Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell, nor any of its characters. Though I sure wish I did.

oOoOo

Chapter 21

That week, Max and Liz avoided each other. When they were in class, they would not even look at the other. It even came to a point where Liz asked to be reassigned to a different lab partner. Max did not object at all. At home, they locked themselves in their own rooms, not wanting to risk seeing each other.

During Michael's absence, Alex, Maria and Isabel surrounded Liz. No one even dared to hassle Liz with the events of the previous week. Although the gossip mill could not be avoided, the gang pretty much shielded Liz from all of it.

Unfortunately for Max, the break up made all his former friends hate him even more, along with his own sister and Tess and Kyle. But despite all of their anger, the only one that mattered was Liz. Seeing her so broken was making him hate his own self.

After a week of doing nothing but avoiding Liz, he couldn't take it much longer. He started to isolate himself, mostly keeping to himself and eating lunch alone. Sometimes he wouldn't eat at all and would rather spend his time in the library to get some peace and quiet. As his guilt begins to eat him up alive, he stopped attending all his classes and stayed in his room all day where he thinks of nothing and no one but Liz.

Diane and Philip begin to worry about him wasting his life away. They started to realize how serious this relationship was between Max and Liz. They asked Nancy if she had any clue as to what's going on but unfortunately she had none. She told them that she couldn't get anything out of Liz either and was worried about how quiet she has become. This had not happened before even with the deaths of Jeff and Claudia so this behavior change in Liz was also scaring her. But there was nothing any of them could do except to let them sort it out for themselves and hopefully open up to them soon.

Another week passes and the lack of change in Max and Liz's demeanor causes everyone to start worrying. Liz was starting to withdraw into her shell and Max was still avoiding everyone and has the Counting Crows blaring in his room.

Alex dropped by the Evans mansion shortly after class one day. He was greeted by Agnes and he asked for Max.

"He has been in his room all day, Mr. Whitman."

"Agnes, the name's Alex. Mr. Whitman was my dad."

Agnes smiled at the kid. Isabel's friends were always very kind. She escorted him all the way to Max's bedroom door. Then she told him that she will bring up some snacks and drinks for them shortly.

Alex nodded and knocked.

"Go away" was the muffled response from the other side of the door.

"No can do, man. Open up."

The door immediately swung open revealing Max in a pair of old black sweats and a gray tee-shirt. It was pretty obvious that he was surprised to see Alex.

"A-Alex. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at Winneman?"

"Classes already ended."

Max blinked then looked at his watch. "Oh…yeah." He made this gesture, parting his lips slightly to show his bottom set of teeth. "Sorry about that. I didn't realize what time it was."

"I'll bet. Look, can we talk?"

"Uh…sure. Come on in." Max sidestepped to allow Alex to move into his room.

After closing the door, Max moved swiftly to tidy up a bit. Alex sat on his computer chair and waited for Max to settle down.

Alex noticed Max's scruffy look. "Wow, you look…uh…different."

Max rubbed his unshaven face. "Yeah, I know. So…what brings you here? Did you come by to scold me or did Maria ask you to smack me some more?"

Alex shook his head. "No one knows I'm here. Not even Isabel. I know that she and the girls have plans to head over to Maria's right after school."

"What about Michael?"

"He got grounded by his Dad."

"Oh."

"I'm just gonna cut down to the chase. I know that you drifted from us and I'm not here to interrogate you on that. I just want to know what happened with you and Liz."

"Alex…"

"Max, the girl has turned into a freaking zombie. Maybe you haven't noticed it since you've been cooped up in here ever since you broke up but give the girl some closure and talk with her ."

"You don't understand…"

"Then make me. Tell me what went wrong." Alex rolled his seat closer. "Max, all this time, you did not hear a single word from me about you pulling away. When you hurt Michael, Maria, Isabel and I, you never heard a peep out of me. I respected your decision because I thought maybe you were going through something that none of us could understand at the time. I knew that you felt left out at times so I stayed quiet. I can only imagine how weird it must be for you, when back when we were kids, we all hung out together. And then we grew up and paired off, leaving you left out most of the time. I'm sorry for ever making you feel that way."

Max sighed at Alex's speech. Suddenly all the conflicting emotions he felt back then just simply disappeared. 'Maybe this was the moment', he thought to himself.

"Alex…ok, yes, maybe I felt left out sometimes but that didn't really bother me. I was happy for all of you. There were moments when I wished that there were 6 of us, then maybe we could all hang out on group dates or whatever." He tried to hold in a chuckle, "I even went along when Maria tried to play matchmaker on me which were all disasters. I just…I…."

"Look, it's obvious that I won't be able to make you open up that part yet, but what about this with Liz? I don't want to sound like Maria and Michael but I hate to say that we told you to stay away. Liz had the right motive in giving you a chance, I thought maybe she'd be the one to make you open up and come back to us. That's why I never said a word against your relationship. And for a time, I thought things were going well for the both of you."

"They were." Max whispered.

"Then what happened?"

Max pressed his lips together in a thin line. He didn't want to break down in front of Alex, one of his childhood friends. But he was right, Alex never said anything bad about what happened, he never lashed out against him. Could he really confide in him with his deepest darkest secret and trust him enough not to tell anyone?

After waging an internal battle between his mind and heart, he finally gave in.

"I think I should start from the beginning…"

Just as Max was about to proceed, Tess knocked on the door. Alex noticed the instant change in Max's attitude. Max opened the door slightly and saw the tray with some sandwiches and a full pitcher and two glasses filled with ice.

"I brought up some snacks that Agnes said you and Alex might like." Tess spoke dryly.

Max opened the door wide enough for Tess to come in. "Just put them on the table and leave." He ordered her coldly.

Alex noticed that Tess was completely stiff and saw the look of contempt on her face. She rushed to the study table and deposited the tray on it. Then she hurriedly walked out of the room with a huff.

"I take it she knows what happened?"

Max shrugged, "I guess." He walked over to the table and got Alex's share and gave his friend his food and a tall glass of iced tea. "Here."

"Uh, I'm not really hungry Max."

Max just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

Alex smiled sheepishly, "Ok, maybe a little."

The two young men chomped down their sandwiches and emptied their drinks. Soon they were back in their seats with Alex on the computer chair and Max on his bed.

"So, you were saying about the beginning?" Alex started.

"Uh, maybe we should just talk about this some other time."

"No way Max, I've waited so long for this, I'm not going to let you chicken out again. I know that the friend I knew back then was still in there and all this time, I hoped to see him again. I'm here as a friend Max, your old childhood best friend."

"You might change your mind when you hear what I have to say."

"I've tolerated your becoming such a jerk, what makes you think I'd stop now?"

'It's now or never' Max took a deep breath and got down to it.

He looked over at his study table where all his trophies and articles and news clippings were posted. "You remember when I started winning those?" He nodded towards his table.

"Yeah…"

"Do you remember when I started getting 2nd place instead of first?"

Alex nodded, wondering where Max was heading with this.

"Do you know Nick Baxter?"

"Yeah, he was the freshman who got recruited in your varsity team."

"Yeah, he was."

Max took another deep breath. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Alex, I never told another living soul about this. I'm asking you now as a friend to please promise me that this will stay just between us and no one else."

"Sure." Alex quickly nodded.

He wet his dry lips and spoke, "Nick started winning more meets than I was, do you remember that?"

"Yeah."

"I got jealous of him. For a long time, I had all the attention. I hate to admit it but the trophies, the victory parties, it all got into my head."

"That's only natural Max. You were the star of the track team."

"Until Nick came along….I got so caught up in winning it all back, in regaining my title that I would do anything for it." He took a deliberate pause. "And I did."

"I don't understand Max. What are you saying here?"

"Do you remember the tragedy that struck then?"

Alex nodded solemnly.

"I caused that." Max lips trembled.

"What do you mean?"

Max got up and started pacing. When he stopped, he took in a different stance and was staring off into space, as if he was the only person in the room.

"I practiced so hard, I pushed myself to the limit but it still wasn't enough. I ran myself haggard, getting up in the wee hours of the morning to practice, going to school, partying with you guys and the jocks, then going for another run at night. I tried to balance my time as best as I could. I didn't realize that I was running myself into the ground. When I still couldn't get to 1st place, that's when I started pulling away. And at first it was only because I needed time to practice some more. I couldn't give up time for school because if my grades dropped, I'd be pulled off completely from the team."

Alex just listened, not uttering a single word so as not to disrupt Max's concentration. He knew that his friend needed to get this out.

"Then I met Brandon, one of the basketball players and a friend of Sean's. Sean told him about what I was going through; apparently he discovered my early morning runs one day and I kinda told him the stress I was having. Anyway, Brandon uh…"

Alex looked at Max carefully as he struggled to find the words.

"He gave me something to help."

"He gave you drugs." It wasn't a question. Alex said it in a form of a statement.

Max merely nodded, then proceeded to tell the rest of the story in a blur.

"I took some, only to test them. But then I performed better, better than Nick during practice. So I started taking it regularly. I won once, but then Nick found out about it and he threatened to report me to the Dean. I managed to throw him off my back but only if I would give him some of what I was taking."

Alex couldn't believe his ears. Max Evans, his longtime friend would never do something as shocking as taking drugs! He was dumbfounded, how could something this big slip past them. They were his best friends, how could they not know, how could they not have noticed.

Max continued, not noticing the expressions playing across Alex's face.

"So I gave him some. I implicitly drilled into him the right dosage." Max shook his head slightly, he now had a faraway look, as if he was transported right back into that very moment.

"At the day of the finals, he was nowhere to be found. So we went on, tension was running high and I ran as hard as I could and I won. It was the most meaningful victory to me because when I got caught, I swore off those things and flushed every last one I had down the toilet. After a long while of losing to Nick, I finally won again and with no help from the drugs."

Max's eyes pooled with unshed tears and Alex just sat and waited for Max to finish his entire story.

"At the party, we all found out why Nick never made it to the finals." Max's voice started to break, "H-His mother found him…in h-his room…he overdosed…he was r-rushed to the ER…but he n-never made it."

Max completely broke down right before Alex's eyes. Alex didn't know what to do for him. Max slumped down on the floor with his back against the side of his bed. Alex slid off the chair and sat in front of Max, willing him to see that he was not alone, that he didn't have to carry this burden alone.

"It w-was my fault. I k-killed him."

"No Max! You didn't! He took the drugs from you. He threatened you to give it to him. You told him about the right dosage but he refused to listen. The blame was on him, not you." Alex gripped the side of Max's head. "Do you hear me? It's not your fault!"

Max struggled and was able to break free from Alex's hold. "Don't you see? I gave those to him! If it wasn't for me he would still be alive! And it was all because of my pride and greed to win, to get more of those damn trophies!"

Alex didn't know what else to do. Max has been carrying this with him for years. He knew Max needed help, more than he could give but he didn't want to lose his trust. After all this time, Max finally spoke up.

"Is this why you broke up with Liz?"

Max nodded. "If someone found out, I'll be dragging her down with me or she'd break up with me before I could even say a word. I had to do something. I can't allow that to happen to her, not to her." He sobbed.

"Max, buddy…you should have told us sooner. Everyone would see it the way I do, that none of it was your fault."

"No! You promised not to tell anyone!" Max had a vice-like grip on Alex's upper arms.

"I won't tell anyone, I promised."

Max finally released his hold and drew his knees up. He hugged his body to himself and cried for all the pain that his mistakes brought him.

Alex just stayed until his friend had calmed down. He now knew the reason why Max changed. He was ashamed of a wrong that he didn't commit. It was all Nick's doing. But now that he knew, what could he do to save Max from himself?