A/N; Thank you all again for the many reviews, and continued support!

August 11, 2011

I have never been one to spend a Saturday afternoon at an art gallery admiring and scrutinizing the latest art trends, or oldest famous works. But I imagine it's similar to the way I always get caught up in watching Alicia. That each time you return to look at your favorite piece you find something new and interesting that you missed before. Alicia's certainly not paint on a canvas that can be bought and hung on a wall, but I could spend hours - days - just watching her.

For instance, yesterday I went to her office to ask her about a case. She was on the phone with the client I handed over to her last month, who feels his purpose in life is to sue half the city of Chicago. I could have left and come back at a different time. Instead I sat on her sofa waiting, glancing, pretending to be busy checking email on my phone. There are times I allow my eyes to linger on her far to long. This must have been one of them - my email cover blown. She gave me the "other people are around" eye when she got off the phone, and closed the door to her office. I just chuckled to myself, because no one was paying any attention anyway. They rarely do.

While things remain undefined between us, I'll continue to live in a world where I'm the one allowed to look at, and watch her as I do. I've become so accustomed to it anyway. I love the eye rolls she gives when she's on the phone with an annoying client, and how the ends of her lips turn up into a slight smile when she figures something out. I enjoy watching her give a good cross to a witness, and the look of satisfaction that comes over her when she's proven them wrong. I get a kick out of how her eyes unconsciously, and guardedly, check for anyone else's presence before she allows herself to give me a seductive eye. I even like the disappointed look in her eye, and thin line that crosses her lips when I know she isn't happy about something Diane and I have done, or are asking her to do. And then the curt smile she gives when she agrees to it anyway.

Those are some of the art gallery moments at work. There is a completely different set of "gallery moments" I take advantage of when we're alone. There's the seductive tilt of the head, and slight upward curve of her lips when I show up at her place, or she at mine. The broad smile and wanting eyes that appear as I begin to peel away the layers of clothing that cover her beautiful body. The look of need in her eyes and clench of her hands when I trail kisses along her porcelain skin, from her toes to her neck. And the look of satisfaction across her face - flushed cheeks and closed eyes - when our bodies are joined and we're both out of breath.

Let's face it. I love everything about her. The feel of her soft skin against mine. The taste of her lips after a glass of wine, or biting into a piece of chocolate. I've fallen in love with, and come to need everyday, the smile on her face that's reserved only for me.

Some of my favorite moments with her are those when we're in bed, or on the couch, just talking, enjoying each others company. Even better is watching her sleep. The only time she really allows reality to take a back seat for a few hours. It's in these sleepy moments when I lie awake trying to figure out how I got so lucky. Yet, at the same time, beat myself up for ever letting her go all those years back. These are the stolen moments of normalcy that I'd like to become more familiar with – admire everyday.

Alicia looked up from the laptop. One of the things their affair had done was help repair some of the damage that had been done to her self-esteem after Peter cheated on her. Peter had told her how beautiful she was, that he had fallen in love with her again after the scandal. There had been times in between the scandal and Will, where she and Peter had slept together. She didn't feel in those moments he was thinking of anyone but her, or that he didn't find her attractive. But a small piece of her had never really regained its sense of confidence, feeling sexy, or wanted in the way Will had always made her feel. She could always feel Will's eyes on her, even after things had gone so badly between them. But to hear him express his feelings was so much better.

She smiled at a memory crossing her mind. Recalling an instance when Will had mentioned how much he enjoyed the taste of chocolate on her lips. He'd said it was different from the usual taste.

"The usual taste?" she questioned, leaning against him on his sofa.

"Yes! Usually when I kiss you, your lips have one of three tastes. Wine!" he said smiling, pointing to the glass of red in her hand. "Your lipstick, that doesn't really have a taste. It's just you! Or peppermint, right after you've brushed your teeth."

"I guess I hadn't really thought about it," she admitted honestly. "I probably pay more attention to the scent of your cologne, than the taste of your lips!" Her fingers thumbed against the glass in her hand.

"Is it to strong?"

She looked up into his eyes. "No. Not to strong, just enough to define it as part of you." She chuckled. "You wore too much in college!"

"I… I hardly ever wore cologne in college."

"I know, only when you were trying to impress a date!" she smiled, rolling her eyes.

He smiled sheepishly. "The woman at the sales counter said all the women would love that cologne!"

"Oh they loved it alright! In fact," she sat up and faced him placing her hands on his chest. "I knew a few girls who thought it was a badge of honor to come home with the vague scent of Will Gardner all over their clothes!"

"What about you?" he said, becoming serious.

"I didn't like it when you wore it around me."

"You didn't like it because of the scent, or because of what it represented?" He knew exactly what he was doing, trying to get her to open up about their relationship, even if it was the one they'd had twenty years prior.

She looked down briefly, then smiled and kissed him. "It was… too strong. Let's get back to discussing the way my lips taste!"

She sighed heavily. He was right. I always avoided the subject of us. And I didn't like what it represented. The scent was actually a good choice. She thought to herself shaking her head. She looked over to the glass of wine that sat next to her. She took a sip, and then ran her tongue over her lips, smiling as she turned her attention back to the laptop.

August 19, 2011

The further we head down this road, the more I find myself not even looking at other women. Not even thinking about other women. In fact Alicia and I were out for lunch today, and the waitress was doing her best to flirt with me.

Alicia started laughing as soon as we exited the restaurant. I asked her what was so funny. She said, "The look on that waitresses face when you totally blew her off!"

I told her I didn't know what she was talking about, that I was only paying attention to her. Which was true, but she was right. The waitress was pulling out everything she had. Brushing my hand with hers when she took our menus, and undoing the top button of her uniform before she came back with our drinks, leaning over right in front of me to place them on the table. But I could care less. Aside from the fact that I'm with Alicia right now, she was too young for me anyway. Words that even a year ago, I don't think I would utter. Age didn't use to be a hindrance in dating. In fact it wasn't a hindrance even a year ago when I dated a third year law student. Alicia's made me see the error of my ways. Gone are the days of dating girls twenty years younger than I am.

That being said, I've realized my non-interest in other women is a dangerous place to be in. Alicia might be separated, but she's still married. And there is no indication that she intends to permanently end things with Peter any time soon. Not that I would know. She never talks about it. And if I try to bring it up, she shoots it right down. It's not fair for me to push her on the topic. But it's not all that fair for her to always play the avoidance card. If things don't work out, it will make the fall at the end even worse.

Alicia sighed heavily. You're right it wasn't fair. I'm sorry

August 25, 2011

I probably got a little to much pleasure out of trailing kisses along Alicia's neck and tugging at her blouse to remove it, while she was on the phone with a client earlier today. She's never ended a call with him so abruptly. Her excuse, "I'm going into a meeting." A meeting for two, that lasted longer than usual. Diane and Eli were out of the office today trying to hold onto one of our biggest clients.

A longer encounter between us was good - no a necessary - thing. Alicia decided sending me a few juicy emails this week, when she knew we couldn't get together, was a good idea. She might regret that decision in a few weeks when I'm in Indiana for a few days for depositions. I've already drafted a few emails in my head to send to her during that time. Seductive email! A new, somewhat risky step for her to take.

On a side note, business is tough these days. Eli Gold brings the firm a huge amount of money. I don't like the fact that Diane thinks we are completely dependant upon his business. I also don't like the fact that Eli seems to think Alicia is his employee, and that he thinks he has complete control over her. He may need her help, but I think his motives lie in keeping her away from me as much as possible. I'm willing to bet he has another campaign in the works for Peter already, senate, or something. He needs the image of a good marriage to make it work. Politics, I will never have any desire to be a politician.

September 2, 2011

Diane had a plan for getting out from under Eli's toes and bringing some much needed funds to the firm. Why I ever agreed to go along with it is beyond me. She sent me to the Midwest Bar Association training for a few days, to try and convince Celeste, of all people, to join our firm. We may need the income she could bring, but I cannot express how many apprehensions I had about this plan. It had disaster written all over it. I can only imagine the things she'd tell Alicia, all lies, if she worked for our firm. Thank heavens she turned our offer down.

While I was there I had a slip of the tongue while Alicia and I were on the phone together. I was distracted, and wasn't thinking when I said, "love you" as we were getting ready to hang up. The awkward seconds of silence between us were followed by excuses - "I didn't mean it" - "It's not that I don't care" - at least that's what I told her. I tried to make her think there wasn't any meaning behind the words, but it just sounded lame. I admittedly did it unconsciously, but it got me thinking.

The following day I tried to talk to her about it, but she brushed it off - like she does whenever the topic of us comes up. I tried to tell her, make her understand, that I'm not interested in anyone else. I want her to understand how committed to this relationship I am. But she won't hear any of it. If we keep things simple, don't make a mess, there isn't anything to answer too. And that's the way she likes it. That's our silent, unspoken agreement. The agreement we've never talked about, but the contract we both signed that very first night at the hotel.

Alicia looked at her watch. It was late. It had been an emotional rollercoaster reading Will's entries throughout the day. She decided it was time to get some sleep because she knew reading his thoughts of the time period coming next, would be emotionally draining. September and October - the best two months they had together. The period of time where she let go a little more. Allowed herself to think of a lasting relationship with Will, even though she never told him. Some of her fondest memories were from that time. But two years later, some of those moments had been used in an attempt to destroy her because it seemed Will felt it had all been a lie.

She ran her hand over the pillow and soft sheets in the empty space next to her before closing her eyes. She pulled the pillow in close, and wrapped her self securely in the blankets. As she drifted off to sleep, visions of reminiscing about Georgetown, working together as a team, blunt honesty, and balconies, ran through her mind. Little did she know that Will had left something for her, unintentionally. Something he'd hoped to give to her at some point, but never had the chance.