Author's Note: I'd like to start off by saying that I reached 10,000 views and 200 reviews, which makes me really happy! You cannot even begin to imagine how grateful I am to have amazing readers like you guys.

Onto other news, I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy Hanna's secret (it was pretty sad for me to even think about). Also, if this makes you excited, the only characters in this chapter are Spencer, Toby, and a little bit of Cassidy.

Chapter Twenty

Spencer stood at the door, Cassidy sleeping soundly in her arms as she stared at Toby.

"It's been eight months," she began.

"I know. But when we talked at the airport, I got the impression that you never wanted to see me again," he told her.

She walked away from the door, but left it open, indicating that she wanted Toby to follow her. Toby did so, closing the door behind him, and watching Spencer intently. Spencer sat on the couch, while Toby sat across from her in a seat, staring her down.

"What made you think that I never wanted to see you again?" she asked quietly and in a childlike manner.

He shrugged. "When we got back, you said you regretted the kiss and wished it didn't happen. I just thought that it meant you didn't want anything to do with me."

Spencer looked down at the flooring underneath her feet, thinking. "That's not what I meant," she murmured. "It's the total opposite," she said extremely quietly, so Toby could only make out that she was mumbling.

"Can you just tell me now?" Toby asked desperately.

Spencer sighed, looking down. She didn't even want to face him. "There's a lot that I need to tell you, which I haven't said. To anyone, really. You're not the reason that I haven't been speaking to you…or to anyone really," she revealed.

"Can we talk about this? Over dinner?" he inquired hopefully.

She stared at him before nodding. "I would like that," she admitted, before looking down at Cassidy.

Toby was taken aback a little by how great Spencer looked with and cared for a child. He found it endearing and candid.

"Come back in an hour? Aria is going to be at the store, and when she comes back, I need to get ready," she said.

He nodded. He left, and realized he was really excited and anxious.

Am I going on a date with Spencer Hastings?

Toby arrived back at Aria's apartment. Aria answered this time, with Cassidy on her hip. She smiled when she saw Toby.

"I'm guessing that you're not here to see me," she said with a smile.

Before he could answer, Aria looked over her shoulder and shouted. "Spencer!"

Spencer emerged from her room a moment later looking absolutely stunning. She didn't have on anything extremely fancy—just a red skirt with an oversized, off-black cable-knit sweater and red flats—but Toby thought she couldn't have looked more beautiful. Her hair was styled in a loose fishtail braid on one side, and grabbed a plain black, fitted coat from the closet.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

He nodded. He was more ready than he ever had been.

"Don't do anything Hanna wouldn't do," Aria whispered to Spencer with a smile creeping on her face.

Normally, Spencer would've rolled her eyes and scoffed, but Spencer was in better spirits that day. She tried to conceal a smirk and said, "Whatever you say, Aria."

Spencer slipped on her coat and walked over to Toby, walking out of the door.

Spencer and Toby sat down for dinner at a restaurant. Spencer had been avoiding thinking about something for a lot of the night, but it was something she could no longer ignore.

"Toby, I need to tell you something, because if I don't, I'll regret it. I've already been hiding it for too long," she murmured, thinking about it in retrospect.

Toby stared at her, waiting for an explanation.

Spencer sighed, closing her eyes. "When you and Hanna and Aria and everyone else kept telling me that Andrew was cheating, I already knew. I had found the things already. A lot of them. But I couldn't face it. I wanted to believe it wasn't true since I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Because there was something that I thought was holding me back, though I wasn't certain. But when I saw the woman in his room, I knew it had to be over. And that same night I found out for sure," she said vaguely.

"Found out what?" he asked nervously.

She bit her lip. "I was pregnant."

"Was?" he asked.

She closed her eyes, as if pressing back tears with her eyelids. "The baby—it was a boy—died. I gave birth to him and he didn't survive. He had SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome." She choked on those words, recalling finding him in his crib, lifeless. "It was Andrew's baby. And I thought I was pregnant, and I didn't want my child growing up without a father, but when I saw it for myself, I didn't care. I wanted him to have nothing to do with Andrew," she explained, her lip quivering, her eyes swelling with tears.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry," he said sympathetically.

She shook her head. "I'm not sorry for me. I'm sorry for Brandon. That was his name," she answered softly. "And I've been trying hard not to face it, and some days are good, but some days are terrible. I don't want to keep reliving the past. I want to move on."

She looked down at her hands. "But I don't know where to begin again," she informed him.

"Did you think that you couldn't tell me any of this?" he asked sadly.

She sighed. "I didn't think that. I just knew that if I told you…it would change a lot of things. I didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't want to be…weak," she said, the word coated thickly with caustic acid, burning as it left her mouth.

"I know who you are. You don't have to fear that," he answered, shaking his head.

"I didn't want you to see me like that," she repeated, muttering. "I didn't know how to act after that kiss! I didn't know what to say to you. I felt like I was betraying someone by doing that because I was…" she began, trailing off in thought.

"If I knew, I wouldn't have done it," he insisted.

She shook her head. "I'm glad you did," she revealed quietly. "It made me put things in perspective," she said with a weak smile.

He saw right through it. "Spence, you don't have to put up the façade for me. I don't care about you crying. In fact, I like it. You don't have to be the epitome of perfection all the time," he said.

Even though you really are.

He sighed. "In fact, I find it one of your most beautiful manifestations," he disclosed.

She lit up, looking up at him. "You do?" she inquired innocently, a childlike glow illuminating her dark eyes.

He nodded. "When you were crying in the alley, I couldn't have asked for a better time to be around. You weren't trying to be someone you weren't. You were being a real person," he said.

A few conversations later, Spencer found herself smiling for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Have you spoken to Andrew?" Toby asked without thinking.

Spencer froze.

Toby shook his head. "I'm sorry, Spence. We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to," he apologized.

"I want to talk about that," she revealed. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I've been wondering about what someone else would say, thinking about it," Spencer said. "And I want to tell you about it."

He nodded.

She sighed, continuing. "I met Andrew when we started college. He became one of my best friends." She gulped. "He was there for me when I was eighteen and…my boyfriend…he…raped me," she choked out, wincing as the reality of what she just said set in. She looked up and saw Toby looking sympathetic for her. She shook her head. "Before you feel sorry for me, you need to understand—we had been dating for a really long time and we never…I was—"

"So? Spencer, it doesn't matter. Wrong is wrong," Toby argued. "That's a lot to deal with. Especially having something as horrific as that being your first time."

She bowed her head, looking down at her thumbs. "Andrew said that to me when I told him. I was recovering for two years before we started dating." She sighed, looking crestfallen and on the verge of tears as she remembered. "He was the first person who made me feel good about myself. I felt like I was a doormat for my entire life, and he was the first person who made me feel like something more. Besides Aria and Hanna, of course," she amended. She continued, "And then, about three years into our relationship, probably about the time we got engaged, things started to change with him. He started treating me as if I were inferior. He started to make subtle digs at me. He was irritable more often than not. When he drank, he started to get verbally abusive and made me feel bad about myself. And then he hit me a couple of times. He told me, while he was drunk, that I was neglecting him. There's only a number of times a person can hear something before they start to believe that it's true. And I started believing it. I don't know why things started to change. I guess when I started to open my eyes when I became friends with Emily and Jason and Caleb…you," she said quietly.

He remained silent. "Were you falling out of love with him?"

She began drawing swirls in the condensation on her glass of water. "I kept telling myself that I wasn't. But I realized that last night in Paris that I didn't want to be there. I didn't even want to last the night. I didn't want to last the rest of my life. And I fled that night. I've been running for months, from everything…from reality. When is it going to be time for me to stop running and be still?" she asked sardonically.

She looked down, not gathering the courage to tell him this to his face. "That's what I liked so much about you. You knew how to be still while I just keep running," she admitted.

"I don't—"

"You're patient. You're willing to wait for everything, even if it takes a thousand years. People say that the nice guys don't get very far but…I have a feeling that you're going to find a girl who can love you just as much as your friends do. A girl who can be still and be tame for you."

And that girl isn't me.

But that girl can be you.

"I've never been a girl to just wait around. I'm watching all my friends grow and go places and I can't. I'm running in the past. Aria and Jason are happy being Cassidy's parents. Hanna and Caleb are in love. You're successful. I'm stuck. A runner like me is stuck. I can't be this way. But I don't know what to be anymore," she said.

"You don't have to be anything except for Spencer. You're amazing. And I know you'll find someone someday who can keep up with you," Toby added with a somewhat-forced smile.

Spencer bit her lip. "There's a reason that cheetahs don't run in packs. They can stay the night, but they can never last the long haul," she explained.

"Don't you believe in love?" he asked innocently.

She sighed. "Love is like a broken promise…all it ever does is breaks and burns and ends." She looked down. "And from this experience, that was one thing I learned."

He looked at her sadly. "Not everyone is like Andrew," he said meekly.

"All the good ones are taken or gay or too good to be true," she retorted. She sighed. "It's late and I'm tired, Toby. Can we please just call it a night?" she inquired.

He sighed but nodded.

"I'm sorry if I bored you tonight with my recollections and flashbacks. But it was nice having someone to talk to," Spencer said as Toby walked her to her and Aria's apartment.

Toby nodded. "I enjoyed hearing it. I was glad to finally have heard things from your point of view," he replied honestly.

She paused in the hallways, making Toby freeze, as well. She came up with an idea. "Do you want to see my new apartment?" she asked.

He nodded. She led him down the hall, to the very last apartment on that floor. She picked out a key off of her keychain and opened the door. She opened it and led him into a room filled with boxes and boxes, with some furniture, but a very minimal amount: a couch, TV, and Spencer knew that she would be moving the bed into her bedroom soon.

"It's nice. Not big, but not small, either. You're just one person," Toby said without thinking.

She nodded, not noticing how Toby hoped he could stick his foot in his mouth after that comment. She still picked up on his uneasiness, however, not offended or upset by the comment. "I believe that everything happens for a reason. You don't have to walk around the topic like you're tiptoeing on eggshells around me, Toby," she said.

"Right."

She looked around the apartment, taking it in herself.

"Do you actually have anything left in Aria's apartment?" Toby asked.

"I have some clothes left in the closet, a few pairs of shoes, and my bed. That's about it," she confessed.

He nodded. "So you're pretty much set."

"Yup. I think I'm moving everything else within the next few days," she announced. He nodded. She felt like he was challenging her. "It's a relief for me," she insisted.

"I believe you," he assured her.

Spencer locked the door of her new apartment as she and Toby walked back down the hall to Aria's.

She smiled as they got to the door. "Well, thanks for making a rough time a little less…rough," she said before opening her door and stepping inside.

"Anytime, Spencer," he choked out right after the door slammed shut.

He sighed as he realized just how deep he was in.

What have I gotten myself into?

Love. That's love.

Aww...aren't they adorable?

Spoby101: Aw, thank you! It feels like I've been updating every day. There are only seven more chapters+an epilogue (boo hoo), and I'm going to try and get all of the chapters up before I go on this cruise, so look for my updates! They will likely be very frequent!

spoby equals awesomeness: To be completely frank, I would've been madder at Spencer than I made Hanna. That was just a bad thing to say. Then again, the whole scenario kind of slipped Spencer's mind. But still. And Andrew is totally out of the picture in this story (he might reappear, should I decide to write a sequel).

Addictedtospoby: In this story, Toby isn't a painter as a profession, but he does paint on the side. I'm not going to lie, but I got some inspiration for Toby from my uncle. He's an architect (same profession as Toby in this AU), but he's actually a really good artist. Every year in mine and my cousins' birthday cards, he draws this original character called Max the Mouse. Toby isn't a cartoonist, but I figured he'd be pretty artistic. Your question isn't explicitly answered, so I'll clear it up. Jason and Aria are still seeing each other, but no huge commitments, as right now, their main priority is Cassidy.

HopefulSpobyShipper: I love that you loved vulnerable Toby. I just love him in that vulnerable place, and I think it's really beautiful. I loved him in the season 3 finale, and also in 1x13, when he cried in the alley.

infinitydreamzz (all): I'm glad you enjoyed the chapters and this twist I've added. And I love developing the characters. I feel as though they don't delve into the characters' backstories enough on the show, so I love making them up as I go. There's a lot that could be done with their characters, and I love it. Thank you so much for the feedback. And maybe you could get someone on the phone about that movie. You could tell Keegan Allen or Troian Bellisario or someone. I don't know. And I'm glad you like the different ships. I don't remember if I did this intentionally, but this story is mainly about Spencer beginning again with Toby. However, it's not just about her; it's about Hanna getting over her own loss and beginning again with Caleb, and it's about Aria starting a new life, too. The other characters were very important. Though Part III is Spoby-centric, Aria, Jason, Hanna, Caleb, and Emily are all important characters.

beautifuldreamerr (all): I totally understand. In fact, I'm on vacation right now, in OC visiting my uncle, but since these chapters were already written, I've had time to update. And you can totally send out thoughts for Spencer, because I've heard SIDS is a truly horrible way to have a child die. I'm sure it's probably second only to having to deliver a stillborn. Initially, that's what I had happen to Spencer, but then I changed it. Toby, in the meantime, can be her everything :)

Onedirection2013: You're my 200th review! Also, be prepared for more Spoby because it'll be coming up fairly soon.

Guest (Cassidy): It's funny because I actually wondered if anyone reading had the name Cassidy. Her name (and yours, for that matter), is sort of like my name. To be honest, I don't know why I picked it, but when I thought of Jason and Aria's baby, I just thought of that name. I always just pictured her as a cute little girl, and that's what I think that name is.

iAmALittleLiar: No offense, but that does sound a little cruel. Whatever. I've wished death on characters on PLL, too.

elenabee: Her character will change a little (I personally haven't found it completely evident after the initial shock wears off, but that's just me). She's a little more jaded, and wiser. And Cassidy is an adorable little baby girl :) We won't really get to see her grow up in Begin Again, though. She is still very much a little baby when the story is over. I really enjoyed writing the scene with Emily and Toby. I thought it was sweet. I think that when you love someone, you eventually can't get angry at them. That's exactly what Toby feels. White orchids and pink hibiscus flowers (the colors that I use the most) symbolize delicate beauty, which is how I picture Toby thinking of Spencer. And the color red is just how they are associated with each other (since it's the color of love). I'd be lying if I said that Spencer isn't at all envious of Aria having Cassidy, but she's not resentful or bitter about it. And she's definitely glad to have a little niece around.

Spobyforever1907: Brandon is Spencer and Andrew's late son. He died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome when he was a couple of weeks old (like two or three).

Guest: Thanks.

vondydora: I definitely think that Spencer was sad, even though her child wasn't planned or expected. After all, it still was her son. I hope her reasons why she didn't confide in him were made clear in this chapter. I think she was just scared of coming off weak. And white orchid and pink hibiscus flowers (the ones I keep mentioning) symbolize delicate beauty, which is the same way Toby views Spencer, especially now. She's in a very fragile state of mind and he feels as though she can easily break.

iHarmonyGirl: I'm glad you got it and it wasn't totally random, and thank you.

usgrlscanrock: Thank you! I was a little anxious when I wrote this chapter because I didn't want to just start talking and talking about how Spencer lost this baby, because then it seems a little too unbelievable. Loss like that isn't really blatantly there every second of every day. It's interwoven into your thoughts, and it's omnipresent (though often, it's in the background). I also kind of wanted people when they first read the chapter to be like, "Where's the baby? Where's the baby?" until they figured out where I was headed.

Sunset13 (all): I can't picture Rachel with anyone except Finn and it makes me sad thinking about it. I will probably write a one-shot (or a couple of one-shots) when Glee comes back on (since I want to see how they deal with Finn leaving) based on Taylor Swift's song "Sad Beautiful Tragic" (since the title is just fitting and perfect and...tragic). I don't think Brittany is really that smart and she's a little too ditzy for my liking. I think she's funny, but I personally don't feel like her character has enough depth for me to really enjoy her moments. Like, I feel Santana is multi-dimensional with her bitchy and tender moments, as is Quinn for the same reasons and Rachel is just...Rachel. I think my new tumblr name should be minimspezberry (since I feel like Santana and Rachel's child, and my tumblr name now is minimsrachelberry). Anyway, back to my story, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

mickeymack16: What happened with Spencer and Hanna both sucked, and I feel bad for them, but I felt like it sort of needed to be done.

Guest (Crazy Chick): Oh my smurf, I loved your comment, and my tongue was smurf'd the entire day after I ate a blue raspberry Polish ice. Seriously, I had it at like noon and it's still stained blue right now at eleven at night.

Sylviecake231: You should really have more views, though! I love your story, and I think that it's beautiful and I will continue to support it (by the way, I loved the last chapter if I didn't review it). I really do love that story and Allie, and you're killing me with the suspense until we see Spencer and Toby! I want them to have another child, on one hand, but on the other, that would make me feel bad for Allie in case she feels like she was a second choice to them! I hope they have a damn good reason for leaving Allie for so long, because I really like her and I think her parents should be there so they could be a family! Anyway, my fangirling aside, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I wonder what STI Andrew should get. It should be something really nasty since the guy is a perv and a jerk. I don't mind Andrew on the show either, but the one I made is an ass. Sorry, show Andrew!

I'll update again at 230 reviews! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! -Kayson