20. Truth in Mistake (A Lot Like Ed)

July 20, 2072

So Faye's been coming around a lot lately without Jet and the kid. At first, things were really awkward, but now, I dunno…it's kinda…nice. She can be a real pain in the ass most of the time, but sometimes she can be…fun. She has a way of making me smile. I have no fucking idea how she does it, but she does. I wanna hate her for it, but I can't. After everything I've done to her, to hate her would be too much. When she left tonight, she kissed me on the cheek. It's stupid that I'm even bringing it up, but I guess I kinda liked it. I'm not sure how Faye does it, but she gives me butterflies. Christ, that's so fucking stupid. But it's true. I don't like her, though. Only a crazy man would even consider getting involved with that crazy bitch. But then again, I haven't been acting too sane, lately…

It was late July. July 30, to be exact. Spike Spiegel was set to "graduate" from Tharsis City General Hospital Drug Detoxification Center on August 2, and the Bebop crew was busy tidying up for his return. It's not as if he would notice or anything, but it just seemed like the thing to do.

Since Spike enrolled in rehab, things on the Bebop, and in the personal lives of the ship's gang, had begun to even out and return to how things were before drugs and addiction where a part of the equation. Jet had finally resumed clipping his bonsai trees and when he had first re-entered the room, he thought he was walking into a forest. After a weed whacker, some water, and a lot of TLC, Jet's precious bonsais where soon back in tip top shape.

Ed had resumed her outrageous behavior, as well. She challenged unseen competitors to online chess, zoomed through the metallic hallways, and her ridiculous songs could be heard day and night. Ein had also perked up. He barked more and resumed his habit of destroying Spike's property when he got the chance.

And Faye had return to the tracks. Jet threatened her with an intervention of her own, but she had simply laughed at him and bet it all on a horse named "Lunkhead's Royal Green Puff". Her horse had won that day.

And she had started to use up all the hot water in the shower again. Many a morning, Jet found himself showering in ice cubes practically. Yes, things were indeed returning back to "normal", Bebop style. Now, all that was needed was Spike.

"I'm heading out for a little while, Jet," Faye called from the hanger. After cleaning up an incredibly dusty Bebop all day, Faye relaxed with a hot bath and then readied herself to head out.

"Where are you going, Faye?" Jet yelled from the kitchen, where he was making bell peppers with actual beef.

"Oh, just out," was Faye's quick response.

As Jet listened to the hangar open and the Red Tail fly away, he couldn't help but chuckle to his self. He had a good inkling as to where she was headed. If he was as knowledgeable as he liked to think he was, then he knew where her little trips always ended up. Setting a smile on his face, Jet shouted for Ed to come and eat.

"Knock, knock," Faye called out as she pushed the door open to Spike's room.

"Hey," Spike called from his closet. He had just gotten out of the shower and was searching for a shirt to put on. Glancing at Faye and noticing her faint blush, Spike smiled and contemplated just staying in his sweat pants only. Thinking better of the idea, though,he pulled a shirt over his head and turned back to the woman.

"So, to what pleasure do I owe this visit to tonight?" Spike casually asked.

"Oh, I just thought that you would enjoy being graced by the prescence of such a beautiful woman," Faye answered, never losing step with him.

"Really? Well, where is she?"

"Ugh, screw you."

"Is that an offer?" Spike's normally silky, deep tone had returned, and just in time to properly catch Faye off-guard.

Faye gasped at his comment and the familiar blush returned to her cheeks. She swiftly looked away from him and busied herself with rearranging the items on Spike's desk.

"So, what really brings you by?" Spike asked, proud at the reaction he evoked in Faye.

"Well, you're getting out of here in a couple of days, "graduating" as they say. I guess I just wanted to remember the room."

"That's a pretty bad lie, Faye."

"Yeah, well…"

Spike and Faye stood on opposite sides of the room, she in awkward silence, and he in curious reverie. This wasn't the first time Faye had visited alone. It had actually become a bi-weekly occurrence. But for some reason, tonight, Faye was shifty and unnerved for some reason. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see the difference in her behavior, and perhaps that's why Spike caught it, too.

"What's up, Faye? Looks to me like somethin's on your mind," he voiced as he sat on his bed.

"Nothing, Spike; nothing at all," she said as she took a seat in the chair.

"With an answer like that, you're practically begging me to figure out what's wrong with you. Well, other that the usual, that is."

"You're an ass, you know that?"

"Obviously I do, but that still doesn't answer my question," he said, leveling his cool gaze with hers.

Faye felt somewhat uncomfortable in his line of sight. Over the weeks, she had seen him return to his normal self and she found herself enjoying looking into his eyes more and more. But tonight it seemed as if he was discovering her deepest kept secrets with those eyes.

"Well, then; I see that I'm going to have to force a confession out of you," Spike said as he rose from his bed.

"Spike, what are you doing?" Faye questioned in a warning tone.

Without answering her, Spike walked up to Faye, pulled her from the chair, tossed her on the bed, and began to…tickle her? Faye was forced to burst out into hysterical laughter as Spike's long fingers assaulted her midsection. It was definitely nothing that she had expected; she never took Spike for a tickler, but at the moment, she was just glad to have him touching her.

Spike, too, was shocked by his actions. He never liked to be tickled, or liked to dish it out, but for some damn reason, Faye made him so playful. He really wanted to credit his behavior to his medication, but as he laughed at her laughter, he knew that the medicine had nothing to do with this.

After several minutes of hilarious torture, Faye finally cried "uncle" and pleaded for him to stop. Giving in to her pathetic pleas, Spike brought his attack to a halt, though he didn't remove his body from over hers. He gazed at her as she tried to calm herself, and suddenly realized that she was actually quite beautiful. And with that thought, Spike quickly moved off of her and scooted to the edge of the bed.

He shook his head and became pensive as he wondered where in the hell that thought had come from. Well, yeah, Faye was a good looking woman; everybody knew that. But for him to actually think it was a whole different thing. To his shock and slight dismay, Spike began to understand that she was starting to unravel parts of him that he thought he had wound up a long time ago.

"Since it has been revealed to me that you are an offensive tickler, I guess I'll tell you what's up. If you really want to know, that is," Faye said, breaking the stillness that had settled over them.

"Huh?" Spike said, breaking from his contemplation. "Oh, yeah…I didn't go to such drastic lengths for nothing," he recovered, smirking mildly at her.

"So, you really want to know?" Faye inquired; not sure if she believed his concern.

"Christ, Faye; yes! What do I have to do? Write it on a fucking blimp?"

"Temper, temper; Spike," Faye cooed.

"Temper, my ass," he muttered in return.

"Well…I, uh…honestly?"

Spike glared at her as he cracked his fingers, threatening another round of tickles.

"Right. I...uh…I guess I'm scared. There, I said it."

"Scared of what, Faye?"

Faye wasn't sure if she liked the way he said her name like that. Actually, she wasn't sure if she liked the way he said her name at all. He usually referred to her as "shrew", "romani", "bitch", "slut", "whore", et cetera; but he hardly ever used her name. Tonight, however, like so many other things, he had said it at least four times so far. And every time she heard it roll off his tongue, a shiver ran down her spine.

"I'm…scared of…for you."

"What? Why are you scared for me?" Spike asked, truly interested.

"I…I just," Faye was stuttering and she knew it. She wasn't sure why she was so afraid to talk to him; she had never been before. "I'm just afraid that when you get out, you'll only go right back to the drug and all of this will happen again, except the next time, you probably won't live and if you die, I'm not sure how I would deal with that!"

Spike looked at Faye as she shouted at him in a hurried pace. He couldn't help but feel a pang of grief at her truthful statement. She was afraid that he would turn back to the thing that got him in this shape in the first place. He sighed and turned away from her when he realized that her fears were fully justified. Just because he was in rehab, did not mean he was cured. He looked back over at her and only felt worse when he saw tears falling from her jade orbs.

"Faye, I…" And he was at a loss for words. How was he supposed to respond to that? He still wanted to live in a world where no one cared for him, but after the events of the last few months, he had to shatter that perception, and fast.

He reached over to her with a slightly shaky hand and wiped her tears away with his thumb. At his actions, her eyes flashed towards his. She was dumbstruck by his sudden kindness.

"I guess you have a right to, uh, feel that way," he finally found the words to say to her. "I'm scared for me, too, I guess. I really don't want to go back to how I was. When I think about it, I was pretty fucked up."

"Yeah…" Faye exhaled, suddenly finding the courage to speak more freely. "It's just that, I dunno; I just don't want to lose you. Christ, now I sound like Ed. But…but it's true. I know I always act like I don't care about you or anyone else on the ship, but that's just not true. I really do care, and I guess that's what scares me the most.

"I know you know the story about me and Whitney. As I recall, you where in the bathroom the whole time I told the story to Ein. But after I thought he died, I just gave up on people. I had lost everything I knew after the accident and waking up, only to have the man I trusted die…it was all too much. I just shut down, after that, you know. I refused to get close to people again because I didn't want to get hurt again.

"But I got caught up on the Bebop and well, fuck me; I started to like you guys. Before I knew it, you were my family and even though I tried hard not to, I began to trust you guys. When you started doing drugs and got really messed up, it was like Whitney all over again, except this time, I was watching him die right in front of me.

"A lot like Ed, I don't have anyone to rely on except the three of you, and I guess I've gotten pretty protective lately. If…if you died, I don't think I could take it. You already almost got yourself killed twice on my watch; I definitely don't need you to go down that road again."

Faye refused to look at him. She all too readily spilled her guts to this man. Fiddling with her slender, fumbling fingers, Faye waited for Spike to respond.

"I…I had know clue you felt like that, Faye. But why tell me all of this? You were never one to open up about yourself," Spike asked, genuinely surprised by what she was saying.

"I know…it's just that…after all of this…I have to face the reality that no one is guaranteed tomorrow, although you've cheated the Reaper an awful lot. I guess I just want you to know now, in case tomorrow's too late."

For the umpteenth time that night, a silence fell over the small room. It wasn't so awkward this time around, but filled with more feeling, instead. Spike mulled over her words and actually found a bit of happiness in the fact that Faye cared about him. Well, it made him more than a bit happy, but he wasn't quite ready to figure out those feelings yet.

"I…I don't know how to really say this, but…I care about you, Spike. And I…I like you."

"What! The Faye Valentine actually likes me? Well blesséd be the day that such a revelation was told unto me!" Spike mercilessly taunted. Faye punched him in his good arm, thankful for something to lighten the mood.

"Really, Spike," she said convincingly. "I really do like you, as impossible as that may sound. I know you're an arrogant, narcissistic, lunkheaded, idiotic…"

"Get to the point, Faye."

"…son of a bitch," she smirked at him, "but despite all of that, you've grown on me like, kind of like a tumor that in the end, turns out to save your life, rather than ruin it."

"Not the most flattering allusion, but I'll take it," Spike smiled at her.

Faye smiled back and sighed in contentment. So she may have not told him the exact truth, but she had told him enough. And after her initial confessions, she was sure he couldn't take the real dinger: I love you. Now Faye wasn't apt to throwing that word around; matter of fact, she wasn't sure she had said it since she woke from cryo. Save for her impromptu bedside confession a couple of months ago. But after everything they had gone through with Spike and his addiction, looking at his healthy form only reconfirmed the fact that she did, indeed, love the jerk.

"Well," she said, rising steadily, "I'm glad we could have this talk, but I've gotta go. Jet was cooking bell peppers with real beef this time, and I wouldn't mind a bite of that, I guess. So, I'll leave you alone to your thoughts, then, cowboy."

"Faye, wait a minute," Spike called to her, walking towards the door as well.

"What do you want? Haven't you taken up enough of my time already?" She playfully mocked.

Faye didn't receive an answer, though. To her greatest surprise, she found Spike's lips tenderly upon hers. It was a chaste kiss, but a truly powerful one, to say the least. With such a simple gesture, Spike conveyed so much to her; things he wasn't sure he could say to her yet. He was typically a man of action, and he was certainly proving that at the moment. When the kiss finally broke, they pulled apart slightly, but not fully.

"What…what was that about?" Faye whispered, not sure she trusted her voice.

"Do you always need an explanation for things?"

As that wonderful blush returned to Faye's soft cheeks, Spike placed a sweet kiss on her forehead.

"I don't pretend to know what you're thinking, Faye, and I don't want to put words in your mouth or anything like that, but I want you to know that I'm gonna try. I mean really try to totally get over this. And I'm gonna try and be a better person…a better man. Mostly for me…but a little for you, too. I don't promise to be perfect, I could never lie to you like that; but I'll do my damndest to try and be good for you."

"What…what do you mean, Spike?" Faye breathlessly questioned, unsure of what had brought this admission out of the man in front of her.

"I either mean nothing at all, Faye; or I mean everything."

"Do you have to talk in riddles?"

"Until I get this all figured out…yes, I do," he smiled genuinely at her. "Well, I guess I better let you get back, I'd hate to deprive you of Jet's cooking any longer."

And with that, he backed away from her and watched her with an amused gaze. She nodded to him and exited the room, a nervous spring in her step. Spike closed the door after her and collapsed onto his bed. He wasn't sure why he had told Faye that. Well, he was, but he wasn't sure why he told her so soon. Perhaps it was her honesty that brought that out of him. Or maybe it really was the meds. Either way, he felt good. He finally felt as if he was starting to do good; starting to right his wrongs. He still had a long road ahead of him, but he had a feeling that he wouldn't be walking it alone.

so, faye's been seeing spike solo, eh? and what about that kiss? bet we didn't see that coming (ha ha, yeah right). so needless to say, through all of the shit that spike and the crew have been through, there can still be some feelings after all. do you like this little plot point? why not review and tell me so? well then, thanks for stopping by. (ps, does anyone know what movie that line is from? just a little trivia for ya.) until next time!

-phoenix