(6 months after Jacobs's death)
"Bella hurry up" Charlie calls for me. I groan and give up on my hair. I tie it in a single braid down my back and rush down the stairs and hop into the car where Renee, Charlie and Alec wait
"It's alright Bella" Alec says, grabbing my hand and looking at me sadly. I glance at him and glance away. After the whole deal with Aro and Felix, it was decided that Alec would move in with us until he was able to afford his own place. He has tried hard to get a job but with his lack of work experience and literally nothing on his resume, it's been extremely difficult for him to get an interview of any sorts. In many ways I am so happy Alec has came to live with us. He is like an older brother to me and I honestly do love him like a sibling. I can talk to him about the whole situation because he was there with me. Another thing about Alec I love is that like Jake he knew exactly how to break the tension in a stressful situation.
"Sorry I was just trying to fix my hair" I say. I sigh and look out the window. It's been almost 6 months since Jacob passed away. As time has passed, dealing with Jacobs lost has become easier. I don't burst into controllable sobs when I think of him anymore. I still feel the weight of his death on my shoulder however and Edward has to constantly soothe and remind me it's not my fault that Jacob was shot. I mean I wasn't the one who pulled the trigger, Edward would reason and I countered by saying yet because he was trying to help ME he got killed. Sometimes, the days where I can't get him out of my mind I go to Billy's house and sit with him. We don't talk or anything, we just stare blankly at the television for a few hours, just in our own world. It helps to know that while Jacob is gone, I am near another part of Jacob.
However, the nightmares are what have caused me to acquire deep black bags underneath my eyes. Ever since I have been back home and in my bed I haven't been able to get a proper night's sleep. Every night I wake up, tears blurring my eyes as I call out for Edward, screaming and crying hysterically. Renee or Charlie rush into my room and try and sooth me but many times it doesn't work. All I see is Felix's tall bulky figure coming at me and I try to run away but as soon as I take the first step, I am tied to a chair and I can't move. Felix laughs at me and then calls me some names. He then proceeds to whip me with an object, usually a belt or a rope. Sometimes it's different where Felix holds a gun to Jacobs head and I am few feet away. Jacob calls for me to help him but I can't move. My feet are stapled to the ground and as I call out for him to run, Felix cocks the gun and shoots Jacob. He then turns to me and tells me it's my fault that he's dead and then shoots me. I usually wake up screaming and crying in a cold sweat and even with Charlie and Renee's words of comfort I can't fall asleep after. I usually just lay in bed, trying to think of anything but Jacob and when it seems acceptable to "wake up" I go and take a shower to prepare for the day which usually consists of lunging around and trying to stay busy. At times I fill out college applications , trying to decide what courses too major in but that only last about an a hour. The rest of the day I usually mope around or stay with Edward.
"You look nice today hun" Renee says, breaking me out of my day dream. We are headed towards the cemetery where Jacob is buried. Every Sunday, Renee, Charlie and I , as well as the Cullen's and even Alec and Billy go to the cemetery and leave flowers and say a short prayer. Then we go over to the Cullen's house for Sunday lunch and then the rest of the day is free. We sometimes decide to go out and do random activities and then there are times were we just hang around in the Cullen home.
The car stops and I get out, pulling at my knee high black simple dress. I have some sensible heels and tied my hair in a single braid down my back. I am always nervous because I don't know how I will react. Sometimes it's with tears and other times I feel nothing, like I am numb to everything around me. I look up and realize that Edward and his family are already standing in front of the grave. Edward looks at me and smiles sadly at me. When I am close enough, he opens his arms and I rush into them.
"I miss you" I mumble into his chest. He rubs my back in a soothing motion
"I missed you too" He pulls me back so I can look at him "How are you doing today" He asks quietly. I try and smile at him reassuringly but he frowns.
"How much sleep have you been getting Bella?" He asks. He runs his thumb under my eyes and I close my eyes in contentment.
"Enough" I sigh and pull away from him, aware that his whole family and Renee and Charlie are watching us. I turn to the rest of the Cullen's and they all greet me with a smile and a hug. We all hold hands as we circle around Jacobs's grave and do a silent prayer. Afterwards, everyone drops a rose onto his grave, replacing the wilted and old flowers from last Sunday. I close my eyes and give a silent prayer and wait till everyone is else finished. I feel Edwards hand intertwine with mine and he gives my hand a smile reassuring squeeze. I smile at him. After everyone is done we all head to the Cullen's house.
We enter the house and Renee and Esmee, followed by Alice and Rose speed into the kitchen and start setting the table. Usually I would help them out but Jacob keeps entering my mind, more then usual. I sit beside Billy on the sofa and I furrow my eyes. Why can't I seem to get my mind off of Jacob? Usually Sundays are almost the only days where I feel good because of how busy I am helping with the food and being around Edward, it doesn't hurt as much. I turn to look at Billy and I am surprised to see him staring blankly at the television, not even trying to engage in fisherman talk with Charlie and Alec. He looks at me with a sullen look and that's when I remember. Today is Jacobs Birthday.
"It's his Birthday" I say in broke whisper. Billy simply nods, staring at the television. Pictures of young and care-free Jacob enter into my mind and it takes all my will power not to break out in an unbearable cry. He was too young to be taken from us. Edward sits beside me, looking worriedly at me
"What's wrong baby?" He asks quietly
"Nothing" I say angrily, wiping at the few tears that escaped my eyes "I just need some distraction" I say and stand up. I push past him and enter the kitchen, avoiding his eyes. I immerse myself in helping Esmee and Renee and laugh and joke around with them but Jacob still lingers in my mind. Along with his image, pain also is persistent and every few minute I have to remind myself that I can't break down and cry here. I need to go home, be alone when I do finally decide to break down.
"Bella" Alice calls my name and I turn to look at her.
"Sorry Alice. What did you say?"
"Never mind, are you alright?" She asks as she hugs me. I hug her back, the tears burning their way to the front of my eyes
"Have you slept at all?" She asks.
"Alice, I haven't been able to sleep since I have gotten home" I whisper looking at the floor. Alice is one of my best friends and I basically tell her everything, aside from Edward. She grabs my hand and leads me to the backyard. We sit on the porch swing and I tell her about my nightmares
"Have you told Edward yet" She asks gently
"No. He is already stressed. I don't need him to worry about me to. I am fine. I just need to get over it" I sniff angrily
"Bella. I really think you should tell him. I bet he can help you"
"No Alice. If I tell him I can't sleep without him then he'll be trying to sneak over every single night. I can't do that to him. He needs his sleep to"
"Bella, you're delusional if you think that Edward has been 'sleeping'. He barely sleeps as well" I nod because I can see how tired he looks. He puts on a good facade
"Just talk to him alone. Since you guys were little, he was always able to help comfort you." She says
"I know Alice but I just can't find any time alone with him. What with Charlie and Renee and then Alec moving in the house, someone is always at the house and it's always busy." I sigh. Alice furrows her eyebrow in concentration and then she jumps up with a huge smile on her face
"I got an idea. Before dinner starts, pretend that you are sick and you need to go home ok?" She says bouncing excitedly
"Why?" I ask confused
"Just do it ok? I will text you the rest of the plan afterward" she says and runs off inside the kitchen. I stare at retreating figure and sigh. There is no fighting with Alice. I pull my knees up to my chest and burry my face into my hand. Few minutes later I feel a warm body leaning into my side and an arm go around my shoulder. Instantly I know who it is. Edward
He pulls my hands from my face and I turn to look into his beautiful sad and tired looking eyes
"Are you alright?" He asks. I sigh and lean into his side, my head resting on his chest. He wraps an arm around me and we swing for a few minutes
"Bella, seriously. You look more tired than last week I saw you. Tell me what's going on" He says. I look at him and huff. This eyes are red and puffy from the lack of sleep and his has dark circle under his eyes as well.
"Says the person with months of bags underneath his eyes" I say, reaching up and touching the dark shadows under his eyes. He closes his eyes and sighs, leaning into my touch. I bend over and kiss him on the lips lightly. His eyes spring open and he looks down at me.
"I have been waiting a while for you to do that" He says smiling softly. I smile at him and lean in again, kissing him. However this time he grabs my face lightly and deepens the kiss. He opens his mouth and our tongues collide and I think he growls a little. I turn around so I am fully facing him and he pulls me on to his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist. I lock my hands behind his neck, not breaking the kiss. He slowly runs his hands up and down my back and instantly I crave more of his touch. I'm not a virgin but Edward and I haven't slept together yet. When we first got home, I tried to get him to touch me, going far as wearing clothes I wouldn't wear before but he said it wasn't the right time. That he knew that I was using sex as a distraction from the pain. I had scoffed at the thought but in all honestly I couldn't help agree with him. Being with Edward helps to ease the ache in my heart.
I slide my hands into Edwards's hair and massage his head and I definitely hear him moan. He breaks the kiss and puts his forehead against mine. Both of us are breathing deeply and I pout at the lost of contact.
"Soon" He mumbles and I roll my eyes and get off him. I sit down beside him, far away on the swing so we aren't touching. I try to keep the hurt of my face
"Bella, it's not that I don't want to. Trust me, I do. I really really really want to" He says stressing each word. "But I don't want to do with you as a means of distraction. I want you to be ready and because you want to, not because you feel like it's an escape" I sigh and roll my eyes. I turn to him and laugh at his puppy dog pout and place a peck on his lips. I then get up and sway my hips as I walk into the kitchen. I peak over my shoulder and smile at Edwards hanging mouth. Take that loser!
I walk into the kitchen and feel Edward placing his arm around my shoulder.
"Uh guys I have a question" I speak up. All eyes turn towards me
"Today's Jacobs birthday. I was wondering if we could do something for him" I whisper
"What would you like to do Hun?" Esmee asks, smiling at me. I shrug my shoulder at her
"Knowing Jacob he probably wants us to celebrate his 'awesomeness' and make a cake and stuff" I say. If Jacob found out that we sat around and cried on his birthday he would come back to haunt us.
"That a great idea!" Edward agreed
"I was also thinking for his present that maybe we could write out some jokes or funny memories with him in it. You know to make him laugh. Jacob always said 'laughing could cure the evil in the world'" I whispered. Everyone agreed and we all sat around and made small letter with jokes and memories. All the boys went in Charlie's cruiser to Jacobs's gravestone, to deposit it there and all the girls started on his cake. By the time the guys had come back, I was pulling the chocolate fudge cake out of the oven. We all gathered around the cake and everyone held the knife as we cut Jacobs cake.
"Happy birthday Jacob" I whispers, tears running down my face as the cake pierced the first layer of the cake
"Alright 20 more minutes till dinner" Renee calls from the kitchen. Alice nudges me and she raises her eyebrows, indicating to the door. Oh right, the plan
I groan and hold my stomach slouching. Renee comes to my side immediately
"What's wrong sweetheart?" She asks and I close my eyes and groan again
"My stomach, it hurts so badly" I moan in pain.
"Are you alright" I hear Edwards concerned voice and I avoid his eyes. He will know I am pretending and Alice said to make sure everyone thinks I am sick
"Yeah, I think I just go home" I clutch my stomach and groan in pain in again
"What about dinner?" Esmee asks from the kitchen
"I'm not hungry. If I feel better, I'll make something at home" I say, pretending to wince in pain
"I think you should go to the doctors" Edward says, worrying lacing his every word. I instantly feel guilty
"No, No. I think it's just the stress of the day. I'm just going to go home and go to sleep" I say a little breathless
For a good 10 minutes, Edward argued that I should go to the doctors but then Alice whispered something in his ears and he nodded and went into the kitchen. It was decide that Charlie would drop me at home because no one could find Edward. I wonder where he went
"If you need anything, just call" Charlie says as I exit his police cruiser. I smile and re-assured him I would be fine.
I walk into the house and go straight into my bed room. I drop face first into the bed and I take a big breath in and then slowly release it. I finally let my mind wonder and before I know it, I feel tears sliding down my face. I wipe at them angrily, determined to keep my shit together for awhile longer. I decide to get up and busy myself. I first change into some comfy sweats and a blank tank top and I walk down to the kitchen and start on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Simple but delicious.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and see I got a text from Alice
Stay at home. Edward is on his way to you – A
Alright. Thanks- B
I smile and continue to work on my sandwich. I put it on a plate and sit down in front of the TV. I surf through the channel, stuffing my face with the sandwich, until hear a knock on the door.
"It's open" I yell and I turn to see Edward walk through the door, frowning
"You keep the door unlocked? That's dangerous" He says. He locks the door and pulls on it to make sure it doesn't open. I roll my eyes at his antics. Who would try to break into the chief of police's house? The same person who kidnapped his daughter, my inner voice tells me and I shake my head. I will not live in fear because of my past experience. I am determined to live life how I used to before all this shit happened. He drops down beside me and I lean my head on his shoulder
"How are you feeling" He asks
"I am fine. I was never sick. Alice told me to act sick so I could come back home" I shrug my shoulder. I wait for him to ask me to explain more but he nods and turns to the TV. I guess Alice already clued him in
I pick up my half eaten sandwich and I hear a whimper and turn to look at him. I laugh out loud at his expression. He has his bottom lip jutted out and he is zeroed in on my sandwich. I cock an eyebrow at him
"You want some?" I ask, smiling widely. He nods his head hastily. I hold the sandwich out for him and just as he is about to take a bite, I move it and shove it back in my face. He looks shocked for a few seconds before he growls and launches at me and the last bite of the sandwich. He pins me down to the sofa
"I want that last piece" He growls and I laugh, pushing and shoving at his chest. It'd useless, like pushing on a brick wall. He doesn't move an inch.
"Didn't you already eat dinner" I ask, laughing hysterically.
"No. Alice somehow convinced everyone to go some pizza and movies. Alice made some excuse as to why I couldn't go and as soon as they left, Alice told me to come here. Thus, I am here. And hungry" He says, smiling at me. I huff
"Fine. But don't make this habit. I need my PB and J "I say. I hold out the last little piece to him and he leans in to take the piece out of my hand. However, instead of just taking the piece, he takes my fingers in his mouth too, licking the jelly off of them. I close my eyes, desire burning me from the inside.
"Bella" He whispers huskily and I slowly open my eyes and stare into his eyes. All I can see is loves reflected in his eyes, along with lust. It's so hot.
I lean forward and capture his lips between mine. I suck on his bottom lip until he opens his mouth, allowing full access. I moan into his mouth and snake my hands into his hair, gently pulling at them. He slowly lifts his hands and traces the curve of my hip and under my shirt, resting on my stomach. I feel his fingers on the bottom of my bra strap and I take a huge lung full of air. I want him. I need him. He pulls away and rests his head against mine, both of us panting hard.
"Please Edward" I beg. Somewhere in my subconscious I can see how desperate I look but at this point I really don't care. It's just me and him and I may not get another chance like this for awhile. He moans.
"Bella, not yet. Your using sex as a distraction" He groans as I release his hair and slid my hand under his shirt and scratch my nails down his back and then over his chest.
"It's not about being distracted. I want you" I say breathlessly. It's not a lie, I do want him and the fact that it may help me forget about Jacob for the night is just an added bonus.
He moans deeply and captures my lips between his. I melt into his chest, my hands pushing his shirt up. After a few moments, he moves back again and takes his shirt off and tosses it on the floor. I stare up at him and I can't help smile. He's mine
I pull him back down to my lips and my hands run up and down his back. I feel his hands on my stomach and move up until the rest on my breast. I gasp, sucking a breath in and I can feel my nipples harden as his hands kneed my breast.
"Edward" I plead with him. He groans once more and suddenly I am in his arms. He picks me up, bridal style and walks up the stairs, never breaking the kiss. He deposits me on the bed and kicks off his shoes. He climbs over me and claims my lips again. My hands move on their own accord, running down his chest and stopping at his belt. I quickly undo the belt and then his jean button. He moans and moves his lips to my ears, nipping and sucking down my neck. I fumble a little with his jeans but I finally get it. I push his jeans down and he moves a little off me to help me. That leaves him in only his boxers with an impressive erection. Before I can say anything he climbs back on me and I can feel the heat radiating off him which causes my desire to lurch. He plays with the hem of my shirt until I take initiative and toss it on the floor.
"Beautiful" He mumble into my neck and I feel the heat rush to my face. He leans over and unclasps my bra from the back and lets it fall from my chest. I resist the urge to cover myself with my hands as he moves a little back and gazes at me with a small on his face.
"Gorgeous and mine" He sighs as he attaches his lips to a nipple and I moan, grasping his hair and pulling on, making him moan. His hands travel down and pushes my sweats and panties off, leaving me completely bare and vulnerable. He pushes his boxers and I can feel his hardened length on my thigh, making me clench my eyes in desire and lust.
He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine, both of us panting heavily.
"Are you sure" He mumbles and I nod my head. I run my hands up and down his neck, playing with the little hairs there
"I haven't been so sure of anything else. I'm ready" I say, looking directly at him "I love you" I whisper and his eyes sparkle.
"I love you too" He whispers and he pushes in and I gasp. It feels right. Sparks burst in front of my eyes and i moan as he fills me. He stills for a moment and when I move my hips a bit he starts to push in and out.
"Bella. You feel so good" He moans and I roll my hips a bit, taking him in deeper and he moans loudly. He attaches his lips to mine again as his thrust increases. With every thrust, I arch my back, meeting him halfway, causing him to go deeper. He de-attaches from my mouth and starts to lick and nip at my nipples and I can feel the upcoming orgasm. I feel myself clenching and I moan
"Edward, I'm about too..." I pant in between his very thrust. He picks up his pace and I swear I start to see stars from the pleasure
"Come... for... me... Baby" He groans. Every word is punctured with a deep hard thrust and I know I am so close. I scratch my nails down his back and, suck on his pressure point on his neck. He moans and with a few more thrust I feel myself let go. Stars and stripes daze my vision and with a few more thrust I feel Edward still and groan. He rest his head on mine as we both pant, coming down from our high.
"Wow... that was wow" He grubbels and I laugh, a little breathless. He moves off of me, grabs the blanket around our feet deposits ontoop of us. I turn away from him and he pulls me in close from behind
"Yeah that was" I agree easily. He mummers in my ears
"I love you so much Edward" I yawn, suddenly exhausted. It's been weeks since I have had a good night's sleep
"I love you, so much. Sleep now baby" He sighs and I turn around and face him. I smile at him as I cuddle into his chest.
"Nightmares" I mumble into his chest, my eyes getting heavy with sleep.
"Don't worry; I'll keep the nightmares away. I am here. I will always be here. I promise" He mumbles into my hair and I mumble something incoherent into his chest
"Whatever it is, we will fight together like we have always done, like we always will. I know the last few months have been hell. But I swear to god. I will die before I let anything hurt you again and even then you can bet your ass I'll be coming back and hunting their asses" He laughs a little and I smile into his chest, my eyes closed
I want to tell him that I never doubted him and would do the same thing for him but I'm so exhausted I just nod my head. He kisses my hair and I let myself drift out, knowing I'm protected in Edwards strong arms that encase me. I close my eyes and I think I am unconscious until I hear an Edward sigh softly once again
"I will make Jacob proud. You will never be alone again" He sighs and I know exactly what he means. He will protect me just like Jake would. I close my eyes and smile. I am pretty sure he already has made Jake proud.
WELL! I hate to say it, this story is officially finished! I just want to say thank you to all those reviewed , favourite and followed this story. It truly means allot. We had some ups and downs , but we made it ! YAYY. Also, I'm starting on another story, its the divergent trilogy with Tris and Four and lets say its going to be one HOT journey;). Anyways pm for any more info.
Thank you!.