Hey, check me out! Aren't I getting good at this! I'm even putting up two chapters at once! And only two more to go after today. This chapter is pretty uneventful, like I said last time. But the next one should keep you satisfied.
Myri78: Christ! Chill out already! It's only a story for God's sake!Lol, No need to get arsey! You can relax now. No need to kill me with you bare hands anymore. :)
To the rest of my reviewers, thanks a bundle. Loving the great responces from you guys. Keep them coming and I might even post the last two chapters sooner than I had planned.Lol
Enjoy
Chapter 21
Issie once again wiped the tears from her eyes as she sat in the darkness on her bed. She couldn't believe she had lost him again. All this time without him and she ruined what could possibly have been the only chance she got to win him back. She pushed too far and too hard. She tried to make him too much a part of her world, forgetting that it wasn't more involvment in her world he needed. It was the familiarity of home. She should have taken both Legolas and Katelin straight back to Mirkwood as soon as he was well enough.
Squeezing her eyes closed, she shook her head angrily. What posessed her to treat him like that? He had been her entire world for a time and she should have been doing all she could to help him. But instead she almost allowed herself to believe he hadn't lost his memory at all. She just carried on, hoping it would all sort itself out eventually. That first serious talk about his past had been their last. Every day they had minor chats about things that had gone on, various funny, scary or beautiful moments they had shared during the quest. But it hadn't been enough. She hadn't been enough.
And now it looked like she would never get to make it up to him.
No, she thought. She would find him one day. She didn't know how but she would find him. It didn't matter if Peter's next portal dumped her in the middle of Mordor. She would walk the length and breadth of Arda he would be waiting at the end of the road. In her mind she could still see that final smile he gave her and it warmed her heart. There was so much hope in his eyes she couldn't help but be comforted.
Pulling herself back together for a minute, she remembered how she had felt months before. But Issie refused to let herself sink that low again. She had a daughter to take carea of who was taking the departure of her father very hard. She was even grizzling in her sleep and it was breaking Issie's heart to hear her in the next room. So she had to be strong for the both of them and not let herself give in to the utter misery that was threatening to overtake her once again.
Reaching over to her stereo she hit the 'random' button and waited to see what cd and track she would hear. When she heard the intro she rolled her eyes. She knew this song way too well!
Don't leave me in all this pain.
Don't leave me out in the rain.
Don't leave me here with these tears.
Come and take…(Toni Braxton – Un-break My Heart)
She hit the skip button and waited again. Then she heard the next random track and groaned. Not again!
Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said, let's think it over.
You have been my life
And I never planned growing old without you.
Shadows bleeding through…(Bryan McFadden + Delta Goodrem – Almost Here)
Again her hand slammed down on the button and again she rolled her eyes. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't fair!
If only you could see the tears
In the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart
Just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace…(Westlife – Soledad)
She swore, she didn't care what the next track was, she was listening to it. She was just sick of songs about breaking up or dying. Anything was better.
Time, sometimes your time just slips away
And you're left with yesterday, left with the memories
Apparently she was wrong. But she didn't have the energy to change it over now. Something about the lyrics this time caught and held her, forcing her to listen.
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time I had you with me.
Though we've gone our separate ways
I won't forget, so don't forget
The memories we made
Please remember
Please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember our time together
When time was yours and mine and we were wild and free
Please remember
Please remember me.
Goodbye, there's just no sadder words to say
And it's sad to walk away with just the memories
Who's to know what might have been.
We'll leave behind a life and time
One never known again
Please remember
Please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Oh, remember
Please remember me
Please remember
Please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember our time together
When time was yours and mine and we were wild and free
Please remember
Please remember me
And how we laughed and how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you and you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast, we ran so free
Cos I had you, and you had me.
Please remember.
Please remember.
With a quivering sigh, Issie wiped away what she was determined to make the last of her tears. Looking back over the past few years she realised she couldn't go on like this. Too much crap had stopped her from going as far as she knew she could. She didn't even have a job, for Christ's sake! The Council continued to give Peter funding when they realised they had their Slayer back so they were never short of cash. But all she ever did was train, patrol and play with Katie.
And that wasn't enough anymore. Her normal, relatively empty life wasn't enough to stop her thinking about the gaping whole she still had in her heart. So she needed to fill it with something.
So, she gave a resolved nod of the head and got to her feet, determined not to let this devastating evening ruin what was left of her existence. She was a Slayer, afterall.
Slayers couldn't be beaten that easily.
"Peter, I'm back! Where's my gorgeous girl!" Issie called as she closed the door on the beautiful sunny day behind her. She dropped her gym bag beneath the coat hooks and glanced in the mirror, pausing to tuck behind her ear a stray lock of hair that had escaped the short ponytail at the back of her head.
"We're in the basement," came the muffled reply of her Watcher from the direction of the kitchen. Issie walked through into the kitchen and grabbed a class of water then went to the sliding wooden door leading to the basement. Her trainers padded softly on the wooden stairs and when she was half way down she sat, looking through the banister.
Peter was on his knees on the soft crash mat, holding a wobbling Katie upright by the hands. He looked up at Issie with shining eyes and a face that beamed with pride. "Look," he said to Issie, "we've been working on this all morning!" Inching back a little Peter brought his hands in toward him, letting go of Katelin's chubby fists. Instinct kicked in and her legs started to move, carrying her in easy steps toward him again. Peter kept shifting back more and more so she had farther to walk but after about a dozen steps she apparently had had enough of performing and she plopped down heavily on her rump, a happy grin on her face. Six little pearly teeth peeked out from her gums and bright blue eyes sparkled adoringly up at her Uncle Peter. Light brown curls that had darkened from blonde tickled her ears but whenever Issie tried to clip them back Katie just scowled and yanked the clips out, then cried because doing so had yanked out some hair with it.
Issie laughed warmly at the sight. "Oh, she's doing better!" She came and sat on the bottom step and Katelin turned around, charging across the mat on her hands and knees. The girl could walk quite well upright and would have been able to make that short distance without assistance but she decided it would be much faster to just crawl the way she had been for the past few months.
Catching her daughter up in her arms, Issie stood and swung her round, earning her happy squeals and laughter, before settling for hugging her tightly and kissing her chubby cheek. "How's my beautiful baby-girl?" she whispered, gazing lovingly into the blue orbs she had inherrited from her father. She could see already Katelin was going to be the image of Legolas, but with her dark hair. And… in a way, she took comfort from that. There was a tiny part of Legolas still here with them, even if it only lived within their daughter. And that was okay.
In response to her mother's question, Katelin made sweet, chirping baby noises and waved her arms, tugging on the strands that had escaped Issie's ponytail. Wincing, Issie pulled her hair from the toddler's grasp and smiled, kissing her forehead again and placing her back on the ground. Katelin immediately started crawling over to the toy corner they had set up for her and began rummaging, oblivious to the rest of the grown-up world in that innocent child-like way that would more than likely vanish within a few years. Living with a Slayer had a way of making the young grow up too fast.
"How was work?" Peter asked, sitting cross-legged on the mat and watching Katie play.
Again, Issie sat down on the bottom step and took a long swallow from her glass. "Oh, same old, same old. A beginner, two intermediates and one who's been doing it 'longer than I've been alive,' apparently." She just grinned and shook her head. "You should've seen the look on his face when I landed him on his ass for the third time!" She laughed at the memory.
It had been such a stroke of luck that she had managed to get this job. Martial Arts teacher at an Academy within a twenty minute jog from where she lived! Ideal! She worked part time, every morning from eight 'til one. The people she worked with were nice enough but weren't intent on finding out about her life, past, or family, which was a bonus. Like when they had to choose a midwife last year, she couldn't afford getting too chummy with someone who asked a lot of questions. So their respect of her privacy was appreciated.
But Peter had to rain on her parade, didn't he. "You aren't drawing unnecessary attention, are you? Superior strength may raise questions that shouldn't be asked."
Issie resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. "The worst they can do is test me for drugs and we both know I'm cleaner than clean. People will label what they can and just rationalise what they can't. It's all good." She gulped down the rest of her water and stood, heading back up the stairs to the kitchen. "I'm going to start on lunch. How does Italian sound to you?"
And that's pretty much how life was for them now. It was happy, full of conversation and laughter, how it should have been all along. On the outside anyway.
Issie was still beating herself up over losing Legolas. Some small part of her felt he would come back one day. But it had been eight months; that was a long time to wait. Common sense had said it was over, that she should leave well alone and accept the dinner invitation she kept getting from that nice-looking young man she was teaching kick-boxing.
But she couldn't. Even if there weren't the obsticles of her being a Slayer and an Elf (one and the same, I know), her feelings for Legolas hadn't even blurred at the edges. They were still as bright and vivid as they had been from the first day she had said the words. She loved him. Whether he was one room away or a whole world away, it didn't change that he had taken a part of her with him when he left. And unfortunately for her, and the kick-boxer, she needed that bit if she was going to love again.
After lunch she went up to her room and stripped out of her work gear, ready to shower and chill out for a couple of hours before loosening up for patrol. Her gaze wandered over to the portrait on her wall. It had been such a sad day when Thraduil had given this to her, now it was one of her greatest sources of joy. She walked and stood in front of it and allowed herself a bittersweet smile. That was the Legolas she knew and loved. He was stood, in the same clothes he had worn on the quest, bow in hand with an arrow notched. His piercing blue eyes were captivating even on canvas, a testiment to the paiter's skill. Her stare slid down his body and she felt her heart skip. With a smile and a giggle, she shook her head and broke from the dirty memories she had been indulging in.
On her way out of her room to the bathroom she brushed her fingers over the three dvd cases on her bookshelf. She had bought the Lord of the Rings films a couple of months ago when she missed his voice a little too much. Now she clung to them just in case she had let herself start to forget. She had watched them with Peter once, pointing out how things had been different when she was there, the things she had done and how it had felt to be a part of something to unbelievably huge. But he had been strangely silent, almost uncomfortable, through them all, those three evenings watching them together feeling far longer than their three hours. She hadn't even asked if he wanted to see any of them since then. But to her they were almost a lifeline now. She had read the books twice and had even ploughed through the Silmarillion again, just to feel closer to Legolas.
As she stood under the warm spray in the bathroom she thought about the one thing she couldn't quite let go of. Peter had often asked her why she went out on patrol so early and came back so late. Even he had given up waiting for her to get in before going to bed at night. Sometimes she wasn't back before dawn. But, thanks to her elven endurance, it didn't affect her and she was able to go to work without any trouble. Of course, on those days when she only stopped off at home to change clothes and say good morning to Katie, she could never quite get her head straight. All morning she was left thinking about how last night could have been.
After making two sweeps of the cemetary she would sit in the portal clearing and wait, staring into the burnt circle in the centre like she could will it to ignite on its own. She would lean back against a tree and hum to herself. Although not a tear would touch her face she would let herself truly feel Legolas' absence. Various songs would come to mind and she couldn't help singing them quietly to herself, almost hoping that somewhere, somehow, he would hear her and know she wanted him to come home.
When she couldn't stand the misery anymore she pulled herself back together and made her rounds through the nearby clubs before heading home. Nearly every time she caught a few straglers and managed to take out some of her frustration and aggression on them so it didn't stay bottled up. Katelin could always tell when her mother still had some pent up violence left in her. She didn't let Issie keep hold of her for long. She would grizzle, arch her back and insist on being put on the floor to make her own way around. And every time she did that Issie felt a stab of pain in her heart. It was the subtlest type of rejection that, to a mother's irrational mind, translated as blame. She had to wonder if Katelin didn't blame her for Legolas' departure. God knows she blamed herself! Why wouldn't Katelin recognise that it was something Issie had done to drive him away?
But there was nothing for it now. She was just going to have to accept that life was the way it was and she could do nothing to change it. Maybe he would come back, maybe he wouldn't. When Katelin was old enough, she was going to train her to fight and travel Middle Earth with her anyway. It didn't matter that they would be dumped in any random place on Arda. She would find Mirkwood eventually and would introduce Katelin to her father, whether he remembered their faces or not.
And life wasn't that bad without him. It was good, even. It could be better, she could be sharing it with the Legolas she had fallen in love with. But the past few months had taught her something. She could survive without him. She would go on and would be happy. For the sake of her daughter and her own sanity she had to keep on like she had. Eventually his being gone wouldn't matter so much.
Eventually…
The whole listening to the radio thing may be corny but it was the only way I could think to get in the song that inspired me to write this. Go on and read the next chapter and let me know what you think of how I handled it.