A/N Massive writers block guys. Spent the whole day on this one, let me know what you think. x
EPOV
The next morning Bella is feeling much better. She tells me she feels up to getting out of bed today but I'm still wary of letting her walk around unaided. Bella is still much too pale for my liking. She rolls her eyes when I insist on carrying her, wrapped in a blanket, downstairs and lay her gently on the couch.
"I'm not an invalid Edward, I can walk." She pouts adorably while I carry her.
"I'm not willing to take the chance that you could get dizzy and fall down the stairs." I almost shudder at the thought.
"Yeah, that sounds like something I would do." Bella concedes.
"Are you comfortable love? Is there anything you need? What do you want for breakfast?" I ask her as I fix her blanket around her so she won't be cold.
"Edward, I'm fine, honestly. Stop fussing, I can make my own…" Bella trails off as she has a coughing fit. I rub her back gently, I hate seeing her like this. When she manages to catch her breath all the energy she had when she woke up seems to have disappeared.
"Damn it," she doesn't even look at me when she says "scrambled eggs please." I try unsuccessfully to hide my smirk as I kiss her forehead. "Coming right up."
After Bella has eaten, we sit snuggled together on the couch watching an old movie. "I remember when this was made." I muse as I watch Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh spar onscreen.
"Really?" Bella sounds genuinely interested.
"Yeah, I've watched a lot of the older movies. I started going to watch them when cinemas became popular in the 1930's. There wasn't a whole lot to do at night back then. I wink, making Bella blush.
"I love this movie, especially the ending. It reminds me that I'm not the only one who doesn't get what they want out of life." Bella stares off into space.
I don't like where she is going with this, "What does that mean?"
"Well…just that everything good comes to an end…eventually" she looks so sad when she says this. "Look at my parents, for example. I've seen the old photos and home videos. They were happy once, before…" she trails of sadly.
I tilt Bell's chin up so she has to look at me, "Bella, your parents made their own choices in life, bad choices. It is not your fault that you were caught in the middle of their selfishness." I can tell she doesn't believe me, but she still isn't well so I don't want to push her right now. We will definitely be coming back to this discussion at a later date. For now I decide to change the subject to a lighter topic.
"Besides, this film is historically inaccurate, if you want the real story about the American civil war, just ask Jasper, he has first-hand experience."
"Really? Wow, Jasper is old." She grins.
I can't help but grin in response. "Not nearly as old as Carlisle, he saw the Great Fire of London."
Bella gasps "B…but that would make him" she stops to make the calculation in her mind "over three hundred years old."
I nod in answer, I know Bella must have many more questions about us upon learning this but I can't answer them right now. I look at her adorably shocked face and I just have to kiss her. I place my lips against hers gently, but Bella is insistent today, she reaches around my neck and pulls me down on top of her. She sighs happily as our lips move together. I am careful not to go too far, I don't want to tire her out too much while she is unwell.
Bella grumbles in protest as I pull away. "Edward" she whines causing me to laugh out loud.
Just then I hear the thoughts of my family as they near the house, the will be here in a matter of moments. "Everyone's home love, they'll be here in a minute." I say as I go to kiss her again.
But this time Bella pushes me away as she sits up and tries to arrange herself on the couch. "What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to make myself look decent." Bella is frantically brushing her fingers through her hair and straightening the shirt of mine that she's wearing, while making sure her almost bare legs are completely covered by the blanket.
"Sweetheart you look fine." I say just as my family burst through the front door, being led by a grinning Emmett. I read their thoughts and roll my eyes. Oh here we go.
BPOV
Crap! They are all here and I'm sitting on the couch looking dreadful. Edward seems to find this amusing. I steel myself as everyone pours in the front door. Everyone that is, except Alice.
"Where's Alice?" I wonder out loud before I can stop myself.
"Shopping" Edward says sounding resigned.
"Oh" I am disappointed, I was looking forward to seeing Alice but she obviously doesn't feel the same if she decided to go on a shopping trip while everyone else came home. My heart sinks a little, I was hoping we could be friends, I like Alice a lot.
Edward, seeing my obvious disappointment, moves to reassure me "She saw that you don't have many clothes or personal belongings here with you, so she decided to pick up a few things on her way home."
The way Edward say a few things has me worried, I hope Alice doesn't go overboard. I really don't need much. I can make do with what I have. But because I don't want to seem ungrateful I just nod.
Carlisle and Esme make their way over to me. Esme looking every bit the concerned parent "oh sweetie, Alice said you weren't feeling well, are you ok now?" as she is saying this Carlisle is checking me over, taking my temperature and checking my chest and back with a stethoscope, making me flinch. "Oops, sorry Bella, it's a little cold."
I smile "That's alright, I'm feeling much better, thank you Esme." I whisper shyly. I don't like all of their attention on me.
"Well you don't look okay, in fact you look just awful." Rosalie says snidely making me blush.
Edward growls while Esme admonishes Rosalie "Stop it Rosalie, Bella has been unwell. Of course she is a little pale" she pats my leg "take no notice dear."
Edward is scowling at Rosalie who just shrugs, flips her hair and leaves the room. The thing is, I know she is right. Even before I got sick I looked like hell. I had dark circles under my eyes from too many sleepless nights and I was too skinny even before I got sick. I was plain before but now I just look hideous. I try to hide my face in shame. Edward is furious with her which only makes me feel worse because now I feel guilty as well.
"Edward don't, it's alright." I whisper.
"No it's not, I won't put up with her deliberately hurting your feelings Bella."
I plead with Edward silently with my eyes to let it go, I don't think I could handle any arguments. To emphasise my point I pick this second to have a coughing fit. Edward's face immediately softens as he comes to sit by me and rubs my back soothingly.
"Edward, Bella isn't able for the stress of all this arguing right now. I will have a word will Rosalie as well, but this bickering has to stop." Carlisle sounds so stern I wince, wondering how Edward will react. But he just nods his head silently while Carlisle goes off to rebuke Rosalie for causing trouble.
The situation makes me uncomfortable though because I know it's because I am here. Maybe I should go stay in Edward's room, surely I can't cause any friction from up there. "Edward, do…do you think maybe I should go upstairs, out of the way?" I ask hesitantly.
To my surprise it's Emmett who answers "Naw, take no notice of Rosie, she'll get over it. Besides it's more fun if you stay here. I won't get to watch you do clumsy human things if you hide in Edward's room."
Great, now I'm really blushing. I try to hide behind my hair, I pull it around my face as I hang my head. This seems to amuse Emmett even more. "Ha, look at that blush. What else can I do to make you turn that colour?"
I am about to die of embarrassment. Edward comes to my rescue "Leave her alone Em, she's not well."
Emmett huffs "Fine, but the minute you're better" Emmett pauses for dramatic effect "it's game on" he finishes with a broad grin.
I can help but smile at the giant vampire, I know he is teasing me but I can tell he is just playing, he's not doing it to be nasty.
Jasper, the quietest in the family, just greets me politely and stays on the far side of the room. He seems nice enough but I'm not sure if he likes me or not. He really keeps to himself.
We spend the next few hours just sitting around and talking. Nobody mentions why the family were away and what they were searching for, probably so I won't be worried. Just as it is getting dark outside the lights of a car alert me to someone outside. "Alice is home." Edward says just before she bounces through the front door with armfuls of shopping bags.
"Alice, my God, how much did you buy?" Esme looks stunned.
Alice shrugs and I don't see it as a good sign that Esme is so surprised. Surely she must be used to Alice's shopping sprees. "This isn't even the half of it Esme, I had to buy a new car to carry it all home."
I'm stunned silent, I literally don't know what to say. A car? She bought a car just to bring home some clothes?
"For crying out loud Alice, there was no need to go overboard." Edward huffs, knowing how embarrassed I will be. Jasper smiles indulgently at Alice as he heads out to get more bags from the car.
"What?" Alice tries to sound innocent, "Bella needs some clothes…and stuff. All she had with her was that tiny little backpack, how was she supposed to survive? She needed a car too." Alice finishes quickly.
Edward groans when Jasper comes back with yet even more bags. Alice waves him off "I'll just go put this lot away." With that said she starts hauling the bags upstairs.
"Edward" I whisper, "that's way too much, and I don't need a car." I chew my lip, there is no way I can accept all of this.
Edward leans back into the chair beside me and sighs "It's best just to go with the flow where Alice is concerned, she won't give up until she gets her way." Edward wraps his arm around me as he says this. I don't want to seem ungrateful so I say nothing for now, but there is no way I can accept a car. It's way over the top.
Alice is back within minutes telling me I just have to come check out all my new stuff and I am grateful when Edward reminds her that I am sick so she will have to wait until I'm better. This is the first time that I am glad I am sick because I am terrified to see what awaits me upstairs.
After another little while I start to yawn. "Tired love?" Edward asks and I nod sleepily. "Do you want to go to bed?"
"Woohoo here we go" Emmett jeers, "What do you two get up to when you're all alone." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively, and makes a lewd gesture with his hands. Jasper is grinning while Alice, who is sitting on his lap, swats his shoulder.
Oh no, I wish the ground would swallow me whole. I am mortified. Edward scowls at Emmett as Esme scolds him "Emmett Cullen, you stop that right now."
"Sorry Esme" he grins, Emmett doesn't look very sorry to me. I know he's only joking but I can't help but think about the one time Edward and I did sleep together, and the disastrous aftermath. We have yet to discuss Edward's reaction that night. I peek up to see him still scowling at Emmett. Then he looks at me and his face softens "come on sweetheart, I'll carry you." For once I don't protest as Edward picks me up and heads up to his room with me. I need to get out of this room before I die of embarrassment. As I hear Emmett's cackling behind us I think that I am probably going to be a constant shade of red around him.
I have to use the bathroom when Edward brings me upstairs. I use the bathroom attached to Edward's bedroom, and when I see all of the things Alice has put in here for me I gasp. "What the hell?"
I hear a soft knock on the door "Bella love, are you alright?"
"I'm fine Edward." I open the door once I am done and Edward is standing there waiting for me. "Did you see all of this stuff? I don't even know what most of it is." I wave my hand at the overstocked bathroom. Edward takes a peek inside and shrugs "Alice will be Alice." I snort but decide to let it go.
Once I am tucked into bed, Edward lays down with me and pulls me close to him. "Don't you want to spend some time with everyone downstairs?" I ask him.
"No, I'd much rather be here with you" he squeezes me to emphasise his point.
"But you haven't seen them for days, they must have missed you."
Edward snuggles his face into my neck, making me shiver with pleasure "They'll live."
I laugh at this, "I'm sure they will Edward, but you should go down and be with them for a while. They are your family. Go on, I'll be fine here on my own." I try to look convincing.
"I've just spent the whole evening with them." He looks confused.
"Yes, but I was there, it's not the same." How could they be themselves with me there as well, they need family time after they have been apart for so long.
Edward pulls back to look at me "Bella, they love that you are here with me. They see you as part of this family too, you know."
"But…they hardly know me." I frown, it doesn't make sense.
"They know that I love you Bella, which makes you one of us." Edward kisses me softly when he says this.
"Oh" is all I can manage to say before Edward kisses me gently again.
"Go to sleep sweetheart, you're tired."
I lay there for a long while but I can't manage to go nod off, I can't get what Emmett said out of my head. But I'm too much of a coward to ask Edward about that night. He was so mad.
"Bella love, are you okay? You seem restless." Edward finally breaks the silence.
"I'm fine" I answer too quickly.
"Well now I know something is the matter. What is it?"
"It's nothing, really. I was just thinking."
Edward lifts himself up on his elbow and stares down at me. I can't meet his gaze because I'm afraid he'll be able to see my thoughts on my face.
"Look at me" he quietly orders. I hesitantly look him in the eyes. "There is obviously something bothering you Bella, please tell me what it is. Do you not feel well? Will I call Carlisle?" he looks so concerned and now I feel guilty.
"No, no it's nothing like that. I…I was just thinking. A…about what Emmett said earlier. About you and me, and what we do in…bed." I stop when Edward stiffens. I start to panic "I'm sorry Edward, I shouldn't have mentioned it. Please…don't be mad at me." I cringe away waiting for his anger.
But Edward surprises me when his face softens and he pulls me closer "I'm not angry Bella, not with you at least." I say nothing as Edward seems to be gathering his thoughts. "What we did that night was wrong Bella." My heart sinks at his words. "I hurt you, I could have killed you."
"But that's just it Edward, you didn't hurt me…"
Edward cuts me off "I saw the bruises Bella, don't tell me I didn't hurt you to make me feel better. I will never touch you like that again." Edward's face is hard as he says this.
I try not to cry, I really do. But Edward, the love of my life, the reason I breathe, just told me he doesn't want to sleep with me ever again. I know he has told me he loves me, I know that. But in this moment all I can think is he doesn't want me after all. And so the tears flow.
"Oh Bella, please, don't cry. I want to, I really do. I just can't do that to you again."
"No you don't. You don't want me. Not really, not like that. H…how could you, I'm weak and useless and I didn't know w…what I was doing. I'm no good to a…anyone." I'm sobbing now and my throat is killing me. I start coughing again.
"Bella please, you will make yourself worse, please. Of course I want you." I shake my head in denial but Edward continues "What we did, Bella, it was the best night of my life, but then I saw how I had marked you and I panicked. All that was going through my head was how much you would hate me when you saw what I had done. And then when you blamed yourself, it was more than I could take. I hated myself more in that moment than I ever have. I swore I would never hurt you again."
"But this is hurting me Edward. This feeling that I'm not enough for you. I need you. I need you so much." The tears are still flowing as Edward looks at me with grief stricken eyes.
"Okay" he says slowly "we can try again, but not until you are better."
But I swear Bella, if I hurt you at all this time, you have to tell me to stop." Edward looks terrified but resigned.
I nod a smile slightly "I love you" is all I can manage to say.
"As I love you Bella." he kisses my forehead. "Now sleep."
A/N I was wondering, is there a time limit on how long chapters stay up? Will I have to re-post earlier chapters because I noticed that there seems to be a 90 day limit on chapters. I don't want my story to start disappearing on me!