Friday 28th November
I've spent the last few days in Christian's penthouse. I can't face the world right now; everything has finally become too much. Between all his secrets and all the drama, I'm slowly draining out. My parents and friends are pleading with me to come home but I just can't. I'm physically and mentally worn out. I don't want to talk, see, or be with anyone.
It's currently 11 am, Charlie's at school, Christian is at work, and I'm in bed. I've been awake for a while just laying here. I'm not sure what to get up for or what to even do once I'm up. A permanent sadness has taken residence inside of me and refuses to go away. A soft knock at the door interrupts my depressing thoughts. It's Gail and she looks at me pityingly.
"Would you like some breakfast Ana?" She asks softly.
I shake my head. The thought of eating right now makes me want to throw up.
"Mr Grey told me to make sure you eat something," she says nervously. I sigh. I know she will most likely face the wrath of Christian if I refuse so I agree to something small to appease them both.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm eating a white egg omelette with spinach and orange juice. Gail looks over at me as she pours herself coffee.
"Are you sure you're okay honey?" She asks. "You look pale."
Great. Now I look as crappy as I feel. I take a sip of juice and nod. "I'm just tired," I admit. "I didn't anticipate how overwhelming everything would be."
She takes a seat opposite me, sipping her coffee.
"It's not my place to say," she starts, "but I can see the way he looks at you. You mean the world to him and it's the first time I've ever seen him like this. Mr Grey – he's been through so much and I know that sharing his feelings and problems is one thing that he finds extremely difficult. Just know that he loves you and when he's ready, he'll open up."
"Thank you," I smile. Her words are comforting to hear and I finish my breakfast with her before I head off to shower. As I'm coming out and towel drying my hair my phone rings loudly again and again. It's Kate.
"Hello?" I ask concerned. I have around a dozen missed calls from her already.
"Ana, Jose and I are downstairs," she says impatiently. "Security guards won't let us up, can you please confirm you know us?"
A man then speaks. "Madam Steele, are these two licensed to visit?"
"Of course, they're my best friends."
The line goes dead and a few moments later the door knocks. When I open it, Kate and Jose launch themselves onto me and feeling overwhelmed, I begin to cry.
"Oh Ana," Kate says, pulling back and wiping my eyes. "We've missed you so much."
"Me too," I say. "I'm sorry about ignoring you, I just…"
"I don't even need to ask why," she states interrupting me. Her eyes are deeply concerned and she looks so worried about me.
"It's all too much," I sob. "I don't know if I can do this."
"Shhh," Jose soothes. "Come on, let's go to your room."
A few minutes later, I'm in my sweats, sitting on my bed with my two best friends. I didn't realise how good it would feel to have them here and I realise I've been neglecting pretty much everyone lately. Pushing people away when things get hard has always been something I've done and I know how damaging it can be. My parents are currently feeling the wrath right now and I hate it. I pull a cushion to my chest and proceed to tell them about everything.
"Emma just won't go away," I sigh. "She's always there, lurking, ready to pounce and I just can't ever feel settled. I just keep waiting for the next story to pop up, the next time she comes here unannounced. I constantly feel on edge and I want it to stop. Ray hates me also and I can't go home. They'll be reading stories and comments on the internet about me being a whore…I know how disappointed they must be in me. They had such high hopes."
"Don't talk about yourself like that and Ray doesn't hate you Ana," Jose insists sharply. "He's called us loads of times to persuade you to come home. He wants you back but you can't blame him for not wanting you involved in all this drama."
"I am the drama," I state, laying back down. "I'm just going to stay locked in here forever until everything goes away."
"It doesn't work like that sweetie," Kate says, lying next to me. "Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire and that bitch is going to continue to fight."
Jose joins us. "She's right," he agrees. "This is what she wants. She wants you and Christian to break and you can't let her win."
I know that they are right. Sometimes however, it is hard to be strong when the world feels like it's crashing down on you.
Kate and Jose are staying, and we're sat at the island while Gail makes us dinner when Christian gets in, well after five. He makes his way over to us and
Kate introduces herself immediately. "I'm Kate, this is Jose." She motions to him.
"I believe we've met once before," Christian responds, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water. "Not sure you'll remember though."
Why does he always have to be antsy?
"Where's Charlie?" I ask him suddenly, realising he isn't here.
"Mia picked him up today to take him to the theatre and for dinner," he explains.
He sits next to me and everything goes quiet for a moment.
"Your place is amazing by the way," Jose says after a while, breaking the silence.
"Definitely," Kate agrees. "So lush."
"Thank you," Christian replies.
I take in his facial expressions and he looks so drained. He looks exactly as I feel and I know this is hard on him too. Perhaps even harder.
"Ana's been really upset," Kate says. "We came to stay with her for a while."
"For how long?" Christian sighs.
"Just the weekend, if that's okay with you?" She asks.
"Yes sure, fantastic," he says somewhat irritably.
I'm annoyed with his attitude toward my friends but I ignore it as Gail serves us spaghetti. We eat in relative silence and then Christian insists he has work to do, retreating to his office silently.
"I'm sorry about that," I say to my friends, helping Gail clear up.
"It's fine," Jose insists. "I know you're both having a hard time."
"He doesn't have to be a dick though," Kate disagrees and I chuckle. She's never one to sugar coat a situation. "Where are we sleeping?" She wonders, coming over to help me.
"There's a couple of guest rooms," I shrug. "You can sleep wherever."
"How about we go out shopping tomorrow?" She suggests. "Jose wants new clothes and I want makeup."
"That sounds great," I smile. "Maybe I'll get Christian something…"
"Will he be getting it tonight?" She smirks nosily. "I think he needs cheering up."
I swat her. "Shut up."
She raises her eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
"Maybe," I relent. "So don't listen out."
She laughs loudly. "Is it good then? You know what they say about an older man."
"He's not old," I frown. I hate when anybody says that. If thirty is old then we're all doomed in the future.
"He's older than you," she says pointedly.
I shrug. "I don't notice the age difference. Not really. But yes, it's very good," I say satisfactorily.
"I bet," she fantasises. "He looks so pent up and frustrated. I bet he wants to exercise it out on you. Tell me, does he have any hot older brothers?"
"As a matter of fact he does, but I've never met him."
Her eyes widen. "Put in a word for me," she winks.
"Sure thing."
After that, I give Jose and Kate a tour and then we just spend time together, laughing, talking and eating junk food that I raided from the hidden parts of the kitchen. Around nine, Jose goes to talk to his boyfriend, Kate heads off to shower and I head to Christian's office. I let myself in and see him just sitting at his desk, staring into space. My heart pangs for him and I quietly make my way over, settling myself in his lap. I stroke his hair softly.
"I love you," I say simply.
He looks into my eyes before resting his forehead against mine.
We stay there like that for a while until he speaks. "Charlie isn't back yet. I told Mia to have him back by eight."
"Call her?" I suggest.
"She's not answering," he frowns.
"That's strange," I say.
He nods. "I'm going to have to look for them soon."
"I'm sure they're just caught up having fun but if you go, I want to come," I insist. Charlie means just as much to me. I adore that child.
He smiles for the first time and kisses my cheek. "I wouldn't go without you."
I kiss him gently and he reciprocates.
"How are you feeling?" He asks, placing his hand against my stomach. "I know you've been a little unwell."
"I felt sick this morning," I admit. "But I'm fine now."
His eyebrows knit together for a moment and he looks down at his hand. A call suddenly interrupts us.
"It's Mia," he says, jumping up and answering her. I sigh in relief and he puts her on loudspeaker.
"Christian!" She's frantic and I suddenly start to panic at the sound of her voice. Oh no. What's happened?
"Mia what is it?" Christian asks, equally as alarmed.
"Christian," she's sobbing and it's hard to make out her words. "I…I was on my way to get Charlie from school and I was…somebody grabbed me and bought me to your old house. They locked me in the kitchen for hours and there was no phone." She's hyperventilating and so am I. "I only just got let out and I'm on my way over now in the uber…."
"Mia, where is Charlie?" Christian asks anguished.
"I don't know," she cries. "Oh God, Christian I'm so sorry. I tried my hardest to get out but…"
"She's taken him," Christian breathes. I watch as his face twists in anguish and two seconds later the phone is flying through the air and he's practically pulling his hair out.
This is my worst nightmare times ten. Everything I ever feared is happening right in front of my eyes but this isn't about me right now. It's about Charlie and we need to find him. I run out of the room at full speed and find Taylor. He looks startled by my expression.
"Taylor," I breathe heavily. "Charlie's missing, we think Emma's taken him. Christian is…I…God, please, can you do something?"
He picks up his phone straight away to make calls and Christian comes striding out of his office at that moment, Kate and Jose behind him. They must have heard the commotion. Kate's hair is ringing wet as she pulls on her hoodie and jeans.
"We're all coming," she insists.
I try to take deep breaths as I pull on the first coat of Christian's I see hanging up.
Christian has the expression of a madman and I stand in front of him before he opens the door. He looks down into my eyes frantically.
"We will find him," I promise, tears silently streaming down my face. I watch as they start to form in his own. I take his hands. "She's not going to win." Despite my sadness, there's a fierce determination in my voice and it's time for me to take control and become the woman Christian needs beside him. I'm going to fight fire with fire and I'm going to fucking win. "I love you," I continue. "We're going to get him back." I tiptoe up and kiss him passionately before I grab his hand and throw open the door.
This bitch is going down, once and for all.
Eek, I know. Don't hate me. Update really soon. As said, uni is busy. Love always and please please please review! Preview of the next chapter will be over on the site. xxx