Chapter 21
Haru walked into the empty apartment, his keys almost slipping out of his hands. When the door shut behind him, he leaned back against it and stared down hard at his feet.
The apartment was silent.
And it was freezing.
Tears pricked at his eyes when he realized that he would be coming home to a quiet apartment from now on.
Now that Makoto had…
Haru squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists at his sides.
His heart was throbbing.
If he had gotten Makoto to safety faster, then maybe he would…
Haru pushed himself from the door and kicked his shoes off, not caring how they flung off to the side in a disorganized pile.
He did not want to see the other set of shoes sitting there anyway...
Haru dragged his heavy body towards the kitchen to get some water. His throat was cracked and dry from all the crying.
When he entered the kitchen, he froze.
Draped over a chair in the kitchen was Makoto's green jacket, the same jacket that Makoto had worn time and time again.
Haru's eyes widened and he hobbled over to grab it. He brought the jacket up to his face and breathed in the scent.
Tears instantly spilled from his eyes.
It smelled like Makoto.
Haru fell to his knees, another sob making its way through his throat. If felt as if a massive hole had blown through his chest.
"Makoto…" Haru sobbed, his voice echoing. "Please, come back, Makoto. Please."
"…Haru?"
Haru whipped his head up and saw Makoto standing in front of him with his head cocked and his brows creased.
"Makoto?!" Haru gasped. "You're… you're alive?!"
"Haru…" Makoto whimpered out.
Suddenly, Makoto's clothes changed, his shirt tearing with blood running down his side. Haru's eyes widened in horror and he jumped to his feet, rushing over to Makoto's side.
"Makoto, you're bleeding!" Haru shouted, putting his hands on Makoto's stomach. The blood was flooding from the wound, Haru's hands unable to stop it. "Makoto, i-it won't stop! We need to take you to the hospital!"
But Makoto did not budge. He stared at Haru with a sad look on his face, his lips twisting downwards. Makoto shook his head slowly and looked at Haru in the eye.
"Why didn't you get me out sooner, Haru?" Makoto asked.
Haru's heart jolted.
The blood was pooling around their feet, threatening to fill up the kitchen.
"W-What?" Haru asked.
Makoto leaned forward, towering over Haru.
"You didn't get me out in time. And now I'm dead, Haru," Makoto said eerily.
Haru shook his head and backed away. His hands reached up to tug at his hair. This was not Makoto. It couldn't be him. The real Makoto would not be this cruel.
"Haru…"
Haru glanced back up to see his friend suddenly shirtless, his skin charred and burned.
It looked painful.
"M-Makoto…" Haru whimpered.
"I risked everything to save you, Haru," Makoto said. His brows pushed together, seemingly frustrated, but his eyes remained blank and lifeless. "So why didn't you do the same for me?"
Makoto took a step forward, looking sinister and agitated.
"Makoto, I tried! I got you out and I managed to get you to the hospital!" Haru shouted. "I tried! I tried to save you, but—"
Makoto put his hand on Haru's chest, cutting him off. Makoto bent down a little, locking eyes with Haru once again.
"But you were too late," Makoto said lowly.
Then, Makoto pushed Haru backward.
Haru gasped as the floor collapsed beneath him, his body falling into a dark pit.
"No," Haru yelled. "Makoto!"
Sir…
"MAKOTO!"
Excuse me…
"MAKOTO!"
Haru jolted awake, his entire body jumping. He could feel sweat sliding down from his forehead and his heart was threatening to break his ribcage.
What… what happened, where am I?
Where's…
"Excuse me, sir…"
Haru jolted again when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder and glanced up to see a woman kneeling in front of him with a concerned look on her face.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
Haru could hear the blood roaring in his ears. He did not realize how badly he was shaking until the woman gripped his wrists.
"Where's… where's Makoto?" Haru whimpered out.
The woman tilted her head. "You mean your friend that you came in with? He's still in surgery."
Haru blinked, staring out at the long hallway in front of him. Where… where was he?
His mind started to clear and the hallway became more familiar. He glanced to his right and saw two double doors— the same double doors that Makoto had disappeared behind. That was when Haru felt his stiff back and neck. Had he fallen asleep?
How long had he been sleeping on that floor?!
"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't stay here," the woman said.
Haru glanced back at the woman, finally noticing that she was wearing scrubs, and pushed himself up from the ground. He patted himself over, his heart racing and thudding in his ears.
"I can show you towards a waiting area. I promise I'll let the doctors know where you are so they can give you an update on your friend," the nurse, he presumed, explained.
Haru felt her grab his upper arm and she started to guide him down the hallway and away from the double doors. He craned his neck back to stare at the double doors, panic quickly taking over. He stopped suddenly and faced the doors.
"B-But is he okay?" Haru found himself asking. He was still reeling from the crazy nightmare he had just a few moments ago. "I need to know if he's okay. He's alone and probably scared and—"
"He's in good hands," the nurse said with a small smile. She rubbed Haru's back gently. "He's still in surgery, but the doctors are really well trained and know what they're doing."
Haru felt his arms trembling slightly. He kept his eyes fixed on the doors, not moving a centimeter.
The nurse gingerly grabbed his shoulder and squeezed, forcing his gaze to look back down at her.
"I'll go in there and ask for an update in just a minute, but you have to go to the waiting area first, okay?" the nurse said gently. Haru gulped down some fresh nerves, feeling a shiver crawl down his back and make his stomach quiver. He nodded at let himself be pushed away from the double doors, his head twisting around to get one last look.
The nurse led Haru out of the hallway and towards the front of the hospital. The front was much more open with its tall ceilings and extravagant pillars. Haru felt himself release a long breath, the claustrophobic feeling suddenly vanishing.
Near the front entrance and in between a few pillars were rows of chairs with people scattered throughout. Haru felt the nurse nudge him forward one more step before gesturing towards the chairs.
"Just have a seat in one of those chairs and I'll be right back, okay?" the nurse said sweetly.
Haru blinked at her, barely registering what she had said. He was unsure if he even responded. He just watched the nurse's back as she walked back down the hall where they had just come from. Haru took one step towards the nurse and then froze. Was he about to follow her back down there? What was he planning on doing when he got there? Barge into the OR?
"Haru-chan!"
Haru jumped and turned around at the bright chirping sound from behind. His eyes widened when he realized his ears were not playing tricks on him, and he saw two familiar faces bounding over towards him.
"Nagisa? Rei?" Haru said in disbelief.
Nagisa collided into Haru, his arms instantly wrapping around his waist. He buried his face into Haru's chest and squeezed.
"We were so worried, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said, his voice muffled against Haru's chest. Haru's heart clenched when he could feel Nagisa shaking against him.
"N-Nagisa," Haru said dumbly. He felt disoriented and dizzy.
"Are you all right, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked, his brows creased with worry and his lips pulled downward.
Haru glanced up at Rei, still feeling Nagisa nuzzle up again him, and stared. He was still bewildered that these two were right in front of him. He tried to swallow but found that his throat was extremely dry.
"W-What are you guys doing here?" Haru managed with only a little scratchiness in his voice.
Nagisa glanced up at him and rested his chin on Haru's stomach. He was wide-eyed but appeared to be relieved, his body no longer shaking.
"We heard that there was a fire in the building you were at today, Haru-chan!" Nagisa explained. "When we found out, we tried calling you but you didn't answer!"
Haru winced. He wondered how many other people had tried calling him…
Makoto…
Had Makoto tried calling him?
He had to have been so worried…
"When you didn't answer, we decided to try calling some students from the culinary department," Rei explained.
Nagisa nodded furiously. "Yeah! And they said that someone was sent to the hospital, and your name came up!"
"So we took the next train to get here," Rei added as he adjusted his glasses. "We arrived about ten minutes ago, looking all over the place for you, and we just now found you. We were worried you were injured, but… you seem to be all right."
"Yeah, yeah!" came Nagisa's voice from Haru's chest. Haru glanced down to see Nagisa smiling up at him. "We're glad to see you're okay!" Nagisa turned his head to look back at Rei. "Me and Rei-chan were actually surprised we didn't see Mako-chan while looking for you!"
A tremor rippled through Haru's body at the mention of his best friend's name.
Rei offered a small smile to his blonde friend. "Ah, yeah, he's right. We would have thought Makoto-senpai would have already arrived." Rei glanced up at Haru, his smile still in place. "Is he here somewhere, Haruka-senpai?"
Haru's hands closed into tight, trembling fists. He grit his teeth and turned his head away from them, his eyes stinging. He pulled away from them and out of Nagisa's hold.
"Haru-chan?" Nagisa called softly, his voice laced with sadness. Haru's heart pricked to hear it.
"Haruka-senpai…" Rei said, his voice also tinged with worry.
Haru hesitated, his body trying to fight the tears. But he choked on a sob, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach.
He suddenly felt two pairs of hands on him, both of his friends rubbing his back and squeezing his upper arms.
"What happened, Haruka-senpai?!" Rei asked frantically. "A-Are you hurt?!"
"Talk to us, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said, gripping onto Haru's arm.
Haru swallowed and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears from escaping. He took a deep breath, feeling his friends' hands squeezing harder.
"It's Makoto…" Haru squeaked out.
"Eh? Mako-chan?" Nagisa echoed.
"What's happened to Makoto-senpai?" Rei asked.
Haru shivered and lowered his head to avoid their worried stares. He opened a quivering jaw.
He thought he was going to be sick.
"He's the one that's hurt."
Nagisa and Rei fell deathly silent for a moment, both staring at Haru with bewildered expressions on their faces. Haru did not dare look up at them, his body trembling and his eyes prickling with fresh tears.
"W-What?" Rei whispered.
"Mako-chan is…" Nagisa's voice trailed off.
Haru shuddered and a tear escaped his eye. He quickly moved to wipe it off before it even fell down his cheek.
"Makoto-senpai is in the hospital?" Rei asked.
Haru nodded, his hand covering one eye to stop the tears.
"H-He's in surgery," Haru croaked out.
"W-W-What?!" Rei shouted.
"Haru-chan! What do you mean he's in surgery?! What happened?! Haru-chan!" Nagisa had gripped onto Haru's shirt and he tugged on it. His magenta eyes were also watering up.
Haru lowered his arm and stared down at the tile floor, remembering how lifeless Makoto had looked in that ambulance…
"He was…"
His blood spilling from his wounds…
"H-He fell, and…"
His limp, cold hand…
"I…"
"Haru, you need to go."
"Haru…"
"You have to leave me behind."
"Hey! Haru!"
Haru jolted and whirled around at the sound, startling both Nagisa and Rei. When he turned around, he saw another familiar face running up to him. His heart jolted when he saw Koji and the other fireman running up to them. They were dressed in their firefighter gear except for their helmets, both covered with a light layer of dirt and sweat.
"Koji..." Haru said under his breath.
Koji ran up to him and placed his hands on Haru's shoulders.
"How is he? Is everything okay?" Koji asked.
Haru shook his head, his eyes threatening to spill more tears.
"I don't know," he answered, and Koji squeezed Haru's shoulders.
"Hey, hey, it'll be okay," Koji consoled. "Just tell me what happened. Maybe it's not so bad."
"Not so bad?" came the other fireman's gruff voice from behind.
Both Haru and Koji turned around to see him standing with his hands curled into fists, his shoulders stiff and tense.
"You said he was impaled, Hirose! That's far from not so bad," He barked. He glanced at Haru, a fire in his eyes. "Aren't you the one he rescued from that dorm fire last year?"
Haru gave one curt nod, feeling incredibly small.
"Ah," the fireman said. He glowered at Haru, stepping closer with his fists tight by his sides. "So you're the one Tachibana keeps going into burning buildings for."
Haru lowered his head and squeezed his eyes tight, bracing for an incoming punch.
"H-Hey, Captain!" Koji blocked his Captain's path, holding up his hands to placate him. "Don't. You know it wasn't his fault."
The Captain looked flustered, worried even, but he closed his eyes and sighed. His fists relaxed and went limp by his sides and he took a step back.
"Yeah. You're right," the Captain said quietly. He placed his hands on his hips and a loose scowl was on his face. "So, what's going on? How is he?"
Koji turned back to look at Haru, whose eyes were shimmering dangerously. Haru shook his head again and looked back towards the hallway where the nurse had disappeared.
"Th-The nurse said she w-was going to go and see, but…" Haru inhaled a shivering breath. "But th-that was a while ago. I haven't seen her, she hasn't come back and—"
"Whoa, whoa, easy," Koji said, coming back to Haru and grabbing his shoulder. "Let's just calm down and—" Koji stopped short and he delicately grabbed Haru's arm. "Your arm..."
Haru glanced down at his forearm and saw the nasty burns from earlier, completely forgotten. The stinging instantly came back in full force and his eyes squinted from the pain. He heard two gasps from behind.
"Haruka-senpai!"
"Haru-chan, you're hurt!"
Koji examined the burns carefully, his face twisted in a grimace.
"We need to find a doctor," Koji said, his eyes still locked on the burns.
Haru looked at Koji longingly, his head whipping around to look at the hallway where the nurse had gone.
"B-But... the nurse…" Haru said, turning back to look at Koji desperately. "I have to—"
"I'll stay behind and wait for her."
Haru glanced over to see the other firefighter– Captain – standing next to Nagisa and Rei with his arms folded across his chest.
"Got it," Koji said from the side. Haru whipped his head back to look at Koji who was softly staring down at him. "Let's get you patched up."
Koji gingerly held onto Haru's elbow and guided him to a nearby nurse's station. He showed the nurse Haru's arm and she quickly guided them to a private room. The nurse had Haru sit down on the table in the room, covering his wound with a cool ice pack, and promptly left the room, letting them know she would get a doctor right away.
Haru stared a hole through the door, willing her to come back. He could feel his anxiety starting to spike as the silence in the room dragged on. He needed to know what was happening to Makoto and he needed to know now.
Please, he begged. Come back and tell me what's going on with Makoto.
Please...
Suddenly, a loud sigh cut through Haru's thoughts, and he glanced up to see Koji pulling at his hair.
"Damn it," Koji muttered. He ran his fingers slowly through his dirty hair and frowned hard. "Damn it."
Haru blinked at him, his hand keeping the ice pack still on his forearm.
Finally, Koji looked up at Haru with a scrunched up face and pinched brows. He looked more intense than Haru had ever seen him.
Haru must have made a strange face because Koji was shaking his head and wiping his eyes. He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, taking slow, deep breaths. He looked like he was doing what Makoto would do when he had panic attacks.
So Koji was… trying to calm himself down?
"What happened?" Koji asked, his eyes shimmering and voice shaking but his body calm. "I… need to know, so… please… tell me what happened in that building."
Haru jumped when there was silence, realizing it was his turn to speak. He grimaced and glanced down at his burned arm.
"I… I was trapped on the second floor," Haru started. He took a shuddering breath. "He c-came to get me and started to lead me out. But… then the floor collapsed and he… he fell… on a… a pipe."
Koji lowered his head, his arms flexing across his chest and he hugged them closer to his body. Haru could faintly see Koji's shoulders trembling, so he closed his eyes.
"It… it was my fault," Haru said.
"Hey," Koji warned.
"If I hadn't let him see that stupid report a while ago, then he never would have left home," Haru said, his voice trembling dangerously. "He would have helped me prepare for my exam, and I would never have gotten trapped and he would never have come after me," Haru whimpered, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat.
"Don't say that—"
"It's my fault he's hurt," Haru said. "And now he… he might not even make it—"
"Damn it, will you stop?!"
Haru's eyes popped open and he looked at Koji in shock. Koji's eyes were narrowed, and his brows pushed together. He was baring his teeth and his hands were in fists.
"It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't his, either!" Koji shouted, making Haru flinch. He almost dropped his ice pack but scrambled to catch it.
"W-What do you mean?" Haru asked, trying to diffuse Koji's sudden frustration.
Koji huffed out a breath and straightened his back. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled sharply through his nose. When he had relaxed, he opened his eyes and ran his hand through his hair.
"I did some research, and it turns out that the incident report was wrong," Koji said.
Haru's eyes widened, and he suddenly found himself hanging on Koji's every word.
"Makoto might have left a pan on the stove that night, but it wasn't the pan that started the fire," Koji said. "It was the stove."
Haru blinked at him, the words slowly processing in his mind. His brows creased as he thought it over.
The stove? Haru thought. But… Makoto was sure he had left the pan on the stove. He even left it that pan on the stove at home that one time.
"The stoves were recalled last year for faulty wiring," Koji said as if he had read Haru's mind. Haru's back went rigid as a shiver shot down his spine. "I went to the university's building planner and everything. He's going to get it in writing."
Haru stared down at his lap with wide eyes, his jaw dropping in disbelief. His chest felt incredibly tight at the news.
So Makoto… was innocent?
And… he ran away for no reason at all?
Haru squeezed his fist hard, causing his entire arm to flex. He grimaced and clenched his jaw.
"That's…"
Haru started to speak, but was promptly cut off by the sound of the door opening. A doctor entered and immediately got to work on Haru's arm, removing the ice from his swollen and puffy skin. The doctor was asking Haru questions but his mind was still so bogged down with new information that he could not hear him.
Koji, fortunately, moved to his side and answered all of the questions that the doctor had. Haru would have to thank him later when his tongue decided to work. He grimaced when the doctor cleaned the burns and put on some sort of ointment. The stinging diminished, lacking its initial bite, and Haru sighed in relief. Once the doctor had wrapped up Haru's arm in clean bandages, he sent them on their way back to the waiting area, both of them walking quietly.
Haru held his arm close to his chest, his body heavy with guilt. He wanted so desperately to apologize to Makoto for making him run out of the apartment that night. He regretted not stopping him. All he had to do was chase after him and explain.
If he had caught him that night instead of sulked, then maybe things would have turned out differently.
"It's not your fault," Koji reminded as they turned the corner.
Koji's voice snapped Haru out of his self-loathing thought-train and he turned to look up at him. Koji's face was gentle but his brows were pulled tight, a crease forming in between them. It was as if an older brother was admonishing his younger sibling.
Haru looked away, seeing too much Makoto in Koji's face.
"Sorry," Haru mumbled.
Koji hummed and patted Haru carefully on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it."
After they turned another corner, they arrived at the open waiting area where Nagisa, Rei, and the Captain were waiting. Haru expected to find them sitting in chairs, but instead, he saw them standing around with a woman in front of them.
It was the nurse.
Haru felt his heart leap into his throat and he took off towards them, Koji scrambled to keep up with him. The nurse was speaking softly with them and shaking her head when Haru reached them. He skidded to a stop in front of them, startling the nurse.
"H-How's Makoto?" Haru asked, panting.
Everyone eyed him for a minute, watching as his shoulders heaved.
"Ah, well…" the nurse started. "Are you all here for Tachibana Makoto?" she asked first, to which everyone nodded. "Well, I can't reveal too much, but I can say that he's in surgery for an impalement wound and that the doctors are almost done repairing the damage."
"How bad is it?" the fireman Captain asked the nurse as he folded his arms across his chest.
"W-Well, I'm not sure if I can say…" the nurse said.
"He's one of my men at the station," the Captain said a little harshly. "I need to know how bad the damage is."
The nurse looked conflicted as her fingers tapped against the edges of the clipboard.
"Please," the Captain added, a little softer.
Haru noticed how fast Koji's head turned to look at his boss, his eyes wide. It must have been unusual for the Captain to ask for something so sincerely.
"Okay," the nurse said quietly. "But you can't tell anyone, got it?" she said, putting her hand on her hip.
The group nodded and the nurse sighed, her face softening into a look of worry.
"The surgeons said Tachibana-san had a perforated lower intestine from the impalement wound. He's lost a lot of blood, but they're replenishing it as quickly as possible," the nurse started.
Haru felt his throat close up.
Perforated?
Didn't that mean… punctured?
Was Makoto… going to die?
"His heart destabilized at the beginning of the surgery, but the doctors managed to reset it. They should be finishing up soon," the nurse said.
Haru's hand crept up to his heart and grabbed a fistful of his shirt.
Destabilized?
He could not take this.
"Will he be all right?" Haru thought he heard Rei ask, and the nurse gave a small smile.
"As long as he pulls through the night and doesn't develop an infection, then he should be okay," the nurse explained.
The rest of the group gave her small smiles but none of them dared to move an inch. They were still paralyzed by the news.
Haru was standing still as a stone, his head completely in a haze. His body and mind were exhausted, and his knees wobbled. He remembered seeing the nurse say one more thing and then give a polite bow, and he, once again, watched her back as she walked away.
Haru's legs threatened to buckle and he stepped back until he felt an edge of chair hit the back of his knees. He collapsed down on the chair and hunched over with his head in his hands, desperately just trying to breathe. His thoughts were quickly jumbling up inside his mind and his body shook.
Was he really going to lose Makoto here? Today?
Makoto's body lying motionless on the beach…
Haru's eyes squeezed shut and he pushed the thought far away from his mind. He never wanted to see Makoto to helpless ever again and yet…
"Hey…"
A hand clasped onto his shoulder and he heard someone sit next to him.
"She said he would be okay." It was Koji's voice. "They're going to fix him."
Haru sniffed and nodded, not moving an inch. He released a shuddering breath and wiped his eyes.
"Heh, you know," Koji said with a small chuckle. "If he were waiting with us, he'd probably fret over us."
Haru's hands slowly dropped from his face, revealing the reddened skin under his eyes. He peered up at Koji, watching his smile.
"Yeah, yeah!" Nagisa said, suddenly next to Koji. "He always took care of Haru-chan! He was like the mother hen of the group."
"He did have a keen sense of protection and caregiving," Rei said after he wiped his eyes and readjusted his glasses on his face.
"You're right, Rei-chan!" Nagisa chirped. "He was probably always like that, don't you think?"
Haru managed to give a small smile, his eyes drifting down to look at his palm.
No, Haru thought. Not always.
Haru was playing in the sandbox.
It was a nice day out, not too chilly or too warm, but the sandbox was filled was several other kids from around the block.
They were noisy, Haru thought. All cheerfully laughing and knocking over each other's castles. But he concentrated on his own castle, meticulously patting the intricate designs on one side. He did not mind keeping to himself. His castle would look better anyway.
Suddenly, all of the kids in the sandbox stood up and pointed at something in the distance, shouting in excitement. Haru stood up as well and watched as a large group ran out of the sandbox and through the playground to what looked like an ice cream truck.
Haru took a step to follow, when suddenly—
"Wait—"
FWUMP!
Haru stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around to see a boy lying face-first in the sand.
Oh, Haru thought. He must've tripped.
The boy lifted his face from the sand, the corners of his eyes pricked with tears.
That was when Haru remembered him. They were now new neighbors.
Haru quickly approached him, watching as the boy tried to hold back the tears. He extended down his hand to him and the boy looked up at him with wide, beautiful green eyes.
"Are you okay?" Haru asked him.
The boy stared up at Haru for a moment and hesitated. The tears had stopped, at least, but confusion plagued his features.
Did he get hurt? Haru thought, and he cocked his head, wondering why the boy was not responding to him.
But then, the boy put on a shaky smile and reached up his hand, clasping tightly onto Haru's.
Haru stared at his palm, remembering the feeling of Makoto's little hand grabbing onto his. It had been the first time they had officially spoken to each other, Haru being the first to reach out. But he noticed, as time went on, that Makoto was always the one reaching for him first.
Haru closed his hand into a loose fist.
What would have happened if he had left Makoto in the sand that day?
He glanced up to look around the waiting area. The fire Captain was sitting across from him, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes boring holes through the ceiling. Nagisa, a few seats down, was sleeping Rei's shoulder, and poor Rei was struggling to stay awake as his head dangerously nodded. Then, Haru's eyes drifted to the clock that hung on the wall nearby.
They had been waiting for over an hour.
"You know…"
Haru turned his head to look at Koji who was still sitting next to him. He had a small smile tugging at his lips.
"I'm considered the mother hen at the fire station," Koji said, going off of what Nagisa and Rei had mentioned earlier. Haru blinked at him curiously. "The guys tease me all the time about doting on them too much, but I just can't help it. They're like my brothers, I guess."
Koji turned to look at Haru with the same kind of expression that Makoto had shown him time and time again.
"I tried my best to keep Makoto from feeling too overwhelmed," Koji said. His smile faltered a little and his eyes drifted back to look in his lap. "He always seemed to put himself first. In every situation, no matter how scared he was or if he was hurt, he would always jump in head-first, no matter the risk."
Koji's hands tightened in his lap, his smile strained on his face.
"It terrified me… every time."
Haru glanced down into his lap, knowing all too well what Koji was referring to. He sighed, trying to keep the storm from raging inside, and opened his mouth to distract himself.
"He did that as a kid, too," Haru said suddenly.
Koji glanced up at him, looking surprised.
"He always put my happiness over his own," Haru said. "He thinks I never notice it, but I always saw it. Even as a kid."
Little dolphin charm…
Haru smiled sadly.
"That idiot even dove into the ocean to save a friend when he was terrified," Haru said.
He eyed Rei, who had finally given in and fallen asleep against the top of Nagisa's head.
"Dummy," Haru said. "Dummy Makoto."
Koji chuckled at his words, his hands finally loosening from their vice-like grip in his lap.
"That's just how he is, I guess," Koji said.
Haru managed to smile back at him a little, but it quickly fell from his face when he saw a nurse walk by, and he remembered where he was.
That cold hospital.
Haru sighed softly and hung his head.
"I think I took advantage of his kindness all these years," Haru said softly. Koji's smile slipped as well, and he glanced at Haru fondly. "I want to make it up to him, tell him I'm sorry… tell him that he really means something to me, tell him—"
A hand fell on Haru's shoulder once again and he glanced up at Koji. Koji gave him that warm, sympathetic smile.
"Why don't you tell him that when you see him," Koji said.
Haru blinked at him, hesitating. But then he nodded, albeit a little solemnly. He was about to speak when two pairs of footsteps echoed from the hall, pulling them out of their thoughts.
A doctor along with a nurse approached them.
Haru immediately stood to his feet and jostled Nagisa and Rei awake. The Captain and Koji stood up as well, and they all gathered around the doctor.
"Are any of you family of Tachibana Makoto?" the doctor asked.
Haru sighed. He knew the hospital had already contacted Makoto's family but they would not be able to get to Tokyo until tomorrow. He clenched his fists. He wanted to see Makoto. He needed to see him.
"A-Ah! This is his brother!"
Haru suddenly felt an arm wrap around his waist and a flash of blonde hair filled his sight. He glanced down to see Nagisa with a bright smile on his face, giving the doctor his typical Nagisa-charm.
Wasn't he dead asleep a minute ago? Haru wondered. How is he so wide awake now?
"His brother?" the doctor asked with a cocked brow.
"Yep! And his older brother, too. He doesn't look it, but he really is!" Nagisa chirped.
"I see…" the doctor said, turning his head to look at the nurse standing next to him.
"Nagisa…" Haru growled under his breath.
Nagisa glanced up at him, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth. He gave Haru a cute wink to which Haru rolled his eyes.
"Well, Tachibana-san is currently recovering in the ICU. If you would like to see him, please come with me," the doctor said.
Haru jolted.
He could… go see Makoto?
Haru glanced around, meeting each and everyone's encouraging faces before turning back and facing the doctor. He nodded and started to follow the doctor down the hall. He glanced back to see the soft smiles on his friends' faces before disappearing behind a corner and towards an elevator.
The doctor and nurse stepped inside the elevator first and Haru hurried after them. His stomach fluttered with strange butterflies as the elevator dinged and slowed to a stop. The doors opened and Haru followed the doctor down another hallway. The signs overhead all read "ICU," and Haru could feel his heart pounding in his chest at every step.
Was he anxious?
Excited?
…Terrified?
No, Haru thought. They… they said he would be fine as long as they just watch him overnight.
He should be fine.
Another corner turned and they walked towards a room at the end of the hall.
He should be fine.
The doctor put his hand on the slat on the door and softly slid the door open.
He should be…
Haru froze.
Makoto lying on that beach, his breathing weak.
He felt his chest seize up. His legs tingled until they were numb.
Makoto would not wake up no matter how many times he shook him. He stayed limp on the sand.
Haru thought he was going to collapse.
"Haru, what are you afraid of?"
Haru gasped softly, his hand coming up to clutch his shirt near his heart. He shivered, feeling his stomach clench as he stared at the hospital bed.
Makoto was lying on his back on the bed. There were multiple wires that were attached to Makoto's arms and there was a breathing mask that was clasped over his nose and mouth. He was shirtless, his burned torso on shameful display. Haru winced and wanted to grab a blanket to cover him up.
That was when Haru noticed the bandages taped to his friend's abdomen. The white cloth covered the whole front of his stomach and a little on his right side.
He looked lifeless.
"We'll have to watch him overnight," came the doctor's voice next to him. "If he can make it through the night, then he should pull through."
Haru remained quiet, his eyes still locked onto Makoto's motionless body on the bed. It looked unnatural for Makoto to be so still. He needed to be up and moving around, teaching children how to swim…
"I'll give you some privacy," the doctor said with a short bow.
Haru jumped and quickly gave a bow in return, watching as the doctor walked into the hall and slid the door shut behind him.
Haru turned back to look at Makoto and hesitated. He felt frozen to that spot, his legs unwilling to move. His lungs even struggled to breathe.
After a moment of listening to the eerie sounds of the respirator and the beeping of the heart monitor, Haru forced his legs forward until he was right by Makoto's side. He quietly pulled a chair up to the bed and gingerly sat down, his eyes roving over Makoto's body. Makoto's chest softly rose and fell in a slow, even rhythm, and his heart rate was resting at a steady 65 beats per minute.
Haru grimaced as his eyes flitted back to the bandages and he released a shuddering breath. He reached forward with a trembling hand and grabbed Makoto's hand— his fingers still cold. Haru's eyes squinted as tears filled them and he lowered his head, his chest aching.
"I'm sorry, Makoto," Haru whispered as he stared at Makoto's hand. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, Haru-chan!"
Haru glanced down from where he was sitting at the top of the slide to see his cheery friend, Makoto, climbing up to meet him.
"Why don't we join the swimming club together?" Makoto asked.
Haru escaped down the slide, his face his normal deadpan expression.
"Nah, it's too much trouble," he answered.
"But you love to swim, don't you?" Makoto asked.
Haru paused, giving Makoto a sidelong glance.
"I don't love it that much," Haru decided, standing up from the bottom of the slide. "If you want to join, then join by yourself."
"Then I won't join, either."
Makoto's little hands gripped the bars of the slide.
"Huh? Why not?" Haru asked, finally turning all the way around to look at Makoto.
"Because," Makoto started. "There's no point if you're not with me!"
Haru's brow rose at Makoto's antics, but he shrugged and sighed. He was unsure if he would regret this.
Before they knew it, both of them had asked their parents to sign them up for swimming class at the local Iwatobi swim club in town. And within the week, the two of them were standing in front of the swimming class as new members.
"We have new members of the swimming club today! Nanase Haruka-kun and Tachibana Makoto-kun!"
The swimming teacher was bubbly and happy, Haru noted. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Makoto standing awkwardly by his side, his hands nervously wringing his white swim cap.
He's nervous, Haru thought.
"I-It's nice to meet you," Makoto spoke up shyly.
"Nice to meet you!" the other kids greeted back kindly.
Haru glanced away from Makoto after that, feeling a little strangely. If Makoto was so nervous about joining, then why did he drag Haru into all this?
Soon enough, much to Haru's joy, the class started, and he was in his lane swimming happily. He could hear his new swimming classmates talking from the sides of the pool. He could faintly hear a "Wow!" and a "He's awesome!" somewhere in there.
Haru touched the far wall and pulled off his swim cap and goggles, shaking his head to fling the water from his hair. He took a minute to catch his breath and sighed.
"Here."
A hand.
There was a hand in Haru's vision.
Haru's eyes followed the hand up the small arm and to the face of his cheerful best friend, who looked a lot more comfortable than earlier.
"In the water, you really are the fastest, Haru-chan!" Makoto said happily.
Haru felt his chest flutter, surprised at the amazing compliment. He quickly brushed it off, however, and quirked a brow as he reached up his hand.
"What are you talking about?" Haru asked, and he clasped his hand with Makoto's.
Just as quickly as it started, the swimming class was over. Haru hated to admit it, but he had really enjoyed himself in the water.
He waited for Makoto to finished getting dressed and they headed out to the lobby of the swim club. They were just about to pass the front desk when the man at the desk stopped them.
"Hey, you two new kids!"
Haru and Makoto stopped and glanced up at the man with curious eyes.
"Did you have fun today?" the man asked with a bright smile.
The two of them stepped up to the desk, Haru keeping his mouth shut while Makoto answered for him.
"Yes!" Makoto said with a smile. "Oh, Haru-chan says he had fun, too!" he added when the man's brow rose at Haru's silence.
Haru looked away, thoroughly embarrassed by Makoto's addition of him in the conversation.
"You boys are really close, aren't you?" the man said with a fond smile. "Oh, right! This is a bonus for new members. You can pick whichever one you like."
The man pointed his gaze down at some animal straps that hung on his desk. There was a variety of them, from fish to whales, to even a seal.
But Haru had his eye on only one prize: the dolphin.
Haru reached up his hand to grab the dolphin, but then stopped when he saw another hand moving simultaneously to grab the same one.
"Oh," both Haru and Makoto chirped when they realized each other was grabbing for the same one.
"The dolphin ones are really popular! We've only got this one left. Use rock–paper–scissors to decide," the man had said.
Haru deflated a bit. Rock–paper–scissors? That did not seem very fair.
The two boys stood frozen in place, both staring up at the man with wide eyes.
"Go on," the man continued. "Rock–paper—"
Suddenly, Makoto's hand reached out and grabbed the orange fish that hung next to the dolphin, and both Haru and the man froze.
"I think I'd rather have this one," Makoto said, his usual smile on his face.
Haru's brows creased a little as he stared back at Makoto in surprise.
"But you…" Haru started to say, but stopped when Makoto reached out and grabbed the dolphin.
"I like this one, too," Makoto said. Makoto handed the dolphin over to Haru, giving a head-tilt smile. Haru's eyes drifted to that dolphin, sitting gently in Makoto's hand.
"Here, Haru-chan!"
Haru squeezed Makoto's hand again.
Wake up, Makoto, Haru told him. I need your hand to pull me up again...
Please, Makoto... wake up.
"Excuse me, son."
Haru jumped and whirled around to see the same doctor from before standing in the doorway.
"Visiting hours are over," the doctor said.
Haru glanced up at the clock, seeing that it was almost midnight. He jumped, feeling panic flash through him like lightning.
"B-But… he'll be all alone. What if he wakes up? He could be scared and—"
"Relax, relax. I know," the doctor said warmly. "I'll allow you to stay with him through the night as long as you don't get in the way."
Haru quickly nodded, immediately complying with the rules that were laid out for him. The doctor gave him a smile and nodded his head towards the hallway.
"Your friends are waiting in the hallway for you. They're heading out," the doctor said.
Haru hesitated and glanced back at Makoto.
"Go ahead and say goodbye to your friends," the doctor said, making Haru turn back around. "I'll make sure nothing happens to your brother."
Haru grimaced at the obvious lie and quickly mumbled a proper thank you before fleeing to the hallway and spotting his friends. As soon he left the room, he was bombarded with several questions, most of which Haru could not answer.
"Will you be okay here by yourself, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked. Haru nodded, his head turning back to look at Makoto's door.
Koji let out a soft chuckle and he placed his hands on his hips.
"We'll be back during visiting hours tomorrow. But for now," Koji said, clapping a hand on Haru's shoulder. "Watch out for him. Okay?"
Haru nodded and watched as his friends disappeared down the hall. Once they were gone, he went back into to Makoto's room, quietly shutting the door back behind him. When he was safely back in the room, he took a deep breath to try and calm his pounding heart and sat back down next to Makoto, reaching back up to grab his hand. His thumb absently rubbed Makoto's knuckle as he blinked slowly. He was starting to feel the day catching up to him as exhaustion sat heavily on his shoulders.
Stay awake, Haru said. I have to be awake when Makoto wakes up. But… what can I do?
Haru jogged his brain, thinking of what to do. What could he do to help?
"Keep talking to him, kid. You're calming him down."
Haru jolted, remembering what the EMT had told him in the ambulance. He glanced at Makoto's face.
"Koji was here," Haru started. "And Nagisa and Rei. And your scary boss. I think he was going to punch me."
The only response Haru received was the beeping of the monitor and Makoto's rising chest.
But Haru kept speaking, talking about everything. Talking about nothing. He kept speaking until his chin was resting on the bed, his eyelids heavy.
"Koji said something today… about the incident report," Haru said. His noticed that his speech was slurring, but he kept at it.
Stay awake.
"He said it wasn't your fault. The dorm fire," Haru continued. "He said that… the stove had bad wiring or something so… it wasn't your fault. So…"
Makoto still did not stir and Haru's heart clenched. His eyes narrowed.
Stay awake.
"Please, Makoto," Haru begged, his eyes closing. "Please… please, wake up… Makoto…"
Makoto's sleeping face was the last thing Haru saw before his vision faded to black.
"I thought I would surely change when I became a middle-schooler."
Haru, floating on his back in the pool, stared up at the ceiling as he listening to Makoto's words. They were both drenched in their clothes from that day, but the water felt nice. The moonlight was shimmering beautifully along the surface, reflecting off of their eyes and faces.
"I thought I wanted to. But then, at some point, I just desperately felt like I had to," Makoto continued. Haru bit the inside of his cheek, still listening to his friend. "Nao-senpai said to me…"
Haru turned at the mention of their senpai's name, his brows raised. What on earth had Nao-senpai told Makoto to cause him to act so different?
"…that maybe I didn't really like swimming, but just did it because you were there, Haru," Makoto said.
Haru paused, turning his head to look back up at the ceiling.
Well, that made sense.
"I see," Haru responded, a little irked that his senpai was sticking his nose in his best friend's business.
There was another pause, and Makoto's voice became low and serious.
"I had never thought of that before, so I didn't know if I really liked swimming, or if I just wanted to be with you, Haru," Makoto said.
Haru readjusted himself on the lane divider, feeling a tad bit uncomfortable.
"That's why you were avoiding me?" Haru decided to ask.
"I wasn't trying to do that, but…" Makoto's voice sounded desperate and insecure. "…when I was near you, I just felt even more confused."
Haru looked at his friend again, studying how his shoulders bunched up and how his hands fidgeted on his chest. He refused to make eye contact, his eyes upturning sadly.
"Being with you was painful," Makoto added, and Haru's eyes widened a bit.
Haru wondered why Makoto had to face this alone. He opened his mouth to speak, to stop Makoto, but Makoto continued.
"But it must have just seemed like I was avoiding you," Makoto said. He turned his head to look at Haru with a serious expression, his lips pulled into a straight line. "Sorry. Haru."
Haru looked away from Makoto, feeling his chest tighten at the apology. He knew Makoto had been hurting and he should not have to apologize, but he also knew that if Makoto did not apologize, he would feel worse.
Haru shrugged casually. "It's fine," Haru said. "I was at fault too," he said after a beat.
Makoto chuckled knowingly, and Haru was thankful that he understood his apology.
"So did you find your answer?" Haru asked to move on.
"I think it's both," Makoto answered right away.
"Both?" Haru echoed as he looked back to Makoto.
"Yeah," Makoto said. "I tried to force myself, but…"
Makoto's hand dipped into the water and he scooped up some of the water into his palm.
"Right now, this is really fun." Makoto let the water splash into his face and he closed his eyes with a smile. "Just swimming feels really good. I really do like swimming. But…"
Makoto looked to Haru, his sweet smile on his face. "I want you to be there, too, Haru."
Haru blinked at him, feeling his chest tighten. Makoto stood up from the divider and onto his feet. Haru followed suit, sliding up to stand on his toes.
And then, Makoto gave the sweetest of smiles— a smile that lit up his entire face.
"I love swimming and Haru-chan, so I want to swim with you!"
Haru felt something on his head.
Something smooth and gentle as it carded through his hair.
Someone was petting his head.
His face scrunched but he was still drifting in and out of consciousness. His body stirred and his eyes fluttered open.
Who was…?
Haru looked up to see…
A hand.
There was a hand in his field of vision.
But who…
Haru's eyes flew wide open when he saw a flash of green staring back at him.
Makoto…
Makoto was awake.
Haru sat up, Makoto's hand still tangled in black hair.
"Makoto, you're…" Haru started, still bewildered and overwhelmed.
He immediately jumped to his feet and hovered over Makoto, wanting to reach out but afraid to touch him.
"Makoto, you… you're awake!" Haru managed.
Makoto's eyes smiled, his mouth still covered by the mask. But Haru could still see the smile there. Haru felt his own lips pull into a smile.
"I'm so glad you're okay…" Haru whispered. "I, uh… you kind of passed out on me back at the building and well… I mean, everything turned out fine, so…"
Makoto watched him carefully as he spoke, his eyes raking over Haru's body.
Everything seemed fine until, suddenly, Makoto's eyes locked on Haru's arm. He gently grabbed Haru's elbow and peered at the bandages, his face falling.
"Ah," Haru said intelligently. "It's just a few burns from the fire," he explained, looking down at the bandages. "The doctor said it wasn't that bad but…"
Haru froze when he saw Makoto's brows pinch as tears sparkled in his eyes. A few shining tears escaped Makoto's eyes and Haru scrambled to gently hold Makoto's face, his thumbs wiping away the tears from his cheeks.
"No, no, Makoto. No..." Haru said. The heart monitor at the side was quickly increasing and Haru knew he had to calm Makoto down. "It's just first-degree burns. I promise. It's not that bad."
Makoto closed his eyes, letting out a few more tears. Haru wiped them away and grabbed Makoto's hand.
"Don't cry, Makoto…" Haru whispered as he ran his hand through Makoto's hair. He bit his lip, his mind rapidly trying to think of ways to calm him down. He knew Makoto's body would not be able to handle stress, and he had to act fast.
"Nagisa told the doctors I was your brother," Haru blurted.
Makoto blinked at him, his eyes wide and shining as one last tear fell down his cheek. Haru quickly wiped it off and continued, explaining how Nagisa had talked the doctors into letting him stay the night. Gradually, the tears in Makoto's eyes dried and they returned to smiling.
Haru was relieved when he heard the beeping of the monitor slow down. Haru kept talking about the night's antics, explaining how his boss looked like he wanted to punch him.
Makoto blinked at him as he rambled on, letting Haru know he was listening. Haru watched Makoto's eyes as he spoke about anything. Everything. He saw life in those eyes and that was all Haru needed.
After talking for what seemed like ages, Haru heard a doctor pass by in the halls and he jolted.
"Oh. I guess I should let someone know you're awake," Haru said.
Haru glanced at the door and then back to their entwined hands. He knew he had to go tell a doctor but…
What if something happened to Makoto while he was gone?
What if this was all he got to see of Makoto?
He… he did not want to leave that room.
Then, Haru felt his hand being squeezed and he looked down at Makoto. Makoto's eyes were smiling again and he gave a single nod of encouragement.
I'll be fine, Makoto's eyes told him.
Haru's heart tightened and he squeezed Makoto's hand.
"I'll be right back, okay?" Haru said.
Makoto gave another nod and gently released his hold on Haru's hand. Haru reluctantly let go and headed for the door. He glanced back at Makoto one last time and gave Makoto a smile.
This time, Haru thought as he left the room. I'll be the one by your side in the hospital room.