Tommy sat in the hospital waiting room. It was 4am and the whole hospital was pretty quiet apart from the odd nurse finishing her shift, or a trolley of supplies being wheeled into a room. He tapped his foot nervously, looking around the room. Worry was the only thing keeping him awake - it had been two hours since he'd left Adam and there was still no news. He flipped open his cellphone, and stared at the screen. He thought of ringing someone…but he wasn't sure what to tell them so he clicked the phone shut again. His mind was numb, he couldn't think properly or logically. He was just sitting there in a mindless state, replaying the nights events in his mind. "Fuckin faggot" the words replayed in his head. He could still see Adam pinned against the wall, surrounded by the three guys. He could still see the blade at his throat. Feel the fear and the feeling of helplessness. He remembered Adam yelling trying to protect Tommy, even though it was Adam who was in the most trouble - how he had sacrificed himself so that Tommy could run free. Then Tommy remembered the smoke, the flames and that horrifying image of Adam slumped against the wall, his face covered in blood as the heat roared around them. Then that final image of Adam lying on the cold concrete - pale, lifeless. Tommy swore that his own heart had stopped beating the minute the words 'not breathing' were uttered, and as he looked around the hospital now, he began to imagine life without Adam. There would be no tour, no show, because Adam was the show. He wouldn't see that smile light up the room again, or hear that high pitched laugh that would fill even the biggest room. The glitter that lay backstage that Adam would playfully flick over Tommy's outfit before a show would slowly seep into the floor and disappear, and the fun and the entertainment would fade into sweet memories. Tommy closed his eyes in the seat, leaning back - and he remembered all the good times. All those fever kisses onstage when they had been restless and partied with the act a little more than necessary, Adam fistpumping in the middle of the club - oblivious in the environment that he was the famous Adam Lambert and that if the media caught a video of him they would never stop mocking him. Tommy remembered makeup shopping with Adam at a MAC store and how Adam had helped himself to the counter and experimented with different shades of eyeshadow instead of waiting for the counter lady to come over and help "I'm a busy man" Adam had told Tommy as he had grabbed a brush and began rubbing it in a sparkly colour before applying it to his eye. Tommy remembered smiling and blushing with embarrassment as he watched. As all the memories of friendship, fun and good times came flooding into Tommy's mind, one other memory appeared. They were laughing and stumbling as they had opened the front door. Adam had dropped his coat dramatically on the floor and turned to Tommy, pushing Tommy lightly into the wall of the hallway, putting his hands on either side of Tommy's head. As Adam's lips had crashed into Tommy's, Tommy remembered falling apart at the seams, letting his own hands wander up Adam's body - fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. Adam had moved his hands down and enveloped his hands around Tommy's head, pulling the blonde into his lips more with each kiss "My room" he had whispered, breaking their lips apart for only a second to utter the words. And Tommy remembered giggling like a little kid and nodding as Adam had grabbed his hand and pulled him into his bedroom. He remembered the urgent need to feel skin on skin, and how clothes had been pulled away and discarded. He'd been pushed playfully onto the bed and he had smiled as Adam had crawled up beside him, kissing his neck and letting his hands wander…..Tommy opened his eyes, coming back to the reality of sitting in the waiting room. His eyes wide as he came to a realization. He remembered it now. He had not stopped Adam, because he was just as into it as Adam had been….he had felt the same passion and urgency. The drugs hadnt been to blame, although all this time he had been telling himself they had. Tommy stared at a magazine lying in front of him, its pages lying open and Tommy's eye caught the word "love" in bold lettering above an article. As he repeated the word in his mind he knew that that was the only way to describe the way he felt about Adam. He felt a tear bubble in his left eye and sat still, staring at the magazine as it rolled down his face and splashed onto his lap. In all the time it had taken him to realize….maybe now it was too late.