I thought last night's episode was great! Despite the upsetting nature of Alicia's storyline, it feels good to be excited about what happens next - I haven't felt like that since Cal and Ethan's heyday. That said, I am slightly cautious about the timing of this upload due to some of the content in this compared to the episode (you'll see what I mean) - but this is nearly a year and a half behind where the show is now and no-one is doing anything wrong here.

Just a warning - first part of the chapter has mature content in, probably scroll through if you're not of an appropriate age!

Also, the thing that happens in the last part of the chapter (being cryptic as I don't want to give away my own spoilers) has been moved forward from where it happened in the series. In other words, the other thing that happened straight afterward (this is hard, I hope I'm making sense haha) is still some distance away yet.

As always, thank you to all my readers, I hope you enjoy it and I would really appreciate if you can leave a quick review.

casfics: Thank you so much for your review and picking out that sentence. I actually really struggle to write anyone other than the brothers so it means a lot that you felt they were in character. Hope you enjoy the next lot of reading material.

pxnic-at-mxdnight: Ahh thank you so much. I hadn't intended that ahead of writing but while in the middle of it it just seemed to make sense and added to the whole 'I'm not over it' thing. Yeah, I'm not that keen on them as a couple either haha but I think it's because I want to read/write/see Ethan with Cal so much more! Thanks for your comments, hope you enjoy the update.

21.

The sun beams through thin curtains, raising Ethan from his slumber. He's been meaning to change them since he bought the flat but has so far evaded it. Once, he got as far as purchasing a new pair and a stepladder to help him reach the rail, but then Cal pointed out their similarities with the curtains that hang around the hospital cubicles and so he'd returned them to their carrier bag at the bottom of his wardrobe.

Usually when the sun acts as a wake-up call on his day off, Ethan resolves to buy some black out blinds, anything to get a much needed lie in. But today, he feels a stirring body next to him, and doesn't mind being awake. The more time he gets to spend with Alicia, the better.

"Morning," he whispers.

"Morning."

She rolls over to face him. Her blonde hair hangs limply around her face, sleep-made waves rather than tonged straightness and he decides it suits her. There are smudges of mascara beneath her eyes, after all they'd had bigger priorities last night than giving her time to remove it, but her eyes still sparkle as she looks at him.

"Sleep well?"

"Best in a long time," she says, her breath tickling his chin.

"Good. It can be difficult to sleep somewhere unfamiliar. If the mattress is too hard, or um, soft, springy-"

She laughs. "I don't think it was the mattress, Ethan." She wriggles closer to him and whispers in his ear. "You wore me out last night."

He laughs too, though it's a nervous chuckle rather than her musical giggle. He feels his cheeks burning. "Gosh, um-"

She cuts him off a kiss. His lips respond immediately even though his mind takes a while to catch up. It's still new and wonderful and if it wasn't for the gentle pressure of her mouth against his, he wouldn't believe it was really happening. She moves so she's half on top of him and her hand is flat on his chest and their bare legs tangle together. He frees his hand from beneath her and uses it to trace her back. Her skin is soft and smooth and he doesn't think he'll ever tire of exploring it.

As if she has come to the same realisation, her own hands start to move, one to his jaw, just centimetres from where their lips smile as they meet, the other down to his bare hip, the sensitive skin that rarely gets seen or touched. It's hot beneath the duvet and their bodies are clammy in a way that should bother him but doesn't. She deepens this kiss and Ethan, bolstered by the way her tongue sought his, takes his fingertips on a journey away from the curve of her back. She moans against him and it's a sound that's more beautiful to his ears than his favourite songs.

"Ethan," she says, breathlessly.

His lips quiver, instantly missing her touch. "Yeah?"

"We have all day, right?"

Her finger runs along his bottom lip.

"Yeah," he repeats, kissing her hand. "Cal won't be home until 3 and that's assuming he's off shift on time."

"Good."

She moves to straddle him and the duvet lifts with her, revealing the area he's been exploring with his hands. In an unspoken agreement, their eyes lock. She kisses him once and then wriggles so she's sat upright and the duvet falls from her shoulders. He's suddenly very conscious of their bodies, laid out on display to each other, and his eyes fall away, landing on the oak cabinet beside his bed. They've only done this at night before and the leaking daylight of mid-morning adds a level of intimacy he's not expected.

"Okay?" she asks

"I- yeah." He returns his gaze, pulling himself in a sit-up to meet her mouth with his. "You honestly are the most beautiful woman I've met."

Her lips tug as she fights back a smile. "Flattery, as it happens, Mr Hardy, will get you everywhere."

"I- I wasn't," he stammers, cheeks turning pink. "I said it because I meant it. I wasn't trying to, you know…"

"I know," she says, half way down his body already. "You're sweet."

He tries to retain composure but it's not long before her name is expelled from his lips in a gasp. After that, he's helpless. His fingers unconsciously tangle in her hair. His hips form a rhythm. A noise that he didn't know he was capable of escapes his throat. And he remembers last night and their first night and how he was just as entranced then, and how he doesn't think he'll ever stop being enthralled by her.

He's still panting as she crawls up him, wide-eyed and trembling.

"Ethan," she says, "please."

Their lips crash together, clumsily this time, but no less enticing. He holds her waist and rolls them over so that he's above her and she's reaching for the back of his neck to pull him down on top. He strokes loose strands of hair off her face but she grabs his wrist and redirects his hand to where she wants it.

She makes a noise, half moan, half instruction. He takes the cue and acts accordingly, barely noticing when her legs wrap around his hips. Their bodies move in unison and in that moment it feels like their minds are in sync too, wanting the same, both needing each other in the same way they need oxygen. He wishes it would never end but it does and once again he returns to reality.

He slumps onto his back, feeling alive but too exhausted to reach for the duvet. Alicia curls up on her side next to him and he puts his arm around her. They don't speak at first and their breaths fall heavily onto an otherwise silent room. He's not sure what he should say to break the silence; that was… wow, or are you okay or I can't believe you're here with me after all those months barely daring to imagine it. After that, he's sure it should be something profound.

"I'm hungry," Alicia says suddenly, making the decision for him, and somehow not ruining the moment in the way he's sure he would have if he said the same.

"I can make us breakfast," he suggests.

"Can you cook?"

"I'm okay," he says. "Better than my brother." He cringes, not sure why he's brought Cal up when he's lying there naked, and hastily changes tactic. "Eggs. I have eggs. Cereal. I could make pancakes but I'm not sure I have much in the way of topping-"

"Eggs sound good," she says, sleepily.

"Great. Will you be alright here if I nip in the shower? Then I can get the food started."

"Yeah." She yawns. "Wake me up if I fall back to sleep."

"I will."

He showers quickly, not wanting to be away from her for long, and then frantically tidies away the clutter Cal has left in the bathroom, a t-shirt, an empty bottle of aftershave and for some inexplicable reason, a pizza delivery leaflet. He returns to his room to dress and finds Alicia scrolling through her phone. He hesitates in the doorway, shy to announce his presence despite what they were doing not long ago. But she senses him and welcomes him with her smile and by putting down her phone.

"Still awake then?" he teases.

"Waiting for my breakfast! Can I grab a shower too?"

"Of course. You know where to find it?"

She nods as she crawls to the edge of the bed. She helps herself to his shirt off the floor, and pulls it on, wrapping it like a dressing gown rather than bothering with the buttons. He's not much taller than her and so it barely reaches her thighs but he can't help but smile at seeing her in it.

"What are you grinning about?" she asks.

"Oh." He gives a bashful nod at being caught. "Um, just you."

She leans in to kiss him. A single finger traces along the line of skin just above the towel around his waist. "You say all the right things."

"Do I?" he says in surprise. If anyone had asked him he would have easily confessed to awkward mumblings and bad jokes that more often than not resulted in red cheeks and uncomfortable silences. That was particularly prevalent when with a woman he had feelings for.

She shrugs, smiling now as well. "Oh, you do okay."

"That's a relief to hear."

"Although you do talk a lot when you should be busy making me eggs!" she says. She snatches another kiss and heads towards the bathroom, looking over her shoulder and wiggling her eyebrows.

The notes reveal Cal's next patient has a piece of Lego jammed up their nose. He rolls his eyes and strides out to reception, hoping the kid is well-behaved and that his parents are suitably apologetic for wasting NHS resources. Inwardly, he scolds himself for the thought. He's always done his best to treat his patients equally, whatever their injury, but months of cuts, minor fractures and stomach bugs have taken their toll. He'd become a doctor to save lives, not to hand out plasters and paracetamol as if they were winning lottery tickets.

He calls his patient, Thomas Jenkins and a man in his mid-twenties stands, alone. Cal raises his eyebrows; great, the kid is so bratty they've already gone AWOL. But the man starts walking towards him, showing no sign of looking for a missing child. Cal frowns and dips his head back into the patient notes as subtly as he can. He'd previously neglected to check the date of birth and now he sees it is 1994. His patient, with Lego up his nose, is a fully grown man. Cal's not sure if he's more amused or annoyed.

"So," Cal says, once they're in cubicles. "How did this happen?"

"I have a little brother," Thomas explains. "Zach. He's seven. He did the same thing last week and was trying to convince me that it's easily done." He pauses. "I was of the opinion that something the size of Lego would be simple to pull back out."

"You'd be surprised at the amount of people who get things stuck up their nose."

"They're usually seven, though, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Usually."

"Do you know what's worse?" the patient says. "I brought my girlfriend home to visit my parents and brother for the first time. I was worried they would embarrass me. Turns out I can do that all by myself."

Cal fights back a smile. "Where is she now?"

"With them! Comparing notes no doubt."

"Gives them something to talk about at least."

"It's alright for you," Thomas says. "Doctor, good looking, good pay packet no doubt-"

"Debateable."

"-bet you never have trouble impressing the ladies."

Cal shrugs. It's certainly been longer than he would freely admit to a stranger.

"But for someone like me... I mean, what's my selling point? Slightly overweight, works in a corner shop, can burp the alphabet- well as far as H, anyway. It's hard, man." He shakes his head. "And then, I meet Leah. She's got a proper job, you know, in a salon. Got her own flat, not with her parents still like me. She's got this little dimple in the middle of her chin and, I dunno, it's cute. Even my mate Ash says she alright, and he's got higher standards than the rest of us."

"She sounds like a keeper," Cal says, hoping he sounds polite despite the fact he's desperate to get the Lego removed and the patient discharged.

"But what if this is the final straw that makes her realise she's way out of my league?"

Cal considers reminding him he's a doctor, not a relationship counsellor.

"I dunno, man," Thomas answers himself. "Just get this bloody Lego out my nose so I can get back and convince her not to ditch me."

"Of course," Cal replies, proud of himself for staying so professional. "I'll be right back."

He leaves the cubicle and allows himself a chuckle. He spots Robyn and sidles up to her. "I need an assist with an extraction of a foreign body from a nostril."

"On it," she says. "These kids are always the cutest."

"Except it's an adult," Cal says.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, and if you can somehow find a way to convince him it won't have put his girlfriend off, then that would be much appreciated."

Robyn pulls a face. "I'm hardly the relationship expert."

"Neither am I these days. "He sighs. "Who'd have thought I'd need my brother for this kind of thing!"

"Ethan? Why, is he seeing somebody?"

"Uh. No." Cal stalls. He doesn't want to ruin anything between him and Ethan by revealing something his brother isn't ready to go public with. "He's just… diplomatic, isn't he?"

"I can be diplomatic too, you know," she says.

"Good. I'll, uh, get the forceps ready and meet you in cubicle 3."

Thomas remains on the edge of the bed, his arms folded across his chest. "Not even a text," he says by way of greeting. "It's over, isn't it? I'm an idiot."

"You don't know that," Robyn says, softly.

"What kind of woman would want to go out with a man who sticks Lego up his nose?"

"One with a sense of humour?" Robyn offers. "Or one who's so blindly in love it doesn't bother her?"

He shakes his head sadly.

"Perhaps things will look up once we've got the Lego out," Cal suggests.

"Well they can't look bloody worse."

Cal considers giving the man some perspective, but instead shares a look of resignation with Robyn.

"We'll get you flat," Cal tells his patient, "then I'll numb your nose. You'll just feel a slight prick of a needle."

"A needle?"

"Well, I can do it without pain relief if you prefer?"

"No, no, a needle's fine."

"Good." Cal nods at Robyn and she lowers the bed into a horizontal position. He smoothly injects the anaesthetic and waits while it kicks in. "Okay," he tells Thomas. "I'm going to try to retrieve the Lego. It may feel a bit uncomfortable but it shouldn't hurt."

He places one hand on his patient's cheek for anchorage and gently takes hold of the Lego with pliers. "Thomas, on the count of three, I want you to blow through your nose as hard as you can." He looks to Robyn to check she is ready with the tray for him to place the item onto and the swabs in case of a bleed. "Three… two…" he pinches the other nostril shut. "One."

Thomas blows and with Cal's assistance the Lego glides out of his nose. The brick is covered in blood and snot and he does his best to maintain a neutral expression as he discards of it.

"That's gross," Thomas says, faintly. Blood pours out of his nose.

Robyn steps in with swabs but they do little to ease the flow and so she explains that she'll have to stem it with a tampon.

"Bloody hell," he says. "Just when I thought it couldn't get any more humiliating you're sticking lady products up my nose."

"It'll work, trust me," Robyn says. "And I'd place my money on the fact it's more comfortable than the Lego was."

Thomas falls silent although Cal suspects that's partly because blood is running over his mouth and it would be nearly impossible to speak without tasting it. He watches as Robyn inserts the tampon and wipes the blood from his face. He's confident it'll succeed in stemming the flow and so he politely makes his excuses to leave.

He draws the curtain but nearly collides with a young lady and gets a face full of her heavily perfumed, dyed red hair.

"Leah!" Thomas calls from behind.

"Oh my god, is that a tampon?" she says. She pulls out her phone and taps at a few buttons, holding it up in front of her as a camera.

"Aww, babe, don't film this."

She squawks with laughter. "This is going on Snapchat!"

Cal raises his eyebrows but continues his journey to the nurses station, bemused and feeling suddenly old. He'd wanted a patient that would help him stop missing Resus, but this certainly wasn't the one.

Alicia shuffles, getting more comfy, then rests back against Ethan's chest. He smiles down at her. The film hadn't been particularly good, but then, he'd barely watched it, too preoccupied with having Alicia pressed against him and her soft hair brushing his arm. She matches his grin and gives him a chaste kiss, nothing like earlier but still enough to send his heart racing.

She pulls his arms tighter around her and uses her nail to draw patterns on his palm.

"That tickles," he says.

"Ticklish, huh? I'll remember that one."

He pulls a face. "Is it too late to retract that?"

"Oh definitely," she says, but she stops what she was doing, instead clasping his hand in hers and stating intently at them. "Ethan," she continues, her voice quiet and suddenly serious, "are we, you know…"

He waits for her to finish, not wanting to mess things up by assuming where her sentence is going.

"…together now?

His lips graze the top of her head, surprising himself by how automatic it was. "I'd like us to be," he says.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, really." He pauses. "If- if that's what you want too?"

She wriggles again so that she's facing him but his arms are still around her. "Well, you make good scrambled eggs."

He laughs. "I didn't realise that was the deal breaker."

"Oh, yeah, right at the top of my list. A guy who can cook."

"You have a list?" he asks.

"Teasing. But it can't hurt! They say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, why should us women be any different?"

"No, I suppose-"

"Good in the kitchen and good in the bedroom, now that's the dream."

His lips part, unsure how to respond.

She grins at him, revelling in his embarrassment. Her hand traces his jaw. "Don't worry, you fit the part."

He gives a nervous smile, sure his cheeks are still burning. "So are we going to tell people? You know, at work?"

"What, about you being good in-?"

He cuts her off with a huff of amusement. "I meant about us being together. Only, it's just a matter of time before Cal spills the beans and I'd rather we didn't become rumour material."

"Yeah, we can tell people," she says, softly. "I don't think I'd be any good at keeping it hidden, anyway."

He tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and leaves his hand lingering at the side of her face. "Me neither."

Their lips meet and even though it's little over a week since the first time they did that, it feels natural.

"Can I take you out?" he asks. "On a proper date?"

"I'd like that."

"Good." He smiles. "Where shall we-?"

He's cut off by the vibrating of his phone next to him on the sofa. He glances at the screen. It's Cal. He pushes it away from him, letting it get caught in the folds of the sofa, but Alicia sits upright and tells him he can get it if he needs to.

The ringing ends and starts again almost instantly. Ethan accepts the second call and holds the phone to his ear.

"Hey."

His brother doesn't reply straight away but Ethan can hear him take a shaky breath.

"Something's happened," Cal says.

Cal's not sure how or why it happened, but Thomas leaves the cubicle hand in hand with Leah and tell-tale lipstick smudges on his cheek. They remained attached as they wave to him and Cal, amusement tingling on his lips, lifts his own arm in a return goodbye. It's a different kind of miracle to those he's used to during his shift, but somehow sticking a piece of Lego up his nose has solidified Thomas's relationship. Cal thinks he might suggest it to his brother, if only to see the reaction.

He's thrown from his thoughts by a scream. He turns and sees the paramedics pushing a stretcher clearly bound for Resus. His body instinctively twitches but he knows there's no point running to greet it like he used to. Connie's yet to permit him to attend to the emergency cases, although he's not sure what more he can do to prove his capabilities.

The pained whimpers continue to fill the room and Cal notices another patient craning their neck in concern as Robyn tries to usher her into a cubicle. He gives a reassuring smile. It's not that the noise doesn't affect him but he knows that it's a positive sign. It's the silent ones who are critical. Crying is more often a result of fear than severity of injuries. He's used to the sound.

What he's not used to, however, is his colleague exceeding the patient's volume to call his name. Cal takes a step forward and then stops. Iain is wide-eyed and breathless but he's going to have to find someone else, a doctor who's allowed in Resus.

"Cal," Iain shouts again. "Cal." His voice cracks this time. "It's Lily."

Cal's stomach lurches. He stumbles into pace with the trolley, his eyes on the occupant. Lily's face is bloodied and although she's conscious, it's clear she has no idea where she is. She struggles and her sobs grow louder as she fails to free herself from the neck brace.

"What happened?"

"We found her unconscious in a car park." Iain speaks so fast, his sentence is barely distinguishable. "Unable to determine the cause but we think it's a hit and run."

"Right." Cal says. He looks around, desperate for someone who can help. "Uh."

"She has facial swelling, bruising to the ribs and chest, signs of-"

"Iain. Iain." Cal stalls him before he can complete the full handover. "I- I can't- I'm not meant to-"

"It's Lily," Iain says as if that invalidates everything else. "Look, I know you two-"

"It's not that." At another of Lily's cries, his hand flies to his head. He means it; their differences have nothing to do with his current hesitance. He takes another frantic sweep of the E.D. There's no-one who can help her but him. "Fuck it, come on," he says.

"Good man," Iain says as they crash through the doors of Resus. "You ready?"

"Tell me."

"Signs of cerebral irritation," Iain continues, sounding shaky. "GCS of eight on arrival but it's now increased to thirteen. Pulse is 120, BP 100 over 60, sats 98% on oxygen."

"Okay," Cal says. "Let's get her onto the bed."

His heart is still hammering in uncertainty but decides transferring a patient while he comes up with a plan can't hurt. Over his shoulder, Dylan and Elle are elbow deep in blood, treating a haemorrhage and don't have time to acknowledge his unpermitted presence. Louise is unnaturally quiet as she registers who the patient is. Only Charlie raises an eyebrow as he joins them.

"I know, Charlie," Cal snaps. "But what option do I have? Everyone else is busy."

"We'll page someone," the nurse responds. "But in the meantime…" he gives a nod.

Cal knows it's not up to Charlie to decide whether he's allowed to work in Resus but his approval encourages him. He retrieves his stethoscope from around his neck and holds it to Lily's chest. His mind is racing and he feels rusty but the routine prompts him.

"Lily, it's Cal," he says. She's still thrashing on the bed, crying loudly, and he can't tell if she recognises him. "Try to stay calm, okay? We're going to get you sorted."

He glances at the monitor and then at Iain, by the door, hands in his hair. He's heard the rumours that something was going on between them, but not witnessed it until now, too busy avoiding Lily. He knows how his friend must feel; he's been there himself, with Ethan, then Matilda and Emilie.

"Right, we need a head and pelvis CT," he instructs Louise.

She looks at Lily, shaking her head. "We'll never get her in the scanner like that."

"No." He sighs deeply. He doesn't want to make the decision but Lily isn't calming by herself and he's running out of options. "Uh, we'll have to sedate and intubate." It sounds like it's a question.

"Sure?" Louise asks.

Cal shakes his head, frowning. He's remembers when the course of treatment used to be obvious to him. He wonders how many months it's been since he was last making life and death decisions.

"BP's dropping," Charlie says. "Cal?"

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think. Resus feels like it's spinning around him. He chances another look towards his fellow doctors. They're still fighting to save their patient and there's no sign of whoever Charlie paged. It's just him. Just him, and he doesn't know what to do.

"Cal?"

He blinks. Charlie, Louise and Iain are all staring at him expectantly. He considers asking them for advice but no words come out, besides he knows it's unfair to put that on a nurse or paramedic when he, a so-called doctor, can't decide. Another wail from Lily diverts his attention. He can see that despite her distress she's weakening. Her eyes are damp and she's pale and clammy.

"Okay," he says. "Okay. I'm going to intubate. And then let's do a- a repeat twelve lead ECG."

His colleagues dive into action and he's grateful for their support. He takes a deep breath to steady his shaking hands and accepts the sedative filled syringe from Louise. Lily's screaming gradually subsides but he remembers his thought from earlier, about how it's the silent patients you have to worry about, and his own windpipe seems to tighten as he tilts her head and feeds the intubation tube down her throat.

"Good, well done," Charlie says.

"Uh, the ECG, please, Charlie."

He steps back from the bed and lets the nurses work. He jumps as Iain claps him on the back. They exchange a glance. Lily has stabilised but only slightly and Cal can't manage even the most cautious of smiles. He wondered if this was how Lily felt treating him as he battled death. He's surprised by the stab of sympathy he feels as he realises it was probably worse for her, out on the field in the midst of a disaster.

"Here," Charlie says, passing him the results from the ECG.

Cal scans it and feels his shoulders slump. "Ventricular ectopics."

"BP's dropping again."

He takes a final glance at Lily's readings and hastens to her side. "Looks like a bundle branch block," he says. "Give her an extra 200ml of normal saline."

As he waits to see if her condition improves, his eyes linger on Lily's face. Unconscious, bloodied and surviving off artificial ventilation she looks more vulnerable than he's ever imagined her. She looks nothing like the Lily he thought he knew, the villain he's hated for months.

"No change," Charlie says, grimly.

"Yeah, I suspect a myocardial intrusion. Potentially hyperkenesis." He shakes his head, desperate.

"BPs really low, Cal."

"I know." He growls. "Where's the back-up, Charlie?"

"Forget the back-up," the nurse instructs. "You can do this."

"She's in VT," Louise says suddenly.

"Crap." Cal's eyes shoot to the monitor. "We need to shock her." He hears Iain groan behind him and the noise hits him in the chest. They can't lose her. He can't be responsible for her death. Charlie disconnects the ventilator and it snaps him into action. "Okay, stand clear… And shocking." He holds the paddles to Lily's chest and her body jerks.

"Still in VT."

"Okay, charging again. Stand clear… Shocking."

There's a moments silence.

"Back in Sinus," Charlie says.

Cal releases a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He senses that they'd all done the same. His legs are shaking now, the adrenaline's finally taken over.

"Okay," he manages. "Okay, good. Let's do another ECG and, uh, 300ml of amiodarone. I want ten minute obs and can someone call both CT and ITU. She'll need a bed as soon as one's available."

He takes a few steps backwards, finally allowing himself to relax. He senses someone by his side and turns, expecting to exchange a few words of relief with Iain.

Instead, it's Mrs Beauchamp. He shuts his eyes and grimaces.

"Doctor Knight," she says. "I don't recall permitting you back in Resus!"

"You didn't," he replies, barely audibly.

There's a beat of silence. "How is she?"

"Stable." He chances a glance at Connie and is relieved to see her expression is soft. "She went into VT following multiple ventricular ectopics. We've haven't managed to get her to CT yet but with the rhythms and the low BP, I'm almost certain it was myocardial intrusion." He takes a deep breath and Connie nods for him to go on. "I'm also concerned about the head injury. She was very distressed, very confused… uh, we'll know more after the scans but I'd want to check thoroughly for any intracranial bleed."

"Okay," Connie says. "I can take over from here. Go and wait for me in my office please."

Cal hesitates. He wants to stay, even if it's just an observational capacity, to see that Lily is going to pull through.

"Doctor Knight," she says, in that tone he dreads.

"Fine, I'm going!" He rolls his eyes as he turns, knowing, but not caring, that the action's likely to get him in further trouble.

He lets the Resus doors clatter behind him and then heads, not to Mrs Beauchamp's office but to the staff room to retrieve his phone. He sinks onto the battered sofa. His head feels heavy with sudden exhaustion and he lets it fall into his open hands. He hadn't known if he was capable of saving her. He had honestly thought, at one point, that she was going to die. She'd been deteriorating in front of him and he'd wondered if their last conversation was one when he was cruel. He feels dampness on his palms and he balls his hands into fists, using them to wipe at his eyes. His head aches from the conflicting thoughts both medical and emotional.

Through bleary eyes, he selects his brother's name from his contact list, and wills him to answer. He doesn't and so Cal presses call again, hoping persistence will pay off.

"Hey," Ethan says.

Cal tries to return the greeting but other words spill out his mouth. "Something's happened," he tells him.

"What? Caleb, are you okay?"

He can hear the panic in his brother's voice. "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." He takes a deep breath. "It's Lily. She, uh, she was brought in. Hit by a car."

"She, what?" There's a murmur in the background as Alicia becomes aware of the conversation. "How is she?"

"Stable. Ventilated. Waiting on scans and then a bed in ITU." He swallows. "Ethan, I treated her."

"You did? What, in Resus? But, I thought-"

"Yeah, I know. No-one else was available."

"And- and..?"

"Well, Beauchamp's about to slaughter me," he says. "But I don't care. I had to. I wasn't going to let her die because of some stupid rule."

"No, of course not."

"Why did it have to be Lily?" He brushes away a tear from the corner of his eye. "I was so rusty, Ethan. I froze. And I just kept thinking, if she dies- if she… well, everyone knows what's been going on between us, don't they? If she died because I screwed up, it would look like I did it on purpose. Payback."

Ethan's silent for a moment. "That didn't happen," he says, quietly. "No-one would think that."

Cal's head falls forwards onto his chest. "I don't even feel angry with her now. Just… sad for her, for what happened today."

"Do you want me to come in and get you, Caleb?

Cal shrugs despite the fact Ethan can't see him. He wants his little brother instinctively, it's always Ethan who puts things right. But he knows it's pointless dragging him into work on his day off to fix a problem that doesn't even exist considering Lily's still alive.

"No, I'm fine," he says. "I just thought you should know."

"If you're sure?"

"Yeah. I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay. But Cal, well done. You may have been rusty and- and upset, but you saved her."

Cal manages a watery smile. He ends the call and lets his eyes fall shut but barely lasts a minute before he hears a familiar cough.

"This doesn't look much like my office."

"I needed to let my brother know what's happened."

"Okay." She sits down on the sofa next to him, looking completely out of place among the mismatch cushions. "Cal-"

"Look, I'm sorry, alright?" he says. "I didn't want to do it but I had to. Everyone else was tied up."

"I know. Charlie explained. He said you did some good work in there."

"Really?" He leans forwards, elbows on his thighs. "So Lily's going to be-?"

"All indications are positive," she says. "There's no sign of internal bleeding and her blood pressure has stabilised."

"Good."

"They'll be taking her up to ITU in the next half an hour. Then we wait and we hope."

He nods, frowning. Waiting has never been something he was good at.

"Cal, your shift's nearly over. We've got cover if you want to go home."

"I'd rather stay," he says. "In case there's news on Lily."

"I thought you'd say that." She climbs to her feet and gives him a thin lipped smile. "For what it's worth, I'd never usually condone you breaking the rules, but you did the right thing today."

"Mrs Beauchamp," he says, taking his chance and standing to face her. "I need to get some Resus experience again. Whatever Charlie says, I know I wasn't on top of my game today. I was out of practice."

She looks at him but her expression is unreadable. She plays with a bit of lace on the cuff of her sleeve. "Okay," she says. "One day a week. Under supervision, at first, by another registrar or a consultant."

He nods, too exhausted to figure out whether that's a good or bad offer. "Fine," he says. "Deal."