#Tuckson #AnotherToddlerStep #ButReallyWhyWontSVUHireMe
A few days later, Tucker sat at his desk clicking his pen as he tried to concentrate on the report he was working on.
But he couldn't.
His mind kept going back to the day down at 1PP, to that feeling he had wash over his body as Chief Dodds looked him in the eyes and delivered who was responsible for covering up rapes and threatening Olivia.
"In fact, Captain, it looks like you were one of the signatures on his promotion two years ago?"
Ed let out a sigh. Olivia may not be placing any blame on him, but he sure as hell was blaming himself enough for the both of them. For someone who had spent his career reading people, cops in particular, how could he have let this happen? How did he not see it?
"Dammit," he whispered, throwing the pen down onto his desk and leaning back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.
It felt so similar to what had happened with Eugene. Ed was confident that when Olivia met him at the pub that night, as everything blew up around them, she was going to bail. She was going to tell him it was too much, that maybe she still believed him but needed to distance herself. Instead she grasped his hands and dove in with him, even taking some of the fall. As horrible as he had felt about it, she never placed any blame on him. She had believed in him then, and still believed in him. It only strengthened Ed's resolve to somehow make her his. To be the protector that she so desperately wanted, though she'd never admit it. To be the man she could trust with her body, her mind, her soul, and most importantly, her heart.
Olivia's face flashed through his mind; her smile, the way her eyes lit up when she was happy, the way she chewed her bottom lip when she was nervous. Everything about her consumed Ed Tucker. She was perfect. Exquisite. And not only was he getting a second chance, she once again was not blaming him for whatever role he may have played in bringing more conflict into her life.
"This is not even close to being your fault, Ed Tucker."
The last few days had been somewhat seamless for them; texting when they had time, meeting for dinner and park dates. But if Ed were honest, he felt like he wasn't seeing them enough. He was missing the small moments with Olivia, whether it was after Noah was asleep or while they watched him play. He just missed them and there was still a little worry, now that life was back to normal, that they would fall into the same rut they had a year ago, causing her to push him away.
Letting out a breath, he tried to table his rampant thoughts for now and leaned forward, logging back into his computer and trying to concentrate on the report. But it wasn't that easy.
"Okay, maybe hit the gym, get some frustration out," he thought to himself as he checked the time. He had just enough of an opening to work out, shower, and do another hour of work before meeting Olivia and Noah for dinner.
Getting up from his desk, he grabbed his gym bag from the cabinet in his office and headed out, whistling a bit as he nodded to his secretary and disappeared from sight.
"No fank you," Noah said politely to his mother as Olivia tried to get him to try the fish in her taco. He was not a picky eater, but he had a slight look of disgust on his face as he processed the idea of fish on a taco.
"Dat not taco, Mommy," he had said when she ordered them. "Dat fish."
Despite the fact that Olivia ranted and raved about her selection, Noah would not budge and Ed found it incredibly amusing to watch the scene.
When Olivia had suggested the dinner location, Ed had perused the menu and noticed that their tacos looked a little adventurous for a four year old, but he figured she knew her son best and agreed. But Noah had not been impressed. Tacos were supposed to have ground beef or chicken with cheese, according to him. Ed just laughed and shot Olivia a look, which she returned with an eye roll.
He settled for a quesadilla, which the restaurant had to make special, but the waiter didn't mind. Especially since Olivia had Noah add his adorable "Pweeeeeeeese" to the end of her request.
Now they were all digging into their dinners happily, Ed having gone for the braised short rib selection, and settled into their usual banter. Noah told them what he learned at preschool, as well as what he and Lucy did that afternoon. Olivia quizzed him on a few things, mainly who he played with at preschool, given the boy was still a bit shy around other kids. Then Ed would toss around ideas for dessert with a gleam in his eye, knowing that Noah would inevitably insist on the frozen yogurt place so he could pick his own toppings.
"He doesn't need dessert every night, Ed," Olivia responded, finally intervening that evening on what was becoming Ed's attempt to spoil her son with sweets. But her argument started off weak, given the smirk on her face and the gleam in her own eyes.
Ed just shrugged, already knowing he was going to win this one.
"It's not every night," he insisted, before relenting a bit. "Okay, well, every night that he eats with me."
Olivia laughed. He loved her laugh. How she would throw her head back after her eyes began to sparkle, and then how she would look at him afterwards, like she understood how rare it was for her to laugh given her line of work, and that she appreciated him for making her feel that way.
"You spoil him," she said, reaching across and grasping Ed's hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "I love that you spoil him."
"He's a good kid," Ed responded simply, squeezing her hand in return and offering her a smile. "He makes it easy."
The trio sat in silence for a bit, Noah polishing off every bit of cheese he could find on his plate, while Olivia asked for her remaining taco to be boxed up. When the bill arrived, Ed reached for it while Olivia tried to waive him off.
"You always pay," she said. "Let me get it this time."
But Ed shook his head.
"I don't always pay," he insisted and then winked at her. "But how about you buy the dessert…"
Olivia sat back in her seat and smiled thoughtfully at him. She knew he meant yogurt, and nothing more, but for some reason that drew her thoughts towards the ending of the night. Whether she would invite him to stay with her, to sleep with her, or if they'd bid each other goodbye outside of her building.
Not quite ready to make that decision, Olivia took a sip of her water and ignored the fluttering.
"Deal," she said, gesturing for him to go ahead and take the bill before leaning over and cleaning Noah up, listening to him babble about what yogurt toppings he would be getting.
As they approached Olivia's building, she began to dig around in her bag for her keys. Noah had fallen asleep in the cab, and was now out cold in Ed's arms as they walked the remaining half block from where the cab dropped them off. Opening the lobby door for them, she hurried to press the elevator button before reaching out and pulling the back of Noah's coat down a bit.
"Sweet boy," she whispered, lightly touching his cheek and watching as he slept comfortably on the shoulder of Ed Tucker. "You sure you're okay with him?"
"I got it, Liv," he said softly, looking down at the boy's head and smiling softly. "I'm just fine…"
Olivia shook her head a bit as unexpected tears bubbled behind her eyes at the sight of the two of them together. Luckily the elevator arrived, jolting her out of her random moment of emotion and they barreled in, hitting the button her floor, and quietly waiting as the car rose.
Again, Olivia rushed ahead of the guys, unlocking and opening the apartment door so Ed could easily get Noah inside. He continued to hold the little boy as she got his coat and boots off carefully, so he wouldn't wake, then signaled for him to follow her back to his room.
"Just lay him down," she whispered, pointing at the bed. "I'm gonna change his clothes and I'll be right out. Make yourself comfortable."
Ed laid Noah down and brushed his hair back a bit, before placing a kiss on his forehead without even thinking.
"Night night, Noah," he whispered, before standing back up, winking at an awe struck Olivia, and heading back out into the living room.
She quickly changed his clothes, without Noah so much as batting an eye, and got him tucked in with his stuffed elephant. Once she was sure he was okay and comfortable, she kissed at his face and whispered her I love yous, before cracking the door and heading back out to Ed.
Expecting to find Ed perusing through the ESPN channels, Olivia was surprised when she saw him silently standing by her window, hands in his pocket, staring out into the night. She crept up next to him and snaked her arm around his waist, allowing her head to rest against his shoulder.
"City can beautiful from here, huh," she whispered, her own eyes memorized by the flickering of the lights.
"Sure can," he said. "Hard to believe it can harbor so much pain…"
"I say that to myself all the time," she admitted, feeling him shift a bit so both of his arms could wrap around her body. They stayed like that, torso to torso, Olivia's head resting on his chest as they both looked out over the city for a little while before Ed kissed the top of her head and cleared his throat.
"I, uh," he stammered a bit, not sure what to do at that point. "I guess I will head out."
Olivia's heart sank. She tightened her grip on him a bit and took a deep breath.
"Stay?" she whispered, picking her head up so she could look into his eyes. "At least for a night cap?"
He continued to look into her eyes, seeing desire swirling in pools of brown. But there was also a hesitance, or an insecurity, and Ed was puzzled all of a sudden.
"I'll always stay," he said, hoping to reassure her, but she stayed stationary, her hands now planted on his chest and her eyes locked on his, almost as if she were waiting on something to drop. Ed was not going to let that happen, but he also wanted to address the issue.
"Can I ask ya somethin'?" he whispered, hoping he wasn't about to scare her.
"Sure," she responded, in an equal whisper, her eyes now moving quickly looking back and forth between his blue orbs, as if her panic and her flight instinct was bubbling up.
"Why the hesitation still?"
He saw her visibly swallow, but she didn't break their eye contact, so he took that as a sign that she wasn't upset by his question.
"Talk to me, Liv."
Ed watched Olivia closely as her emotions painted a story across her face. She went from an escalating panic, to a worry, and now to an inner confusion as she clearly tried to put words to what she was feeling. He was patient, rubbing his hands along her back to soothe her while she worked up to an answer.
"I wish I knew," Olivia finally admitted softly, her eyes dropping down a bit, but Ed moved a hand to tip her face back up so they were still looking at each other.
"Olivia, I'm not going anywhere. I don't know how many more ways I can prove that to you."
"I know. It isn't you," she insisted, and she meant it. But Ed could still tell there was a wall. "I'm here. I want this. I want you."
"But?"
"But…nothing," she said, shaking her head and smiling at him. "I…look, I may still have some moments along the way, but I am in this. I…I wanna be with you."
"Olivia," Ed said, his eyes darkening as he reached up and took her hands into his own, lightly kissing each of her knuckles before holding them back against his chest. "I love you."
Tears sprang to her eyes and she swallowed hard, not wanting to ruin the moment with her rampant emotions, but one began to make it's way down her cheek despite her best effort. In all of her life, she had only heard that phrase sporadically from three people. Her mother, which was a rarity, Cassidy, and then Noah. Each situation vastly different, but even with Brian, that phrase did not carry the weight that Ed's had. And much like how she felt when Noah first said it, Olivia had to fight to remember to breath as those three words washed over her and filled her with a warmth and a love that she had never felt before in her life.
Ed took one hand and brushed her tears away, causing Olivia to whimper a bit and bring herself back to the present moment. Cupping his face in her hands, she gave him a soft smile and kissed him gently.
"I love you, too."
Slow and steady wins the race, and we've got four chapters left.
Up next, Olivia visits Lindstrom, hoping to prevent a step backwards. But first, review?