We're just standing there, staring at each other in the hall. He looked like he wants to follow me with bleach or something if I dared to move further into the house. I'm not sure I wanted to stick around. There's something about the place that freaked me out. But it's him, and I have to stick it out. I forced myself to start slow, to ease him into it, even though I want him to just level with me for once.

'So … nice place.'

Could he hear my disdain?

'Thanks. But it's your home too, Dean.'

He sounds confused. I need to find out what's been going on with him.

'Oh, right. So, no bunker?'

He smiled weakly.

'What bunker?'

'What bunker?!' I blurted out. Is he serious? 'The Men of Letters bunker? My legacy?'

He frowned for a moment, and then his expression cleared, like he suddenly remembered.

'Sweetie, is this a joke? Or are you role playing?'

What did the siren do to him? I tried to regroup, find out what was going on with him.

'Never mind. So … we went to Italy?'

'Are you okay, Dean?' Cas did that head tilt thing, and I felt myself swallow around a huge lump in my throat. 'I thought you wanted to have sex, anyway. Wasn't that what we were doing?'

We were doing what, now?

'No. We broke up, Cas.'

He smiled weakly at me.

'Why would we do that?'

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to think of some way we could get on the same page.

'Cas just … just tell me about us.'

I opened my eyes and saw him grinning at me, like I'd handed him a bunch of candy. I hoped that meant I'd made some progress.

'Well, we didn't break up, that's for sure. What do you want to know?'

'Everything. Tell me everything that led us to this house, right now.'

His smile wavered, but at least he talked.

'We got together about seven years ago, but we've been friends for much longer. We've been married five years, but it honestly doesn't feel like that, Dean. It feels like the honeymoon stage.'

We got what? He didn't seem to notice my freaking out over the whole marriage thing.

'We have a good life together. And a great sex life, that seems so important to you. And we don't live too far from Sam and Becky, that's important to you too. And we have the best nieces in the world, even if Jessie's a little too hyperactive and Mary's too confrontational. I think it's because they're three, you think it's because they get excited to see us.'

'We're married?' I heard the other stuff, I did, but I'm not going to get bogged down with details.

'Yes, Dean,' now he sounded upset. 'Don't you remember?'

Of course I don't remember the made up shit in his head.

'I'm just surprised, that's all.'

'You're the one who proposed.'

Well, of course I would be. It's like this place is everything he wanted. Does he want me to propose? Does he really think marriage was where we were headed? I guess so.

'I guess it was like, the perfect proposal, huh?'

He didn't hear the sarcasm. Instead he grinned at me like I finally got it. Oh, I got it all right.

'It really was. I mean, other people might not think it was romantic, but it was so … us. We'd been walking by the river and you stopped us walking, then went down on one knee and said about how much you loved me and then you proposed. It was just us, and the river, and the stars. It was amazing.'

It doesn't sound like anything I'd do.

'And the wedding?' I could hear the strain in my voice, even if he couldn't.

'Perfection.' He grinned. Perfection? Who talks like that? My "husband", apparently. 'Oh Dean, you know I love this story!'

Oh fuck, what've I done?

'So we decided not to have a church wedding. You weren't really bothered about where we got married, as long as we did. I chose this cute little place, right on the beach, and we had a few friends and family members there. My brother officiated, Sam was best man. We had our first dance to one of those rock songs you used to love.'

Used to love?

'So, what, I'm not into music any more?'

'Not so much.'

There was an awkward pause, like he was waiting for me to ask why, and I tried to figure out how to tell him the truth.

'So, why're you by the front door? I thought you were headed into the back yard. And you're wearing different clothes. You look like a trucker.'

Now's the time to give him a reality check, but I don't think it's going to be easy.

'Look, Cas, this isn't easy to hear, but we're not married. We're not even dating right now. You screwed me over, and I broke us up. You ran into a siren that looked like me about two weeks ago, and it put you in this, this coma-like place. All its other victims woke up, and you're the only one who won't. Sam and Charlie, they worked out a way for me to get in here and talk to you, convince you to come home. So would you just come home? We'll work out whatever we need to, but I need you home. I think … I think you're dying back there, man.'

Cas looked like he was trying to listen and understand, but I guessed that a lot of that just went right over his head.

'I wouldn't screw you over, Dean. I love you.'

'Uh-huh, I wouldn't have believed it either, but you did. Could you please just listen to me? Come home with me.'

'We are home.' Cas shrugged.

'No, Cas, we're not. We're stuck in your head, in some weird fantasy you have about us. It's not real. And you know what? It would be real selfish of you to stay in here where nothing bad ever happens just because you're too afraid to deal with the consequences of your actions. Especially when you're going to leave me to watch you die. You think I could deal with that, Cas?'

'I'm not dying, Dean,' Cas smiled at me. That smile you use for sick relatives you're not allowed to tell are about to bite it. I didn't miss the irony. 'And if we're really broken up,' I hated the condescending sound of his voice just then. 'Then why would it bother you?'

I squeezed my hands into fists, trying to control my temper.

'Are you fucking kidding me right now?' I tried not to yell at him. 'Cas, who the fuck do you think came to your rescue from the siren? Who do you think has kept an eye on you for weeks, trying to make sure you're at least stable? Did you think I'd let my brother come in here and try to reason with you instead of me?' I took in a deep breath, and forced the words out. 'You really don't get it, do you? You've won, okay? You've won because I still feel this way. Because you can treat me like total crap and I still can't stay away from you. You've won because I-I-'

Yeah, I still can't tell him.

'Whatever. Look, Cas, it's me. Can't you just trust me? Or has that gone in your little fantasy world, and it's just about what you want, all the time?'

He looked away from me, focusing on the ring on his left hand, twisting it around his finger. His wedding band.

'I trust you, Dean. You know that.'

'Then please, please come home?'

He still wouldn't look at me.

'I am home, Dean. So are you.'

'This isn't real, Castiel! None of it's real! Don't you get that? The only things that are real in this place are you and me. What's real is that you are dying in front of me in the bunker, what's real is that you lied to me, and cheated on me, and took advantage of me, and I'm still here fighting for us, Cas.'

He still wouldn't look at me. I wasn't going to get through to him, was I? He was more concerned with staying in his little bubble, safe from the real world, safe from our problems. And I wished I could do the same thing, but I knew it wasn't right.

'Cas, please, just look at me.'

He raised his head, still toying with his wedding band. Whatever he's thinking, I can't read it on his face. I don't know what to do, how to convince him to do the right thing, how to save him.

'Maybe this was a waste of time,' I sighed.

'No, no it wasn't, Dean. It never is when it comes to us.'

I stared at him, just for a moment. Was that a sign he was listening?

'You're right, I need to cut you some slack. I mean, you can drink the beers from the local convenience store if it makes you happy. It doesn't have to be imported. Even if they're better.'

He controls my beer in here?

'Well, thanks Cas, but you're completely missing the point.'

'Do you want to top some more? Or have me cook once in a while?'

Do I want to what?

'Cas, I want you to come with me. I figure if we walk out the front door, we'll make it back. Will you at least try, for me? Humour me.'

He gave me a polite smile, but didn't move. So I did, crossing the short space between us, and crushing his mouth with my own. It was a desperate, last ditch attempt, I guess, to get across the words I couldn't say. I was determined to kiss the life out of him, to remind him how good we could be, how good we'd be again if he'd just wake the hell up and talk to me. He has to give me some answers, but not here, not now, not in his head while he doesn't believe a single word I'm saying.

I forgot how good he kisses, how great he tastes. Or, I remembered, but I didn't remember well enough. I was pushing him up against the door frame, smothering him, knowing it was probably uncomfortable but I didn't care. At least he kissed back, sliding his hands around my neck, pulling me closer like I wasn't already trying to taste his tonsils. I could feel him pressing against me, already hard, so ready for me, and I really hoped when my body responded in this dream world that I didn't have a situation in my sleep too. For all I knew, Sam, Becky and Charlie were still in the room, keeping an eye on both of us. That would suck to wake up to them avoiding my eye contact because Cas got me going.

I made the kiss last for ages, too afraid that I'd pull away and he'd still be ignorant of everything. But it had to end, because it still killed me, knowing what he did.

'Dean?' he whispered, stroking a thumb across my eye. 'Dean, it's okay.'

He pulled me back to him, letting me cry into his shoulder, and I grabbed onto him like a lifeline, barely paying attention as he stroked my back, whispering to me. All I could pay attention to was that this was going to be our goodbye. If he wasn't prepared to leave this place, this fantasy world that he'd created, then I was going to have to prepare myself for the inevitable.

'Cas? Are you going to come with me?'

'I don't know.'

I expected it, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with.

'Please?'

'Dean, if what you're saying is true,' he sounded so unsure as he said it. 'If we're really broken up in a parallel universe, if I'm really dying, then what's the point?'

'It could save you!'

He sighed, I could feel his whole body moving with it.

'I'll think about it,' he decided, but it sounded like a platitude. He was just saying what he thought I would want to hear.

'No, Cas. We don't have the time for that.'

I pulled away from him, letting go, staring at him like I haven't been crying like a baby. He was looking at a photograph to the side of us. I followed his gaze. It was a wedding photo, I could tell by all the confetti surrounding us in the picture. We were both in suits, and laughing together. It was a real good picture. I got where he was at, a little. Maybe he was beginning to believe me, maybe he was accepting that I was telling the truth, but he didn't want to let go of the idea that we're happily married.

'Cas? I know it's not easy, okay? I know you're happy. But it's the right thing to do. You think we can't be happy out there? You think I don't want to try again? But I can't do it on my own, okay?'

He nodded absent-mindedly, but I knew it was over. I couldn't convince him any more.

'Cas?' He looked at me again, this time concerned. 'Cas I … I love you. I do. And if that means anything, you'll follow me out of the door. I'll be waiting for you to wake up. And yeah, it'll suck at first, but aren't I worth it?'

I didn't wait for him to react, didn't wait for the fallout of me finally saying those words. I turned around, and headed out of the door.