T'Slash: Well I had a really crappy day and I see another redshirt dying in the future of Tarsus…maybe a few…I will decide later. I am sorry it took so long but I was busy killing songs and I am almost done killing them all but not quite so that is good. No more parties for a while so I am good for now.
Disclaimer: No, nope, nada, do not own I can't say it any other way.
I killed this song all on my own, its one of the last few I have but I think it is epic. I hope you like it as well.
Songs of a Drunk Captain
Chapter 21: I Know I Love You
Spock, this one is for you, Jim thought, willing his thought to be heard though their faint bond, a bright smile on his face as he jumped right into the song.
I was napping right in the middle of the bridge
Then all at once I remembered something that that old man had shown me
Before I went insane I rushed off the bridge
And ran to my room and screamed out the words I feared
I know I love you
Spock's eyes widened, his mouth falling open slightly before he closed it, his mind in chaos. I remember that incident; it was five months into our five year voyage, Spock thought, shocked that Jim had kept his…attraction hidden for so long.
Jim smiled brightly, pleased that Spock remembered the incident. They never did know the reason…until now, Jim thought, gently swaying to the music, his blazing blue eyes never leaving Spock.
I heard about that incident, McCoy thought, half listening to the song as he continued to comb thought the crowd, searching for the four. A young woman, her light brown hair back in a French braid walked towards McCoy, her brown eyes smiling as she watched him scowl at the others, nervously smoothing down her red engineering uniform.
"No luck finding the four yet, Leonard?" she asked, coming to stand next to him. McCoy jumped from the unexpected voice before turning, a smile on his face.
"No, it's like they disappeared into air, Andie," McCoy said, turning his whole attention towards the southern beauty.
Every morning that I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to tell you so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it from you and never say a word
No, I would never shout it when you walked onto the bridge
I know I love you
Jim is an impulsive person, how did he manage to hide it? It is unusual for him, Spock thought, watching as Jim let the love shine from his eyes. Spock heart speed up, his ears turning a bright green. Why did he not inform me?
Spock I really do love you, with all my soul. Please, believe me, Jim pleaded with his eyes.
I know I love you, Andie thought, blushing a light pink before shaking the thought away. "I know you will find them eventually," Andie said, smiling brightly up at McCoy.
"Why thank you," McCoy said, his cheeks burning slightly.
Thank gods someone is distracting him! Kallista thought, peering out of the air vent, noticing Terry, Aki and Lorraine were doing the same thing.
I know I love you and that's what I'm afraid of
I'm afraid you will not love me, that I will end up broken
I know I love you isn't that what I was made for
Though it worries me to say, I have never felt this way
I am still afraid that he will not love me as I love him…But…I have to take the chance. I can't go on forever not knowing the truth, Jim thought, his heart clenching with the thought of someone hurting him any more then he already was. It's worth the risk!
Jim is never frightened of anything. Yet…this emotion frightens him. How can I know that he will not leave me like others have? How could he love me, a Vulcan? Spock thought, the bond straining against him, begging him to come to the truth of matters.
"No problem," Andie said, brown eyes twinkling before she turned back towards the stage, her heart going out for her Captain.
"Jim," McCoy sighed, lowering his hypo, giving up on his quest to find the four as he turned his attention back to his friend onstage singing his heart out. I knew things were bad but I didn't realize it was this bad. What could have happened to you, kid?
Kallista, Aki, Terry and Lorraine all smiled brightly, quietly exiting their hideouts before sneaking around the party, going towards Scotty and Nyota's group. Pike watched the four sneak around McCoy, noticing how they all watched him for any sudden movements. Those four are going to get it, Pike thought, smiling as he continued to tape Jim, hoping that Spock would be the one for him. The one that Jim has been waiting for his whole life.
I don't know what love is
I don't know what it means
I got so much to protect
It's true. I have to protect Spock, Bones, Uhura, the rest of my crew. And my heart, Jim thought, as he continued to sway to the music.
Jim, I cannot possibly be the perfect one for you. The bond, while powerful, is faint. He disserves someone who can complement him and complete him. Not a half-Vulcan like myself, Spock thought, ignoring the pain in his heart at the thought of Jim with anyone else.
Hey, I know I love you and that's what I was afraid of
I'm afraid you will reject me, that I will end up shattered
I know I love you, that's what I was made for
Thought it worries me to say, I have never felt this way
I am the first one Jim has felt these emotions for, Spock thought, slightly pleased at the thought before rejecting it. Illogical, I cannot love him; I am a Vulcan and as such have no emotion.
Nyota looked over at Spock, a frown spreading out across her face as she saw the longing but also the caution. Spock is afraid as well, Nyota realized, excusing herself to go to Spock's side. Spock probably doesn't think he is worth it. That Jim disserves better. The idiot.
Jim stood on stage, looking down at Spock's carefully guarded face, the fear bubbling to the surface. I guess it was all a waste. He really doesn't love me as I love him, Jim thought sadly, his movements slowing as his heart constricted. I was just imagining all of it. The bond…I should have known.
Spock, you really don't have to worry
I only want you to be happy and if you say "No thanks" then I will leave
But I think (know) it's our destiny to be together forever
I think I have a change, I will sing it to your face
Do you think you love me?
"Come on, Mr. Spock, tell him," Andie whispered, crossing her fingers as she looked up at Jim, his expression heartbreaking.
"Damn that green blooded, pointy-eared bastard," McCoy hissed, glaring at Spock as he watched Jim shoulders slump in defeat.
"Spock, you have to answer him. It's killing him not to know," Nyota said gently, appearing at Spock's side, smiling faintly, her heart going out for Jim. Jim, do not give up yet, Nyota pleaded.
Spock remained silent, contemplating Nyota's words as he viewed Jim, noticing his one smiling eyes now appeared empty, hollow like. No, I should not have such a power over Jim. He is the Captain, he disserves someone who can show emotion daily, where as I cannot, Spock tried to reason, his heart breaking at the sight of Jim.
Jim smiled sadly, trying in vain to hide the pain he was feeling when Spock showed no sign of answering his question. I know there was a chance he wouldn't return my feeling but…I had to try. Besides, now he knows the truth and I will never stop loving him. Not in this or any other lifetime.
I know I love you
I know I love you
(I know I love you)
I know I love you
(I know I love you)
I know I love you
(I know I love you)
I know I love you
(I know I love you)
Jim continued, putting all his love into those three simple words. Trying to make Spock understand that he will never stop loving him, even if his feelings are never returned. Spock…give me an answer so I will know what to do, Jim thought, smiling sadly as the crew and natives cheered, some looking towards Spock, awaiting his answer. "Thank you all for listening to me. I hope that I can get an answer or something," Jim joked, a fake smile on his face.
"Spock, answer him," Nyota begged, watching as Jim smiled sadly, giving the crowd one last bow before putting his microphone down. "If you don't I wont stop Kallista, Terry, Aki and Lorraine and possibly Bones from hurting or killing you."
Spock frowned, watching Jim hide his emotions, his shoulders still lowered in defeat. Jim should not be defeated, Spock thought, his feet taking him onto the stage. I will not allow Jim to suffer. He disserves an answer and I will give him one.
Everyone held their breath, listening for what Spock had to say. Would he return the Captain's love or will he break him. James, T'Pock, and Kareka looked on, both hoping for the best while Kallista, Terry, Aki, Lorraine and Bones plotted the best revenge for Spock for hurting their friend and brother. Spock closed his eye's centering himself once more before he opened his mouth.
T'Slash: And that's were I will leave it. Yes I know I am evil! Well I hope you all liked the song and what I did…though I am sure some, or most of you, will be cursing Spock, don't worry next chapter has the answer! Please review and I will try and update soon.