Chapter 21

Obi-Wan stood outside the small diner, his hand reaching for the entrance panel and just as quickly pulling away again. Taking a deep breath he turned to look out onto the street when he heard the door open and smelled the aroma of something cooking from inside.

A few customers brushed past him causing him to back up to get out of their way. Taking one more step back, he found himself in the doorway and a loud voice calling his name over the hustle and bustle inside. Closing his eyes briefly, he turned to greet the Besalisk. Four strong arms caught him up in a hug before he could reply to the welcome. Setting the boy on his feet, Dex stood back a bit to get a good look at the young man he had become so fond of.

"It's good to see you, Obi-Wan! Where you been hidin' yourself?"

Obi-Wan smiled in spite of himself and moved to the side to sit in a booth. "Here and there, you know how it is."

Dex sat down in the tight space across from the former Jedi and placed two hands on the tabletop. "Ah, that I do my boy. So how long are you on Coruscant for?"

The young man shrugged. "I'm not sure really. I didn't come alone so it isn't completely up to me when we leave."

"I get the feeling you'd leave now if you could manage it."

Obi-Wan sat back against the padded bench. "What makes you say that?"

"I got a visit from a certain Jedi Master before you showed up. Have you seen him yet?"

With a curt nod, he allowed his gaze to drift toward the window, watching the populace pass by.

Dex watched the boy with knowing eyes. "I take it the meetin' didn't go well then."

"About as well as can be expected considering I've been lied to for four years."

"The Council's actions shouldn't be shouldered by someone who had no control over what they did." When Obi-Wan's eyes met his, he placed a hand over the young man's signaling for silence. "He caught me off guard when he walked in here the first time with that healer friend of yours. After the picture you had painted of the Naboo mission I had my doubts as to his recovery let alone ever thinking that you'd grace this greasy place again. I had a long talk with that one and believe me when I tell you he missed you kiddo."

Obi-Wan sat quietly as he considered what to say. He was angry over the circumstances of what had occurred there was no debating that. He felt betrayed that Yoda would keep a secret that he knew deep down would cause him harm, if not physically, then emotionally. And yet, he had been listening when Yoda explained to Anakin that there was another sith out there, one that might have tried to finish a task that had only been half completed. If only they had listened back when.

Shaking his head, he looked at Dex. "I can understand to a point why the Council didn't want this news becoming public knowledge, but what I can't understand is why Qui-Gon didn't tell me as soon as he was able. He says he was afraid to face me but I don't buy it."

Dex smiled with an understanding that had yet to impress itself upon the boy. "He wasn't afraid to face you Obi-Wan, he was afraid of you seeing him as less than the person he was when you parted."

"I've seen him wounded before," he snapped and then leaned forward. "I've sat by his side more times than I can count over the years wondering if he was going to live or die, wondering each and every time if I was going to be orphaned. For force sake, Dex, I watched him die on Naboo! He can't use that as an excuse!"

"It was bad this time kiddo, worse than any time you can bring to mind. And I know this because each time that maverick ended up in the infirmary for any length of time you always ended up here, after he had awakened, telling me of the circumstances that landed him there. He was bed ridden for months; he couldn't feed himself without dropping the food down his front, he couldn't walk, couldn't go to the fresher on his own, at least not until he went through therapy and even then the physician's weren't sure how much he would recover. He didn't want you to see him like that and I can't say I blame him."

"How do you know all of this?"

"That doctor friend of yours came in here and asked me to come to the Temple. I wasn't sure why when she first approached me. You can imagine my shock when I saw him lying in that med bed awake and breathing. To say he was upset by his circumstances is an understatement. He needed someone to talk to and I came in handy. If you have any doubts about anything else, believe me when I say that you wouldn't have wanted to see him like that. He loves you kiddo. You're the closest thing to a family he's got, don't cut the tie between the two of you because of your stubborn pride. You two made a good team."

Having gained a newfound perspective, he nodded and rose from his seat. "I need to go."

"I know. Take care buddy and don't be a stranger."

"I won't."

X

Obi-Wan entered the training salle intent on a solo practice; he needed to clear his mind. Without thinking, he approached the one training room that he and his master had always favored and stepped inside the door.

In the center of the room, Qui-Gon Jinn performed a multiple cross of katas intertwining the moves flawlessly, flowing them one into another. Obi-Wan leaned back against the wall watching his former mentor, something he had enjoyed when he was younger.

For over an hour he observed as his former master quickly changed from one position to another. When the series came to a close, the towel on the bench next to him flew across the room with just a thought from the man who needed it. Qui-Gon blindly headed toward the nearby bleachers, his face hidden behind the cloth as he wiped away the sweat. Lowering it, he found his former padawan silently watching.

He finished wiping his arms and chest with the towel and tossed it onto the wooden seat. Leaning down he picked up his tunic and put it on.

Obi-Wan slightly fidgeted, an action that did not go unnoticed by Qui-Gon.

"I'm finished if you would like to use the room." He bent down to gather his things when Obi-Wan's voice gave him pause.

"I use to enjoy watching you practice." His eyes roamed over the room slowly taking in memories of the past. "Watching you put them into practice helped me understand why we took the steps we did in learning them."

Qui-Gon tossed his things into his bag. "And now?"

Obi-Wan hadn't expected a reply. The words were more of an observation than an attempt at conversation. "It's different." He allowed a self-conscious smile to grace his lips. "But I'm also not a kid anymore."

Qui-Gon found hope in this small discussion. "I'm sure Anakin feels the same when he observes you."

He shrugged. "I guess. He had watched for quite some time before I sparred with him."

Interested in this turn, Qui-Gon sat the bag on the floor and took a seat on the bench next to his padawan. "Was there a reason why?"

Obi-Wan nodded but found it difficult to elaborate. "I...I was afraid."

By shifting his position so he was sitting sideways, Qui-Gon gained a better view of his former apprentice. "Of?" he inquired softly.

"The darkness." Obi-Wan shifted his gaze to briefly flash over that of his master's before inspecting the hilt of his saber.

"The Zabrak or something else?"

"Both," was the response.

"That time has come and gone padawan; you overcame that trial long ago."

"I thought so to, but it would appear that some things merely remain dormant until an opportunity presents itself."

Worried, Qui-Gon asked, "And has it presented itself?"

Obi-Wan gave a curt nod without looking at his former mentor.

"What happened?"

When Obi-Wan's jaw clenched tightly in response to the question, Qui-Gon saw that as his signal to leave while things were still civil between them. Picking up his satchel, he offered an explanation for his departure before walking toward the door. "The Council has me substituting for the padawan's lightsaber class this week. I need to read over Master Drallig's notes in preparation for tomorrow's class. The room's reserved for two more hours if you'd like to practice."

"Master, wait!" Obi-Wan called out, realizing too late what he had said.

Qui-Gon stopped and turned back toward the younger man, a brow raised in question. When nothing was forthcoming, he prodded, "What is it Obi-Wan?"

"Is it true? Was it worse than all the times before?"

Qui-Gon walked back to the bench and set his bag down. He fiddled briefly with the handles before addressing the question. "You've spoken with Dex?"

"Yes."

Turning toward his wayward student, Qui-Gon replied, "Yes, it was. The details I gave was enough, from my point of view. Dex shouldn't have been so graphic."

"You should've told me."

"What would it have accomplished? Would it have made you less angry with me?"

"Probably not, but I would have had more information to think on. I could have dwelled on all the facts instead of bits and pieces of it. The one thing you instilled in me above all else was honor and truth. You drilled it into me that people couldn't make relationships last without being honest with one another. I believed in those concepts because you did, or at least I thought you did."

"I do believe in them, padawan. It wasn't in me to teach you something that I myself wouldn't abide by. I apologize for not giving you the whole picture. In your eyes, no matter what I did, I was always larger than life. I couldn't...."

"You didn't want to vanquish my illusion," he finished the thought quietly.

"I knew that you had already learned that I was human and fallible like anyone else; our missions over the years proved that. And yet your awe of what you believed I could accomplish was beyond anything I had ever seen. You always believed even when I made mistakes, whether it was leading us into danger, or disciplining you because of my own fears, or what it meant if you lied to me and a dozen other scenarios I've put you through over the years. Part of me couldn't bear to add this to an already too long list of ways I've let you down." Qui-Gon gazed intently at his former apprentice trying to gauge his reaction to everything he had just said; he didn't have to wait long.

Obi-Wan denied Qui-Gon's words emphatically. "You've never let me down! Disappointed a time or two maybe, well, certainly, but you only ever did what you thought was best at the -" he abruptly stopped as his own words reached his ears. "…time," he finished.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and allowed a small smile to escape. Once again he bent down and picked up his belongings. "Perhaps we should stop while we're ahead."

When he began to walk toward the door, Obi-Wan once again stopped him. Shmi and Dex were right; it was time to put away his pride and stubbornness if they were to have a chance of saving their friendship. "I need your help," he said, unconsciously shifting from one foot to the other and then berating himself to stay still.

"With?"

Obi-Wan's lips tightened into a fine line before relaxing once again. "Contemplation. When I meditate, I can't find my center. I haven't been able to since we arrived on Coruscant. Each attempt leaves me more restless than when I started." He swallowed nervously not sure what reaction he would receive to this request.

"Why not ask Master Yoda? The two of you have always been close."

Obi-Wan placed his hands on slim hips. "If the answer is no then just say it," his tone bordered on insolence.

Qui-Gon placed his things on the floor and walked over to the younger man. "I didn't say no. I asked why you didn't go to Master Yoda?"

"The council is in the process of determining the outcome of mine and Anakin's future – without consulting us I might add, or so it would seem. This isn't something I can go to them with. Depending on what Anakin and I decide, this may only hurt our chances."

"And?" Qui-Gon prompted, knowing there was something more.

Obi-Wan swallowed before admitting the foremost reason. "I don't want anyone else inside my head."

Deciding that now was the time, Qui-Gon asked, "I'm curious, why did you sleep in your old room?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "I wanted to believe for just a little while that things were as they had been."

Qui-Gon reached out to rest a hand on the younger man's shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. "For a brief moment as I watched you sleeping, I too reveled in the past young one," he admitted. "But that time has come and gone Obi-Wan. We can't get it back, we can only move forward."

Without another word, he knelt on the mat and motioned for his padawan to do the same. Obi-Wan hesitantly sat down crossing his legs in front of him. Qui-Gon smiled in regard to the tension that shown in the young man's eyes. "I realize we haven't done this in quite some time, but I'm sure that it won't be that different from what we remember."

Obi-Wan reached over, touching Qui-Gon's forearm. "You're real; this isn't just another hallucination," his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Hallucination?"

"I had a nightmare…or maybe it was a vision. I went into the fresher to splash water on my face and when I looked into the mirror I saw you standing behind me. I turned around but the room was empty," he explained.

Resting a large palm over the hand that clenched the fabric on his arm, Qui-Gon closed his eyes and opened their bond. Obi-Wan ihaled sharply when he felt his master's cautious probes. Closing his own eyes, he followed his one time mentor into a peaceful meditation.

Once assured that his padawan's rumination was flourishing, he mentally backed away but kept a tendril linked to the young man as a safety net. They had sorted through Obi-Wan's emotions and discarded the harmful ones that had been festering since he arrived back on Coruscant. He could feel the small flicker of joy that radiated far beneath the young man's shields at his being alive and well. Anakin had been right: Obi-Wan wasn't angry with him, he was afraid that this was a dream that he would wake up from and to protect himself from the disappointment, he was keeping his distance. Qui-Gon soothed those thoughts and helped Obi-Wan to dismiss them. When the truth was finally given a chance to triumph over the fear he had held on to, Obi-Wan's whole demeanor relaxed allowing Qui-Gon to act as a bystander. With careful precision, they had gathered the crumbled foundation of their friendship and began to putting it back together, piece by piece, giving them a basis on which to rebuild their relationship.

The Jedi Master smiled as he observed the young man's lax features. His padawan was still there, a bit distorted from having been outside the Order's influence during his four-year absence, but still there nonetheless.