Phasma hurries ahead of me onto the cargo spacecraft that has its bay doors open. The workers unloading supplies ignore us as we walk past into the large open cargo area. Phasma points up to a balcony that runs along the walls where the offices are on the upper level. I'm so grateful to her, and I haven't even apologized yet, and yet she's still helping me.
We head for the metal stairs. They rattle as we run up the steps to the office door, where a guard stands. "No admittance," he says.
"Snoke sent us," Phasma challenges.
The guard looks us over. "No one's allowed in."
"You have permission to let us in," I say, trying my Force powers. The guard looks at me but doesn't say anything. I should have practiced Force mind manipulation like Master Snoke told me to. I try again. "Master Snoke just gave you permission to let us in."
The guard nods and steps aside.
Phasma opens the door and we both walk in. At first the room seems empty.
"Ren!" Rita squeals. She scrambles out from under the desk. I drop to my knees and she comes running into my arms. "I don't want to go back to Jakku! I want to stay here with you! Don't let them take me," she cries.
I want to tell her that I won't let them take her, that she can stay with me and be my sister forever, but the words won't come out. Phasma is right. Rita doesn't belong in our world. For all I know I could be killed in a few days. I'm not old enough to take care of Rita. She needs her parents.
"I'll convince them to let you stay here with your grandfather, okay?" I finally say.
"He's gone, he had to go," Rita says then begins to sob. I hug her again, my heart aching.
Phasma shifts on her feet, looking out the door. "Snoke is coming" she says in a loud whisper. "With Commander Garione and Commander Klein."
"Rita," I say, my heart racing. "I love you. I love you so much." I try to breathe. I have to let her go, like Phasma said. I pull back from our hug and look into her big hazel eyes. "When you look up at the stars at night, know that I'm on one of those planets," I say. She shakes her head no, her bottom lip quivering. "And when I'm ruler over the Galaxies I'll come find you and we'll rule together. I promise. And you'll be my little sister forever, or we can get married when you're older, whatever you want. Just don't forget about me."
Rita shuts her eyes tight and sobs, tears pouring down her face. "You'll... you'll forget... about me."
"No," I grasp her arms. "I won't. And at night, if you're lonely while waiting for your parents to come back just think of the ocean. That's how much love they have for you and that's why they'll never forget you and always come back. That's how much I love you."
Rita nods her head, taking quick short breaths.
"The time for goodbyes are over," Master Snoke's says behind me.
"No!" Rita screams, throwing her arms around me. I lift her up into my arms and stand to face Snoke.
"She doesn't want to go," I say, even though I know I'm not going to win this fight.
"There is no one here to watch after her," Snoke says calmly. "Her parents have asked for her to be returned to Jakku. We can't hold her here against her parents' will."
"She can't stay with Oktar," I say. Rita's little heart hammers against my chest and she grasps my shirt tight in her fists.
"Then perhaps other arrangements can be made on Jakku for her. But this ship is scheduled to leave and they are waiting."
"I could go with her."
"Her grandfather has given specific instructions to have you kept away from her." Master Snoke turns to the commanders at his side and nods to them. They walk forward and reach for Rita.
"Stop." I put out my hand.
"Ren," Phasma says. "Just let her go. The longer you drag this out the harder it will be on her."
I shake my head no, but lower my hand. Commander Klein steps forward and pulls Rita from my arms.
I let her go.
"No!" she screams, clutching my shirt tight. Her screams pierce my chest like a knife as I let Commander Garione unclasp her fists from my shirt. Rita's sobbing turns to whimpering and she gives up the fight. I can't breathe, or move or do anything. Phasma grabs my arm and pulls me along.
"Come on Ren, we need to get out of here."
A moment later I'm outside the room. I hear the office door shut and Rita's cries fade off behind the closed door.\
I hug my knees, unable to stand straight anymore. The chapel is cold and drafty. The scent of rain blows in through the open air windows. I hear the patter of the raindrops outside, while inside my mind all I can hear are Rita's screams. I thought coming to the chapel would help somehow but it hasn't. The pain is unbearable. It won't lessen. It won't let me breathe. It throbs on and on, unceasing, like the rain outside. It's too much. I should have never loved Rita. Master Snoke was right, attachments break you down. I can't take this anymore.\
"Please, Your Supreme Leadership," I cry, on my knees before Grand Master, my hands covering my face. "Please erase all my memories of Rita. I can't be with her, and I can't be without her." Tears roll down my chin and I hold back a sob. "I don't want to feel this pain anymore."
"You're very passionate Ren," Master Snoke says. "It gives you access to immense power. But it must be directed in the right way."
I don't respond and just listen, trying not to fall apart.
"Now you know how much attachments hurt. It was your grandfather's weakness as well, but I believe it does not have to be yours. You are not the only one disappointing me with your attachments. Brendol has to let go of his attachment to you, if he wishes to rule with the First Order. You will both come to me to have your memories of these attachments erased and I will keep a closer eye on you both."
I nod, trying to catch my breath.
"Eventually one must become broken and fall apart, my young apprentice, so that one can be put back together as a stronger, more powerful force, unbreakable."
I nod again, my chest and throat burning.
"Go, tell Brendol what I've told you. Come back to me when you're both ready to leave all of this childishness behind you and then you will face your final challenge in the Elimination Games."
I nod again, unable to speak. I stand slowly, every muscle in my body aching, and bow to Grand Master before walking out of his office, broken.