Chapter 21

a/n:

Thank you for reading. I received such lovely reviews last chapter from such wonderful people. Thank you for giving my story a chance and taking the time to review. I can't express enough how much it means.

I'm dedicating this chapter to my beta EMILY93. Thank you for your continued support and friendship. It means the world to me.

EPOV

The drive to Gaborone Private Hospital was tense. Bella was doubled over in pain and was trying hard not to cry but was unable to hold back the tears that streamed down her face in silent suffering.

I was extremely worried and seeing the love of my life in pain was not easy for me but I was doing my best to keep calm. She needed me and I was determined to be there for her. I knew I needed to be her support.

We arrived at the hospital fairly quickly. Bella was even paler than before and she had broken out in a cold sweat. I wasn't sure how much was due to her illness or her current state of panic. She leaned into me as we made our way into the emergency room.

Once inside I went up to the window and proceeded to fill out a short form that the triage nurse handed me. Bella stood beside me but as I busied myself with the form she made to fall. I caught her just in time otherwise she would have been needing treatment for a cracked skull in addition to whatever else was wrong with her.

By this point I was really beginning to freak out. An orderly came to help me with Bella and he ended up taking her back to an examination room right away. I managed to sneak back there with her. In the heat of the moment nobody had bothered to ask what my relationship to her was and I was grateful that I didn't have to leave her side.

"Bella, are you with me?" I asked feeling gradually more frantic as the time passed.

She nodded weakly, barely able to keep her eyes open. "It hurts so much. It's my right side now. Just the right side."

"I think the doctor will be here soon," I soothed.

A few moments later we were joined by a nurse and a doctor.

"Hello there. I'm Doctor Franks and I'll be taking care of you today, Miss Swan."

"Hi," Bella croaked.

"I see that your chief complaint today is abdominal pain accompanied by a fever and vomiting. Nurse Lesedi will take your vitals and I'll be back to examine you."

The nurse wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Bella's left arm and proceeded to take her temperature while the cuff inflated. She had a temperature of thirty nine point five degrees Celsius. It wasn't dangerously high but it wasn't great either.

"I need a urine sample," the nurse said as she handed Bella a small, transparent plastic cup with a screw top.

The nurse was nice enough. She was gentle and smiled as she worked. She helped Bella out of the hospital bed and escorted her to the restroom.

Doctor Franks returned just as Bella was easing back into bed.

"I've ordered a pregnancy test as I have to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. The symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy are very similar to the symptoms of appendicitis, which I suspect might be the diagnosis. However, because an ectopic pregnancy is very dangerous and could be fatal I am sending you for an ultrasound regardless of the urine test result. I need to make sure that your uterus and fallopian tubes are clear. The ultrasound will also allow us to take a look at your appendix should a pregnancy not be present. Do you have any suspicions that you may be pregnant?"

"No, but there's always a chance when you have sex right?"

Doctor Franks smiled, "Right you are."

A cold chill ran up my spine at the prospect that Bella could be pregnant with my child. Even worse, if she was and it was indeed an ectopic pregnancy, it was not viable and would need to be surgically removed in all likelihood. I wondered how that would affect Bella, to have lost a child, unplanned as it were.

The doctor excused himself leaving Bella and I alone.

"I know it's not a pregnancy, Edward. He's just being thorough. Stop freaking out."

"That obvious?"

She rolled her eyes and it took all of her strength to crack a slight smile in my direction.

Two hours later Bella was done with the ultrasound and it had been confirmed that she was indeed suffering from appendicitis. I had been present during her ultrasound and had watched with rapt fascination as the wand revealed what was hidden inside her body. I couldn't help but picture us in this same situation but under happier circumstances. Some day Bella would be laying as she was know, her tummy swollen with our child. When her uterus was revealed I imagined it filled with a baby. I was having a difficult time wrapping my brain around the images that were assaulting me.

When they were finally ready to take Bella into the operating room I wasn't prepared to say goodbye. I was terrified. Even though I had undergone the same surgery not long before, I was keenly aware that things went wrong every day and even a routine procedure could be laced with complications. My other concern stemmed from the fact that we were not back home. We were in Botswana, and I wasn't sure if the medical care was up to snuff.

"See you when you come out, Bella. I love you so much. I'll be right here when you wake up. I'll be here the whole time. I won't leave for a second."

I kissed her softly, wiping away her tears as I did so.

"I'm so scared, Edward. What if I don't wake up?" she whimpered.

"Shh, there, there." I crooned, stroking her hair as I comforted her, much for her sake as it was for my own. "Don't talk like that. You will wake up. Everything will be all right. Don't fret. I love you, baby. Hurry back to me."

"I love you, Edward. So much."

I gave her one last kiss on her forehead before she was wheeled away from me.

It was another two hours before the surgeon came to advise me as to Bella's condition. The surgery was a success and she was in recovery where she would be monitored until she came to and was able to keep down some fluids. Her appendectomy was done in the form of laparoscopic surgery. The surgeon explained that he had made three small incisions in her abdomen. One on her right side, one right below her navel and a third right above her pubic area. I listened politely even though I had personal experience with the procedure.

Once the surgeon had left, I left word with the nurses that I would be running home to get Bella's things. I asked that they call me should she be placed in a room before I got back or if anything else urgent happened should I need to be informed.

At home I packed some of Bella's stretchiest and softest pants as well as a couple of loose fitting shirts. She had one long sleeved sleep shirt which I figured would be better than the hospital gown she was currently wearing. I had a hard time deciding which panties to bring her as I was unsure as to whether low cut would be more comfortable than the ones that would cover her up more. I brought everything short of a thong. I was packing all things that screamed 'comfy' to me.

After hurriedly thrusting her toiletries and her favorite blanket into the bag I proceeded to call Charlie.

"Charles speaking."

"Mr. Swan, it's Edward."

"Hey there, boy. What's going on?"

"Bella's in the hospital. She's had to have her appendix removed. She's out of surgery and recovering. I'm at the house packing her some clothes."

"Christ, Edward! What timing she has. My poor baby. I'm glad to hear the surgery went well. How long are they keeping her in the hospital?"

"She should be released tomorrow or the next day. It depends on how she fares."

"Hmm, the recovery for that is a few weeks at the very least. I guess the trip to Sun City is out of the question for now. I'll make arrangements to fly down there in the next few days. Will I need a hotel?"

"No, Sir. We've a guestroom all set up. I'll speak to the realtor to extend our lease a few weeks. Let me know when your flight gets in and I'll pick you up from the airport."

"Sounds good, Ed. I'll send you a message once I finalize my travel arrangements. Take care of Bella for me. Give her a kiss for me and tell her I love her."

"I will, Sir."

"Please call me Charlie. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Always once more, Sir."

He laughed at this. "You might just do, Edward. You might just do."

After hanging up with him I proceeded to send e-mails to Alice and Jacob. I knew they would both kill me for not calling but I wanted to get back to Bella as soon as possible.

When I arrived back at the hospital Bella had just been transferred into her room. I was anxious to see her and could hardly contain my exasperation. One of the nurses took pity on me and led me up to her room with more haste than was necessary.

Bella was resting comfortably but was still hooked up to a heart monitor which I found odd. I didn't remark upon it but filed it away for when I spoke to Carlisle. I pulled up the chair so that I could sit close to the bed and hold her hand. I kept watch over her until her eyelids fluttered open.

"I'm glad that's over," she said groggily.

"Hey there pretty girl. How are you feeling, baby?"

"Not bad, I feel a dull discomfort in my side and I'm a little nauseous but much better than before. That pain was the most horrible thing I have ever felt in my life."

"I called Charlie. He's making arrangements to come here."

"It's too bad we won't be able to go to Sun City. What did my dad say?"

"That he loves you. We'll have plenty of opportunities to visit Sun City, Bella. What's important is that you're okay."

"I know, I was just looking forward to our holiday."

"Holiday? Oh, Bella, you've been spending too much time here," I teased. Bella had a knack for picking up idioms and terminology from wherever she was visiting. She embraced language and was an impassioned defender of both American English and the Queen's.

"Ow, don't make me laugh please," she cringed.

"Sorry, love." I lifted her hand in mine and kissed here there softly, thanking God she was okay.

Our little bubble was burst by the nurse that came in to get Bella to stand up and walk around. I recalled this being the worst part of my own recovery from the exact same surgery Bella had had because mentally you're anticipating the pain to be much worse than it'll actually be.

"Hello Miss Swan. I'm your nurse for the day. My name is Claire." She had a slight accent that gave away that her first language was Afrikaans.

"Hi, Claire. Please call me Bella."

"Very well, Bella. Now sweetie I'm going to have to ask you to get up out of bed and walk around for a bit. Have you been to the bathroom yet?"

"Um, no. I do need to pee though."

"Good, that's good," Claire said as she helped Bella sit up in bed. She proceeded to remove the electrodes that were stuck to Bella's chest and neck. I took note of Claire's movements so that I could assist Bella in the same manner whenever there wasn't a nurse present.

"I'm sorry I'm such a wimp. I just really hurt and I don't do well with pain," Bella said a little bashfully.

"We all experience and register pain differently. Your body feels strange to you still, it's taken quite a beating and your abdomen is swollen and tender. Take your time. Relax and take a deep breath." Claire was a seasoned professional and her encouragement was already having an effect on Bella.

She slowly rose up on her feet. "Ow, ow, ow! Gosh that hurt." She was finally upright albeit a little haunched over.

"Try to straighten up a tad dear, but not too much. Easy does it."

A few moments later Bella was ambulating on her own. Claire walked beside her pushing the hospital drip stand in time with Bella's steps but was also ready to steady her should she require it. They went into the bathroom where Claire helped Bella get situated. She then stepped outside while Bella peed.

"Don't flush please," she called out to Bella who responded that she wouldn't.

"I'm very vigilant and like to make sure her urine looks normal. It's not required but I've seen some things in my time as a nurse," Claire explained.

"I appreciate your thoroughness," I said sincerely.

"Okay, I'm done. Um, could I wear some panties now?" Bella asked.

"It's best if you let your incisions breathe for now. Besides, most patients find it uncomfortable to wear anything over their incision scars. Do you have any low cut underwear?"

"I do, but I'm not sure what Edward brought me."

Claire went back into the bathroom and helped Bella out into the hallway for a brief stroll.

"I'm going to walk a short while with her make sure she's okay before you take over," she smiled at me.

When Claire gave me the green light I joined Bella out in the hallway where we walked for a few more minutes before she begged me to take her back to her room.

"I'm so tired and achy. This is awful. I'm never having surgery again," she declared.

"Let's hope you never require it."

Being back in her bed seemed to relax Bella. She was happy to have her blanket with her and complained that the hospital sheets were scratchy and flimsy.

"I get that they keep this place cold to kill germs but are they trying to kill the patients too by freezing us to death?" Bella huffed.

I switched to happier topics and she chatted contentedly until her meal arrived. She sipped on chicken broth and ate some crackers but did not have much of an appetite. Nevertheless I was glad she was eating at all. Most people didn't have much of an inclination to eat after surgery. The after effects of the anesthesia were hard on the stomach.

When she was asleep once more I went down to the lobby where I called my dad and told him of Bella's surgery.

"What a pair you two make. Seems her body decided that if you didn't need an appendix then neither did she."

"It seems to have hit her harder than it did me. She just about passed out when we first got here."

"Poor girl. She was likely in so much pain that she panicked. The good news is that the worst is over and she's on her way to making a complete recovery."

"She was definitely scared. It was so different seeing it from the other side. When it's somebody you care about even the most routine medical emergencies take on an added sense of urgency and risk."

"Wait until you have children," he teased.

We discussed briefly our timeline for returning home and I was hesitant to make any plans to go to Seattle but my mom was insisting I pay them a visit. It was hard to refuse her so I compromised instead. I was to ask Bella if she wanted to accompany me and then plan accordingly.

After ending the call I made my way back to Bella's room where she slept soundly. I took a seat by the bed and contemplated the young woman that lay before me. It had been almost a year since we had first met at JFK and in that short amount of time she had become my everything. We had jumped into this relationship with both feet. Even though Bella had and still, to some extent, had reservations about the speed at which we took to each other it was plain to see that she loved me as much as I loved her. She was scared but so is everyone. Relationships mean taking a risk. It may not work out, it may wither and die but if you don't take that leap of faith you will never discover the simple joy of sharing your life and yourself with another person.

As I sat in the uncomfortable vinyl upholstered chair I made my plans. I would take the LSAT, get into law school and propose to Bella. She would be graduating next May and while I was certain that she was currently as clueless about her future as I had been at that point in my college career. She had hinted at working with some non-profit AIDS outreach programs both within the United States and South Africa. I could see her doing just that. Of course if she chose that path I would have to rethink my law degree or at the very least revise my timeline. However, this did not worry me in the least as I was confident that whatever we decided on, we would do so together.

~IC~

BPOV

Edward was the most attentive and doting care taker I could ask for. A week post my operation found me sitting comfortably in our living room reading while he and Charlie ran out to Pick-and-Pay for some groceries. My dad had arrived two days after my surgery, just in time to see me come home that day. I was happy to be able to see him even though deep down I was sad that we wouldn't get to spend his vacation in Sun City as initially planned.

My dad and Edward made sure that I would want for nothing. It wasn't until a few days ago that my appetite had returned and I had been able to eat a full meal. I was pretty sure I had lost a few pounds as a result of eating so little since my stay in the hospital, but I was certain I would gain them back in no time.

My abdomen was still a little tender and it hurt to make any sudden movements. As long as I took it easy and was careful when sitting down and standing up I was fine. Edward and I would take a little stroll each evening and so far it had made my recovery better. Sitting at home all day was beyond boring.

"Bells, we're home," I heard Charlie call out.

"I'm right where you left me. Did you get a lot of stuff?"

"Nah, just enough to fatten you up. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Still surviving." I forced a smile. I didn't appreciate my dad and significant other treating me like an invalid. Their sweet gestures were kind, and even more their efforts but I hated feeling like I needed to rely on anyone other than myself to do things. I had grown up being very independent. I wasn't used to the five star treatment.

"My daughter is a comedian," Charlie said.

I heard him shuffling about in the kitchen and even though I wanted to see what he was up to and investigate, I knew it would take me a good five minutes to pick myself up off the sofa without assistance. Mobilization was possible, but not particularly easy, especially without a human hoist that went by the name of Edward Cullen.

Moments later I heard Edward walk through the door. The crinkling of plastic bags indicated that he too had his hands full.

"I think we overdid it, Charlie," Edward said in a hushed tone.

I rolled my eyes. Some stealthy duo these two were.

"I thought you said you didn't buy much," I called out accusingly.

"Don't worry yourself, Bells. Edward and I have it under control. I'm making you steak for dinner. Are you up for that?"

"That will be fine, dad. Edward, can you come over here please?"

He did not answer but was next to me before I could wonder what was taking him so long.

"Yes, love?" He questioned softly.

"I missed you," I said.

"Me too, baby. I'm glad you're feeling better. How is your book?"

"Good, but I'm tired of reading. Do you want to take a nap while my dad cooks?"

He looked at me suspiciously. I had tried to initiate a little something in the bedroom the night before but he stopped me before I could get anywhere good. His body responded in all the right ways but his concern over my well being caused him to nix any action.

"A nap?"

"Yes, Edward. A nap. Why are you over thinking this?"

"Well because you're sneaky and you might just be trying to seduce me. I appreciate your enthusiasm baby, but we can't have you hurting yourself. Let's take it easy, okay?"

"I hate that you think you know better than me," I said petulantly.

"Bella, please don't think like that. I love you and I love that you love sex with me so much that you can't keep your hands off me even when you're not one hundred per cent. Believe me, I want you too. So much. But let's wait until you can get up without wincing."

"You noticed that, huh?"

"Yes, you're a terrible actress. Your eyes betray you."

"Yes, well I really do need that nap. No funny business I promise." I gave him my best angelic smile. I don't know that he bought it completely but he did agree to taking a little nap.

"Dad," I called out as I slowly stood from my comfy nest on the couch, Edward giving me a hand like usual.

"Yes, you're taking a nap. I heard."

I blanched. I figured if he heard our nap discussion then he probably heard the rest. Just as I was about to convey my distress to Edward he silenced me with a kiss. He proceeded me to lead me to the bedroom, closing the door once we were inside.

"I made a bet that you wouldn't go down for a nap. He was convinced, and rightly so, that you would declare it to be nap time within twenty minutes of our arrival."

"So when he said-"

"Lucky guess on his part," Edward smirked.

Feeling much relieved I made myself comfortable on the bed and promptly fell into a deliciously deep sleep.

~IC~

Charlie's visit went by really fast and before I knew it we were seeing him off at the airport. It was bittersweet. I didn't get to see my dad often and knowing that he treasured spending time with me as much I enjoyed spending time with him touched me deeply. He'd sacrificed his holiday in Sun City to visit me and watch me gimp around while I recovered from my surgery.

Edward and I would be traveling back home towards the end of June. Our final two weeks in Botswana would be spent traveling. Edward very much wanted to visit Kutse as well as the Okavango Delta. I wasn't sure that I was up for all of that but how much of it was dependent on the pace of my recovery.

"We could just stay in town and relax? We don't have to do anything if you're not feeling well," Edward said as he rubbed my hand in his.

"No, I want to. I just, I feel a little off since the surgery and I don't want to be in the middle of the bush while I'm like this. I'm scared I'll need medical attention and won't be able to get it in time," I explained feeling rather embarrassed.

I burrowed further into Edward's side. His arm curved around me and held me close to him.

"I understand, love. Maybe you're having some anxiety as a result of your little ordeal. You told me you suffer from anxiety right?"

"Yes. I'm not a mental case I swear."

"Bella, I would never think you're a mental case. I want to help you work through this."

"Anxiety is something I've always had to live with one way or another. I've learned to control it over the years. Right now I'm way out of my element. I'm living in a foreign country and I just had a medical scare that resulted in me undergoing surgery. I feel overwhelmed and the thing is I know it's irrational and an overreaction. I can't help it though. Maybe I need to go back to therapy for a while when we return home. The physical symptoms are no fun."

"What symptoms do you get baby?"

"Well, when I'm having an anxiety attack I feel restless, panicked and my heart beats really fast. My chest feels tight and I feel like I can't breathe. I say feel because it's exactly that, a feeling. It's my mind messing with me expertly. If you can talk, you can breathe. My therapist taught me that. So whenever I feel like that I talk out loud or sing along to a song if I happen to have music playing. If I can do it that means I am, in fact, breathing."

"Have you felt like that while you've been here with me?"

I nodded silently.

"Bella, sweetheart. I wish you'd told me. I don't like thinking of you helpless."

"What is there to say? Besides I can hide it. It's like living in your own personal hell and that hell is the confines of your own mind and body. It's quite frustrating. Especially when an episode can feel like a heart attack, or at least what I assume one would feel like. It...it feels like you're about to die. There is a sense of impending doom. Those are the bad ones, the small anxiety attacks usually center, for me at least, around feeling like I can't breathe and feeling flushed. I can usually calm myself down through distraction."

"Last week you looked a little unwell but I thought nothing of it. You were all smiles and giggles," he mused.

I nodded. "Yup, a coping mechanism. I pretend to be perfectly fine as if somehow that will convince my body to stop pumping me with adrenaline."

"How did I not know any of this? Bella, you should have told me," he berated me.

"Edward, aside from when I fainted in Singita and the episodes the last couple of weeks, I have been symptom free. Besides, I had mentioned my anxiety before."

"I know, I just. I had no idea. I'm going to read up on this. Do you have some books I can borrow?"

I smiled at him. He was so considerate and intellectually curious. Granted I knew his interest in anxiety disorders was stemming from his desire to comprehend and assist me. Having a significant other who took an active interest in something that ails you is unlike any high I had ever experienced.

"I have some books, baby. I'm so touched you want to learn about my crazy mind."

"I love you. Every part of you. I want to learn you inside and out, Bella. I want, I want everything."

I could feel him, all of him, as he pressed himself into me from behind. It had been a while since we had been intimate and I knew that he needed me just as much as I needed him.

I turned around to face him. We were sharing a pillow by this point and our faces were so close that our noses almost touched. I can't remember who initiated the kiss that ignited our passion but I do remember being so in the moment that for a split second I had no coherent thoughts. It was as if I was floating in nothingness. I felt completely relaxed, and as if the entire universe could collapse around us and I would be none the wiser. I momentarily found it amusing that the cheesy overused expressions I often mocked seemed to be proved true when I was with Edward.

Our kissing, although passionate, was unhurried and flowed like a lazy river. As Edward's hands roamed my body I mirrored his movements. Our bodies always fell into their roles with ease. They knew what to do even when our minds and thoughts were jumbled.

It wasn't long before we were both naked. Skin to skin, we moved like the well practiced lovers that we were. I could feel his hard erection against me and I reached down to stroke him with my hand. I had been reading a lot as of late and admittedly some of the material was less than chaste. I had read often that the pre-ejaculate that appeared at the tip was slippery and could be used as lubrication. I had never ventured to put this into practice but as I stroked the tip with my thumb I found evidence of just how turned on Edward was.

I was surprised by the volume of pre-come and I was delighted that it was me who was having this effect on him. As I continued to work him with my hand his fingers began the sublime torture of my most intimate parts.

"Baby, it feels so good when you touch me like that," Edward whispered.

"Mmm, I know, baby. I feel it, too."

"This is great and all, but I want, no, I need to be inside you. Please, Bella."

"As if you have to ask," I breathed out as I let go of him.

Edward turned to his side and rummaged through his night table. Because I had been on antibiotics after my surgery we had decided to play it safe and use condoms for the two cycles following the round of antibiotics. I knew were being overzealous but it was a decision I knew neither of us would later come to regret. Pun not intended.

Once I had finished preparing him, he turned his attention back to me and the task at hand. It had been a few weeks since we had last had sex and as a result his entry bordered on exquisite. That first thrust was always the most delicious and I revelled in it every single time. We had gotten to the point where we weren't thinking. We were simply doing, feeling, and enjoying.

I was still a little worried about possibly experiencing discomfort in my abdomen. My mind ruled my body in this way. Edward, being extremely in tune with my needs, had directed our lovemaking into the quiet and calm realm that it needed to be. He hovered above me careful not to put his weight on me. He gently caressed my leg before hitching it over is hip. He rocked into me as he kissed my neck. It was bliss.

We did very little talking that night. I had learned that sometimes the dirty talk, hot as it was, didn't always have a place or simply wasn't needed. That night was about slow and sensual lovemaking. It was about reconnecting physically and meeting our needs while one of us was delicate.

My orgasm left me speechless and drained. All of my stress and anxiety was erased, if only for a short period of time, as I came apart in my lover's arms.

As Edward stilled and rode out his own release I looked up at him in wonder. His face flushed and glistening with perspiration, his hair unruly, and his eyes shut tight in the midst of his ecstasy. It was then that I truly realized I wanted forever with this man, in the most tangible and permanent way possible.

I wasn't sure if he'd ever ask, but I already knew my answer- yes.

End notes:

Anxiety is a dreadful thing. I have always found the anxiety spectrum of mental disorders among the most fascinating to study because it really proves how strong and powerful the mind is. I have suffered from anxiety attacks and I can attest to the fact that they are not fun and they feel like death is looming. Thankfully, I have recovered from that difficult time in my life. If you have questions or just need somebody to talk to about anxiety feel free to drop me a line. I believe mental health issues should not be stigmatized. They should be talked about and understood.

I hope everybody is having a wonderful weekend!

Until next time,

Abby