Discussions continued until well into the morning. Although Hawke had asked Fenris to tell the group everything he knew, unfortunately at that moment it was very little. He had just as many questions as they did, but offered what little he could. There was little reaction when he mentioned Hadriana was also the daughter of Danarius. That Danarius would send his daughter to retrieve Fenris made sense to Hawke's companions, as Danarius would probably trust no one else other than his magister daughter and apprentice for such a task. Those that fought with Fenris against Hadriana now admitted to the resemblance between her and Arielle, just as Fenris had noticed when Arielle originally told him.
No one pried into Fenris' history with Arielle, or the things Varania had accused Arielle of. The altercation was still too fresh in their minds, too raw to Hawke and Fenris, so their friends stayed clear of the topic.
Aveline however dared to ask for speculation as to why Danarius would do something so horrible to his own daughter. "If he wanted a weapon against Qunari as Arielle was led to believe, why her? Why not a warrior or a member of his own guard?"
Hawke looked at Fenris as he thought on the answer, seeing he had several responses that he was considering and none of them pleasant. Hawke spoke to take the burden from him. "I can assume, in his sick twisted little mind, Danarius did this as the final blow to both of them. He must know he's lost control of Fenris by now, so he did the only other thing he could do by hurting Arielle."
Fenris dared to meet Hawke's eyes for a moment, her response matching exactly what he was thinking as well. She lowered her head shortly after, a moment of shame over her jealousy for his past relationship that seemed so brutally destroyed.
"What a twisted bastard," came Aveline's reply, and the others readily agreed.
As the sun shown through the windows signaling the day had begun, Hawke wrapped up the meeting with a tired expression upon her face. The others seemed just as exhausted as she was, so she decided to end it with no real resolutions set in stone. Aveline would speak to her guards about the impending visit from Tevinter soldiers and Isabela would sneak around the Gallows to see what she could hear about Orsino and Meredith. Varric would continue to look into the contracts that no one will take credit for. Sebastian would return to the Chantry and pray Hawke figured, and Anders decided he would speak with Merrill about blocking the tracking spell Danarius may have on Arielle. Everyone said their goodbyes as they headed to their own homes for some much needed sleep.
That left Hawke alone to deal with her newly acquired housemates; Fenris, his sister, and his old lover. For now she was left alone in the dining room with Fenris as the other two were thankfully still in their rooms. Hawke wondered how long Fenris was going to stare at her before saying something, but he remained quiet and seemed deep within his own thoughts as he had been for most of the meeting. She wished at this moment she had Arielle's talent for knowing how he was feeling. Inside she was a mess, but refused to let it show until she had some time to process all that had happened and everything that she heard. She suspected he had more to tell her, was certain Varania could fill in some gaps, but couldn't find the strength to go on this morning.
"I'm going to bed," Hawke stated as she pushed her chair out and stood up. "I am exhausted and probably had too much wine," she hinted at not wanting to have any deep discussion right now.
"You do not wish to talk," he stated to confirm her obvious position on the matter.
Hawke sighed, running her hand through her hair. "We've done enough talking for one day I think."
Fenris stood as she did and nodded, saying nothing more than "goodnight Hawke." Deep down he wanted to fold his arms around her until that sad expression left her eyes, but it was clear she wouldn't permit it at this moment. Instead he continued to look at her, wondering if there were any words in all of Thedas that could comfort her.
She waited, expecting him to say more, but he didn't as he remained still at the opposite end of the table. "Mothers room is made up for you," she finally told him as she walked out, letting it be known she would be sleeping alone. She hesitated at the base of the stairs, closed her eyes, and imagined him sweeping her off her feet to carry her upstairs, make love to her, and prove to her that she was his and his alone. But the harsh reality was he made no effort to follow her, so she ascended the steps in front of her alone.
~*~ ._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._. ~*~
Fenris listened as Hawke's footsteps climbed the stairs to her bedroom and the door closed behind her. He grabbed a bottle of wine and retreated himself, but down the guest hall instead of upstairs to Leandra's room. He knocked softly at Arielle's door, heard movement a moment later, and then she opened the door and allowed him to enter.
Arielle sat on the head of the bed and crossed her legs as Fenris grabbed a chair and brought it closer to her. He sat down and opened the bottle of wine and then offered it to Arielle. To his surprise she accepted it; bringing the bottle to her lips and taking a long sip. Fenris couldn't help the small laugh as a reaction to the face she made; her nose scrunching up and lips slightly contorting, eyes squeezed shut as she shook her head. It was the first time she had tasted wine, or at least in her mind it was the first, and the fruity yet dry liquid warmed her throat. She handed the bottle back to him and he took it with one hand while leaning forward, grabbing her wrist with the other.
She was surprised by his sudden movement but allowed it as he placed the bottle on the floor. He continued to hold on to her as his other hand untied the cloth that Anders had wrapped her wounds with. With no further bleeding he could see clearly the four indented lines she had inflicted upon herself from her nails. Her skin was slightly raised around the marks, and he brushed his hand over them; a movement she didn't understand, but deep within his memory Fenris recalled doing this in another time and place.
He released the hold on her wrist and held his hand out for her other hand. She offered it to him and he repeated the process, removing the cloth and grazing her flesh with a gentle touch. In his memory her hands were uninjured as he traced the lines softly from the base of her fingers to her wrist. "Why did you do this," he wondered out loud without realizing, now holding both of her hands within his.
Arielle looked as well, curious why Fenris seemed fixated on the small injuries. "To focus on the pain," she replied.
"To remain in control," he corrected without thought, and she nodded in confirmation. "She didn't hurt you," he noted.
"No," Arielle informed him. "I absorbed her magic. Part of this," she said forming fists with her hands that he still held, "was dealing with the effects."
As if he just realized what he was doing, Fenris released her and retrieved the bottle of wine, taking another long sip before offering it to her again. She accepted, indulging in a smaller amount this time, and returned it to him.
She knew he wasn't here simply to share wine with her. Arielle could sense exactly what he was feeling, the waves of emotions pouring out of him. Confusion perhaps at his former self's motives and desperation to make things right for her, Hawke, and his sister. She could feel he was blaming himself for actions that he was no longer responsible for. There was an inner struggle she was familiar with of trying to remember; the only difference was he could and she couldn't. Arielle knew she needed to trust Fenris, trust Varania, to fill in the missing pieces for her.
"He really is my father," Arielle asked, needing to start somewhere in figuring out her past.
Fenris nodded but remained quiet, observing her body language and curious as to what her thoughts were at that moment. The more he looked at her, studied the contours of her cheeks, the color of her hair, the intensity of her eyes, he knew his sister was correct and his visions weren't just tricks of the mind. This was the woman from his dreams. She was the reason he became a slave. But what happened to make him abandon his family? How did the daughter of a magister fall in love with a slave? And what happened to her the night she was taken from him? More questions than answers it seemed, and Fenris grew more frustrated at himself for not knowing all the answers.
"I can tell you what little I know of him," Fenris offered.
Arielle wasn't certain she wanted to know. All she could recall now about Danarius was what she had endured while being with him in the last few weeks. Fenris had touched on his past with Danarius before, but now he was offering her more. Would it make a difference? Would knowing any more or less of the pain her father had inflicted on others change anything?
"No," she responded to herself as well as him. She saw no reason to put him through the pain of remembering that time in his life. Arielle had larger questions that she wanted answers to. "Tell me what you know about us."
~*~ ._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._. ~*~
Hawke stared at her reflection in the mirror for what seemed like an eternity, searching for answers from herself that just wouldn't come. As the day and nights events replayed in her mind, she forced her breath to remain steady. Her hands had begun shaking when she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, the lump in her throat and knots in her stomach tightened, and now that she was alone she feared the walls would come tumbling down at any moment.
You left us for her. Varania's words repeated in her mind, the look on the elf's face burned into her memory. Fenris had given up everything for Arielle; family, freedom, even his future. For a love that was apparently so strong it was breaking through the darkness of his mind, he was willing to lose it all for her. Hawke searched her own eyes in her reflection, wondering if their love was capable of the same.
Hawke pulled herself out of her thoughts long enough to begin preparing herself for bed. She pealed away the damaged clothing and studied the wound on her arm. She had forgotten all about it during the nights events until faced with having to tear her shirt away from the injury. A small curse escaped her lips as she reopened the wound when she pulled the sleeve away, and she decided to use the now destroyed shirt to apply pressure. She remembered Fenris' immediate concern when he saw she had been slightly wounded, and a smile dared to form from her lips. He cared, of course he did. She couldn't deny that. But where did his heart stand now?
Once the bleeding stopped again, Hawke cleaned herself up as much as her remaining energy would allow and dressed in her night clothes. Inches away from falling into her bed, a soft tapping at her door prevented her from falling into the blankets and drifting away. A long shallow sigh escaped her lips as Hawke redirected her feet to the door. She couldn't imagine who would be so cruel as to stop her from slipping away into blissful nothing. Slowly she opened the door just enough to identify them without offering any chance of entrance.
"I am sorry to disturb you mistress," came the soft innocent voice of Orana. Hawke's surprise was clear as the servant looked at the floor, clearly uneasy about intruding on her employers personal time and space.
"Orana," Hawke offered gently, "is everything alright?" The blond haired elf turned her gaze back up to Hawke. It was clear from her expression she had something on her mind, so Hawke invited her in to try and put her at ease.
They sat in the corner of Hawke's bedroom where Hawke usually spent time reading. Her servant sat with her usual perfect posture as Hawke took a more relaxed position. When she realized Orana was struggling with how to begin whatever it was she wanted to discuss, Hawke decided to began the conversation for her. "I'm sorry for all the chaos last night Orana," Hawke said truthfully, "I imagine it was as surprising to you as it was to us."
Orana nodded. "I try to stay out of the way," came the quiet response, "but sometimes I can't help but hear things."
Hawke chuckled in her exhaustion, "I'm sure you and Bodahn hear quite a lot. What's on your mind Orana? I can't recall you ever seeking me out in private to talk, so it must be something serious weighing heavily on you."
The elven woman nodded in response. "You have been so good to me," she began. "After Papa…" she trailed off, the sadness of her fathers death still close within her heart. "I have something to offer in return for your kindness."
Hawke gave her a curious glance. "What is it?"
Orana gathered her courage and revealed the secret she had held for the last few days. "I knew Arielle in Minrathous."