I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. I did my best to walk back to Oliver, my mind going over Hanssen's words again and again. Walking into ITU, I suddenly felt my heart jump up in the air. Oliver had his eyes open and was talking to his mother. When he looked at me, his face lit up. I rushed to his bedside and kiss him gently. I began to cry as I sat down beside him. His mother and father left the room to give us a few minutes privacy.
'I had the scan.' I said, beaming at him.
'Really, did you find out the sex?' He said quietly, his voice broken.
'Yes, we're having a girl.' I said, as soon as I told him his smile became ever wider.
'Wow, is she alright.' He asked, I decided that it would be unwise to tell him about the pain.
'Yeah, she's absolutely fine.' I said lying as best I could.
'Thank god. So, we need to start thinking about names for our little princess.' He said, taking my hand and kissing it.
'No we don't. We need to get you some rest. I can't believe I wasn't here when you woke up. Is everything alright?' I asked, I was worried that he wasn't telling me something.
'Everything's fine. Joseph told me that my ribs are intact and that the bleeding has stopped. I'm going to be moved to Holby Care in the next few days and they hope that I won't have any further surgery or complications.' He said professionally.
'Are you feeling any tingling? Any pins and needles? Any dizziness? Any headaches? Are you in any pain?' I asked, my doctor training forcing its way into our conversation.
'No, no, no, no, yes.' He replied smiling.
'Sorry, do you want more painkillers' I said going over to his drip. 'I'm going to find Connie so I'll be back in a while. I've got to return to work tomorrow.'
'See you.' He replied, I hated leaving him but I knew I had to go try to salvage something of this situation.
I found Connie in the garden; she had tears running down her face and was looking at photo of Grace. She jumped as I came into view; she hurriedly wiped away her tears.
'Connie, what's wrong?' I asked sitting down beside her.
'Oh, nothing. I just got some bad news about a patient, that's all.' She said unconvincingly.
'I know that's not true Connie, what's happened?' I said seeing straight through her.
'Nothing, honestly. I'm just tired.' She said touching my hand.
'I'm always here if you need me, you know that.' I said leaving.
I went back up to Oliver to say goodbye. Today had been a long day and I had to work the next day, not to mention being 5 months pregnant. As soon as I arrived home I went straight to bed. Dreaming about what my life would have been like if hadn't ever met Oliver; let's just say it wasn't pleasant. I was living at home on my own; I was hated by all the staff and I was depressed. My face was grey and sad and my heart was colder than ever before. Then, Freya was there in my arms, until her mother snatched her away.
I awoke suddenly to find my face covered in tears. I rolled over to an empty side of the bed. I looked at the clock beside my lonely bed and realised that if I wanted to see Oliver before my shift, I'd have to get up quickly. I climbed out of bed and got myself changed; I could feel my little girl rolling around inside of me.
As soon as I was ready, I grabbed my keys and climbed into my car. On my way to work, my head was filled with baby names. The name Hope just stuck in mind. Where would Ollie and I be now if we'd been without hope?
As I approached the hospital, my heart began to beat faster and faster, like a butterfly inside my ribcage. I parked and headed inside, leaving my unneeded crutches. I felt strong, not only physically but mentally. I'd got my strength back, I'd got myself back. I went straight up to ITU to find Chrissie in floods of tears.
'What's happened?' I asked a distraught Chrissie.
'It's Sacha, he was stabbed!' She cried.
I walked towards an unconscious Sacha, his eyes tightly shut, his face pale and lifeless. I had my boy fiancé and my best friend both in ITU. Life was beginning to get ridiculous.
'Is he alright?' I asked, putting my arm around her.
'Michael says he should be awake by this evening but not to expect too much.' She explained, I could tell that it was breaking her.
'Would you like me to babysit Daniel?' I asked. 'I need to get as much practise as I can and it would give you one less thing to worry about.'
'Thanks Jac. Would it be alright if you looked after him tonight and tomorrow night?' She asked, I was glad I could help in some way.
'Sure, I'll collect him from the Crèche as soon as my shift has finished. I'll need his car seat, a bag of stuff and to know what he eats. Does he know about Sacha?' I replied.
'No, if you wouldn't mind just saying that he's just staying at aunty Jac's because Mummy and Daddy have to work. I'll say bye to him in a bit and tell him that he's going to stay with you. His car seat is in my car, so I'll get that for you later, I've got his stuff here and he likes pasta, just cook him a small bowl of that and he'll be fine.' She said, she handed me a bag and I went back to sit with Oliver.
''Who are you and what have you done with Jac Naylor?' He asked sarcastically.
'Shut up. When are they moving you to Holby Care?' I asked taking his hand in mine.
'In half an hour. So, you're babysitting now are you?' He said a large smile forming on his face.
'Yes and I'm looking forward to it.' I replied.
'Is motherhood mellowing you?' He mocked.
'Whatever. Look, I need to go but I'll come see you before I pick up Daniel.' I said kissing him on the cheek.
'Bye honey.' He said waving.
I was glad to be back on my busy ward; in some ways I'd missed it, yet in others I was glad to be away. I could see Joseph talking to one of the patients, Tara hovering behind him. I guessed that Elliott was in the office, so went to find him.
I found him sat at his desk reading up on the latest valve procedure. I walked towards my tidy desk and glanced across at his. He'd tidied his chaotic desk and for once it was in exemplary condition. The clutter had been thrown out and been replaced by a new Apple computer, a pencil pot and a pile of notes.
I realised when I sat down that Elliott hadn't even noticed that I'd entered the room. I looked at the older man again, his face still covered by a book. I got up and walked over to him, still he didn't make any movement. I peered over the large book to find Elliott fast asleep. Beside him was an empty coffee cup, I picked it up without making a sound and tossed it into the bin. But when it rolled onto the floor I realised that it was already overflowing with an endless amount of coffee cups.
I went back to a snoring Elliott, his midday nap was not only inconvenient, but unprofessional and if Hanssen caught him, which was likely as he had been snooping around my department recently, he would get the boot. I put my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently and he awoke with a start, sending his pot of pencils tumbling to the ground. He muttered something under his breath before smiling up at me. He had massive bags under his tired eyes and his face was becoming old and worn.
'Elliott, when was the last time you got some proper sleep?' I asked as he collected the scattered pencils.
'Since you and Mrs Beauchamp haven't been working, Joseph, Tara and I have been having to do double shifts. I must say, it has taken its toll.' He said, despite having to work extra shifts, there was no hidden anger in his voice.
'I'm sorry, I'll make sure that I do my fair share of shifts, it is my fault that Oliver and I have been off.' I said guiltily.
'Jac, you can't blame yourself for this and I know that nobody blames you. You need to give your conscience a rest and except the fact that this is not your doing.' He replied wisely.
'Thanks Elliott.' I said, I grabbed a large pile of patient notes and begun my ward rounds.
On the ward Tara was sat at the nurse's station, she was desperately trying to keep herself awake. I went over to her, I may not have liked her at first and maybe I may have miss judged her at first, but I knew that this was wrong. To say that it wasn't fair for them to be doing this, would be the understatement of the century.
'Tara, you've got an hour, go to the on call room and get some well needed sleep.' I instructed.
'Thanks Miss Naylor.' She said hurrying off to the on call room.
I suddenly got the feeling that someone was watching me; I turned around to see a smirking Joseph. His face was tired like Elliott's but it was clear that that wasn't going to stop him from being so cheerful. He walked over to me, a spring in his step.
'Jac, this evening would you be able to do me a favour?' He asked.
'I can't, I'm babysitting Daniel Levy.' I replied.
'That's great coz I was going to ask whether you could look after harry for me tonight.' He said.
'Fine, but why can't your babysitter do it?' I asked, sorting through a large pile of letters.
'She's ill.' He said simply.
'Sure, I'll pick him up after my shift. I'll need his car seat, nappies, milk and food jars.' I said.
'Thank you so much, would you be able to bring him to work tomorrow morning for me please.' He said.
'Of course. Are there any cases I should take a look at?' I asked looking at the patients.
'Mr Smith bay 2, I have no idea what's wrong with him because he told me that his name was John Smith and fell asleep. I've tried waking him but nothing seems to work.' Said Joseph pointing to a middle aged man.
'Let's see if I can crack him.' I said walking towards the patient.
'Mr Smith, wake up' I shouted. His eyes opened slowly.
'What.' He said.
'Mr Smith, I believe that you are not being entirely truthful to my colleague about your identity.' He just stared at me, not saying a word. 'Well, as you're not going to tell us anything we're going to have to do an exploratory procedure.'
'But, you can't.' He said worriedly.
'We can, you're not telling us anything so for all we know you could have lung cancer, heart failure or a number of horrible conditions. However we wouldn't to do it if you were straight with us, all we know is that you're having chest pain and you're lying to us. We don't care if you're a criminal, all we want to do is help you and if you carry on hiding the truth, you will be carted out to allow a more deserving patient to get the treatment they need.' I said.
'My names none of your business, you knocked up bitch.' He shouted. I wasn't going to get into an argument so I just walked away.
Joseph was sat at the nurse's station reading patient notes. Joe, I need you to perform an exploratory procedure on Pinocchio over there. I would advise you not to try talking to him as he'd not a nice man.' I said, I could see Mary-Claire on the other side of the busy ward, yawning. I went back to the unhelpful patient.
'We're taking you to theatre now.' I said.
'Fine, my name's Lewis Evans, I have Klein Levin's syndrome. It means that I sleep for up to two weeks at a time. I woke up from an episode and I had severe chest pain.' He explained.
'I know what your condition is, you do realise that you've wasted valuable time. I'm going to get a neurosurgeon down here and have my colleague send you for a CT scan. In the meantime I'm going to put you in a side room so that you can sleep without any disturbance.' I said summoning Mary-Claire.
'Thank you.' He said, falling back to sleep…