Hello my darlings. I would like to thanklinusfan13 and Perdition Raiser for the lovely reviews. I would also like thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.

So here is the next chapter, I hope it's not too explicit, let me know if you think it's too much for the rating of this story. Anyway enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

'Ask me why

There's pain and there's lies

Don't always have the answer but I'm happy to try

Ask me how

There's you and there's now

I'll share it with you soon as I can figure it out

Hang on my love

Times running out

Cherish the day that's what life is about

So ask me what

Song I should sing I'll hum it just to hear you ask anything…'

Honey Bee - Louden Swain

After Dean's departure Castiel had been unsettled. He wanted to know what had happened between him and his father, but he knew he couldn't ask Gabriel. that would be crossing some line in his mind that he didn't understand, but knew was there. There were things that were between the other him and Dean, and no one else. As such instead he tried to turn back to the photo album in front of him, but he couldn't concentrate on it. Instead his eyes flicked to the shelf he had pulled it from. It was then his eyes landed on the white professional looking one. Moving he pulled it out to see the words 'Novak-Winchester wedding' embossed on the front in silver. So this was the wedding album. Surely if he was likely to find a picture of Dean's father anywhere it would be in here. As such he settled himself comfortably on the couch with the album and proceeded to carefully look through the photos of the most important day in Dean and Cas' life.

Dean couldn't settle for the rest of that day. He went and checked on the garage, but he had such a good staff it was all running as smoothing without him as it would with, so he soon left. He didn't want to answer questions about Castiel right then. So instead he returned to Sam's and decided to cook dinner, anything to take his mind from where Castiel's questions had strayed that day, and the lie he had told… that was the first time he had ever lied to Cas, even if he wasn't Cas. It was still the first time, and he didn't like it. It didn't sit right with him, but then neither did the idea of telling the truth. Son of a bitch. Why was this all so freakin' complicated? Time to try and put it from his mind. And when Sam returned he found some semblance of success at doing so. Sam distracting him with brotherly conversation.

The next day and Castiel was still pouring over the wedding album, trying to find a man who resembled Dean or Sam in looks, and yet he had found no one. Where was their father?

His thoughts were broken by the door to the living room being opened and turning he saw Dean standing there, silhouetted in the doorway looking breath taking. He couldn't help but smile gently at the man.

And Dean seeing the happy smile couldn't help but return it. Cos in that smile he could see the shadow of the man he loved, it was so similar to the one he had given him every day they were together. Pulling his eyes from Castiel, trying to remind himself he was Castiel and not Cas, he noticed the album in Castiel's hands.

"The wedding album? Damn. I haven't looked at that in years." Dean said as he moved to sit next to Castiel and taking part of the book into his own hands.

"Yes, I was looking for a picture of your father." Castiel replied simply hoping Dean would be able to point out which of the men pictured was him.

"Why?" Dean asked instead, letting go of the album so it dropped down on his lap and he wasn't touching it.

"I wished to know what he looked like." Castiel replied with a shrug, wondering why Dean was behaving in such a way. Did this have to do with the reaction he had seen when they had last spoken?

"Well you wouldn't find him in here. He was too busy to attend the wedding." Dean responded pushing the album closed on Castiel's lap as if that was the end of the discussion. Castiel did not agree.

"I do not believe any man would be too busy to attend his own son's wedding." He said with a firmness that told Dean he would not be palmed off with platitudes or lies. Not this time.

"Well mine was. It doesn't matter Castiel." Dean responded with a sigh. He really didn't want to talk about this. But of course Castiel had picked up on that. He was like a friggin' dog with a bone.

"What happened between the two of you?" Castiel asked, proving Dean's point. He was not going to let this go.

"I told you, it don't matter." Dean growled in reply. He was so done with this conversation, but he also knew he couldn't just leave. This was Castiel, and he couldn't kept his memories from him, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Dean, please." Castiel begged placing his hand over Dean's and turning to look him in the eyes.

At that the feel of Castiel's hand on his Dean turned to see the begging look in Castiel's eyes and he knew he could no longer put off what had become inevitable. So instead of saying a word he got up and went to a side cupboard. Opening it he was pleasantly surprised to find his bottle of good whiskey untouched and two glasses still standing beside it. Taking the three items he returned to the couch, filling up the glasses before he spoke.

"I'll tell you the story Castiel, but I can't do so sober, and I don't drink alone." With that he raise one of the glasses holding it out to Castiel, as if challenging him to say no. But Castiel did not. He took the glass. He had a feeling he would need the fortification just as much as Dean.

"It was a month before the wedding that Cas finally persuaded me to go and see my dad and tell him what was happening. In some ways I wish I hadn't caved, and in others I wish I had agreed before then. But either way, we had been engaged for ten months before we made our way down to Kansas where he was currently in residence."

3 years and two months ago…

Dean drove down the road he knew so well. For all he had spent a lot of his childhood on the road for his dad's work, this was still the home he remembered. The home which was the last place he had had a family. The home his mom had died in. He really wished he didn't have to make this journey, but Cas was so family oriented, he flatly refused to marry him until they had told his dad. And that was a serious problem in Dean's mind. He doubted that what he was about to impart would go down well with his remaining parent, but maybe he was wrong, maybe his dad would be fine with it. Yeah that's right Dean, live in optimism, that way when you're wrong it'll hurt that much more.

Castiel on the other hand sat next to Dean with a nervous excitement at finally meeting Dean's remaining parent. He couldn't wait to finally meet the man whom had had such a hand in sculpting the man he loved, and he couldn't imagine him being anything but wonderful. After all Dean and same were, and they had to get that from somewhere. Surely it was there father.

But before Dean drove to the house he had another stop in mind. One he wasn't sure he would be able to make after seeing his dad, but one he hoped Cas would understand. As such he turned into a cemetery just off the road without a word and pulled up at the curb, before turning to the man at his side.

"I thought… while we were here… I could introduce you to my mom." He said stammering slightly and blushing when he realised what a stupid idea that was.

"I would like that Dean." Cas replied with a soft smile when realised what it was Dean was doing. He may not be able to meet the woman until they got to heaven, but if Dean wished him to meet her last resting place on earth, then he would be honoured that his husband-to-be would share such a special thing with him.

"Okay." Dean replied with a nod as he returned the smile before climbing out of the impala and going to the back. In the trunk he had a bunch of flowers he had brought at the last gas station. They weren't great or even anything special, but they were what he had to give to the woman he remembered as being loving and kind. His mom.

And so with the flowers in one hand and Cas in the other Dean made his way to the grave he had rarely visited, and yet knew the way to as well as he knew the back of his hand. And once he stood in front of the grave stone which proudly announced the resting place of Mary Winchester, loving wife and mother he felt a relaxed smile cross his face. She would have loved Cas. Would have taken him into her heart just as he had.

"Hey mom." He said softly laying down the flowers and running his hand across the stone before standing and once more taking Cas' hand.

"I want to introduce you to my fiancé Cas, Cas, my mom."

"Hello Mrs Winchester. It is a pleasure to meet you. You have an amazing son, and l I love him from the bottom of my heart." Cas said to the grave stone, though he made sure to project the words in his mind in the hopes they would reach Mary Winchester in heaven. So that she would know her son was loved and cared for. That he would always be at his side.

"I love him too mom. He means more to me than anything. I hope you're happy for us." Dean whispered into the air, and while he directed it at the stone and the earth before it that held her remains, he knew he was hoping Cas was right and that there was a heaven and that her soul was there and watching them with a smile. He hoped she would approve of his choice.

"I'm sure she is." Castiel said after a minute of silence. With his words he turned so he was not just holding Dean's hand but gripping his arm as well, showing him he wasn't alone, and that he would be there for him, no matter what.

"Yeah, she always wanted the best for me and Sammy. And you are definitely the best." Dean replied pulling his eyes from the grave and turning to his future, to the man he loved and giving him a soft and gentle kiss on the lips. As if showing any watching that their words were true.

With that they both smiled once more down at the grave before they turned back to the car. It was time to confront the living parent in Dean's life, and it was a confrontation he so did not want to have, but Castiel, not completely oblivious to all of Dean's concerns, was hopeful that it would go well.

Dean walked up to the porch of his family home with Cas' hand firmly in his, but once he got to the door he let go before ringing the bell.

The door was opened by a gruff looking man with steely eyes which studied Cas before turning to his son whom had stood silently waiting to be acknowledged.

"Dean." He grunted when he turned to his son making Dean stand up straighter, as if in the presence of his commanding officer.

"Sir." Dean replied crispy. He had been taught well after all.

"Who's your friend?" John asked his eyes flicking back to Cas who wore a puzzled and slightly disturbed look upon his face at Dean's fathers behaviour.

"My fiancé." Dean replied with authority and defiance. He would not let this man destroy what he had.

And John, taking in the words and his son's posture didn't even flinch. But when he spoke his words were filled with ice, even if there were only three of them.

"A word. Inside."

With that Dean moved through the door, but before Cas could follow him it closed in his face. It seemed Dean's dad was not happy about their union, and all Cas could think was he hoped Dean was okay, that his father was treated him with the love and respect he deserved, though he very much doubted that that was the case. Maybe he should have listened to Dean, maybe they should have stayed away. But this had to be done, Cas just hoped it didn't break Dean in the process. But if it did. He would be there to pick him up. He would always be there for Dean.

"What did you father say?" Castiel asked when Dean went quite in his retelling. Though in truth he wasn't sure he wanted the answer. He could guess from the lack of the man in any of their pictures that he had not approved of Dean's choice in partner, he just hoped he hadn't hurt Dean to much during that conversation.

"Nothing good Castiel, please don't make me remember it." Dean whispered downing his third glass of whiskey and pouring another, topping Castiel's up as well. He had never told Cas all that had transpired in that house between him and John Winchester, and he never would. The words spat at him in a hate filled voice, fag, wore, bastard, pervert. Nor would he ever share the pressure points John had so easy pressed upon, Sam will hate you, Sam knows you're not good enough to be his brother, Sam will leave you if you do such an evil thing.

Some things really were better left in the past. And he had thought he had got over them all until this happened. Until he lost Cas and all the words, the vile evil crap his dad, no John, had thrown at him returned and made him think this was his punishment for thinking he could be happy. But no, that was bull. He was here with Castiel, and he could be happy if he wanted to be. It wouldn't be easy, but Cas was still here.

"Dean, you are an amazing, wonderful, human being. I may have only known you a few weeks but I know that much." Castiel replied putting his hand on the Dean's cheek and turning him so he was looking into his green eyes.

"God how I wish that were true." Dean whispered as he stared into the blue. The blue which was filled with so much care and comfort, just as it had been that day so long ago.

"It is." Castiel stated with absolute belief.

It was the belief in his voice that tipped Dean. He knew academically this wasn't the man whom had comforted him then, but the eyes and the tone of the words, they were the same. And they made him believe, for a moment at least, this moment, that this was Cas. This was his Cas. As such he didn't think when he moved closer and pressed his lips against the other mans in a need for him to show him he meant his words, show him that was worthy of feeling, to show him he was loved.

And Castiel at first was surprised by the kiss, but it took him no more than half a second to realise what Dean needed. He didn't need gentle first kisses from Castiel right then. He needed the reassurance and love of Cas. And while he may not have the memories of that man, Castiel knew he had learnt enough to know he could fake it. He could pretend, for Dean. As such he kissed back with a passion he didn't realise he had, and when Dean groaned in pleasure he pushed the other man back so he was lying on top of him on the couch and proceeded to kiss down his neck. Explode in a way he had never let himself explore a man before. Always being to unsure during the first few times of being with another. But this was different. Because this wasn't Castiel, this was him channelling Cas. As such he had no problems with Dean moaning Cas' name as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and kissed and bit his way down his chiselled chest. The chest he had never seen before and yet his body and mouth seemed to know instinctively exactly where to apply its pleasure. He had no problem with taking control of the whole of their interaction by simply letting go of his mind and letting his body take control. Letting his muscle and skin remember that which he did not.

The interaction went further than it should but not as far as it could, both involved seemed to subconsciously bulk at the idea of actual sex. Not that that meant they did not gain their pleasure with the other. On the contrary they both had their orgasm.

It was some while later that they both returned to the real world to find themselves lying on the couch, naked, and in each other's arms.

And Dean discovering this found a million thoughts suddenly assaulting him. But the primary one was that he had not only betrayed Cas by being with Castiel, but he had called him Cas while they did what they did. How could he pollute such a name that way, how could he even being to pretend that this man was Cas. What he had just done, that was the greatest betrayal he could ever make to his husbands memory. He deserved to rot in hell for that. He need out, and he needed it now.

Castiel lying on top of Dean, with his head resting over his heart, heard it speed up. He didn't know for sure what the cause was but he remembered Dean moaning Cas' name as he pleasured him. It was then he realised what he had just done. He had pretended to be Cas and had been with Dean, just as he had planned to do. But now, after what had happened, the memory of Cas' name on Dean's lips at the height of his orgasm, while he was the one giving it to him, it sickened him. It made him feel dirty, in some way. As if he had just lived a lie. Not that he didn't enjoy being with Dean you understand. To him that was amazing, but he just wanted to be with Dean as himself, not as Cas.

As such Castiel sat up so that Dean could move and put on his clothes. It was with a strange silence they both got dressed. Dean berating himself for his betrayal and Castiel trying to rein in his jealousy. But once they were dressed they found they needed to face each other. Face what they had done, and how it would change what they were to each other now.

"I'd better go." Dean said when he looked upon the face which simultaneously aroused him and made him feel guilty.

"I understand." Castiel replied simply. He didn't really, he doubted anyone could understand what Dean was going through right now. But he understood enough to know that they needed time to think after what they had done. They couldn't even blame it on the whiskey, never had drunk enough to get drunk.

"I… I'm sorry Cas-tiel." Dean said before sprinting from the room. He had almost called his Cas, and he wasn't Cas. Cas was gone. He needed to get that into his head. And yeah, that encounter on the couch had felt like so many he and Cas had had in the past, it did not mean that Cas was back. Cas was Dean and gone, and he had just found pleasure with another, no that wasn't what was really eating at him. it was the fact he had found pleasure with another but pretended that that other was Cas, that was what disgusted him the most at his behaviour.

"You have nothing to apologise for." Castiel whispered to Dean's departing back. He knew he wouldn't hear him, just as Castiel knew it took two to tango. He had been happy to pretend to be Cas for Dean while they did what they did. He had enjoyed the pleasure, familiarity, and love Dean had shown him while he thought him the other man. But now, no. he was Castiel. And if he wanted Dean he would have to get him as he was now, not what he was. But in doing so he knew there was a chance he wouldn't get him. He still loved Cas, and Castiel could not take that away from him. He couldn't ruin the memories of the past, he could only hope that he could be Dean's future. If he would let him. If he could learn to love another. But that, that would take much more than his previous plan of replicating Cas. He would need time and patience, and to be there for Dean as a friend first. Help him through his mourning before they could be together.

Chuck was wrong. Dean did need to mourn Cas. But that didn't mean they couldn't be together eventually. Or at least he hoped it didn't.