Chapter Twenty-One: Marry Me?

Okay. So I laughed.

Wouldn't you?

Oh, bloody hell. So I'm a horrible person. My gorgeous, sweet boyfriend asked me to marry him and I laughed at him. But what was he playing at anyway?

"Excuse me?" I said, trying not to giggle. He'd looked so hopeful, but the moment I burst out laughing, his face fell and he looked utterly crushed. "I mean… I don't get this a lot."

"This is my Christmas present to you," he said, pressing the box into my hands. "Even if you say no, it's for you."

"I already got the rose, it was very sweet," I said, sitting down on the edge of the fountain and putting my face in my hands, after setting the box down on my lap. The ring was beautiful, set with amazingly cut diamonds. "And I don't know if I'll say no. I don't know if I'll say yes. I don't know anything right now."

"Rose?" he asked, clearly bewildered. I was confused for a moment, surely he'd know what I was talking about? All thoughts of roses were pushed out of my head, however, when he started to talk again. "I mean, Raph, I know it's so soon, we've only been together a couple of months, but I can't remember ever being this happy with anyone." The worst part was his sincerity. I felt like the worst person in the world, just because I hadn't said yes straight away. "You're just… you're different. And I think I could be really, really happy with you. I don't want to be with anybody else."

"Oh," was all I could say. It was so overwhelming. The things he said were so sweet, I had to take a moment to get my bearings and try to think about this proposal in a logical frame of mind. I had to think about what he'd said, and if I'd said that stuff, would I mean it? Would I be happy with him for the rest of my life? Would I forsake all others, just for him? My pretty, pretty Johnny?

The truth was that I had no idea. At twenty-seven, I barely felt old enough to legally drink, let alone marry. It seemed like such a foreign concept to me, like retirement, or death. They were things that I didn't have to think about until the time came, which was too far away to bear considering. But the time for marriage decisions was too close for comfort, and I didn't enjoy the uncomfortable situation I was in. I certainly didn't feel ready for marriage. But if Johnny was the right man, did it even matter? But that begged the question, was Johnny the right man?

I knew from muggle summers ill-spent watching bad movies that it had to be extraordinary. You couldn't just marry a guy just because you thought he was pretty cool. You had to be amazing together. You had to finish each other's sentences. You had to know instinctively what the other was feeling. You had to be unable to bear being apart from them, even for a minute. You had to feel like even if you spent every moment for the rest of your lives together, it wouldn't be enough. Did I feel that for Johnny?

I picked up the box and stared at the ring, hoping it would yield some answers that my mind seemed to be incapable of. The ring reminded me of all those awful movies. When you kiss them for the first time, everything changes. What was my first kiss with Johnny? Oh, that's right. It was at the park festival. We'd been dancing to the bands after a couple of glasses of the honey wine. We were in the middle of the park, dancing with each other while other people danced around us. And suddenly, when the guitarist had screeched a new chord, he'd taken my face into his hands, brought it towards his own, and kissed me. It had been a nice kiss. It tasted like honey, and I remembered feeling a bit dizzy afterwards. I think that might just have been because of the booze though, coupled with the fact I'd been swaying with my eyes closed. Not a good combination, I reflected.

But I liked Johnny. I really liked Johnny. He was so pretty and sweet. But did I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and him alone?

"I don't think I can marry you," I said finally, trying not to look at him. "I really do like you, but… I'm sort of… I'm looking for something extraordinary, and while you're everything I've ever wanted, I think something's missing."

He didn't reply. Well, not using words. He just made a low sort of cross between a growl and a squeak.

"I still want to be your girlfriend," I said finally, after sitting for a few minutes in awkward silence. I could feel him turn to face me, though I still didn't look at him.

"No, Raph," he said softly, reaching out to touch a tendril of my hair, resting his forearm on my shoulder. "If you can't marry me then I don't think I can go on seeing you, when every time I do I'll just be reminded of what I won't be able to keep forever." He stood up and turned away, but I caught the end of his coat with my hand. He turned back to face me, and I offered the ring back towards him. He shook his head. "I said that was for you, whether you married me or not."

"I… I don't have any use for it," I said, feeling more and more callous by the minute. Part of me was screaming that I was making a horrible mistake, and that I should fall at his feet and beg for forgiveness. The other part sort of wanted to run far, far away.

He shook his head. "Neither do I. I get the feeling I won't need it. You are… you are my only one."

And with that, he left, and I was feeling like the most horrible, cold-hearted bitch in existence. I remained sitting on the fountain rim for some time, though I had no idea how long, staring at the hydrangea bush in front of me. I clutched the box containing the ring with one hand, and the other was plastered to the side of my face in shock at what had just happened. When it started to snow, though, I got the feeling that it was time to go back inside. To this day, I have no idea what made me turn back around to look at the statue in the middle of the fountain. Merlin knows I'd never paid attention to it before. But it looked beautiful, surrounded by slowly falling snow. It was of a woman in a long, floaty toga, one hand against her heart and the other stretched out towards something unknown. I walked around until the woman and I were face to face, and I saw the most incredible look of abject loss and destitution carved into her marble face. She looked so horribly depressed that I felt I had to do something to help her, even if she wasn't real. I took the ring from the box and slipped it onto the finger of her outstretched hand, where it sparkled in the light. She still looked horrifically grief-stricken, but at least now she could be with her beloved forever, whoever it was. Unlike my pretty, pretty Johnny.

With that done, there was nothing left to do but to go back inside the castle. Lunch was long over and the Great Hall was completely empty, save for a single person sitting at the staff table. It was Severus, and although there was no longer any food on the tables, he remained sitting there, watching my approach with an unreadable expression on his face. After what seemed like an age, I made it to the staff table and stood opposite him, placing my hands down on the table to look more imposing. I didn't know why I was doing that, but I did it anyway.

"He just asked me to marry him."

Severus stood up so quickly that his chair was knocked back, zooming across the floor noisily in the empty hall. "Well," he said, that strange anger-pain look on his face again, "I certainly hope you two are happy together, until time itself ceases to be." He stared at me for a few moments after that, as though expecting some great revelation, but I didn't have the energy to tell him that I'd refused. I felt utterly drained, so I continued to stare straight back at him. "I see. Well, that's that then. I bid you good day, Vialle."

There was something strange about his choice of words. The first thing that leapt out at me was his use of my surname to address me. I hoped he wasn't regressing back into his old ways, it had been difficult for me even to begin chipping away at his cold, hard exterior. He was as marble as the statue in the fountain. The second thing I noticed was his use of the phrase 'until time itself ceases to be'. It was certainly an odd thing to say, but it seemed somewhat familiar to me, like I'd heard it somewhere before. Oh well, though. I supposed it couldn't have been too important.

A/N: So when I wrote this chapter, I had a little A/N here explaining things, but I think I'll leave it out. I think you guys are probably smart enough to see what's happening. If not, and I've made it too cryptic, then I'll feel pretty silly. It's pretty hard to look at your own work objectively, you know?