Chapter Twenty-One
The Sickness
Gakupo still refuses to look back at Neru. "I will always be a burden," he said to her in a low voice.
"No, you aren't," Neru disagreed with him.
"Yes, I will be. My last girlfriend said that I wasn't worth the times that she had to look after me when I was bedridden. She said that I did not care enough about her. She even went and told me that I wouldn't make a good father if I ever had children. She said that the child would be as stupid as I am…" Gakupo explained to her.
"That's not true… I know that you will make a great father and husband," Neru consoled him.
"After she told me that I stopped dating altogether and withdrew from the world. That actually happened a year before I –" Gakupo with a slight smile.
"Before what?"
"Before I met you…" he finished.
"Oh, I see…" she said. He doesn't look back at her.
"That makes me sound like a man whore. Like what people called me after "Lust – The Madness of Duke Venomania" came out…" Gakupo pointed out.
"That's just a song…though…" Neru said.
"The public doesn't care."
"They never do." Gakupo looks at her again tears slowly slip from under his bandages. She hugs him and he hugs her back with his good arm.
"I don't mean to be a burden to anybody." Gakupo said.
"You aren't though. So stop saying it." Gakupo smiles at her, which she gladly returns.
"After I get better, I will spoil you."
"O-okay," Neru said with a blush. Gakupo stands up, attempts to take a step forward, and stops as a sharp pain hits him in the chest.
"GAH!" Gakupo shouted in pain.
"Gakupo!" Gakupo's left hand goes to his chest. "Gakupo?" He starts coughing savagely in reply to her.
"N-not n-now…" he gasped for breath. She quickly runs to get him water. When she has returned, he is on his hand and knees coughing and spitting up blood; a small puddle has formed under his bowed head. Neru kneels beside him, rubs his back, and hands him the bottled water. He takes the water and drinks down some large gulps of it. "T-thank you, Neru. At this rate, I will not heal…" He sits on his knees and drinks some more water.
"Yes, you will."
"H-how?"
"Because... it's life…" Gakupo stands up and manages to get to the bathroom door.
"Neru…" he said slowly.
"Yes?"
"You're going to hate me…"
"Why?"
"She was –" He refuses to look at his fiancé.
"She was pregnant, am I right?"
"I-I didn't want to do anything with her like that. She forced me into it…" Gakupo said with a nod. Neru sighs heavily. "She told me that she was pregnant by her ex-boyfriend… I should just shut up now…" He leaves the bathroom and goes outside to sit on the porch.