Hey guys! So, I have some things to say but I will just wait until the end to say it. Here it goes, I don't think this will be what your expecting...

enjoy...

Chapter 21: Anger

The next time Leonardo awoke he didn't feel the usual stiffness in his arms or legs. His head felt light, not the usual heaviness that rested on it like a boulder. His spine that often ached in protest, still feeling the effects of sleeping on the cement floor of his cell for a year, did not afflict its normal amount of anguish across his back and shell. His body didn't twitch in pain as it always did when he awoke.

He moved his eyes around feeling the insides of his eyelids. Slowly, he opened his eyes, he blinking a few times attempting to clear his vision. By the time he stopped blinking he noticed that he only felt slightly light headed and the room only tilted on its hinges somewhat before it righted itself.

His breathing was even and peaceful, it didn't burn in his lungs nor sting as his chest expanded. He noticed that he was breathing in fresh air pleasantly; his chest didn't ache or protest the movements of it going out and coming back in, it was nice.

He almost wanted to breathe in deeper but was afraid it would send spits of fire across his chest like it always did ever since he was captured and put in that prison.

Finally, after the urge to suck in a deep breath gnawed at him with enough force to make his hands shake he gasped in so hard it caught in his throat and made him cough. After the fit of coughing passed and his breathing slowed he was again pleasantly surprised. His chest didn't burn nor ache or even hurt. He didn't even feel the hitch of familiar pain in his head as he took another deep breath.

After he realized he could breathe normally and assessed his body as being generally OK he looked around the room realizing he couldn't remember where he was. It only took a few seconds before he could tell by the smell of the room he was in the infirmary.

All around him were blurry objects that held no color. Something white to his right beeped loudly then a beige object to his left clicked every few seconds. The large light above him wasn't as blinding as it had been but it was still bright enough to make him narrow his eyes into slits.

Beside him he heard the distinctive sound of someone moving. A green face with a purple mask wrapped around his eyes peered over Leo with a worried expression. The green and purple figure blocked out the light making it so Leo could open his eyes all the way.

"Leo?" came Donatello's voice, "can you hear me?"

Don stood up before he reached for his brother's hand wanting to check the IV lines going into his veins. As the purple turtle's hand brushed against Leo's skin the blue turtle flinched out of his grasp then jerked his hand away.

He didn't want Don to touch him, Don could hurt him.

Don looked at him with sad eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you, Leo." He whispered.

Leo shook his head, eyes wide, staring at the brother who had said not too long ago three words he would never forget.

I hate you.

Hate me... Leonardo thought, his mind starting to clear up, Good. I can't be the only person to hate me.

The blobs in the room slowly melted into shapes and objects as Leo fully came back into himself. Soon everything was crisp and clear, his mind took in the situation as he looked around the infirmary.

Don stood back watching Leo gaze over the messy room. Raph's hospital bed had been pushed back to its normal spot and Don was the only other person in the room.

Don followed Leo's wandering eyes to the three empty chairs that were set around his blue bed.

"They went to bed, it's really late." He answered his brother's unasked question. Leo's brow scrunched together in confusion.

"You've been in and out of conciseness for almost a week, Leo. I found some stuff in your blood and we had..." Don's voice caught in his throat. He cleared it and continued, "we had to flush it out."

Leo stayed silent listening to his brother.

Something in my blood? He thought to himself, did Hanson do something to me? But, how could it last this long? Shouldn't it have worked its way out of my system by now?

Leo could remember the prick of needles entering his thick skin then the burning through his arms as whatever was in the needle drained into him. No matter what the drug was it always burned, always.

There's no way I can still be affected by those drugs, that was over six months ago.

"Raph started giving you his blood but," Don continued unaware of Leo's meandering mind, "we all took turns and we did a full blood transfusion on you since we all have the same blood type."

Leo nodded, not quite understanding what his brother was saying. His eyes were still wide trying to take everything in at once.

"Leo?" asked Don in a timid voice after a few minutes of silence. Leo looked up at Don, "What happened in Central America?"

Leo's eyes widened further in horror.

At once his mind went haywire, trying to compensate for his mouth that he clamped shut.

No, I can't tell... can't tell them... can't tell him... Those two are dead... dead… Anna, Grace, me... all dead.

Leo kept his mouth closed but shook his head slowly, brown eyes darkening completely hiding his golden flakes. He refused to open his mouth because he knew if he did then his entire grisly tale would come out in one long sputter.

He couldn't, he wasn't ready, they wouldn't understand...

He had tried to explain it already, he tried!

He told them he was trapped and Raph screamed back at him; telling him to tell the truth - to not lie, then they had moved on in the argument acting as if Leo hand never said anything at all.

Don came close to Leo; he was right beside his hospital bed.

Leo stiffened his muscles. Don was close, too close.

Don could hurt him.

Everything could hurt him, everything.

Don could press the button and his brain would feel like its melting from the shocks of his chip. He could inject him with something to activate a seizure. Don could get on top of him and strangle him until he was begging, sputtering for life.

Don said he hated him. Don hated him.

Don hates me. They all hate me.

Don knew something; Leo could tell by the way he looked at him from beside his blue hospital bed. The purple turtle was a genius, of course he knew something.

Does he know what I did? Does he know who I killed?

You did not kill them! A voice screamed in his head making him flinch.

Fury washed over Leo like a wave. Quickly his panic ceased to exist.

This time, the first time ever, Leonardo ignored the voice completely. He was too angry.

The thought came over him that if he was angry his brothers wouldn't come near him, Don couldn't put more pieces together to figure out what happened. Don couldn't find out his secrets. Don couldn't find out who he killed - who Hanson killed. No, who he killed.

I don't want them to know, they can't know. I can't tell them. They can't know my greatest failure.

Don's eyes became moist as he saw the far off look in his brother's eyes. He came even closer to his brother trying to show him he was scared for him, worried for him. He wanted Leo to know that even though he'd been a jerk he still cared for him. He was just so mad when he had said he hated him!

Don wasn't mad at Leo anymore, he loved him.

"Stay back!" Leo barked in a very un-him type of voice as Don inched closer to him. The voice felt cold and unwanting. Don took an involuntary step back, surprised that Leo had just yelled at him.

"Leo, please," he began, his own voice barely over a whisper, "you can tell me. I'm your brother, you can tell me anything."

The leader replaced his wide-eyed and angry expression with a mask of indifference.

Leo tried to sit up and actually amazed himself when he did and didn't feel too horribly dizzy.

He still felt shaky but the aches in his body receded some.

He felt almost... whole

Almost.

Leo sat himself up in his hospital bed then turned to look at Don's worry filled chocolate-brown eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it." He lowered his voice from the angry tone he had just taken. Now, it was just over a cracked whisper. He realized that his throat felt raw from misuse.

Don grabbed the side of Leo's bed desperately, "Why? I want to help you. I can help you, I-"

Leo put up his hand silencing his brother. "If I don't talk about it," he began hoarsely, "then I carry what I did with me... always." A rough cough racked his chest forcing him to pause for a second, "I want that Donatello" he croaked out, "I need that. To always remind me of my failure."

And besides, he finished in his head, if I told you what happened then I would be admitting it did happen. There would be no more pretending or willing it to go away. It would be out in the open and it won't just only haunt me in my dreams but also in your eyes. I can't do that. I can't tell you. I won't.

"I don't understand, please bro just tell me I can-"

"Enough Donatello!" Leonardo tried to yell again but it just came out as a painful bark. Don closed his mouth taking another a step back.

Leo gritted his teeth, new anger seething through his body. He swung his legs over the side of his hospital bed already sick of laying in it. His arms felt weak but didn't shake as he moved to stand.

"You really shouldn't be moving its not-"

"Either help me to my room or get the hell out," the older turtle commanded angrily, cutting off his brother once again.

Why am I so angry?

As he stood up his vision darkened, but only by a bit. His leg muscles ached but not as much as they had been. He tested his legs and was surprised when they bore his weight. He took a step forward thinking all was well then took another. It was on the third step that his knees buckled and he would've fallen had Don not been ready to rush to his side. He grabbed his older brother's shell to hold him steady.

Don mumbled something about being stubborn as an ox but helped Leo walk to the door. Side by side Don took on as much of Leo's weight as his brother would give him.

Don knew Leo would be light be was astonished when he actually put his arms around his brother as they walked and felt how thin he was. Don was almost positive a gust of wind could knock his older brother down, he weighed nothing.

Leo wasn't just thin, he was skinny, dangerously skinny.

Leo's breath started to come faster as the two made their way out of the family's infirmary.

As Don pushed the door open with his free hand Leo noticed all the lights in the lair were off.

It must be really late, he thought to himself, the TV's not even on.

Outside of the harsh lights of the infirmary it was a dark and daunting abyss.

The darkness, however, didn't bother either of the two ninjas as they made their way to the stares to go up to Leo's room.

Once they started climbing Leo had to put more and more weight on Don. His head started to feel heavy, not as heavy as it had once been but heavy enough to make him feel tired. His breathing came harder and faster as they reached the top step.

Slowly the two made their way past a snoring Raphael's room then past Michelangelo's room where they heard the soft sound of his radio playing. Lastly they passed Don's room before finally making it to Leo's small bedroom.

The leader had sweat beading his face and running down his neck as Don carefully laid him on his bed.

Leo felt exhausted.

Don turned to leave his brother's bed room. He walked to the doorway before thinking of something and turned around to look at his older brother. "About what I said before," he began. Leo moved his heavy head to look at him. A dim light in the hallway silhouetted his smart brother. "I didn't mean it. I... I don't hate you, Leo." He whispered, "I love you, you're my big brother."

It was silent in the room for a few heavy seconds. Overhead the sounds of rushing water played from the ceiling. Don moved to walk out of the room not feeling wanted in his brother's bedroom after nothing was said back to him.

"You shouldn't...you should hate me." came the leader's reply in a light whisper. Don tuned around in shock to face his brother.

"What? What do you mean I should hate you? I don't-"

"Get out," Leo barked at him forcefully stopping Don mid sentence. The purple turtle opened his mouth only to close it again. His heart was breaking from the look on his brother's face.

Leo looked beaten, like an animal that had been kicked down far too often. The dim hallway light cast ugly shadows over the hollows of his body and face. His skin resembled a sickly pale ghost.

In truth, his brother looked like death itself and that's what hurt Don the most. He knew and could practically see Leo was suffering but Leo refused to ask for help. He refused to even tell them what the hell happened in that jungle!

That damn pride is going to kill you Leonardo, he thought sadly as his throat constricted on itself, forming a lump.

Don nodded at Leo before turning around to leave again. He had never felt so unwelcomed in his older brother's presence.

He closed the door behind him with a soft click.

Standing outside his room Don rested his head on Leo's closed door. His mouth twitched as his eyes started to sting.

He could remember when he went to Leo for everything; nightmares, questions, anything he needed he knew he could talk to Leo about them.

When Splinter first announced Leo was to leave for a solo training mission Don had felt a cinder block fall on the family. He knew that one brother gone would create a rift in the family.

They were a team of four, not three. You couldn't have red, orange and purple without blue. Just the same as orange, purple and blue without red. It just didn't work no matter which way you did it. They needed to stay together, they consolidated each other.

Now, they barely even talked to each other anymore.

When Leo didn't come home there was stress and feelings hurt beyond repair. The three brother's felt abandoned, Don especially and when that missing piece came back they treated him like garbage, they all wanted Leo to hurt just like they had hurt.

Leo was home and it still felt like he was away. He was here but he wasn't really here.

Don had told Leo he hated him, he had told his own brother he hated him.

Don's throat constricted painfully.

"I'm so sorry." a tear snaked down his face then another and another until he was fully crying, "I'm so sorry big brother..."

Thoughts?

And you thought Leo would just roll over, cry and blurt his whole story out? Come on, lets be real. How many fics do that? LIKE EVERY ONE! A brother has a secret, that brother gets hurt, brother recovers, brother spills whole story and they hug and everything is jolly.
Ughh.. Sorry readers, that ain't happening. I'm gonna keep it interesting :)

Let me remind you as you bring out your pitch forks that everything happens for a reason *I say as I back into a hole and hide cause it's been over 20 chappies and the bros still dont know*

All in due time... They have to find out at the right time - or not at all... I don't knowwwwww .. Stay with me folks :)

and also the question that I'm getting ALOT it "how did Don not see the bump on Leo's head?!" ANSWER: come on guys. Leo had a seizure and collapsed from exhaustion. then his family found out there's something in his blood so they worried over that. No place in there would give Don a reason to look UNDER the knot in Leo's mask as his head is on the pillow. Just saying. :)

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Have a good day fellow readers!