Guess what? I still don't own Harry Potter. Who woulda thunk it? And I'm pretty sure I won't own Harry Potter like, ever, but nonetheless, TA-DA, here is a disclaimer.
Part Two: Just Because Everything's Changing
November 1969
She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she got up from the ground and began walking towards the castle in a trance. Her feet led her across the grounds, hardly noticing as she walked in the door and someone pointed at her, not pausing as she slid down the stairs to head for the common room. "Andromeda!" someone called. "My girl, I almost thought you weren't coming." She looked up, blinking her eyes in an attempt to clear them and saw Slughorn standing there. He was beaming. "Come in, come in," he said, putting a bulky hand on her shoulder and drawing her inside. She didn't even fight, feeling unaware of the stares she was getting from people around the room. Slughorn led her to a chair at a large circular table and she collapsed into it, not even noticing who was beside her.
"Potatoes?" Damocles Belby asked uncertainly.
"No thank you. I don't really like them," she muttered softly. Belby looked about to jump out of his seat after she spoke.
"Don't like potatoes? Aren't you a strange one," Slughorn laughed. "Personally I don't like strawberries and everyone thinks that's strange. How about you Jonah?" he asked a boy sitting beside him. "Any strange dislikes?"
"Pie. I've never liked pie," the boy near him answered back laughing at himself. Andromeda felt the eyes drawn off of her but she couldn't quite bring herself to care.
"Are you okay?" someone asked quietly beside her. She looked to side to see a round-faced girl watching her closely. The rest of the table was turned away.
"Fine," Andromeda muttered.
"You don't look fine."
"I am."
"You look about to cry."
"I can assure you I'm not about to."
"Well, you look like you're about to." Andromeda shook her head rapidly. She felt an urge to yell at the girl but her throat seemed so hoarse that she couldn't manage it. "You want something to eat?" the girl asked.
"No. I'm not hungry."
"Nonsense, eat something. A girl like you can't stand to miss a meal. You'll float away," Slughorn chortled. Reluctantly, Andromeda accepted the meat that was passed to her and began to pick at it, her mind still floating away, watching Ted storm away.
She kept an eye out, moving when appropriate and attempting to talk and laugh and scowl when appropriate through the rest of the night. It seemed to be working. No one was paying attention to her anymore except for the round-faced girl who kept looking over at her, and, of course, Slughorn. He watched all of them but he seemed to be keeping an eye on her in particular. At the end of the night, when everyone was heading away, he called her to his side.
"How's that potion coming along?" he asked. The question jabbed in her heart. He was talking about the potion that she had gone to get ingredients for in order to see Ted.
"It's alright, Professor. I don't think it will come out as great as I wanted it to but-"
"Nonsense. You're a good potion maker Andromeda," he said boastfully.
"Thank you, sir," she replied back. Slughorn seemed to be studying her.
"Is your sister alright?" he asked in a whisper after a moment. "Has she gotten hurt doing whatever it is that she's doing now she's gone?" She looked up feeling herself begin to tremble.
"Bella's fine, physically fine." Slughorn nodded, still looking confused. "Just fine. She's fine. Narcissa's fine. I'm fine. We're all just fine. Just fine."
"You're fine," Slughorn repeated. Andromeda nodded, feeling her head fill with tears again. She fought the feeling back.
"We're all fine."
"Physically and mentally?"
"I- I'd better go Professor. I'm tired and-"
"Andromeda?"
"What?" she asked, stopping but not turning around.
"Will you tell her that it's not right? That he's always been charming? That he's always been able to get his way and she shouldn't give in?" Andromeda took in a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Professor, don't you think I've tried?"
"Tell her again," he repeated his voice almost pitiful.
"I'm scared," she admitted softly. She looked up as she heard Slughorn walking around her so he could face her and she met his eyes letting her arms fall to her sides.
"You're not alone. Even Dumbledore is scared of him coming to power I believe."
"I'm not scared of him. What would he do to me? I'm a pureblood. I'm scared of Bella," she answered, her eyes narrowed. Slughorn shook his head.
"You ought to be afraid. He collects people like Bellatrix. He uses them. He'll use you."
"So do you," Andromeda said stubbornly. Slughorn seemed a little taken aback but then he relaxed again.
"Yes, I suppose it's no secret that I do. But I collect them in spite of their tempers, for their potential. I'll let them go if they want."
"And this guy, he doesn't?"
"No."
"You know him?"
"I knew him, a long time ago."
"So you want Bellatrix to die, that's what you're saying? If there's no leaving him then-"
"It may be a better fate for her than what is to come."
"How do you-"
"He was one of my collection a long time ago, Ms. Black." Andromeda's attention was caught. Slughorn rarely called her by her last name. "And I saw what he could do, what he was willing to do although I may have seen it too late. If you knew what he was capable of you would be very afraid for yourself and your sisters."
"He's capable of organizing multiple murders, what could be worse than that?" Andromeda asked sternly.
"You're too innocent."
"I've been told that before. I'm struggling to believe it. You know what kind of house I've grown up in. I've seen Dark Magic, I'll admit it. I've even tried a spell or two over the summers, enough to decide I didn't like it. It made me nearly cry and feel awful. Arrest me if you must, it was only a bug. I couldn't bear even the thought of using it on a human. But I've seen it and I've felt that power. I say mudblood and I'm well aware what my sister gets up to with a boy and the mechanics of it all. What more could you mean by innocent? You haven't seen what I've seen. You haven't seen your sister come back the way I have seen Bella come back from being with him. You haven't had to tell your cousins that the girl they see like their big sister is a bad guy! You don't have to! I'm not innocent so stop thinking that I am! Everybody thinks I'm so innocent, well I'm not. You have no idea what I've done!" She felt like crying. She had gotten into a rant and she was yelling at her teacher. "You have no idea! None! And neither does he! He doesn't get it, doesn't understand. I have to think that. I have to. I have to!"
"What do you mean by he?" Slughorn asked quickly, his eyes flashing with worry.
"Oh I don't mean stupid Voldemort if that's what you mean. Merlin, about as far from that as you can go. And I don't even know why I'm telling you this." Slughorn grabbed her arms.
"You're sure it's not Voldemort? You know this for a fact, he wasn't under a disguise? You've never been asked to hurt anyone or- or retrieve something or-"
"I know! I know it's not! Merlin I'm sure. He even left because I didn't acknowledge them, didn't say they were people like me. But he doesn't get it! I have to hate them or they'll hate me! He doesn't get it. They love him no matter what. It's not like they love me. They don't love me like that. He doesn't get it. I can't see them that way because they'll hate me, my family will hate me! They can't hate me!" she yelled. Inside, she could feel the tears pressing to get out. She felt like she must be swelling up like a balloon. "They can't hate me and so I have to hate who they want me to hate. But I can't. I can't hate them. I can't do it! I can't hate him." She looked at Slughorn whose hands were still on her upper arms but his grip had relaxed. He looked confused. "I can't hate him," she repeated softly.
"You are not your sister are you?" he asked, seemingly more to himself.
"You have no idea."
"I wish you weren't innocent. The times ahead won't treat you well, I'm afraid."
"I'm not innocent."
"Yes, Andromeda, you are," Slughorn replied tiredly. "You may know many things you're not supposed to but your desires are innocent. You're not looking for power. You're not looking to rule over people. And you're not searching for the opposite either. You have simple desires. Trust me, I've seen them all. I've collected them all. You want to learn, that's your ambition, that's the one that landed you in my house, isn't it? And that's not something they're going to understand. It saves you right now. You don't take interest in them because you don't take interest in power. But eventually they're going to take interest in you." He shook his head. "And I'm afraid they might tear you apart."
"Can I go now?" she asked quietly.
"Yes, get some sleep. You look dead on your feet," he replied, turning back to himself in his voice but there was a shadow of his worry in his eyes. Andromeda hurried away, down the rest of the hallway to the Slytherin dungeon. Her eyes caught on Narcissa sitting next to Aias Burke by the fire, bent low over a paper or book or something on the table. They were so close her blonde hair was falling over his shoulder. She glared over at them, feeling jealous but even observant Narcissa didn't look her way. It was Francis who grabbed her wrist and tugged it.
Andromeda shook back to her senses as she looked down at her friend and then pulled her hand away, scurrying towards the stairs. Francis sighed and dashed after her.
"Where are they?" Andromeda asked, bursting into Francis's dorm room.
"Where are what?" she questioned in confusion.
"Your books."
"My books? You mean my school books?"
"No your muggle books," she replied. None of the other second years were there. It was a Friday night. They were most likely in the common room.
"My muggle books?"
"Yes!" Andromeda implored. Francis was being too slow for her liking. "I know you bring them, that you like them. I've seen them. You said your dad gets them for you because you like them."
"Yes but- Andromeda what's going on?"
"I need to read one!"
"Now?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I need to know!"
"Need to know what?"
"Francis!"
"What? Andromeda you're acting crazy."
"I'm not crazy, I'm mad. Please, just tell me where they are." Francis slid off her bed and walked over to Andromeda, opening her trunk. There was a pocket on the side and she began searching through it before pulling out a book. She slapped it down into Andromeda's hand. "I still want to know what's going on."
"I need to prove that they're not like us."
"Who?"
"Muggles."
"What do you mean by not like us?"
"That they're not exactly the same other than not having magic."
"Then give me back my book," Francis directed, sticking out her hand. "It's not going to help you. No book is going to help you their, at least not one written by a muggle."
"It has to," Andromeda said, pulling the book close to her.
"It won't."
"I need to read it."
"You're looking in the wrong place," Francis directed.
"I'll remember that," Andromeda replied quietly. "Thank you." Francis nodded.
"You're welcome. I think." Andromeda dashed from the room and began to read, stealing back into Francis's room when she finished and grabbing another book. She was confused a bit by parts of the books but she wasn't really looking for their plots or settings. Her mind was on the characters, how they felt and laughed and cried and talked like she did. How there were ones who were sloppy and those who were neat and those who were shy and outgoing and power-hungry and living things day by day and like her. They were characters who were muggle but had all the traits of the people around her. Francis was right. She shouldn't have read them because she knew Ted was right.
It wasn't until noon the next morning that she woke up to find all her dorm mates gone and Francis sitting on the edge of her bed with a book. She dropped it automatically when she realized Andromeda was awake and crawled forward to sit next to her.
"Why did you have to tell him it was my birthday?" Andromeda asked, as she wrapped her arms around herself. Francis opened her mouth to answer but was interrupted.
"So it's over then?" someone asked from the doorway. Andromeda looked over to see Narcissa standing there. She didn't answer. "It's for the best you know."
"I know," Andromeda whispered as Narcissa came walking over towards her bed and sat down next to Francis.
"I won't tell anyone." Andromeda looked away. "Annie?" She couldn't think of anything to say. "Annie?" Suddenly she shot out of her bed, still fully dressed from the night before when she had fallen asleep reading. "Annie?" Narcissa asked as Francis scrambled off the bed.
"I need to go for a walk. I need out. I need to be alone," she said hurriedly, grabbing her cloak as she rushed out of the room.
"Annie," Narcissa called hurrying after her. "Annie it's for the best, tell me you know that."
"I know that!" she yelped back, turning on her sister in the hallway.
"And you won't go back to him?"
"I won't go back to him," she growled.
"And you won't cry over him anymore? It's not worth it."
"I'm not crying. I'm done. I'll be what they want me to just leave me out of it." She began to rush away again. Narcissa followed after her through the common room.
"Out of what?"
"He's right you know. Slughorn's right. And I don't want part of it. I'm scared. And you should be too. They'll eat you too. But maybe they won't."
"Andromeda, you're scaring me," Narcissa said.
"Isn't that ironic?"
"Annie!" Narcissa yelped. Andromeda whipped around to face her sister and stopped, feeling herself shake.
"It's over."
"You and the mudblood?"
"Everything. Slughorn's right. This summer was just the start."
"They won't do that again! They won't do anything that bad again. It was just a message! An awful message," Narcissa retorted quickly.
"No it's not. Not the way Bella's been talking. Choose your side, Cissy. There's no more just playing a part. I've got my side to choose too. Bella's already decided hers."
"No."
"Yes."
"No, there's always a part that needs to be played, always."
"Not anymore," Andromeda told her, flipping around again and walking down the hall, headed for the entrance hall and the doors outside. She took off running before she even realized that she had forgotten shoes, her socks squishing in the morning dew. Stumbling, she tore them off and held them in her hands, heading off into the distance, trying to make her lungs sting badly enough that there was nothing else to think about, trying to run away from everything, from right, from wrong, from family, from friends, from love, from hate, from life. She stopped she didn't know how much later, her breath heaving, staring out into the distance and began to laugh. She couldn't breath, couldn't make herself and somehow, it made her laugh. All of this and she was going to die because she couldn't breath, all that was going wrong, and it was going to end because she was laughing too hard.
"Yeh, alrigh'?" Andromeda turned to see Rubeus Hagrid, still laughing and tried to tell him that she couldn't breathe. Instead she ended up clutching her throat, trying to get the message across. Hagrid grabbed her arm, half-leading, half-carrying her towards the castle and to the hospital wing as she only occasionally managed to gasp in a little bit of air.
"Goodness, Hagrid, what's going on?" Madam Frist asked when he came in, letting go of Andromeda's arm.
"I dunno. Jus' found her out on the grounds, laughin' her head off. Didn' seem like she was gettin' any air."
"Black. Black, can you stop? You need to stop." She wanted to yell that she was trying but all she could manage was to turn her laugh more into a cry as Madam Frist hurried away to a shelf and came back with a bottle. "Tilt your head back." Andromeda quickly did as she was told and began to gag as a potion slid down her throat. A moment later she stopped laughing and just stared around. Hagrid looked baffled and Madam Frist looked uncertain. "Are you alright?"
"What do you think?" Andromeda asked sarcastically.
"I think I want you to go sit down right there until I'm sure that Calming Draught is going to work all the way," Madam Frist, directed pointing. Andromeda nodded and walked over to a bed, sitting down on the edge of it, suddenly feeling quite worn down.
"Where did you find her Hagrid?" she heard the nurse whisper.
"I told yeh. Out on the grounds. Jus' laughin' her head off. Wha's wrong with her?"
"Just shock I'd imagine. I just don't know what," she glanced back at Andromeda. Vaguely, she wondered if they thought she couldn't hear them. Then she realized she didn't care either way.
"She looked insane," Hagrid commented. Andromeda fought not to snort. She'd felt insane.
"If all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops!" someone hollered as they came into the room.
"Speakin' of which," Hagrid muttered. Madam Frist sprung into action as Andromeda looked up to see a pair of boys along with Professor Choloris, who taught Herbology, and Ted. Andromeda's eyes widened as Ted spotted her and his muscles tightened, still holding up the boy who was singing.
"They were in the greenhouses," Professor Choloris began to explain but Andromeda didn't pause to listen as she jumped off the bed and took off again.
"Black!" Madam Frist yelped.
"I'll get her. I can run fast," she heard Ted saying as she rounded a corner. She picked up speed.
"Andromeda!" Ted called after her as she slid down a corridor. "Stop this! What on earth are you doing?"
"Running," she spat back.
"I got that," he panted as she got to the end of a hallway with only doors around her. "Where are you going to go now?"
"Go away."
"What are you doing?"
"Go away. You walked away once. Do it again."
"Not until you tell me what in the world is going on in your head."
"No!"
"Why not!"
"Because I don't even know! Going insane. I'm going insane."
"You are not."
"I just spent, I don't even know how long laughing my head off because, well I'm not sure of that either but it most certainly wasn't funny. At least not ha, ha funny."
"You're stressed out. It happens. Most people don't let it build up so much but-"
"And you're right!"
"What?"
"You heard me. I won't say it again." Ted stopped as Andromeda leaned against the wall and sank down. "Why do you have to be right?" Ted walked over and sat down next to her, still leaning against the wall. She curled up with her legs pulled tight to her chest, her arms around them and her head, leaning back against the wall. Ted was only slightly more relaxed. "I don't want you to be right."
"For your sake I wish I wasn't," he sighed.
"And why do I have to like you now? It's the worst possible time, isn't it? It just makes everything worse."
"I don't think you would like me if it wasn't right now."
"That's not true."
"Andromeda, I don't think there's much chance you would have given me a second glance if you hadn't been upset about Bellatrix and looking for new friends."
"I- Maybe. I don't know."
"And furthermore, I don't know that I would have liked you if you were still so connected to her. I don't think you'd be the same person if you didn't have to think about things like you have lately." Andromeda tilted her head down and saw that Ted's face was in his hands. He brought it up and looked over at her. "You know I couldn't sleep last night. I was mad as heck at you and I couldn't sleep. I was worried about you. I kept seeing you when I left you behind. You didn't look like you. And I could smell you're hair and hear your voice and taste your kiss, everything."
"And I saw Marianne earlier that night." He turned, looking away from her. "She took one look at me and she asked who it was, who the girl was I was in love with. I told her she was crazy, that I wasn't in love with anybody. But that's the stupid thing about sisters, isn't it?" He sighed. "She was right." He looked over at Andromeda. "It shouldn't have happened. I never thought it would happen this fast. But I love you. I'm in love with you." He leaned his head back and chuckled. "And we got called back today, the company did because Choloris decided they needed more so I got sent since I'd been here yesterday. And I was dreading it but I thought if I saw you I'd tell you, just tell you to spit it in your face. But you had to go and say I was right. I knew you knew I was right but I didn't think you'd admit it." He sighed again and looked back at her. "I didn't think you'd be right there, that I'd need to help take two stupid boys who crashed into the greenhouse on broomsticks and hit their heads to the hospital wing. I didn't think you'd be there. But you were and I said if I saw you I'd tell you. So there it is. I love you. Stupidly, blindly, idiotically, love you." He got up from the floor. "Let's get you back to the hospital wing." Mechanically she got to her feet after him.
"You shouldn't love me," she told him.
"Nope."
"You really shouldn't."
"I know." She looked at him, his bright blue eyes staring her down, her heart thundering and suddenly the urge from earlier that day returned. She turned and began to run. "Dromeda!" he called, and for a moment she heard his feet behind her but she was booking it as fast as she could, faster than she'd thought she'd ever go. She ran away with only two thoughts in her head. If she ever saw him again, it would be too soon and if he stopped her in her tracks that second it wouldn't be soon enough.
Wow, I think that's the fastest I've posted a chapter since the summer. I'm kinda happy with myself for that at least.
Thanks to Emma for checking this beforehand. I asked her if Andromeda was too insane to make sense to anyone but me. If Andromeda's still seems too insane or out-of-character to you, I'm really sorry. Please tell me so I know and can work on keeping her in check.
Thanks for reading!