The cup I held in my hand may as well have been filled with lava, but it felt like nothing to the icy stone that dropped to the pit of my stomach. I stared out from the open door of my home, a place that I had thought I would never come back to... Yet I still missed it. I breathed in the familiar air, drank it into my lungs, before letting it out again. It smelled like home, like love, if there ever was a scent. But even that did not comfort me...

Not as I stared to the figure that sat on the porch, looking out into the dimly lit night.

Our porch light had never turned off, unless of course the bulb had burned out. It was a sign of hope, hope that should have been lost long ago, yet still lingered. I fixed my grasp on the cup of hot chocolate, with two packs of the mix just as my father had told me was his 'secret recipe' to the perfect mix. Even now it seemed like an empty peace offering to my mother, as if to apologize for all the times that we had fought on this porch...

Come inside, I would tell her. He's not going to come back.

He's gone. He's dead.

He's a body the crows are picking off of.

I wish I could take all of those words back...

My steps were quiet, at least attempted to be, but they gave away my position almost instantly as they stepped to the creaking, ancient wood. yet the figure did not move, did not tear her eyes away from the open forest that surrounded their home. Many had thought it was stupid to live isolated in a Level E infested territory... But it only made it that much easier to hunt, to work and return home with another paycheck to last them the month.

Now I only wished that we could have been protected by those giant walls, the same as the school both I and Yagari grew up into. Maybe it would have stopped a lot of people from dying, if we protected and hid ourselves away...

I continued to walk until my feet found the first of the steps, only to sit beside the figure who may have become a statue. The sun had only just set, and she had only just begun her careful watch, but yet it felt like she had been sitting here for years... Maybe the soft dip in the steps spoke more about just how long she had been sitting there than I can myself.

This night, I would join the fruitless watch... If nothing more than for the knowledge of giving my mother company. I would be spending a couple weeks here anyway, allowing Yagari to recover in peace without my meddling. My mother did not move more than a slight shift, as if to make sure that I had plenty of space to sit beside her as well. Her once bright green eyes had grown dull and scuffed, the constant nights of awaiting her lover taking its toll on her aging body. It was very unusual for a hunter to live to her age... She was barely to her 40s, yet looked as if she had aged a thousand years.

Her red hair had streaks of sandy blond, others had already fallen to their dull grays. It was pulled back into her usual messy bun, pieces of hair falling out from it. Her eyes were blurred as if a thousand stories were unfurling in front of her, countless times repeating to her.

I... set down the hot chocolate, letting it rest beside my mother. My hands were already reaching for her hair, falling back into the habit of undoing the bun and letting her long hair wash down her shoulders. I combed through it with my fingers, untangling pieces that she had not taken care of herself.

I refused to think of my mother as mad... just... Confused.

Confused as to why her god would be so cruel to take her husband so young, to have her daughter raised without a father. Confused to what she would do once I would leave her side for good, to hunt for myself, to start my own life. Confused as to what her life would become once she was truly alone...

"...My dear," the words creaked from her mouth, rare to hear her speak for herself without already being dragged into a conversation. I looked down to her face, only to see that the hot chocolate had been pulled to her lips, giving a soft sip. Still smooth lips pulled into a smile as she tasted the familiarities of my father's work still brewed inside the cup.

I resumed stroking through her hair, not wanting to rush the chance of her speaking for herself. Only once the cup was pulled away did she resume speaking. "It will not be long, but you will find a man. Only the best for my little ducky..."

Ducky. The nickname nearly made me shrink back, redness crossing my face. Of course she uses that word to win me over, just like always... "Mother, I do not need a man to take care of me. I will hunt for myself," I chuckled, teasing as I turned my attention to straightening out her hair.

"Little Toga is not right for you."

My fingers halted at my work, confusion crossing me. What was my mother trying to tell me now... Yagari not being right for me? But he was literally my only choice at this point... If I chose to mate at all. I had a few years, so I thought, it would be a decision I could wait on. "...Alright, and why is he not right for me," I asked with a sigh to humor my mother, thinking this was just another one of her spells. She would soon say that he did not have a good fingerpainting during class, or something relating to their little years together in elementary...

"He protects you, but you push him away. He is not strong enough to be to par with your skills. He will only drag you down."

She was being rough today... A grumble slipped from me and irritation took its normal root. "You heard he got hurt?" I grunted, pulling a little onto her hair than I should have. She did not give a wince or a grumble, only continued to talk.

"He went out of his way to injure himself... He refuses to listen to reason, and he will only get worse. ...Unlike the other fellow."

How much does she know? I couldn't help but let my eye twitch, knowing that there was no one else she could talk about but... Kyoko. "Kaien-san has been talking to you again?" I sighed, resuming to work through her hair. This time she took her time with another sip, yet never looked away from the darkness in front of her.

"He has sent me letters about you and that Kiryuu fellow. Kyoko, I believe it was? Yes, he told me all about you two... How you bicker and argue, but he inspires you to become stronger." Her words almost became happy, though were soon falling flat again out of habit, and instead took another sip of the hot chocolate sitting in the mug before her.

How long was my mother going to meddle in my life, trying to pull me one way when I wished to go the other. I mused for a reason just what my father would do right now, but then again, I barely knew what he was like. What did his face look like, did I ever hear his laugh... Did I remember anything? But as my mind wandered to my father probably more than I should be at this point, my mother was already speaking again.

"...I didn't think too much of your father at first, either."

"You didn't?"

"Hell no! He was the rudest, prideful, hardheaded, disgrace of a human being if I had ever seen one!"

I couldn't help but pass out a chuckle, especially as I heard that bit of life flooding into her once more. She almost gave a chuckle with her words, but it almost was like the laughter had burned away years ago. She was much different woman than she was back when I was young, that much I remembered... But I wasn't going to go into that, not when we were getting into a conversation. Even if it was about Father, it was something.

"We were neighbors of all things. He threw rocks at me when I would ride my bike... Not big ones, just little pebbles, but they still stung like bullets. Then I'd try to run him over and he'd run away..." There was a little wheeze, something that may have been as close to a laugh as my mother was willing to get. But even she knew there wasn't an ounce of laughter inside her thin body any longer...

"...But we grew out of it. We got older, we got smarter, and he didn't try to stifle me. He gave me room to breathe, but he was strong. And the best thing...?" Her head turned just as I had been working another knot free from her, and it had startled me to the point of jumping. Her eyes held just the faintest spark within them, just enough to give her life...

"He saw me as his equal, not just someone to protect. He loved me for me... Which is why Toga isn't right for you. After all this time, he's trying to protect you like an item, and I know you can't stand it."

"...That's why I want you to be with Kyoko. Be with a man who doesn't see you as weak, who doesn't just protect you because he thinks he has to. But because he knows you will do the same for him."

Haiiiiiiiiii!

Chapter hopefully wasn't too weak... It's been a very long time since I've updated this poor baby of mine... BUT HERE I AM.

And I want to thank a special someone who gave me some courage to come back to this baby today. Lauren Wolfe, this is for you honey! And I hope you keep reading on and like what you see! Next one is going to be a doozie.

Also, for those of you still waiting for this to be updated, thank you. Thank you for holding on and dealing with my inactivity in hopes of seeing the story all the way to it's completion. It has a long way to go but I hope you love every step of the way there 3

-J