regina is.
"Alright"
Halfway out the door she turns to Regina and adds with a large beam. "Happy birthday, Regina"
If Regina finds herself leaning against the door for a few moments after it closes, sighing contently as if she's in a kitschy teenage romance novel, no one will ever know.
When she pushes herself off the door and grabs her pinging phone, a deep, rolling, laughter flows out of her effortlessly at the two messages alerts gracing the screen.
Kathryn- Hey, just letting you know I'm feeling much better now. Will call you in the morning.
Kathryn- And you're welcome ;)
"This woman..." Regina mumbles, places the phone back on the table and retreats to bed.
Seriously though guys, if I'm not getting comments on that chapter someone is paying with blood. Well I'm kidding but not really, please let me know what you thought of the chapter so I know someone is still reading this story ;)