Severus blinked away the rain that obscured his vision, tasting blood on his tongue.

His wand arm was strangely heavy as he unlocked his front door. He could not feel his fingers.

Potion bottles crashed to the floor as Severus systematically destroyed his kitchen in search of something... anything that would ease his pain... and restore him to health.

It was blinding and getting increasingly worse. He could not tell if minutes or hours passed but his mind was losing its grip on sanity. He swept his arms through empty cupboards as though they were still full, determined that his saviour was just within his reach.

With a deep grunt, Severus relented and sunk to his knees, his final energy failing him.

...

Severus would not have been adverse to soft plump pillows and a warm blanket had their existence not been such a shock. His back was not used to such mellow luxuries.

''Do not struggle Severus.''

A long fingered hand prodded at Severus' forehead, waking the man fully with a start.

''What do you want?'' he rasped.

''A conversation, if you are willing,'' came the came response, non-perturbed by the other mans bluntness.

Severus stilled instantly, recognition dawning on his pale face. He slumped back against his pillows with a wry, unamused snort.

''Albus.''

The old man's face loomed close to his own. He was not smiling.

''Severus,'' Dumbledore responded. ''It's been a while hasn't it? You've been a busy boy.''

...

''Still no more sign of him then?'' Lily asked quietly.

James was at the living room window, as he often was, completely in a world of his own. Rain pelted the glass so aggressively that he could barely make out the garden path, but it did nothing to deter him.

''Sign of who?'' James asked innocently. He turned abruptly away from his position and followed Lily into the kitchen.

''You don't have to lie to me anymore, James,'' Lily assured him. ''But its been more than a month... I think if he was coming back, he would have done it by-''

''I don't know what you're talking about,'' James snapped, irritated that she'd learnt to read him so well and embarrassed by his own weakness. ''Have you fed Harry yet?''

''James-''

''Have you?''

Lily sighed. With a well- practiced look of disapproval, she left the room for a moment and returned with their son cradled delicately in her arms. James face relaxed into a smile.

He took Harry from her and held him close to his chest. ''Hey little man,'' he spoke softly. ''You hungry?''

Lily watched her husband interact with their child with uncharacteristic jealousy. James never smiled at her that way... never held her... barely looked at her. Nothing had changed in the last month since Severus' visit. If anything, it had got worse.

She took a seat opposite and watched them with weary acceptance.

''When are we going to discuss it then?'' she asked quietly.

''Discuss what?'' James looked up.

''Divorce,'' Lily answered simply.

James blinked, a frown dislodging his former peaceful expression. The longer she stared at him, eyebrows raised and unrelenting, the more serious he knew she was.

With a sigh, James pulled Harry tighter against him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He didn't respond with flippancy or false confusion like she'd expected. He merely sat in silence, patiently feeding his son until he burped and James smiled.

He turned back to Lily with a weary expression. ''A year of marriage... Is that all we've achieved?''

''It never should have happened in the first place,'' Lily replied, not unkindly. ''We both know that. I shouldn't have let myself talk you into it. I knew you were mourning him, James... I always knew it. I just thought that... after time you'd... forget. That you'd move on. That I could make you happy-''

''I've tried Lily-''

''No,'' Lily snorted, getting to her feet and taking Harry from him. ''No you didn't. You need to fall out of love before you can start to forget.''

...

''Why have you brought me here?'' Severus snapped ungracefully. He eyed his surroundings with suspicion, disconcerted by the lack of hostility with which he was being treated.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. ''You mean aside from saving your life? They left you in quite a state this time-''

''Why have you brought me here,'' Severus repeated impatiently. ''Where am I?''

''You are in the Order headquarters. I have been trying to get a hold of you, Severus, for quite some time.''

Severus winced as he attempted to sit up. His whole body felt heavy. He knew this was a good sign, he was under the influence of magic and his wounds would be healed.

''And I you.''

Dumbledore frowned in surprise, staring carefully at his former pupil. When he realised that he was telling the truth, he smiled and sat down.

''Then this conversation has been long- awaited on both sides,'' he said. 'You know what it is I am to ask of you?''

Severus swallowed, his face paling even more if possible. ''I do,'' he answered slowly. ''You are not as elusive as you may think old man.''

''Perhaps not,'' Dumbledore studied him carefully. ''If i'd have known all it would take to bring you to the other side was a night with James Potter... We may have had been having this conversation years ago...''

Severus scowled. ''The boy... Their son. You must protect-''

''Relax dear boy, relax. Start from the beginning. You must tell me everything.''

...

James frowned across the court room at his wife... or ex wife as he should now refer to her. It had taken another month of late night discussions and stilted rows, but Lily had given up. She'd given up on him... on them. And he couldn't say he blamed her.

He felt almost relief if it wasn't for the guilt, as he signed the papers to consolidate their separation.

She was waiting for him as he shook his lawyers hand and left the building.

''James,'' she approached him.

He smiled at her and drew her into his arms before she could protest. ''God Lily... I'm sorry,'' he muttered into her hair. ''I really screwed this one up didn't I?''

''Takes two,'' she replied kindly, matching his tentative smile. ''I could've been a better-''

''No,'' James cut her off sharply, frowning hard at her. ''This wasn't your fault Lily... This was all me.'' He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his unruly hair. ''Those last few years at school... after Se...after he left, you and Lupin were all I had. Literally. I'll never forget that. You've been one of the best friends I could ever ask for. I love you Lily, I really do, I just...''

''I know,'' she smiled sadly. ''I understand, James. We're both better off this way. Harry is better off this way. Just promise me... you'll sort it out? You'll talk to someone... You need to get over it. I hate seeing you like this...''

James nodded sincerely and pulled her back to him for a final hug. ''Thank you for everything, Lily Evans. I pray to Merlin you find a man that can treat you better than I did. Shouldn't be hard.''

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and walked away, a swirl of emotions pooling in his stomach. He'd lost his wife today. She'd lost the husband she'd always dreamed off. He would no longer live under the same roof as his son. He would no longer have someone to sleep next to at night. He would not have a home to come back to.. a famiy..

Whatever happened in his future, James knew he'd made the right decision. He was emotionally scarred. He never would have thought a few whirlwind months at school could change his life so dramatically. He was a fool to think he would love again. A fool to think he wasn't broken. But a broken single man couldn't hurt anybody.

James ducked into an alleyway and pulled out his wand. Sighing heavily, he closed his eyes and apparated to the headquarters of the Order, keen to distract himself from anything personal and dive headfirst into death eater hunting once again. He needed to put the past behind him, once and for all.

...

Dumbledore answered the door himself when James appeared outside. He could tell by his expression straightaway that something had changed in the man.

''It is done then,'' Dumbledore stated calmly. ''Lily and Harry are-''

''Safe,'' James nodded, not meeting his eyes. ''She'll find someone else. Someone...whole. She can be happy now.''

''And you?'' Dumbledore closed the door softly behind him and led the way upstairs. ''What future awaits you, young man?''

James shrugged. ''I work for the Order. A single life will suit me just fine.''

''Just as well then,'' Dumbledore replied knowingly. ''You're just in time for a last-minute gathering.''

James' eyes widened and his heart stopped as inch by inch, the long conference table came into view, full of familiar faces and one new one.

A man sat in a black clad cloak, smirking subtly directly opposite him was the last thing James expected to see.

James swallowed, throat dry. ''Severus?''

''Meet our newest member,'' Dumbledore said softly, nudging him inside. ''Sit down, James. We have much to discuss.''