Author's Note: Sorry for the long time it took to update. School has been especially burdensome lately and I'm going to be having exams soon. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please review.

Unspoken Wishes

Chapter Twenty One

"Wistful"

Severus hadn't even been this nervous before first going to Hogwarts.

Petunia had visited earlier to help him decide what to wear, before giving him a long list of things that could possibly tick off her parents. By the end of it, after futilely memorizing whatever she had told him, Severus had whispered, "I'm going to mess up,"

"No, you will not," But Petunia had sounded just a little uncertain. "Just be yourself,"

And now, several hours later, Severus was staring hard into an old mirror, in the corridor of his childhood house, feeling his heart thudding in his chest. He couldn't believe what he was going to do.

When later, he stepped out into the cold night air, closing his eyes briefly and trying to calm himself, Severus wondered if perhaps, for once, things wouldn't go that bad.

XXX

He arrived just in time, his heart in his throat as Petunia opened the door for him, her eyes glimmering with fear as well as amusement.

"You're here," she said softly, smiling up at him.

"I'm terrified," he murmured to her.

"You'll do alright," she said firmly. She looked rather pretty, but before he could mention it, or even complete the thought, Petunia abruptly pulled the door open.

Severus swallowed audibly, trying not to panic. He now had no choice but to step inside. He could hear her parents talking quietly further down the hall.

He had to exert extreme self-restraint upon himself to avoid fleeing.

XXX

Petunia was on pins and needles throughout the night. The dinner was ten times more agonizing than Potter and Lily's. Now it wasn't just about how annoying the two of them were–it was about her life.

"You have a part-time job at the Apothecary, you say?" Her father was asking sternly.

"Yes, I do,"

"And they–?"

"They produce potions and–"

"Oh yes, I know," Mr Evans cut across him. "And how about your…"

Her father had never looked more intimidating and Petunia was glad when her mother, after a little while, changed the subject to lighter issues, ones that did not include his life story.

"How do you like the food, Severus?"

"Oh–er, it's great–"

Petunia smiled tightly; Severus was trying so hard, it was adorable.

"...you're a good cook,"

Mrs Evans looked very pleased. "Why, thank you,"

"What about you?" Her father said out of nowhere. "What do you like to do in your spare time?"

"M-my spare time?"

"Oh, Severus likes to read," Petunia said quickly. "And...he's not a bad cook too,"

He shot her a thankful but confused look. Mr Evans raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure he loves to read! Always had a book with you when you were little, didn't you?" Mrs Evan said pleasantly. "And what a pleasant surprise! What can you cook?"

"Not much...Just the bas-"

That was when Mr Evans suddenly sat up straight, his hazel eyes narrowed. "That's all well and good but Severus, perhaps the most important question of all...why are you interested in Petunia?"

Honestly? Petunia flushed furiously, noticing Severus's cheeks pinkening a little as well.

"Because I care for her," he said after a while, with what seemed like difficulty.

"Do you? But were you two ever close before?"

"No. But we met after I graduated and…well…"

"That's not the point. It doesn't matter how we met or why we did," Petunia interjected a little hotly.

Severus was too flustered to continue, his blush deepening. Her mother came to their rescue.

"Severus was Lily's friend as a child, but of course he and Petunia must have gotten to know each other then too. Isn't it simply adorable?"

Petunia was very glad her mother did not remember all the insults she had spewed about him when she had been little.

"What about the fact that you're a wizard?" Her father asked suddenly.

Petunia felt a sudden jolt in her stomach. She couldn't believe her father would go there, and so brashly. She felt her ears turn red and her lips tremble. She had to look away.

Severus's voice was calm. "That is of little concern to me. It doesn't have to matter as long as we like each other,"

Taken aback by his firm words, Mr Evans was unable to speak for a few moments.

"How true, Severus," Mrs Evans beamed at him.

Still highly embarrassed and hurt, Petunia managed to feel a small pang of relief.

xxx

Right before leaving Severus privately kissed her on the cheek, something he didn't do very often.

"How was I?" He whispered.

"Amazing. Thank you so much, Severus,"

He smiled at her and then opened the door slightly. "It was nothing...I'll be heading out now. See you sometime soon,"

"You, too,"

When he left, he closed the door softly behind him, leaving Petunia feeling wistful and slightly sad.

XXX

They met after three days, in a quiet thicket nearby, where the trees obstructed most of the sunlight so that everything was nicely dimmed.

Severus was nervous upon seeing her, his hands twiddling with his jacket. He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

Petunia smiled, and took a deep breath, "They said okay,"

Severus's face lit up at once, his tense shoulders relaxing in relief. "Merlin–how did I convince them?"

"You were so polite," Petunia said. "How could anybody find any fault with that?"

"This is great news," He exclaimed. "Now you won't have to risk getting into trouble anymore,"

Petunia blushed prettily. "Oh. Yes. But it was fun having that risk though, wasn't it?"

Something glittered in his eyes. He stepped towards her slightly and asked, "Have you forgiven me?"

"What? Of course,"

"Are you sure?"

"Y..yes," She looked down at the grass.

"Why doesn't it feel like it?" His voice contained both accusation and hurt.

Petunia swallowed, "I don't know what you mean,"

"I just feel that you're still upset with me. Reserved..." He bit his lip, "You're not cross, are you?"

"No, I'm not, I promise," Petunia said, trying to suppress the growing heat on her face. She proceeded to defend her case, "I know you were only protecting me, Severus. Why would I ever be upset because of that? I should be grateful…"

"No, you shouldn't, because I failed, didn't I? You could have died. All because of me…"

"But I didn't,"

Severus's eyes were a little desperate when he looked at her next. "You have to forgive me, Petunia. Just this last once. I know I messed up, and it's not the first time, but I-"

Petunia's heart fluttered. "I do. I do, Severus,"

"And do you still want to be with me?"

"Yes. Of course. I would never want to leave you,"

They held each other's gaze. Petunia felt hot all over by his stare. There was a lull, and then he was stepping a little forward again and she was moving slowly towards him, and he had grabbed her by the chin gently and lifted it up so that he could kiss her, while she gripped the front of his jacket, floating off.

It made her remember their very first, proper kiss, how giddy it had made her feel, how strongly she had felt for him after it.

Severus parted his lips just a little from her's, and Petunia realised how she really couldn't live without him. And it was all her fault. She had gotten closer to him by her own volition and now she was paying the price.

Severus backed her gently against the tree trunk she hadn't known was there. Her hands gripped the back of his dark jacket as his hands wandered up her waist. When he kissed her again, she saw stars.

When they drew away she was breathless.

"You're not going to leave me again, are you?" She asked in a high voice, panting.

"No," his voice was rough, also breathless.

"Promise?" Petunia looked at him appraisingly, her eyebrows raised.

Severus's lips lifted up in a smile she didn't see often on him. "I promise,"

XXX

He could feel his breath catch in his throat. He still hadn't gotten over the feeling of being so close to her.

He cared for her so much it hurt. He knew he couldn't do justice if Petunia asked him to express how much he had missed her during the days they had been apart. He hated how dependent he had grown on her, how his happiness was linked closely to her's.

They were still kissing deeply, and his hands snaked up her blouse. He relished every hitch of her breath.

He felt her arms clinging around his neck, pulling him closer.

Severus didn't know when next he pulled away, but it felt like hours.

XXX

Petunia didn't know how long they lay there afterward, in the soft green grass, her body pulled close to his, his long arm around her.

Severus was quiet, contemplative, and had been so for quite a while. Petunia, who had never felt so close to him before, suddenly murmured, "What're you thinking about?"

"That I'm happy," he said in a low voice. She was very surprised by his tone. "...With you,"

"I make you happy?"

He turned his face to her slightly. "Yes,"

She couldn't help but smile at that, "And if I told you that you were the only reason I was happy too, would you believe it?"

To her amusement, Severus went brilliantly pink "Honestly?"

He sounded so surprised it made her heart ache. "Of course."

When they eventually managed to sit up, Petunia looked at him and said, "That's why, I can't bear to lose you,"

His hand rested on her bare leg and she couldn't help the little sparks that went up her spine.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be," she said. "Just… just stay,"

XXX

A few days later…

"...But isn't that better?" Petunia asked him, still holding onto his hand. "A proper house instead of your old shack?"

"It doesn't hold very good memories," Severus murmured, as he led her up the neighborhood. "And it needs to be re-furnished,"

"Oh!" Her blue eyes lit up. "That's fun,"

"No, it's not, it's just extra, useless work," he muttered. "I swear I spent all day dusting yesterday...it looked like the place had been abandoned for ages,"

"You can't get to complain about work; you have a wand," Petunia said, frowning at him.

"I'd rather be doing something other than dusting…"

"What if I help? I love cleaning up,"

Severus gave her a strange look that made her blush.

"I mean...I like setting things in order,"

"You'll be fed up if you try to do that there," he replied, his shoulders slumped a little. "It's not like your house, it's all small and stuffy…"

"That doesn't matter," Her voice was oddly firm. Severus was surprised to note how her views had changed. "We'll make it habitable, you'll see,"

When they reached the small house at the end of Spinner's End, right at the corner of the street, Severus felt even more conscious than he had when he had first shown her the shack.

There was a pause.

"What? You spoke as if it was barely larger than a broom cupboard,"

Severus flushed. "The inside isn't any better,"

It was her turn to shoot him a strange look.

"Well, we better go inside before the neighbours get suspicious," He ushered her inside the house, undoing the lock with his wand.

They awkwardly shuffled inside as he closed the door behind them.

"This is it."

Petunia looked her fill, staring around. It seemed like an average, everyday house, albeit gloomy, stuffy and a little dim.

"Those are a lot of books," she commented, staring at the shelves.

"I haven't read them in ages," Severus said. "This is the living room, that's the kitchen...and here's the study."

After about ten minutes, he was leading her towards the stairs. "There are a few rooms up here as well,"

Petunia already had her foot placed on the first step, and they both climbed the dingy flight of stairs together.

Severus simply gestured at the doors, pointing out his parent's bedroom and the spare bedroom. But Petunia was eager to see his bedroom.

When he opened the door nervously, Petunia's eyes lit up. It was just the room she'd associate with him. Full of books, dimly-lit, and with a single bed, the only thing neatly made. The floor was littered with loose parchments.

Severus took out his wand and swiped it, the mess on the floor clearing immediately. "Well, at least this bed is better than the one at the shack,"

Later, when they had made their way back to the kitchen, a pot of coffee boiling on the stove, Severus struggled to make them something to eat as Petunia sat at the table, talking animatedly.

"And Lily said that she wanted to get married before the war started as there was soon going to be mayhem everywhere…But I think she's still rather young…"

"Well, she's right...it would be better to do it now, before the war starts," Severus said, as he took out two mugs from the cupboard. "...Than during all the chaos,"

Petunia suddenly looked thoughtful but didn't say a word, her cheeks going pink.

"Will...will there really be no chance for them to marry if the war starts?"

"Well, it'll be very difficult. People won't have time to attend weddings, they'll probably be fighting or hiding, won't they?"

Petunia went redder and fell silent as he began to pour the coffee for them.

"Can't say I didn't see it coming," he muttered bitterly. "She seemed to hate him when they were at school, but maybe I was wrong,"

"She was probably just putting up an act," Petunia said aloofly. "Typical Lily," she took a sip of the coffee. "Oh, it's good,"

"It is?" He felt pleased.

Petunia nodded, taking another sip. "You know, Severus, this place isn't that bad. It's actually...well, cosy,"

"Cosy? That's the last word I'd associate with this place,"

"Oh, Severus,"

"I don't understand why I hate this house so much, but I do," he sighed. "But I'm the only one this belongs to now and it'll have to do,"

He took a sip of the coffee himself, watching as Petunia did the same.

XXX

Severus drew away from her slowly.

It had been quite a few number of days, and a lot of things had happened.

He had taken Petunia's advice and tidied up the house. The kitchen cupboards were stocked, the house had been dusted and swept and mopped until everything was shining, and Severus had taken it upon himself to slowly throw out everything that wasn't needed anymore.

He was starting to feel much better about the place and could tell that Petunia was too. He had never imagined she would be so eager to help in the cleaning; it was a job many people disliked, but Petunia seemed to enjoy it.

"It's starting to look good, isn't it?" She had asked, after they had shoved out extra chairs from the living room into the spare room.

"It is," He had said, his voice laced with disbelief.

Severus had placed several wards on his house, protection spells against the Death Eaters. He was prepared to fight them if it proved necessary but he knew that he had to do everything he could to protect Petunia as well.

"You want to protect me?" Petunia had asked amusedly when he had explained all the spells he was using to ward the little house.

Severus had flushed, "Well…Yes. I don't want you hurt,"

That had got him a gentle kiss on the cheek and Severus had gone scarlet, while wondering what else he could say to please her like that.

"Severus?" Her soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. She was sitting against the headboard, with her hands around his neck. He leant forwards and kissed her once more, this time languidly and lazily.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," he said in a thick voice when he drew away. "Just thinking that I want you to stay here with me all day,"

Her breath hitched and he knew her answer before she could even say it, "Alright,"

Severus smirked, and kissed her rewardingly.

"But only till sunset," she added when they drew away. "No use aggravating my parents when they've only just agreed…"

"No," Severus agreed, only slightly disappointed. His hands casually went to the front of her shirt, unbuttoning it slowly.

As he started to reach the end of her shirt, he pressed his lips to her mouth again.

She gasped against them as his hands roamed higher, against her skin.

"I love you," She said breathily, as his hands reached under elastic and cotton.

Severus opened his mouth but try as he might, the right words did not seem to come to him and despite the pleasure, he felt a sense of guilt weighing down on him.

XXX

Later, shirt buttoned haphazardly, Petunia smoothed down her skirt and opened the door of the little house, looking back at him with a look full of adoration.

"You'll be safe, wont you?"

"These wards could stop anybody, there's nothing to worry about,"

"Right. Of course. But still…be safe, alright?"

"You, too."

She swallowed and then looked at him shyly. "Severus I...I…"

"I know," He said softly. "Me too,"

Petunia turned pink, startled, and Severus couldn't get the image of her surprised face out of his mind even after she had left.

XXX

It wasn't that bad living in Spinner's End again, after all.

Petunia was a constant companion. Their romance started to feel fresh again, just as risky and exhilarating as it had felt before.

But as time went on, Severus started to find her behavior a little perplexing.

She started to talk a lot about Lily's wedding, stressing on the point that the war would start soon and that she hoped Lily would get settled before that.

He wondered if she was trying to see if he still had feelings for Lily, but it didn't end there.

Severus even spotted her looking at him wistfully sometimes, almost sadly. It made him feel put out. Was something really wrong?

And then, one day–

"Severus,"

"'Mm?"

"Lily seems so happy,"

"I'm sure she is,"

"She's going to have a family,"

"Hmm," Severus said, even though his heart twinged a little. "Lucky her,"

Petunia looked at him but didn't reply.

XXX

"Do you know?"

"What?"

"Potter's got Lily this house all to themselves in this "Hollow" place,"

"Godric's Hollow?"

"Yes,"

"I recall Lily saying she'd like to live there,"

"And now she is. With Potter. Together,"

Severus looked at her puzzledly, eyebrows raised.

Petunia flushed, looked irritated. "Oh never mind…"

XXX

The days flew by and her behavior still remained quite odd. Petunia would talk about Lily's imminent wedding often, and then talk about her having a family, about everyone soon having a family.

Severus wondered, more than once, if she was trying to send him the signal that he was tying her down, stopping her from marrying and settling down like she so obviously wanted to do.

It didn't hit him until then that that was probably exactly what Petunia wanted. A steady, married life. They couldn't keep dating forever. He hadn't ever thought their relationship would one day have to end and it hurt him to think she would break it off with him.

Of course. It couldn't have lasted. She...she has her whole life in front of her. I don't know if I'll even survive this week...if the Death Eaters really are after me…

It infuriated Severus to think of her moving on, loving somebody else. He hadn't thought he would grow to be so possessive of her but he was. He felt both jealous and possessive, but wasn't about to tell her about it.

XXX

One day, Petunia's parents had to go somewhere and phoned in later saying that they'd be sleeping over at the guests's place.

At 7 o'clock, while he was cooking himself a meal, Severus heard light knocks on the door.

"Petunia?" He asked, startled upon seeing her on his doorstep.

"My parents have gone to stay somewhere overnight,"

"And?"

"Lily's fled to Potter's, leaving me alone in the house. I don't want to be the only one stuck there. It's scary. I'm sleeping over,"

Severus went red. "W-what? Petunia, are you sure?"

"Why? Don't you want me here?" Her eyes narrowed.

"What? No, it's not that, but won't you get into tro–"

"For somebody who joined the Death Eaters," she said. "You play things way too safe. I won't get into trouble, of course, because no one's going to find out. Besides, what's the big deal?"

"Come in, then," he said bemusedly, his pride slightly wounded.

Petunia dawdled a little. "You don't mind, do you?…"

"Of course I don't," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's just…never mind, just get inside, it's cold,"

Petunia hugged him briefly, then walked inside eagerly. "Oh! What's for dinner?"

"It's nothing special. Just some–"

But she was already in the kitchen, standing by the stove. "Ooo, soup,"

"Do you want some?"

"Yeah,"

Severus filled her a bowl and then they sat down at the table, content.

XXX

"What do you mean you'll take the couch? We can share the bed," Petunia insisted.

"But–" his ears were red.

"Oh, please! We've shared a bed once before too, remember, at the shack? I don't want to sleep alone,"

"That was different,"

"What? How?"

"I don't know," he huffed. "It just was. Your father-"

"Is never going to know! Unless you're planning on telling him…"

"Don't be ridiculous. You know what? Fine. Whatever. I give up,"

He used his wand to open the door to his room, then transfigured his bed to a larger size.

When they lay in it together, later, the moonlight streaming through the window and Petunia's eyes dropping, Severus felt his blush finally ease off.

This wasn't so bad. It was...comforting. The bed was large enough to accommodate both of them comfortably, and the silence was soothing.

Until Petunia whispered, "Severus?"

Severus looked at her in the darkness. She had pushed herself closer to him, and he felt something stir in his heart.

"Yeah?"

Petunia shuffled a little, nervous. She swallowed. "Can I...ask you something?" Her voice was thick, slurred with sleep. He wondered if she was fully aware of her words.

"Go ahead,"

She bit her bottom lip, eyes heavy and only half-open. "Would you do anything for me?"

He was surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"Tell me,"

Severus pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. "I would,"

Her breath hitched. Still whispering, she said, "Then wouldn't it be nice if we...settle down?"

"Settle down?" He felt the breath knocked out of him.

"Yeah. Live together. Be together," her sleep-slurred contained a bit of excitement.

"What are you saying?" Severus's voice was no longer a whisper.

"I… I want you to marry me,"