'Karen?' Larry finds her aimlessly pacing in the corridor.
She startles and he takes in her flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes and he's sure she looks as bad as he feels.
'He's...he...'
'What?' He waits with baited breath and her face crumples.
'He was okay and then he...he just...I don't know..' She wraps her arms tightly around herself. 'I don't think he was breathing...his lips went blue'
Larry suddenly feels cold. 'Where, where is he?'
She gulps in a breath. 'I..I don't, they, they got him stable but they they, they rushed him off in-into surgery. I- I don't know any-anything. I- he was clutching his chest. He...his heart condition Larry I...'
'Okay' Larry nods, his arms going round her as he pulls her into a tight hug. 'It's okay. It's going to be okay. They'll fix him.' He assertively talks into her hair.
'What if, what if they can't?'
'Don't think that. They will'
She nods her head determinedly against his chest. 'You're right it's going to be fine. He'll be fine' She blinks furiously. 'Right?'
'He's not going anywhere. You think he'd leave Peyton now? After everything? That kid has fought for her for the last year. He's not giving up on her now' He shakes his head and wills his words to have some sort of power.
'He...he was asking after her just before it-it happened. He, he wanted to know if you were with her, that she's safe...How...where...how is she? Is she okay?' Karen withdraws from his comforting arms.
'She's stable' He runs his hand through his hair and Karen's heart aches even more because this man has become her dear friend in recent months and she can see his distress. 'She's so small...she's so...god Karen she looks awful...she's so...it's like it's not her at all'
'We'll make her better. We will Larry. What's important is that she's back... Is, is she awake?'
'She was for a bit but she's sleeping again now. I-I left Brooke with her'
Karen smiles wearily despite the terror unfurling in her stomach. 'Larry you've just got your baby back' She murmurs. This is all they've been wishing for. All they've been praying for day in, day out. Only now that they're here celebrating is the last thing on anyones agenda. Because the grief outweighs any joy. Because they're not faced with the young girl they'd all known. The realisation that they now have to come to terms with the torturing events that have taken place is more evident than ever. 'I want to come and see her but...'
'I know. Luke needs you right now-'
'Excuse me, Ms Roe?'
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'We gave you full body scans to check for any internal injuries shortly after you came in. They indicated that you could be pregnant' Kate answers gently as she stands at the bedside.
'Could?' Peyton's face is void of emotion. She knows now that she's having this conversation that on some level she's been processing the possibility of pregnancy since the first time Ian had announced that contraception wasn't necessary. Pregnancy was an inevitably but it was only in recent weeks that she'd been concerned that her worries had become reality. A reality that horrifies her. Despite her stony expression. There'd been a brief moment just the previous night when she'd been laying in bed, her hand over her stomach, contemplating a child. And for the first time in that briefest tiniest moment she supposed at least she'd have someone to keep her company, a distraction, someone to care for, someone to live for, someone to love. But that moment had passed quickly. Because she didn't want to love something that came from him. Not just that but she didn't want to condemn a child to a life in isolation. 'Could?' She repeats.
'I say could because whilst your scans and blood work indicated that you're pregnant I can't be certain that's still the case'
'Why?'
'You started bleeding shortly after we finished conducting the scans. It's not unusual for women to experience a bit of spotting during pregnancies but it was substantial enough to suggest it could be a sign of miscarrying or that you may be in the process of miscarrying' The Doctor watches her carefully. 'I'm sorry-'
'I don't want it. It's a good thing I don't...' She shakes her head. She wants the facts. That's all. 'So it's gone?'
'Your body has suffered significant trauma and you're severely malnourished which are indications that miscarrying is more than likely for the reason behind you bleeding but I can't be certain until we do an ultrasound. If you are still pregnant you have options Peyton...You're not in the best health physically right now and that could have had a severe impact on the growth of the foetus but that doesn't mean to say if you want to carry this pregnancy to full term-'
'I don't want it. If it's still there I want it out. Can I take a pill or something?'
'It's best we do an ultrasound and go from there. If you are still pregnant we'll be able to get a better idea of how far along you are and if you decide you want a termination we'll be able to carry out that procedure in the right way'
'I can't be that far along. I'm not showing... But I-I can't remember the last time I had a period I...I've been throwing up a lot the last few weeks does that mean it's just a few weeks' She rambles.
'Let's do a full examination and get you all checked out and then I'll do an ultrasound and I'll be able to answer all those questions for you. Okay?'
She nods once and averts her eyes to the ceiling. 'Will you be able to do it straight away?'
'I'm doing it right now' The Doctor answers gently as she moves efficiently around the room to find the necessary equipment to help her conduct her examination.
'No. Not that. If I'm pregnant will you be able to get rid of it right now?'
'That depends on a lot of factors sweetie'
'Like what?' She frowns. 'I don't have time. I need it done straight away'
The Doctor returns to her side. 'What do you mean you don't have time?'
'I want it done before he comes and gets me'
'Who?'
'Ian. He doesn't know and if he does...' She shakes her head. 'I won't get a choice and I can't. I can't. I-'
'Peyton, according to my colleagues Ian is going to be bed bound for a few weeks at the very least' The Doctor divulges. She doesn't care about protocol at this point. Her patient's mind needs to be put at rest. 'And he's most certainly not going to be taking you anywhere'
'You don't know what he's capable of' Peyton disagrees.
'No' Kate nods. 'I know. You're right. I don't. But I am a qualified Doctor. I do know that there's absolutely no way he's going to be capable of walking for a while with the injuries he's sustained. I also know that this hospital has high security. I also know that there are police officers guarding him round the clock. Not only that but no one can enter this corridor without our say so right now. There's no way he's coming in here, you have my word. He doesn't get to make the choices anymore. You do'
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'So he's going to be alright?' Karen anxiously shifts her feet, her eyes unblinking as her stare stays focused on her son.
He looks distinctly unlike her son. Now that the blood has been wiped from his face the purpling bruises are more apparent and his swollen features seem to be even more exaggerated. But that isn't what she's fixated on. It's the tubes going into his nose. It's the drip attached to his arm.
'Surgery was successful. He has several severe fractures to four of his ribs which resulted in the puncturing of his lung. This caused his lung to collapse. It was a little touch and go there for a few minutes but he did great'
'He...he wasn't breathing properly'
'No. When the lung is punctured air builds up under pressure and collapses the lung. To release this build up and reverse the collapse we had to place a chest tube within the chest cavity, through a small incision near the armpit. He's stable. He's breathing normally-'
'He's going to be okay?'
'He's doing great'
'His heart condition'
'We're monitoring his heart, currently there's been no signs of any problems there'
'That's great' Larry murmurs, his hand that's resting on Karen's back slides around her and pulls her closer. 'See he's going to be just fine Karen'
'They're both going to be fine' She clings onto him tight, seeks the comfort that only they've been able to offer each other in recent months. Both parents. Both waiting for their children to come home in some sense only they're not getting that, not yet and they're not sure they're ever going to get that back.
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Larry's eyes go wide as he takes in the scene. His mouth is open but no words come out because he can't process what's happening before him.
'Mr Sawyer' The Doctor sighs, a disapproving look in her eye because the closed curtains were meant to be an indication that privacy was desired.
His head is shaking back and forth in despair. Too many emotions make him incapable of masking his feelings. Because this is his little girl and his little girl can't be a mother. Not yet. And especially not by the man that has her in this hospital. He thinks he's going to be sick. He's seeing his little girl crying. He's seeing her pinned down. He's imagining things being done to his child that no man should ever think about.
'Don't worry. I'm not' Peyton hastily pushes her gown down to conceal the colourful bruises on her side, uncaring to the slimy substance the Doctor was in the middle of helpfully wiping away.
'Not...'
'No. We were just checking that's all' Peyton affirms but he's looking at the Doctor that's letting her patient speak for herself. 'I'm not' She misreads his grief as disappointment.
'She's not?'
'Peyton isn't pregnant' The Doctor dutifully confirms. 'I'll give you two a minute. I'll come back in a while sweetie' The Doctor smiles gently and Larry likes her and his heart pangs with gratitude because he can see that his daughter has been made to feel at ease and he doesn't even know how that's possible given the situation.
'Is..has, I'm sorry I was so long'
Peyton shakes her head. 'I've been asleep most of the time. And Brooke was with me'
'Yes. I bumped into her- she's gone to see Luke. I should have been here. Brooke said the Doctor wanted to examine you and I- I'm sorry'
'I wanted to be on my own'
'Was..are...you're ok?' His eyes trail back to the sonogram equipment.
'I'm fine Dad' She forces a smile. 'It wasn't that bad, she mostly just had to take photos of... stuff' She trails off. The words get stuck in her throat, she doesn't want to give him a detailed report of the full examination that she just endured. It's not something she wants to relay to herself let alone him. 'Luke. How. How is he?'
Larry hesitates for the briefest of moments. 'He's doing good' But she sees.
'What's happened?' Her eyes are narrowed.
'He, he's fine' Larry dismisses but she's not fooled.
'Don't lie to me'
'I'm not. I'm not honey' He hurries over to her side. 'I'm not. He, there was a scary moment. He stopped breathing'
'What?'
'He's fine now. They were concerned about his heart condition and Karen thought he was having a heart attack but it was actually his lung. He's got a few cracked ribs and his lung had suffered a puncture. He's had surgery though and the Doctors have fixed him up. I don't want you to worry okay? He's going to be fine. There's no way in hell that that boy is about to leave you, you hear me?'
'I should be with him' She sits up abruptly and swings her legs over the side of the bed, ignoring every single protesting twinge of pain.
'Honey-'
'I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine' She rips at the tube attached to her arm and Larry cringes.
'Peyton-'
'Lucas is the one that got hurt today. Not me. I don't even know why I'm in this bed. I'm meant to be with him. Luke's not safe if I'm not with him' She bleats manically.
'Everyone is safe. You're safe. Luke is safe. Please lay back down' His hands are itching to push her back and he would have done just that a year ago. He would of snapped at her to lay the hell back down but the beseeching tone doesn't seem right anymore. He just wants her to be okay and he doesn't know how to ensure that but giving her what the hell she wants is inevitible because she's not had choice and he wants her to have her freedom back. 'Honey you need that drip- let me call the Doctor to come-'
'No'
Her snarled word jars through him and all protests die on the tip of his tongue.
Her feet find purchase on the floor but her legs wobble and he darts to her side, hands moving to assist in holding her up.
'Honey please this isn't a good idea, not right now. I promise you you can see him but the Doctor wants you to stay in bed right now'
His eyes frantically seek out the emergency button.
'I just want to be with him. Please Daddy- you love me right?' She guilt trips him. 'If you love me, you'll take me. If you loved me you'd give me this...just for a minute, that's all'
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'Luke' Brooke's knelt on the chair beside his bed when he wakes up.
Karen springs up from her perch on the other side as she notes his blue eyes. 'Baby, oh my god. Thank god' She kisses his forehead again and again. 'I'm going to go and get the nurse to check you over' Lucas's mouth opens in protest but she's already gone.
'I'm fine' He croaks.
'You better be' Brooke answers. 'So I can beat your ass Lucas Scott. Are you actually crazy?! I can't believe you didn't even send me one text. Nothing. What were you thinking?!'
Lucas cringes at her suddenly high pitch squealing. 'Sorry' His words are staggered as his sore throat becomes more apparent. 'I fucked up. Royally. I dunno what I was thinking. I wasn't. Clearly.' His eyes stare despondently up at the ceiling.
She frowns. Because whilst she was pissed about his actions she was also teasing. 'It would have been nice to be kept in the loop but you found her Luke. You saved her'
He snorts. 'I didn't save her. You did. I owe you everything. If you hadn't turned up...' He closes his eyes. He's reliving it all.
Brooke pushes his hair back from his face and presses a kiss to his forehead. 'I don't know what happened in there Luke but you did save her. I might have ended it but you led me there. You're the reason we have her back.' She sternly tells him.
He coughs then and a pain ripples through his body. 'Drink' He gruffly mutters.
'I don't know if you can drink anything after the surgery- the nurse will be in here in a sec. She'll know'
'Surgery?'
'Your lung collapsed' She suddenly realises he's completely in the dark about his own wellbeing not that he seems to care because his next question regards none other than Peyton.
'Where is Peyton?'
'She's here too. She's a couple of floors above. Larry's up there with her. It was so scary Luke. I-I thought she was dying. She started having a seizure'
Lucas winces as he shifts his body. 'What?'
'She's fine now' She assures him. 'She's malnourished and dehydrated but the Doctors say she's going to be okay' her hands wipe irritatedly at the tears that seem to be permanently leaking from her eyes. 'You'll probably be allowed to see her-'
'She won't want to see me' Lucas shakes his head and clenches his eyes shut.
Brooke squints down at him because she's being faced with the same identical expression that had been cast on her best friends face the moment seeing Lucas Scott again had been mentioned. 'Of course she does-'
'No' He cuts her off and Brooke's about to interrogate him but there's a commotion sounding from outside and his unswollen eye opens sharply.
Brooke wordlessly rises and pulls back the curtains that have been cocooning him in a safe little nest so she can investigate what's going on.
Lucas strains to see. Nurse's flit back and forth but his eyes are fixed on one figure.
He swallows thickly. Because she's there. She's right there. Only she looks completely different to the last time he'd seen her. She's draped in a hospital gown. The skimpy red underwear is gone. Her mask of make up is gone. The smudged crimson lipstick has been wiped away and even from all the way in here he can see how pale she actually is. How ill she looks.
She locks eyes with him for a split second and then she's reeling back but Larry is there. He holds her steady and she's suddenly struggling furiously and he doesn't know what is going on but he wants it to stop because her arms and legs are kicking out in protest. Something he'd been willing her to do just hours ago but now..that's her father. She doesn't need to escape her father.
'I meant Ian!' Peyton's shriek motivates Brooke into moving. Her head twists back to see Lucas's panicked face as he tries to sit upright.
'No. Don't move Luke.' Brooke scorns.
He can see nurses gathering. 'What are they doing? Don't let them drug her- Brooke go make sure they don't drug her!'
Brooke eyes him uncertainly.
'If you don't, I will' He grimaces.
'No you don't' The concerned brunette beseeches with a waggle of her finger. 'Don't you move. I'll be right back' She cautiously exits to investigate.
'Honey please just, just stop a minute. Talk to me' Larry begs. 'You said you wanted to see Luke'
'No. I need to see Ian. I need to be with Ian. Luke will be okay then. He will. You'll see. Let me just be with Ian. No one will get hurt. Everyone will be safe. I-I- What're you doing?' Her eyes are wide as a nurse approaches with medication and Peyton's distress peaks. 'No. No. I don't need that. I don't-' Larry tries to support her frail form but with all her wriggling she's soon on the floor and his hands scrape through his hair as he anxiously watches on because he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to restrain her. He also doesn't want her running round the hospital in search of the man that put her here in the first place.
'Don't!' Brooke intervenes and makes her presence known, halting the nurse's aim to sedate her best friend.
'Miss she's distressed-'
'Yes and you're making it worse' Brooke snaps. 'She doesn't need that shit. Just, just let me talk to her and get hold of her Doctor. Her Doctor will tell you not to do that'
'P Sawyer' Brooke coos, squatting down. 'I'm here. It's me. I'm here'
'They won't let me see him-I can't see Lucas. I have to-to be with Ian. Then, then everything will be okay. Then Luke will be safe' Her eyes are shut tight.
'Luke is safe Peyt. You can see for yourself-'
'No. No. He'll not want me near Luke'
'It doesn't matter what Ian would want. He doesn't have a say anymore. Open your eyes'
'Please. I just...please...'
'Peyton' Karen's voice sounds suddenly as she joins Brooke in crouching beside the cowering girl. Her heart is racing in her chest because Larry's description had prepared her for the worst but she's still shocked and she can see Larry is on the verge of breaking down. He's paralysed. And she wants to make this stop now. For the distraught parent. For her son. For Brooke and mostly for Peyton.
Peyton's eyes flicker open at the familiar maternal voice.
'Hey sweet girl' Karen reaches out, her hand attentively stroking over Peyton's flushed face.
'K-Karen'
'Yes' Karen nods, her vision becoming blurry. 'I'm right here honey'
'I'm-I'm so-so-I'm sorry-I'm so sorry. I-I-I'll make it r-right. I-I just need-'
'Shh' Karen shakes her head. 'Lucas is fine. He's going to be absolutely fine'
'I need to get him out of here. He'll kill him. He'll kill him Karen. You have to take him home. Now. You have-'
'When we go home it'll be all together. Nobody is getting to you or Luke. Okay? You're safe'
'There's a lake. Swim across the lake' She deliriously instructs. 'I'll distract him..Swim and-'
'Peyt we're at the hospital' Brooke gently interrupts. 'Remember?'
'Hospital' Peyton repeats, her face screwing up in confusion and then her head is bobbing. 'We're at the hospital'
'That's right' Karen confirms. 'Come on, lets get you up hey?' Her hand goes around her easily and the lump in her throat expands uncomfortably because her weight loss is more than apparent. 'Luke is right through that door. What happened to him, that's not on you. None of this, none of this is your fault. But do you know what would make him feel better right now. Is you going in there and seeing him'
Brooke watches despairingly as her friend teeters. One minute her head is bobbing in agreement and then it's shaking vigorously and she doesn't understand because whilst there was clear denial going on when she'd been with her a couple of hours ago, she'd been coherent but this...
'No..No that's not a good idea. I-I can't. I..I have to be good. Luke will be okay if I'm good' She resists Karen's supportive hands and crumbles back to the ground to avoid seeing Lucas.
Larry's hand shoots up over his mouth but he can't disguise the disgust that sounds from the back of his throat.
Karen's eyes avert to him. Her mouth opens with a protest because she knows he's fading fast. But he's turned away before she gets a word out, hurriedly departing. He's going to be sick. It can't be stopped.
'Peyton' Peyton's Doctor has arrived. Karen catches the disapproving glower and hushed orders that are fired at the assisting nurses before she squats down before her patient. 'It's Kate, can you open your eyes for me Peyton?'
Peyton slowly obliges to the request. Eyelashes flutter. Green irises warily focus on her.
'There you are' The Doctor smiles. 'You're meant to be on strict bed rest Missy'
'I...I need to see Ian'
'Right. Well why don't we get you back to bed and we'll talk about it after you've had a rest?' Kate compromises.
'He'll be mad if I don't see him soon'
'I'll get a message to him, okay? He'd want you to be looked after wouldn't he? He won't mind you getting medical attention'
Brooke knows this woman's words are simply coercion but even so she has to fight her desire to speak illy of the man in question.
'Why do I feel so weak?'
'Your body has been through a lot today honey- that's completely normal- you've had a seizure- you're exhausted and dehydrated. Come on lets get you up' A nurse assists Kate in helping her into up and into a waiting wheelchair.
'I can walk' Peyton wearily murmurs.
'I know. Just humour me okay?' Kate quips. 'The nurse here is going to take you back to your room and get you settled and I'll be up in a moment'
Peyton nods. Her fight gone. Exhaustion gets the better of her as she slumps in the chair with her eyes closed.
Her ears are ringing. There are so many unfamiliar sounds and smells. She's been confined to one area for so long and now there are so many doors. Corridors. It's all so overwhelming and her senses can barely handle the overload. She doesn't like not knowing where she is. Doesn't like not having her bearings. Most of all does not like not knowing Ian's whereabouts because whenever he's away from her for too long it's never a good sign. Her brother's death is forever fresh in her mind. A constant reminder of what happens when she's not with him. Being a good girl keeps her family and friends safe. And the words that have been embedded into her mind and ensure the people she loves safety sound hoarsely from her cracked lips, barely audible but Karen and Brooke hear loud and clear. 'I love you. I'm meant to be with you. I'm yours. I'm yours. I'm yours'
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'What's wrong? Where is she? Where've they taken her?'
'Nothing's wrong honey, she just shouldn't be out of bed, you can see her soon, you both need your rest at the minute' Karen shakes her head but Brooke is more honest. They have an unsaid understanding with each other. They don't want to be fed lies. Just the truth.
'She was insistently saying she wanted to see you, well Larry thought she meant you but she...'
'Him?' He exhales hoarsely.
'She's confused' Karen tries to down play.
'It's not that she wants to see him Luke. It's not. She was saying you'll be safe as long as she's with him' Lucas closes his eyes, giving his swollen face a welcome reprieve. 'She, she seemed so coherent earlier. She, she was in denial sure but she was making sense. But just then it...she was so confused. She didn't even know she was in the hospital. She was telling us to swim across the lake. She thought she was back there'
'The Doctor said for us to try and not be alarmed- Dehydration can make you very muddled and confused not to mention she's been on some pretty strong pain relief' Karen reassures. 'I know it's horrible to see her like that but she'll be okay'
'She can't be okay' Lucas bleats abruptly. 'How can she be okay?! He's in her head. He...he...' He trails off and despite his closed eyes a tear trails down his cheek that Karen attentively wipes away.
'It's going to take a lot of time baby. She's not going to come back from this over night' She softly consoles.
'But she will come back from this' Brooke's voice wobbles. 'With us beside her... right?'
'Right' Karen reaches for the brunette's hand. 'We'll all get her through this'
Lucas says nothing though. Because he fears she's not going to want see him ever again.
She doesn't. Not at first. Not because she doesn't want to. Because she can't. Won't. Not seeing him is protecting him from Ian.
A fog clouds her mind. But the confusion slowly evaporates as her body is fed fluids. Her muddled thoughts rearrange. She knows where she is. She knows why she's here. Her confusion eases but her concern over Lucas doesn't. She won't let herself believe the promised words everyone keeps saying. Ian can't hurt you. Ian can't hurt anyone. He can't get in here. No one is getting in here without your consent.
She nods. She knows. She's not stupid. She knows on some level that they're right. But there's this small "what if" playing on a loop. And she doesn't want to have to face the ramifications if that "what if" materialises into reality.
'Peyton did you leave with Ian willingly?'
'Of course she didn't' Larry snaps. He doesn't know how many times they have to go over this. A couple of days have passed. Larry's sense of time is distorted. Hours have merged together. But one thing he does know is his daughter has already been questioned. At least they've attempted to ask her a few questions with little response and that alone is answer enough for him; she's not ready for this.
'Mr Sawyer' The inspector tentatively interrupts. 'Why don't you go and grab a coffee while Peyton answers a couple of questions'.
He grits his teeth together because he keeps being asked to leave the room. He doesn't know what irritates him more; these strangers telling him what to do in regards to his own daughter or the way relief clearly forms in Peyton's eyes upon the suggestion.
'I'll stay with her' Kate smiles reassuringly at him and in the short time they've been here he's come to trust this Doctor. It's perhaps her reassurance that has him resignedly agreeing and departing.
'You can stop at any time. Just tell them' He squeezes his daughters hand. Kisses her forehead. Gives her that look that he's given her every single time he's walked out the room since that first day she woke up to him beside her. That look that says a thousand things. I love you. I'm sorry. Don't disappear. Don't go anywhere. It's as though he's waiting for her to evaporate into thin air. She hates that look.
'You have a wonderful Dad there' The inspector notes when Larry is gone.
Peyton nods once.
'But sometimes these conversations are easier alone' He sits forward in his chair. 'Do you think you could answer my question now?'
'...Is that what he says?... That I ran away with him?'
'It doesn't matter what anyone else has said Peyton. We want to hear your story'
She nods. 'Yes. I ran away with him'
Kate looks at her through narrowed eyes.
'I want to be with him. I chose to go with him. We were happy until Lucas showed up' She fixates on her fingers.
The Inspector nods.
'So you were allowed to leave at anytime?'
She licks her cracked lips. 'Of course'
'Why didn't you ring home?'
'My Dad's always away. I would have just been alone all over again if I went home. I wasn't alone with Ian. Ringing wouldn't have made any difference. I'd made my mind up.'
'No difference? Your father, your family, your friends, their life has been put on hold for the last year. A lot of time and money has been spent trying to make sure you're safe' She tenses. His words summon her tears. 'Peyton, Mr Banks says Lucas did this to you'
Her head jerks up. 'Did what?'
'Gave you your injuries. Which is physically impossible- right Doctor?'
Kate sympathetically watches Peyton squirm. 'Most of your injuries have been sustained before the day you were admitted to this hospital, over a long period of time and considering you've only been in Ian's company and-'
'I wanted to be with him'
'So Mr Banks never hurt you?'
'No'
'So Ian's statement regarding the altercation that took place on the 19th of August is the truth? Lucas found you and you didn't want to go with him and he proceeded to sexually assault you'
'What?!' Her eyes are wide and her head is suddenly shaking furiously. 'Lucas would never hurt me. Has never hurt me. Will never hurt me' Her hands are suddenly grappling at her head. 'That didn't happen'
'No' The Inspector agrees. 'I don't think that's what happened either. I think perhaps you're feeling a little apprehensive about Mr Banks hearing that you're contradicting his version of events'
'Sweetie' Kate murmurs. 'The Inspector doesn't need your statement for evidence to prosecute Ian. Just our physical examination alone is enough. He's going to be behind bars whatever you say but Ian is suggesting that Lucas harmed you'
'We don't want to put you or Mr Scott through any unwarranted stress but we have to follow these accusations up...we've accumulated evidence from the house that could persecute Lucas...'
'He didn't hurt me!'
'What happened?'
'Nothing. Nothing happened...I want to stop now. I can't...He'll take me back down there. I don't want to go back down there' She expels in a panic.
'Is that what you're frightened of? That he'll be angry if you tell us the truth? That he'll lock you back in the basement'
She realises her mistake and she looks like a deer in headlights.
'We know you were locked down there Peyton and judging by the set up it was for a considerable amount of time...we also have footage of you being put in the boot of his car unconscious. That doesn't seem like a consensual get away...We found the dress you were wearing the night you were taken, it's-'
'Stop. Please stop'
Kate sits on the side of the bed and hands her a tissue. 'Honey, you can trust the Inspector'
'I don't want to talk about this. I already talked to you why isn't that enough?'
She nods. 'I know, but we only talked about it a little bit and I can't speak for you...not saying any of this out loud isn't going to make it go away. You can't bury this. It happened...'
She sniffles.
Her hand flutters over her tear stained cheek.
She swallows. Licks her lips. Hands curl into the bed sheets. A deep breath.
'I don't want to talk anymore'
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'Son, how're you feeling?'
Lucas grits his teeth together. The Inspector's sympathetic smile is genuine but not welcome. Lucas can't get past the lack of trust he was given or not given so to speak in terms of this investigation. He knows his behaviour had been maybe a little erratic but maybe, maybe if they'd listened and taken him a bit more seriously they would have found her sooner...more importantly it might not have gone down as it did.
'You're quite the hero it would seem'
'No. That would imply I saved my girlfriend unscathed. She's in another ward and she's not okay'
'She'll get there Lucas. She's in here because of you'
'Yeah. That's true. Maybe she'd have been here a little sooner if you'd listened'
'I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe you're right but we can't cut corners, we have limited resourc-'
'I don't want to hear your excuses' He cuts in disinterestedly. 'Why're you here?'
'We need to get a statement from you'
'Fine'
The Inspector sits down. 'I'm afraid...I have some tricky questions for you'
Lucas's stomach clenches.
'Mr Banks is conscious and has made some pretty serious accusations regarding you and Peyton'
'He's psychotic. You can't believe-'
'I'm not saying I believe him son. I just have to follow every line of inquiry. You know how it is. We want to make sure Mr Banks pays for his crimes and goes away for life and the best way we can ensure that happens is to have a full proof case'
'Surely one look at the state of Peyton is enough evidence!'
'Well yes, that will go a long way and we have substantial evidence however Mr Banks has already acquired one of the best lawyers money can buy-'
'I can guarantee whatever money he's got he didn't make or inherit!'
'Well no, you're probably right about that. But regardless, we need to make sure we've got ammunition to fire back at his claims'
'What's he saying?' Lucas sighs.
'He claims that Peyton willingly left with him'
'You've got fucking footage of him putting her in a trunk of a car- whatever he says shouldn't be a problem- you said you have evidence!' Lucas flails his working arm up in exasperation.
'Yes. I assure you Luke, there's no way he's getting away from this but just having your supporting evidence will go a long way in court'
'She's not told you that's true has she? She's not saying she wanted to go with him is she?' He worriedly spouts because he doesn't get why this is an issue. 'God she has hasn't she?'
'I can't really discuss Peyton's statements but...well lets just say they're not exactly coherent nor consistent'
'He's in her head. If she's saying she wanted to be with him it's because she's scared. She didn't, she doesn't want that!'
'Have you ever hurt Peyton Luke?'
'You've got to be kidding me right now. He's abused her for the last year and you're asking me if-'
'Please don't take it personally son. It's just for the record'
'No. No I haven't. I'd never, ever hurt her...'
The Inspector nods. Pauses. 'The thing is, well, Ian claims you entered the property on the 19th of August and that he wasn't there initially. Is that true?'
'No. Yes..well he was outside I think' Lucas mutters, his eyes shifting from the Inspector to his hands with unease.
'Was Peyton locked up?'
'Yes. Well no but she, she clearly couldn't leave'
'But she wasn't restrained?'
'No'
'She wasn't locked in a room?'
'No'
'What was she doing?'
'She was- it doesn't matter what she was doing it's not like...she'd clearly tried running before- okay? She told me it would make it worse. God knows what he did to her but whatever it was was enough to stop her from trying to leave again!' Lucas snaps.
'So she told you she wanted to go?'
Lucas pinches the bridge of his nose. His cheeks are getting hot. 'No' He resignedly mutters. 'No. She told me to go' He grinds out. 'Is that what you want to hear?'
'Lucas no one is prosecuting you here. Peyton is mentally unstable right now. I'm just trying to get a better understanding of her frame of mind and make sure any crap that Banks is saying can't be taken seriously' The Inspector's professionalism wanes for a moment. 'I'm speaking completely off the record here. Okay? That son of a bitch is going to pay. I just need to ask these questions and I know it's a lot but-'
'She told me she wasn't the girl I'm in love with anymore. She said she was no good for me anymore and that I should go' Lucas swallows. 'And I...I expected to find her chained up too! I thought...She was just standing there setting the god damn table. She looked like a housewife, she...' He shakes his head. 'I told her, I told her I was going to take her home. That she was safe now and, well that's when he came in'
'What happened next?'
'She told me to hide. She said he'd kill me. She told me to hide under the table and then go and I'd never seen her look that frightened'
'You hid'
'I didn't want to! I just thought I should bide some time and I, I should have fucking just stayed there. I should have gone and rung for help but it all happened so quickly. She, she was trying lure him upstairs and I couldn't, I couldn't...I lost it'
'What do you mean you lost it?'
'I went after them. I had the upper hand at first but then...well he stabbed me with something and I looked down to see this syringe stuck in me. I don't know what it was but my body suddenly stopped working'
'Did you black out?'
'No. He started kicking me. I couldn't move but I felt everything. I didn't think he was going to stop but he did. She managed to stop him. He tied me up and then eventually Brooke came and saved us all. End of story' He hurriedly shuts down.
The Inspector nods for a moment and then he tilts his head to the side. 'Luke, Ian is saying that he was out and he came home to find you assaulting Peyton...that, that's when you both got into an altercation and he managed to restrain you. I know that's bullshit. But see I need to explain why when my team were scouring the house they collected a semen sample that matches your DNA-'
'Stop' Lucas presses his hand to his temple.
'Son, I know she wasn't there by choice. There's enough evidence in his sordid basement alone that tells us she'd been locked down there for a considerable amount of time'
'She had been locked up?' His nausea is back full force.
'Most certainly. But I need to explain this in court Lucas because it's the only thing that could become a problem for us if Peyton isn't willing to-'
'He made her!' He blurts. 'He, he kept saying she, she had to prove to me that she didn't want to be with me anymore' He swallows thickly. 'He made her change into this, this skimpy dress. He, he wanted her to...with him...right there in front of me and she...she went along with it. She...but then she started to try and stop it and he got mad. He said she still wanted me and...' He can feel himself begin to hyperventilate. 'He told her she needed to learn that I-I was only in-interested in her body' The emotion thick in the back of his throat makes his voice wobble. 'He made her kneel. I was t-tied up I couldn't-I couldn't stop it! I tried. I didn't want, I couldn't move, I-'
'It's alright Luke'
'It's not! My body it... Is she saying I hurt her?-'
'No. She's said nothing of the sort. We've not pushed her Luke but the one thing that has been consistent in her statements is that you've never laid a hand on her'
But he feels like he has. And it's that morbid thought that has him breaking down.
'What have you done? What did you say to him?' Karen lividly snaps as she walks in at the sound of her son's horrific wail.
The Inspector opens his mouth but Lucas speaks before he can. 'Noth-noth-noth-ing M-um. It's no-noth-ing. I jus-t-I...up-set'
'Out now' Karen demands and the Inspector doesn't wait for her to repeat herself.
'Get some rest Kid' He shuffles back out of the room and for a moment he doesn't look like a superior officer at all, he's just a man that is frightened of being scolded by the furious woman before him.
'I should never have let him in here. You're not ready' She sighs once they're alone once more. 'I'm so sorry Luke'
Lucas shakes his head. 'No. I-I, he needed to talk to me'
'But it can wait Luke. You don't have to do anything you don't want to'
'I'll do anything if it means he stays behind bars indefinitely'
'You needn't worry about that. I'm certain that's a sure feat honey'
'I don't think we should leave it to chance'
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They don't see each other for four days.
Not until Lucas is given the all clear to be moving about.
He's had to be coaxed up here and Brooke knows something happened that day that neither one of them has divulged, not to her at least. She knows because every time she's been with either one of them they both seem to be under the illusion that their company is not going to be welcome to the other despite her reassurances that all they're both talking about is each other.
Peyton watches from her bed. They're talking in the corridor. Brooke and Lucas. Her best friend and boyfriend...she's not sure she can call him that anymore. They're two faces she'd tried to block from her mind. Two faces she didn't think she'd ever be seeing again. She watches them. He squeezes her arm. She strokes his. He hugs her and as Peyton watches she feels like she's backtracked three years and the boy she's in love with is so very close and yet so out of reach.
'Honey?'
She blinks, her eyes jerking back to her father.
'I can tell them to come back later if you're not feeling like much company today'
She swallows. She almost nods her head because avoidance is more than appealing but something stops her. Maybe it's the familiar husky voice of her best friend that is filtering through from outside. Or maybe she just needs to see it in their eyes; she couldn't blame them after all, how could she possibly blame them for finding solace in each other when they had no reason to ever believe she'd be back.
'No, it, it's o-okay' She finally murmurs.
Larry raises his brow, questioningly.
'I'm sure' she responds with a weak smile.
He hesitates. 'Ok. But just tell them, the second you've had enough. They'll understand'
'Okay Dad'
He nods and then backs out of the room and she doesn't get a minute to compose herself. She wants a minute. She wants to run her hand through her tangled hair. She wants to try and make herself look semi presentable- a hard feat she knows.
'P Sawyer' Brooke smiles and scurries over to claim the spot at Peyton's side that has become hers but Lucas hangs back. Unlike Brooke this is his first visit. 'Luke just got us stuck in the lift. Nightmare.' The brunette chants breathily as she sinks into her chair. She's been more chatty in the last couple of days. A blatant coping mechanism in dealing with the situation. 'Apparently floor 10 means the emergency stop button in Luke's world'
'I thought you said red not 10' Lucas mumbles. His voice is still a bit hoarse, much like hers only the cause is different. She's had hands constricting around her neck. He's had a tube stuck down his throat.
'Did you want to see us? Your Dad didn't seem too sure if you were up to it, it's no big deal if-'
'Brooke' Peyton shakes her head with a genuine smile of amusement because she knows her friend, knows she's nervous by the way she's talking a mile a minute. 'How many times? It's just me' She quietly announces. 'As if I'd turn you away, you can quit asking me if everything is alright'
Peyton's eyes avert to Lucas who is still stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed. Suddenly it's like it's the first time she's seeing him. It is in a sense. For her. Because she's not having to be someone else. She's not having to behave and be the good girl she's been trained to be. She's not muddled and confused as to where she is. 'Are you going to ever come over here?' She wonders.
He moves like he's just been shocked and she might have laughed once upon a time but she can't, won't now.
He sinks onto the chair on the opposite side of the bed to Brooke. His working hand flits out, takes hers and lets it go just as quickly. He shifts in his seat. His eyes dart from her to his fidgeting fingers.
Peyton watches him through narrowed eyes and then her stare slowly drifts back to Brooke. 'Are you two together?'
Brooke's eyes widen and her head swivels from Lucas to Peyton. 'Us?' Her hand wavers animatedly as her head shakes. 'No, no, no' She bleeps.
'I won't be upset. You've probably spent a lot of time together. I guess in a way it was always inevitable'
The crease on Lucas's forehead deepens at her suggestion and he presses his hand to his temple.
'Honey I swear to you. I swear. Nothing, nothing at all has gone on. I swear. I swear. Tell her Luke-'
'I get the picture' Peyton cuts off her emphatic rambling with a small smile. 'B do you think maybe you could give me and Luke a sec?' She requests suddenly.
Brooke's not oblivious to Lucas's jittery behaviour, her brow furrowed as she regards him because he's not behaving as she anticipated. He's not behaving normally. She nods. 'Er yeah. Sure.' Her eyes flit back to Peyton and she forces a smile. 'Just promise I can come back when you're done talking? I promise I won't be annoying, I'll just sit here. I won't speak if you don't want to I'll-'
'B Davis' Peyton smiles back. 'It's fine' She affirms, trying to ease her friend's sudden anxiety. She's got the same look that keeps appearing on her Dad's face. The fear is apparent, as though she's going to evaporate the second they turn away. 'I'm not going anywhere. Do you think you can do me a favour?'
'Anything' Brooke nods, eager to help in someway, anyway.
'I'm dying for something that isn't some gross hospital yogurt' It's a lie. She's not hungry. Not in the slightest but she knows her friend will gain some relief from the distracting little task and she's eager to distract. Distract them all from herself, from all of it.
'I'm sorry I should have thought of that' She springs up from her seat most suddenly. 'I'm going to go and find you all your favourite things' She announces.
Peyton laughs. It's forced. Unnatural. Brooke isn't fooled. 'You don't need to go overboard B'
Brooke nods and leans forward, kissing the Blondes forehead. 'I'll be back in a bit. I love you' She loiters for a moment, her suspicious stare darting to Lucas briefly.
'I love you too' Peyton nods. 'Go on'
The antsy brunette backs up, not turning away until she reaches the door.
'I'm not going anywhere B'
'Right. Sorry. I'm going' She moves in a rush then and suddenly they're alone.
Peyton exhales.
She's silent. He's silent.
Her eyes skitter over him. Take him in. He's still sporting a scruff of stubble that she's not use to. It makes him look harsher, older, much older than his nineteen years. His swollen face has gone down considerably, the right side of his face now yellowing with purpled tinges. A constant reminder as to what transpired.
She swallows thickly.
His left arm is in a sling and she briefly finds herself having a flurry of thoughts. At least it's his left. It won't affect his basket ball hopefully. It won't affect his writing. He'll be okay.
'Are you sure this is okay? Me being here?' He murmurs eventually.
'Of course it's okay'
He glances at her briefly. 'The last time I saw you you were screaming because you didn't want to see me'
'Brooke told me about that'
'You don't remember?'
'Sort of. I was out of it though. It wasn't that I didn't want to see you. I thought, I...it doesn't matter what I thought just know that it wasn't about me not wanting to see you okay?' He's not sure he can believe that. 'Are you feeling okay? Dad told me they had to do surgery' She queries abruptly. She's concerned because she has no doubt that if there were any issues, any complications concerning his health, her Dad and the team of professional medical staff around her would most likely think it not to be in her best interest to know. Not yet. And that mere thought has a panic forming in the back of her throat because he has to be okay. He just has to be okay.
His eyes dart to her then. 'I'm fine'
'Are you sure? What about your heart?'
'It was my lung. It collapsed. They fixed it. It's fine'
'So your heart condition?'
'That's fine'
'What about your arm? It's definitely not broken?'
'No. My shoulder was dislocated. It's just a bit bruised but it'll be fine'
She nods. 'You're sure your heart is okay?'
'Peyton' He shakes his head, a scowl on his face as his eyes bore down into the floor. 'Please. I'm fine. Stop asking how I am when you're laying in a hospital bed. How...how are you feeling?'
'Ok'
He nods but he regrets his question because of course she's not ok, how could she be?
'I'm sorry. That was a stupid question' He mutters.
She shrugs her shoulder. 'And yet it's everyones favourite' She tires a smile but he's not looking at her. Won't look at her. She's different from the last time he saw her. The last time she'd been screeching that she didn't want to see him. And despite her reassurance that he's welcome here he can't help but wonder if she secretly wants him gone just as much as she did then. 'I don't know why I still have to be in here but at least they say I can go home in a couple of days'
'Your Dad said..that's great Peyt'
'Why won't you look at me?'
His stare is quick to flutter to her face. 'I am' She doesn't answer. Her own gaze skittering to her hands. She's suddenly content with him not looking at her. 'I am Peyt' He grabs her hand and her fingers are about to curl around his but then his are gone again 'I just...I'm not- I want- I don't...fuck'
'It's alright' She nods.
'No. It's not'
'Yes. It is. I get it Luke. I'm so sorry'
'What?'
'I'm sorr-'
'No. No. Don't say you're sorry. God, don't ever say you're sorry. For anything. I'm sorry. I'm the one that needs to be sorry. You'll never know, you'll never know how sorry I am... I wasn't there. I wasn't there and you needed me, you needed me and I let you down, I should have known everything wasn't okay!-'
'Lucas' She intervenes 'Please don't. It, it's not you're fault'
'You're my girlfriend, I'm meant to protect you'
'Am I?'
'What?'
'Am I your girlfriend?'
His mouth opens. His eyes search hers and he's struck by what he sees, or what he doesn't see; he can't read her. He doesn't know what she's thinking. 'Yes' He answers softly. 'Don't you want to be? Obviously only if you want to be'
'I'd understand. I do understand if you, if you don't feel the same as before, if you-'
'Peyt I've been in love with you since I was thirteen. I- I know it took us a while to get on the same page but we'd finally got there hadn't we?'
She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. 'I know but things are different now...I'm not...I'm... We were only officially together for a few months-'
'That doesn't mean anything. You weren't some silly teenage crush. You've never been that. I was, I am completely serious about us. Weren't you?'
'Yes' She doesn't hesitate. 'Of course' Her eyes are rounded and wide as she nods. 'But I don't want you to feel like you're like obligated to... I don't know-'
'I don't feel obligated to anything. I don't get a choice in how I feel. I don't. I've spent every moment since he took you trying to find you, trying to get you back. You don't really think there's anything going on between me and Brooke do you? All we've been concentrating on is you Peyt'
'I know, I'm sorry-'
'Stop apologising' He cuts her off and his voice is harsher than he intends and his mouth is suddenly dry. 'I'm sorry' He's quick to dish out his own apology. He grapples her hand, presses her fingers to his lips. 'I'm sorry' He can't stop the tears. He's trying to be strong but it's too much and his emotions seem intent on making him fall apart right here, in front of her. He drops his head onto the side of the bed in an effort to disguise his distress but he can't hide his shaking shoulders and he's oblivious to her hand that's still tightly within his grasp.
She looks away. Tries to pretend he's not here. She's gotten good at pretending. But suddenly it's not so easy, because it's Lucas and she's never been very good at cutting off her feelings when it comes to Lucas Scott. Distress forms knots in her stomach. His wet lashes flicker against her hand, his hot breath shuddery and she can't bear it. Won't bear it for a second more.
She ignores her aching limbs, she's certain the reason her body has been so weak and painful is because she's been confined to this bed for far too long. She shifts herself upright.
'Peyt what...' He startles at her sudden movement, blinking away his tears as he cranes his head off of the bed. 'Don't move. Please don't move' He panics as she haphazardly shoves at the bedsheets. 'Where're you going? Please lay down' He releases her fingers and his hands flounder as he stops himself from pushing her back onto the bed. 'Peyt please. You're not meant to be up' He stands, hastily grabs at the tube that's attached to her arm trying to ensure it doesn't get disconnected in her sudden escape. 'Just-' His words cease as she throws herself onto him, arms coiling around his neck.
He tenses.
'It's okay' She breathes, her hand whispering over the back of his head and it's familiar. He remembers this. Remembers her hands running through his hair, remembers teasing her because her fingers always seemed to end up threading through his dirty blonde hair.
He doesn't dare touch her. He's too scared of hurting her. He's seen, he's seen her injuries. He saw. He can't get them out of his head and she knows it.
'Hold me' She demands. She wants to erase it. Erase it all from his mind. She wants to live out the fantasy she's been playing over in her mind since the day they were separated. She wants them to both be happy. She wants them to be in each others arms. She wants everything to be as it was.
'Peyt you're, you need to lay down. Please lay back down' He pleads.
'I'm fine. Hold me' She orders again and he tries to placate her, but it's hard because one of his arms is in a sling and his free hand is still trying to diligently navigate the tube.
He's horrified when she pulls it out a second later.
'Fuck Peyton'
'It doesn't matter. I don't need it. I don't want that stuff being pumped into me anymore. I'm fine. Everyone needs to stop fussing' She drops back onto the bed most abruptly and he doesn't miss the way she clutches at her side and he thinks she does need it and he's seconds away from pressing the button for assistance.
She knows. Her hand snatches at the little button, shifting it beneath her pillow.
He's scared. Terrified because he's a snivelling mess. She's not. Her eyes are steely and she was just trying to comfort him and he's sure it should be the other way round.
'Peyt' He breathes because she's frowning now and he doesn't want her to perceive his cautiousness as rejection. He sits on the edge of the bed, his hand indecisively reaching to touch her before retracting.
'Stop it' She snaps suddenly. He swallows thickly. 'You can fucking touch me. I'm not going to break' She glowers. 'Or is that not it? Are you just repulsed?' Her words are harsh. They sound like her. They sound like his girlfriend when she's pissed off and he wants to cry again because she's here. She's here and he's still overwhelmed to have her so close. And this is the first real snippet of his Peyton that he's seen. It's fleeting. 'Sorry' She mutters. 'I just...you can touch me'
'I just, I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable'
'Yeah? Well can you go back and not walk into that house?' She blurts, loosing control of her frustration again because it's all she's been thinking. He closes his eyes. 'You're just seeing it over and over again aren't you? You're imagining him touching me. Me kissing him. Me-'
'Stop' His eyes snap open before such visions possess him. She's right. He can't get those images out of his head. The second he closes his eyes he sees it, he can't sleep because it haunts his dreams.
'I'm sorry' He hoarsely declares.
'You should have left me there and got help. You should have left. Why were you even there?!'
'I-I know. I just... they'd warned me about interfering with the case. Larry said they were going to have me escorted home if I didn't stop recklessly seeking out private information and taking matters into my own hands but I-I couldn't help it. I had to.'
'You should've left and let the cops handle it, you should have listened to me and left'
'I-I know that would've been the sensible thing Peyt but I-I couldn't leave you there with him for a second longer...' He trails off. 'I'm so sorry that I-I made that happen'
And then she's sighing and her frown softens. 'You didn't make anything happen' She shakes her head and fiddles with the plastic hospital bracelet that's fitted around her wrist. 'I just...I really...I really wish you hadn't seen me...like that'
His good hand reaches out and encases her own without hesitation this time round. She flinches just as he's been fearing, he feels it but he doesn't pull away, knows not to pull away.
'Look at me' He requests. 'Please Peyton'
She reluctantly trails her eyes back to him. She's a good girl after all. Following commands is something she's had drilled into her but she struggles to look into his caring stare.
'I'm sorry' She abruptly looks down at their joined hands, suddenly looking into his eyes is almost unbearable. 'I-I wish you'd not found me. I just wish you'd not seen me like that. You're never going to get it out of your head. You were never meant to see me like that. I wanted to protect you and I know you didn't want me to do that to you and I'm so sorry but if I hadn't, I was so scared he was going to kill you-'
'Peyton' He gently cuts her off, his bottom lip trembles and he swallows purposefully, determinedly trying to dispel the lump at the back of his throat. 'Stop, please stop'
'I'm disgusting. I know I'm disgusting but I can't bear that you think that I am'
'You're not' He sternly retorts, his expression suddenly fierce and she looks up at him warily. 'That's the last thing you are, the last thing you could ever be. I don't think that, nobody could think that' He argues. 'You're fucking brave is what you are. You hear me?' She says nothing. 'I'm so sorry that I hurt you'
She scowls. 'Don't say that. You didn't'
He disagrees but he can't speak. He's repulsed by himself. Not her. And he's sure she must secretly hate him. On some level. How can she not after that?
They stay in silence until he manages to compose himself. 'Brooke said you...you keep saying to the police that you went with him willingly. That he didn't hurt you...' She stares at their joined hands for a long moment. 'Why're you defending him? You know it's over now right? He'll be behind bars soon Pey-'
'Did I tell you they're discharging me in a couple of days?' She asks brightly and he knows she's done on this subject.
'Yeah' He softly murmurs. 'You said. It's great news'
'Things will be better when we're home'
'Yeah' He nods. Although suddenly the thought of trying to return to their lives seems an impossible feat. 'Peyt I...I love you'
'I love you' She echos.
But her declaration isn't what Lucas is hoping for. He's is startled by her robotic delivery. Hurt unfurls in his belly as he watches her and his heart breaks because he knows. Knows she's been saying those three little words to somebody else and it makes him feel physically sick. It doesn't matter that she never meant it, the meaning has been altered for her. Those words equal submission. They no longer mean what Lucas had taught her. They're something else entirely. They don't summon butterflies or make her warm inside. They don't make her feel safe or whole. They signify ownership and dominance, something Lucas has absolutely no interest in, not a year ago and not now. But it doesn't matter anyway because Ian Banks has already assumed authority, already triumphed in eradicating her free will and Lucas can only pray that with time he'll be able to help put it back in her safe hands.
A/N So I know it's taken a long time for me to get this out to those of you waiting- I'm so sorry it's been so long. I've got other things going on right now so updates might continue to be a little irregular for a bit but hopefully not as long a wait as this chapter! Thanks for your patience and to those of you still with me :)
