Mutation

Chapter 20 One Step at a Time

She is the first thing you see when you wake up. It makes to smile because you know she sneaked into your room last night, now she is asleep next to you, half covered and curled around a pillow. Pink cheeks and rosy lips, taking deep breaths. Her hair is everywhere, a sea of red against your white pillows.

You realized something; you've nailed down the reason why you haven't been as close to your daughter lately. Why you pushed her away when you clearly knew she needed you. It's because she is so much like her mother, she has these little habits that just make you think of Allison (like the way she smiles, or how she holds her pencil). You don't want to see Allison, you don't want to remember all those moments you could have had and didn't.

You don't want to look at your daughter and only think about your wife, so from now on you are going to try to remember that no matter how much of Allison she is, how alike they both are. They are different people, and you need to remember that.

"Hey little girl" you tell her as she opens her eyes, blinking rapidly to get use to the light from the curtains you forgot open.

"Ten minutes" is the first thing she says and you have to smile, you've missed her just being a kid.

"School starts in an hour" you tell her and she just snuggles deeper into her pillow.

You push away curl from her face; you've almost forgotten how tiny she is.

"You don't wanna go to school today?" you ask, because you think that her not wanting to go to school lately is something more than just not wanting to get up early.

She looks up from her pillow and slowly nods her head, as if she doesn't want to give away her secrets yet.

"I don't wanna go to work either" you whisper to her and she giggles, and you smile because she is finally at least letting herself laugh.

"I don't think Aunty Lisa is gonna let you not come in today" she tells you, pushing herself from her pillow and sitting Indian-style next to you.

"But I'm sick!" you tell her and when she raises her eyebrow you cough. She laughs, wholeheartedly and it's the first time she's done so since Allison.

--

"I am so not faking! I really am sick. I might even be contagious, and we all know we don't want me in the clinic if I'm gonna get everyone sick. Imagine the lawsuits you would have"

"House you are not sick, get your crippled ass in here"

"I'm almost in my death bed and you want me to work!?" you tell your boss, faking a cough for good measure. Your daughter is giggling next to you and you tell her to shush, she gives you're a mischievous smile (the one you probably give all the time) and takes the phone from you.

"Hi Aunty Lisa" she says, her voice dripping in all that is sweet and you are glad to say you thought her that. "Daddy really doesn't feel well and he promised that I could take care of him"

You know Cuddy won't be able to say no, and it makes you smile as your daughter thanks your boss and then climbs into bed again, proclaiming that it was a 'piece of cake'.

You take your tiny daughter in your arms and kiss the top of her head, telling her that she is the most awesome person.

You ask her if there is anything she wants to do and she proclaims she wants pancakes, so you both run around in your kitchen, getting everything dirty and in your pj's, laughing and not worrying about dirty dishes. Today is her day.

You head for the zoo after breakfast (you ate half her pancakes, because she knows she can never finish her food), you steal her cotton-candy whenever she isn't looking and pretend not to know what she is talking about when she half glares at you (she makes you buy her a new one).

You aren't sure how she does it, but you are also dragged to the mall where she picks books and CD's and clothes. Then that one pair of new ballet slippers that she just needs, she wants to start ballet classes again and the look in her eyes is worth the small fortune they cost. She quit ballet when Allison passed, because it was their thing, and it makes you feel so much better that she wants to take it up again.

You both stop for pizza and ice cream, and in one of those per-pound candy stores.

When you get home you swear you will never eat junk food again (or at least for a good 24 hours), your daughter curls herself against you and asks if you can watch a movie. You let her pick anything she wants and you only truly realize it's 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' when it's too late to make her change her mind.

"They feel sorry for me" she says when you are almost dozing off (that is the excuse you are standing behind).

"Who does baby?" you ask, looking down at your daughter as she pretends that her hands are the most interesting thing.

"The kids at school. They feel sorry for me, so they try not to talk about it. Then it always comes up and no one wants to talk to me much anymore" she whispers and you hear the tears she is holding back.

You hold your daughter against you, kissing the top of her head. You try to hold on to her before she grows up.

"They just don't understand" you tell her, knowing how hard it is to have everyone being awkward around you.

"I just want everyone to see that I'm still me, but they all treat me like I'm broken" she is crying now, you feel her tears warm against your shoulder because she's turned around in your arms.

"Look at me baby" she does slowly and you know this is just another step. That this will never totally be fine, but it's going to get better. "I know it's hard and people don't really know how to treat you. But you can't just give up; you just have to let them know that you are still the same person"

"You'll always love me right Daddy?"

The question almost breaks your already fragile heart.

"Always, no matter what"

--

This took me a while to write because I'm thinking of taking this story into a different direction than what I had originally planned.

Please review, more should be up soon.

GabbyAbby