Today on SwanQueen tube, Regina speaks out about the emptiness in her heart!
Enjoy Lovelies!
Songs: The Story by Sara Ramirez, Private Parts by Halestorm
Ruby shivered by the fire once more. She'd still been soaked before their trip to Echo Cave, and now her soul felt as frozen as her joints. Emma stood at the edge of the campsite with her back to the rest of the group since arriving, and though everyone noticed her bowed head and trembling shoulders, no one addressed her tears. What words or comfort could they possibly have given that offered any sort of respite from her emotional torture?
She sniffed, wiped her own tears and then pulled her cloak taut against her back and shoulders like a security blanket. She wanted Belle. Her heart ached at the separation before Regina's soul crushing confession and subsequent severing of their engagement, but now, that dull throb moved into her limbs and hands with a nervous burn to have Belle in her arms once more. Her heart called out for her bright blue eyes and reserved, clipped tone when she did something the former princess disapproved of.
She irritated her on purpose sometimes just to hear that exasperated "Ruby Lucas" bounce off the walls. Her heart pounded painfully when the thought of something happening to her back in Storybrooke attacked her mind. She was an entire world away, literally. She wasn't there to protect her. She'd promised to stay at Granny's with Henry while they were away, but that only offered a modicum of comfort. At least she wasn't alone, and Granny wasn't a lady to be trifled with if you didn't want a crossbow bolt in the chest.
She huffed a sigh and stared towards the water where Hook, Regina, David and Snow made the necessary repairs to The Jolly Roger. The thick jungle hid them from sight, but every now and then she heard a muffled yell and the soft pulses of energy indicating that Regina had magically repaired another hole in the hull. She wanted them to hurry the hell up because the homesickness in her heart for her brilliant bookworm chipped at her resolve.
Emma huffed in frustration, catching her attention without meaning to, and then hacked into the jungle with Charming's sword. Ruby watched and let her blow off steam on the unsuspecting plants. When the dense plants swallowed her from sight, she reluctantly removed her cloak and allowed her wolf to surface. Her ears honed in on Emma's movement and followed it through the jungle as she mumbled and cried and hacked at the thick foliage. Ruby realized that she needed a moment to herself and her grief, but she was still in danger and a sitting duck by herself if ambushed by The Lost Boys.
Her advanced hearing gave Emma privacy, and her shiny new super wolf speed ensured her protection if anything turned sour out in the jungle. She'd be at her side in seconds. Ruby closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her stomach, wishing that she had the comfort of her worn and familiar cloak around her. It'd never let her down, never caused her pain, and she missed it's comforting rustle against her clothes as she moved. A twig snapped in the direction of the ship, and her eyes flew open.
Regina smiled sadly at her and then glanced around the clearing for Emma. Her eyes returned to Ruby's in question. The wolf pointed with one sharp claw towards the path Emma made into the jungle.
"She started hacking about five minutes ago. I've been keeping track of her by sound in case anything happened. The Jolly Roger ready to go?" Ruby explained and then changed the subject.
"Just about. The idiots are removing the water right now. We should set sail in about twenty minutes." Her eyes followed the jagged trail.
"Regina, what are we going to do? Emma's… she's… broken," Ruby stuttered. She wasn't sure exactly how Regina's emotions worked anymore without her love, but she saw the coiled muscles of stress and the tightened skin around her eyes. She grieved for what she'd lost.
"I know, Darling," Regina answered sadly and slumped onto the log beside her.
"Hey Mama Bear?" She said after a few quiet moments. Her voice was small and wondering, like that of a child asking an adult to explain something painful and difficult that their cognitive understanding hadn't quite developed enough to grasp.
"Hmm?" She responded, not able to meet the sad eyes of her best friend.
"What does it feel like?" Ruby asked with childish eyes. Regina sighed and leaned their shoulders together, resting the crown of her head against Ruby's temple.
"Like I've lost something I can't remember. Do you know what it feels like when you are trying to say a certain word, and it suddenly leaves your mind but remains on the tip of your tongue?" Ruby nodded.
"That's sort of what it's like. I'm trying to feel something on the edge of my heart, but no matter how hard I try, it's gone with only the wisp of a memory of what it used to feel like." Regina struggled to find an explanation that encompassed the constant ache in her heart.
"That sounds… it sounds incredibly lonely," Ruby said hesitantly, unsure how much Regina wished to divulge.
"It is. It feels a lot like The Evil Queen used to feel. You know that clench in your chest that you feel when Belle does something that turns you on or makes you fall in love all over again?" Ruby nodded. "My heart still jerks in such a manner, but there's only pain and regret and loneliness where love used to be. I know it hurts her when I push her away, but I don't know what else to do. It's… simply being near her aches deeper than any other pain I've ever felt. Worst than the first time I killed, worst than anything Rumpelstiltskin had ever done to me, worst than losing Daniel the first time."
Regina stopped and took a steadying breath, done speaking of her inner torment. Ruby viewed her with new eyes. If she hurt that much inside, Emma needed to stay away until she figured out how to grieve something she no longer possessed the ability to feel. They both ached in similar ways, both grieving for the loss of a love so powerful that it created True Love in a realm where magic hadn't existed. Ruby wasn't sure which was worst, continuing to feel it or living with a hole in her heart.
"I'm trying so very hard to be strong for her. She needs me, still, but…Empty, to answer your question succinctly. I feel empty, Wolf Pup," she whispered and closed her eyes against the sudden moisture there. Breath caught in Ruby's throat.
"You haven't called me that in forever." Regina heard the smile in her voice, and one graced her lips.
"I wasn't sure you'd want me to after I heard Cora use it," the witch explained. Ruby nodded against her head.
"Yeah, I probably wouldn't have taken that very well, but I kind of miss it. It always made me feel safe, you know. Like there was someone looking out for me. I think I'd like you to start using it again. If you want, that is," Ruby added anxiously, shoulder tensing beneath Regina's.
The older woman smiled. Even after everything Ruby had endured and everything they'd gone through together, the young woman struggled with her self-esteem and self-worth. Tapping into her darkness the way she had only added weight to her burden. The young woman was a combination of unwavering strength and endearing insecurity, like Emma. She wrapped her arm around Ruby's damp shoulders and pulled her into her chest. Her cheek found the crown of her head naturally.
"If you'd like. I've missed it as well," Regina eased her fears. "I'm so very sorry that we haven't been the support you've clearly needed this past year. I'm moving back to Storybrooke, so I promise to change that." Ruby pulled back in shock and searched her eyes. The fire glinted and flickered in shimmering brown eyes.
"You said you wouldn't leave her," she almost accused the older woman. Regina sighed.
"I had hoped that Emma would also come, silly mutt." Ruby nodded and settled against her shoulder again.
"David's going to die, isn't he?" Ruby whined and pressed her face into her chest. "Hook said there isn't a cure for dream shade poisoning."
"Your blood's the cure, Ruby. I only need to figure out how to harness the wolf DNA for the antidote. I'm not sure I can do that here, but I'll try once we've set sail. We're far safer on the water than on this island." Regina said and readjusted her head against Ruby's.
Ruby tensed, muscles coiling painfully. Regina craned her head and caught her eye.
"Sorry. I… Emma's crying again. It's… everything about this is just plain wrong," Ruby rumbled, the rage clear in her voice. Regina pulled from the embrace.
"I'll go get her. Put your cloak back on when you hear me speak to her. I'll yell if I need anything. You should head to the ship." Regina instructed, and Ruby nodded.
"I will when you're with her," she promised and stood, moving closer to the fire. Damn, Neverland was cold.
Regina nodded wordlessly and then disappeared down the rough trail. It took only a few minutes to find the end of Emma's trail. The tortured woman stood with her back to the campsite. Her father's sword dangled loosely in her hand. Regina steadied her breathing before announcing herself.
"Emma?" She called and took another step closer. She might have reached out and touched her if she wanted, but she pressed her hands into her thighs.
She squeaked when the sword thumped into the dirt as Emma whirled around, grabbed her face and pressed their lips together. It lingered an emotional moment. Emma pulled back, met her sad gaze and then kissed her again. Regina stood perfectly still, lips unresponsive. Even if the kiss moved her physically, it would have been a cruel trick to return the gesture when nothing moved beneath her chest. It hurt, having Emma against her and not feeling anything, but she allowed Emma to do what she needed to do in order to accept this.
"Regina," she sobbed as her forehead dropped to her shoulder.
"This can't be happening," she whispered around her tears. "I brought you home. I believed when no one else did. I brought you home," Emma babbled.
Regina sighed patiently when wet lips pressed against her throat. Teeth scraped the sensitive skin beneath her ear that drove her insane, and a twinge of arousal pulled through her. It was merely a physical reaction to stimulation. Gentle hands pushed Emma's shoulder back gently.
"Let me try. We connected before because of sex. Maybe it will bring it back, Regina." Emma explained her reasoning, and Regina's heart broke.
"Let me try," Emma begged. Regina sighed. It didn't work like that. Their sex was so good because they had True Love. True Love hadn't grown because of sex.
"It doesn't work that way, Emma, and it wouldn't be fair to you. You still have your love, and if I had sex with you, it would only prolong your denial." Regina tried to make her understand.
Emma pulled away in frustration, turned her back for a brief moment. She whirled around, dropped to her knees, and flung her arms around Regina's hip as she had that day in the driveway. Wretched sobs echoed around them and tears soaked into her shirt. Regina closed her eyes against throbbing hollowness in her chest. Her heart desperately searched for the love she'd once felt, and pounded angrily against the glass box she'd tossed it in when it came up empty.
One hand wrapped around the head of blonde hair below her breasts and the other settled on Emma's shoulder. She waited for the other woman's recovery. Emma jerked back suddenly, fingertips digging into her waist.
"My heart," she said excitedly. "Regina, you have to put my heart in your chest! It worked for Belle's memories, maybe it will work for your love." Regina gasped. Why hadn't she thought of that?
"Hold still. It will hurt a little," Regina informed her and plunged her hand into Emma's chest. Regina tugged, and Emma pulled forward bodily.
"What the hell?" She tugged again with the same result.
"I can't take your heart, Emma!" She tugged again and then flew backwards as a brilliant white light shot from Emma's chest and knocked her onto her back a few feet from Emma.
"What the hell was that, Regina?" Emma asked, her now wide and terrified eyes dry of tears though her face still glistened with them.
Regina sat up and shook her tingling hand. Confusion riddled her face as she dumbly stared at Emma's chest. She'd never felt anything like that before. Emma held an unstoppable magic, much more powerful than hers, even if she hadn't realized it.
"Emma, your heart…" Regina started and shook her head. "I can't take your heart. Why?" Regina asked, not actually expecting an answer. Green eyes widened as Pan's words rushed back to her.
"Pan said I had the heart of the truest believer in the most powerful magic." Emma said suddenly and sat back on her heels. "That's why he put me in that cage. He said he needed to make sure I was the one. I thought he was just being creepy, but… What the hell is happening, Regina?" She pressed a hand into her chest and stared expectantly at the other woman.
"I can't take your heart," Regina said again, still unbelieving of the magic she'd felt coursing through the savior.
"Maybe I can," Emma said hopefully and pressed her hand into her chest.
"Emma, wait!" Regina ordered and scrambled across the ground. She jerked Emma's hand from her chest.
"No, you cannot leave something that powerful unprotected. If you want to try when we get back to Storybrooke, then fine, but not here. Not when Pan might be watching. You're the one, Emma Swan. You're the one the prophecy spoke of. Ruby mentioned it earlier, but I hadn't realized it was that prophecy. I didn't know it was connected to Neverland, but I know the prophecy. I read it in one of Rumpelstiltskin's books when I was his student." Regina babbled excitedly, and Emma stared.
"What does that mean? Regina?" Emma questioned, but Regina continued to babble as though she hadn't even heard her.
"You have the heart of the truest believer, Emma!" Regina practically yelled at her, tears on her cheeks. Her look told Emma that she should have known what she meant by that point.
"That makes me…" Her gaze dropped and her face fell. Emma sputtered, racing desperately after Regina's thoughts.
"What?" She demanded when the silence stretched too long.
"The lost soul. The heart of the truest believer will spend her life saving the lost soul. A spirit consumed with darkness and forever destined to lose heart and soul over and over to evil. I don't remember the exact words, but that's the basic idea. It says that the truest believer, a beloved hero of the people, will forever chase and save the lost soul, creating between them an unbreakable bond that stands true despite the many trials and separations they must endure." Regina grabbed her hands and pressed them to her chest. Excitement boiled and spewed from her in waves, and Emma dared to hope that Regina had begun to believe.
"What does that have to do with Neverland?" She pushed forward. Regina's sudden excitement infected her, and she leaned forward, wanting more of the story. Was it somehow possible to restore Regina's love? I had to be because she still believed in them.
"The magical hub, the land that runs on belief. The book said…" Regina stopped suddenly and scratched at her throat, eyes wide and scared.
Emma gasped when she lifted into the air bodily and flew into a nearby tree head first. She grabbed her sword and jumped to her feet as Regina thumped onto the ground, limp and unconscious from the head wound. Her heart leapt into her throat, and a rush of adrenaline vibrated beneath her skin.
"I thought you were dead," she blurted in surprise and then winced, not having meant to say the words aloud.
"Don't believe everything you hear, Dearie," The Dark One taunted and then smirked at her shocked gasp as the sword flew into the tree he had bashed Regina against.
"You're working with Pan," she accused with hard eyes. Of course Rumpelstiltskin was behind Regina's kidnapping and torture.
"Hardly. I'm here to make sure you never fulfill that prophecy. You're terribly difficult to kill, Miss Swan, but this is Neverland, and the rules here are different."
His grin was the last thing she saw before her own head suffered the same fate as her lover's.
Regina's mind acclimated to reality in a jumbled heap. Gentle hands touched her head. David's voice. Snow's gasp. Ruby's scent.
"Oh my god," the wolf exclaimed in breathy shock.
"It says 'Property of The Dark One' on her chest. That's where the rest of the blood is coming from. That bastard carved it into her skin. I thought he was dead." The wolf's rage washed against Regina, muffling the deep rumble of David's voice and Hook's accent.
Gentle hands slid beneath her back and knees and lifted her into the air. The faint scent of salt and citrus shampoo filled her nostrils, and something soft tickled her nose. Ruby's hair. Ruby carried her. She was safe. Emma. She sank into the blackness again.
A gentle swaying urged her awake a second time, like she'd only fallen asleep in a hammock. She cracked her eyes. A blurry red figure stood across the room. Ruby's cloak. She wiggled her fingers, wanting desperately to reach out to her friend.
"Rube," she whispered, choked. The figure whirled around and ate the distance between them with long, graceful strides.
"Hey, I'm here, you silly witch." Ruby's voice slid across her soul like a healing balm.
"Em," she croaked. Ruby slid a hand around her neck and lifted her head as she pressed something to her lips. Water. The cool liquid slid into her mouth, and she gulped until her throat felt soothed and moisturized enough to speak again.
"We think," Ruby started but stopped to sigh as she lowered her back to the bed. "We think Rumpelstiltskin took her. Did you see him? What happened?" Ruby blurted the questions in quick succession, and Regina winced.
"Saw him. Head," she said and lifted one weak hand from the bed a few inches and then dropped it once more. "Tree."
"He bashed your head off a tree?" Regina nodded slowly.
"Emma," Regina said again. Ruby squeezed her hand tightly, and Regina knew that they hadn't found Emma with her.
"He took her. We don't know where. Hook and David are scouting possible locations near here right now. He's getting worst, Regina. David doesn't have much time," the scared wolf confessed without meaning to.
Regina was injured and terrified for Emma's safety. The last thing she needed right now was Ruby losing her shit, even if he was one of her oldest and most trusted friends, despite the tool he'd been lately.
"Ruby," Regina rasped. She fought valiantly for consciousness, but she felt it slip a little more every second. She desperately wanted to comfort her friend, but her head wound sucked her under once more.
"I'm here, Regina," Ruby assured her, not yet aware of her struggle.
"Hold me," Regina said. She tried to smile when the bed dipped with the light weight of the scared wolf.
A warm head pressed into her shoulder, and a strong arm slid around her waist protectively. It wasn't perfect, but it was the only form of comfort her position allowed at the moment. She had no doubt that the younger woman clung to her until she awoke again, and in holding her would have found comfort of her own. It was the best she had to offer in the moment, and she lulled her cheek onto soft hair as unconsciousness reclaimed her mind as its own.