Chapter 21: Cat and...Mouse?

He watched her from the shadows, smiling to himself at how unaware of his presence she was. It amused him, thinking of how her overconfidence had left her so vulnerable. He could have taken her then, if he'd wanted to. Instead, he simply watched her, like a cat watching a mouse hole. Waiting patiently for the right moment.

Eventually, the mouse had to leave it's sanctuary. When she did...he'd have her.

Suddenly, she twitched and glanced up, warily scanning her surroundings. He drew back further into the shadows of the dusty, unused reference section, sighing quietly in relief as the lighting dimmed. Section by section, the lights shut down as the library prepared to close. She hadn't seen him, but he chastised himself regardless. It wouldn't do to underestimate her. Few still lived who had.

It was time to go, before the security guard made his final sweep and discovered him. Silently, he padded toward the stately doubled doors, pausing out of sight for a moment until both the librarian and security guard's attentions were elsewhere, then slipping out unobserved.

As he pulled open the door, he placed his palm on the edge, sticking a white slip of paper there. The friction from the door being opened by the next person to leave would pull it loose to send it fluttering to the floor, where she would find it.

He found a concealed spot nearby to watch her reaction.

The heart-pounding surge of glee, combined with lust and adrenalin as he waited, left him hard and aching, and his hand strayed toward his crotch to grip himself, squeezing hard. The pain helped him regain his control and focus. Not yet, it wasn't time yet.

Then, she was opening the door, the slip of paper fluttering to her feet as intended. Frowning, she glanced down and bent to pick it up, turning it over to read it.

The flash of shock and fear in her beautiful eyes was set off wonderfully by the lack of color in her pale face as she glanced wildly around, one hand on the handle of her bullwhip, telltale slip of paper in the other hand. That sublime image would be conjured up repeatedly once he got home and dealt with his hard-on and the aching balls that went with it.

He knew she would fight. He loved it when she fought. He enjoyed testing himself against her and her training. Gods, what he'd do to her once he got his hands on her...

But not tonight. It wasn't time yet. He still had preparations to make.

He loved playing cat and mouse.

Quistis' heart was pounding so hard she thought it would choke her. She had her whip out in her hand, ready, and didn't give a shit what anyone who might see it would think. She was on the barest edge of panic, and having her weapon ready to hand was her last ditch effort to regain control of herself.

It wasn't working.

She spent the interminable walk through the darkened streets of Deling City starting at shadows, until she reached the bright lights of the train station. She scanned the sparsely populated facility as she entered, but nothing appeared imminently threatening, and logic slowly began to supplant blind panic.

Item one: If he had intended to attack her, he would have done so. There had been plenty of opportunity between the library and the train station.

Item two: She was armed. He couldn't have missed that, which might have been why no attack had been forthcoming.

Item Three: Sean liked to play games. He wasn't finished with this one. He had been intimately associated with her long enough to learn how to push her buttons, and relished doing so. He was simply doing the same shit he'd always done.

Item Four: She knew him as well, and knew that in an odd way, he was a coward. It made him feel powerful, strong, to take down someone like her, who could kill with the flick of a wrist. He liked the power trip it gave him, and part of that power trip was the psychological manipulation he used to make her dance to his tune. He covered his fear with bravado and brutality. But he wasn't stupid, and simply attacking her in the open would be fatal. He knew that.

The long train ride back to Balamb gave Quistis time to calm down and start to relax, though she was still a little twitchy. Anyone who attempted anything with her in that moment would have gotten a nasty surprise. It also gave her time to think. And the first thing she thought was that she'd have to tell Nida. She'd promised him no more secrets, and while she would rather do anything than that, she also knew that he would not appreciate her keeping this latest development from him.

She glanced at her watch, debating. She'd worked through dinner, all the way to closing time at the library. It would be close to midnight when she got home, and Nida would likely be asleep, as he got up ridiculously early to run and work out before he started his shift at the command center.

She too had an early day tomorrow. Not as early as Nida, perhaps, but she had her duties as Cid's intern and Squall's part-time assistant, as well as her regular office hours for her students. The next Field Exam was fast approaching and she wanted to be available for any last minute questions, problems, or anxiety attacks.

She had a key to Nida's place, just as he had one to hers. She didn't want to wake him, but she sent him a quick text anyway, letting him know she was on her way home.

It would be too late to get into a major discussion; they both needed their sleep. But Quistis suddenly wanted desperately to sleep sheltered safely in Nida's arms.

"Are you coming over tonight?" his texted response said.

"Yes. If you don't mind?" she replied.

"Never. You know you're always welcome." he sent back.

"I'll try not to wake you when I get there."

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you in a couple of hours sweetheart."

Quistis sighed, feeling the balled up tension within her flow out with her breath. Leaning her head back against her seat, she closed her eyes. But she didn't sleep. Her hand still gripped her whip, and her ears were still alert to anything that sounded suspicious in the virtually empty train car.

She arrived in Balamb shortly therafter, and owing to the already late hour, decided to splurge on a rental car. She'd return it in the morning.

It was half-past midnight when she finally fished her key to Nida's apartment out of her purse and opened the door. Making her way through the darkened rooms, she quietly set her purse and tote bag down next to the couch.

Kicking her shoes off, she padded across the living room and stole into his bedroom, leaning against the doorframe for a moment. Listening to Nida's deep, regular breaths. She undressed and homed in on the sounds, slipping into the bed and into Nida's arms.

He gave a deep sigh, mumured something sleepily, and cuddled her close, dropping back into sleep.

Quistis lay awake a few moments more, then finally relaxed completely and drifted off on her own, feeling both loved and safe.

The next day kept Quistis busy as she did her internship with Cid along with her assistant duties for Squall. At least until his new assistant, Darien, was familiarized with what the job entailed. As Squall's de facto assistant, it fell to Quistis to train him.

As she did, Quistis took her own measure of the young man. One would think that Squall, as commander of Balamb Garden, could simply have a cadet assigned to that position, but when that was suggested to him, he refused. His reasoning, when asked, was that their education was more important.

So that was, in part, the reason that he had been accepting open applications from civilians for the position. Of course, the candidates did have to pass an exhaustive vetting process, with the final and most intimidating one being administered by Squall himself. Darien had passed all hurdles, and still appeared to be calm and self-possesed, unlike many of his predecessors.

He was also a quietly intelligent young man who took almost no time at all to understand his duties.

By the time Quistis neared the end of her shift, she was reasonably confident that Darien would be able to handle the job.

"If you need anything, Xu will be more than happy to help you out." Quistis told him as she prepared to leave for her next order of business: she was continuing to hold office hours up until the day of the Field Exam.

Darien nodded solemnly, asking, "And Xu is?"

"Right here, actually." Xu answered as she walked into the reception area. "Sorry I'm late, Quistis."

"That's okay." Quistis said, shrugging it off easily.

Turning to Darien, she introduced him to Xu, "Xu Xian. She's pretty much Cid's second in command here. Xu, this is Darien Senn."

"Quistis is exaggerating," Xu snorted, shaking the young man's hand. "I'm just the office manager. She's the one who's essentially second in command."

Quistis bit back a smile as she caught sight of Darien's stunned expression. She would later conclude that she'd just witnessed the exact moment he fell in love with Xu. He recovered his aplomb fairly quickly though.

"I'm sure she has it exactly right," he said smoothly, smiling down at her.

Xu appeared tongue tied for a moment before releasing his hand and simply saying, "at any rate, Darien, welcome aboard."

Quistis took her leave moments later, feeling much amused by the situation. Xu had not been dating anyone recently, and had confessed to being more than a little envious of Quistis' relationship with Nida.

She did wonder how things might play out for them though. Obvious mutual attraction aside, Darien was completely opposite from the type of man Xu normally dated. Oh, he was handsome enough, but in a quiet, bookish sort of way. He was tall and lean, with inky black hair and beautiful, soft brown eyes that he hid behind black-framed glasses.

Xu's type tended toward lean and lithe, but not terribly tall. Still, Darien wasn't too far outside her norm. The only possible snag was the fact that the man wasn't a SeeD, so there was no possible way to know what kind of fighter he was, if he even could fight. Quistis doubted it; there were no calluses on his hands from handling weapons, no scars or marks on his knuckles from hand to hand training.

Then she snorted to herself. Maybe that wouldn't even matter to Xu.

Opposites do attract, Quistis thought, recalling the way Squall had gradually fallen for Rinoa. And sometimes, they even work.

It was the end of another long day for Nida, whose days were now split between his morning runs, and his afternoon field event and weight training sessions, interspersed with his duties as Chief Engineer. He was coming along well with his field events, he thought, and his running of course was spot on. At least, according to his last time trial.

Garden itself was humming along like the well-oiled machine that Nida did his best to keep it as. He truly enjoyed the challenge to both his fighting and his mechanical skills that it presented, despite the less glamorous aspects of it. Like unstopping toilets... Or really, anything to do with plumbing and/or sanitation.

Nida grimaced as he entered his apartment and headed straight toward the shower. It was just as well that the plumbing issue he'd been called upon to correct wasn't worse than it had ended up being. It was still unpleasant, to say the least, to deal with a backed up toilet. It was much worse to have to give the cadet responsible a dressing down, reminding her of certain, specific rules regarding what could and could not be flushed...then assigning her clean up duty.

He actually felt rather bad for the girl, who'd been all of thirteen and new to the realities of her biology. Nida sighed as he turned on the shower. Quistis would doubtless have handled the situation with more delicacy than he'd managed, he was sure. However, she had been unavailable just then.

Quistis was likely still working-either meeting with her cadets, both those scheduled for the approaching field exam, and those who were not-or shadowing Cid. She typically came by about an hour and a half after he got home, leaving him plenty of time to wash off the sweat and grime of his labors.

Afterward, he wandered into the kitchen, towel still wrapped around his hips, and opened the refridgerator, contemplating dinner. And debating if his workout that day would allow him a beer or not. Shrugging, he grabbed a bottle and twisted off the top, and glanced over to the living room, noticing that Quistis had left a tote bag full of papers and notes from her visit to the library leaning against the couch.

He frowned slightly, wondering where to move it to so she could reclaim it when she returned. He figured she would because her researches the night before had seemed important to her. Setting his beer on the counter untasted, he picked up the materials, intending to move them to the coffee table in the living room, so she'd see them and remember to retrieve them.

As he lay the bag onto the coffee table, the papers inside shifted and partially spilled out, causing a small slip of paper to fall out and flutter to the floor. Sighing, Nida straightened the stack, then bent down and picked up the errant scrap, frowning slightly as he read it.

I am watching you.

Nida went hot, then cold, staring at the note, mind racing.

That the note had been meant for Quistis was obvious. The reason she hadn't told him about it, either on the phone when she'd checked in with him, or upon arriving at his apartment, less so. It had been late when she'd gotten in, he reasoned, and he'd been asleep. She hadn't wanted to wake him. And he'd left to go on his run before she'd awakened. She had not had a chance to really say anything to him about it yet. It made sense. It was logical. The warm rush of anger that simmered beneath the surface however, was not.

So, he'd ask her about it when she got in.

Slowly, he placed the note back in amongst the stack of papers Quistis had left behind in the tote bag. That was as good a place as any, and a better one than most for the discussion they needed to have about it. Placing his TV remote onto the stack to serve as a paperwieght, he turned and went into the bedroom to finish drying off and getting dressed.

Returning to the kitchen, he leaned against the counter and, recalling his opened beer, absently picked it up and took a swig. Thinking.

He had to put a stop to Quistis' search for his name. It was obvious that her activities had attracted notice of the kind that she did not need, putting her safety at risk. He knew she was a SeeD; a respected, battle-hardened veteran. She wasn't a weak pushover. But he also knew, from some research he'd done on his own, and from what Quistis herself had told him, that things like this tended to escalate to a dangerous degree. And the psychological damage that Sean had inflicted had left its mark upon her, leaving her vulnerable in a way that he'd easily be able to see and exploit. It wasn't about being weak, it was about being smart.

While it would have been nice to know who his parents were, what his actual name was, when he was born; none of that mattered to him if the search for it put Quistis in danger. It had nothing at all to do with how increasingly uncomfortable he was becoming with her digging into his barely remembered past.

He'd tell her that after they'd eaten.

Feeling better for having worked out what to do, he turned his attention toward dinner preparations. By the time he was done, Quistis was knocking on his door.

"You know, at this point, you can just come in," he said with a smirk as he let her in.

"I know. I like you inviting me in." she answered.

He raised his eyebrows and replied, "really? Why?"

She shrugged, "I don't like to make assumptions."

He frowned suddenly at what that implied, and reached for her hand, pulling her into his arms.

Gazing down at her seriously, he said firmly, "It's not an assumption. It's a fact. You're always welcome here. My home is your home. I'm sorry if I hadn't made that more clear to you." Bending down, he gave her a soft, lingering kiss.

"Dinner's ready."

"We need to talk."

Quistis focused her attention on Nida, and his too-serious expression, and felt a jolt of apprehension hit her guts. A light quip about that being her line died on her tongue. Instead she simply nodded, taking a last sip of wine before rising from her seat, leaving the remains of her dinner on the table, and following him to the couch.

On the coffee table lay a damning stack of evidence; her tote bag containting her notes and papers from the night before, and Quistis knew then what Nida wanted to talk about. Sean's note. He'd obviously found it. Relief warred with guilt as she sat down. Relief because, for a brief moment, she'd thought that Nida had intended to break things off with her. He'd never given any sign or hint that he would, but sometimes things just came out of the blue like that. Guilt because she hadn't yet mentioned the note, and she should have as soon as she'd walked in that evening. She had intended to, but simply couldn't seem to find a way to broach the subject.

Sitting down on the couch, he invited her to sit next to him, and when she did he took her hand and held it warmly. That eased her tension a little, which was his intent, she saw when she glanced over at him.

"You saw the note.." she began, the same time as he said, "you need to stop."

Quistis froze. "What?"

"The search. You need to stop."

Quistis swallowed, then licked her lips. "But..."

"Quistis, he's stalking you. I can't be with you all the time and...and I know you're strong and capable and can handle all sorts of things but... I also know what you're like when you're researching stuff, you tend to focus on that, and not on what's around you. The risk is too high." Nida said.

Quistis stared at him. But she was so close. All she had to do was interview the woman who'd cared for him at the orphanage...and then what? Chase down the myriad new questions her answers might generate? Truth be told, she didn't want to stop. Not yet. She wasn't done.

"I'll be careful. I'll bring someone with me, like Selphie, or Xu. They'll watch my back."

NIda shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair, suddenly frustrated, and said, "Quistis, it's not that important to me! Not if it puts you within reach of that animal."

"Not that... But I thought..." Quistis' voice trailed off. She felt as though she'd been stabbed right through the heart. She'd truly thought he'd approve of her efforts on his part. She had thought he would be as invested in knowing who his parents were, what his name was, as she was. It hurt, the thought that it didn't matter as much to him as it did to her.

Too late, Nida realized his mistake and he quickly said, "Look, it's not like I don't appreciate what you're doing, of course I do! It's just that I've gone some twenty odd years just as I am and I'm fine with it! I don't need to know who I am badly enough for you to risk your life to find out."

"It almost feels like you don't trust me to take care of myself." Quistis said stiffly. Anger began to simmer, bringing a bloom of color to her pale cheeks.

"It's not that, Quistis! Gods!" Nida exclaimed. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, attempting to get a grip on himself.

"Nida, I'm so close. I wanted to wait until I could get confirmation of certain things before I told you, but...I think I may have already found your name and birthdate." Quistis bit her lip and fell silent.

She wouldn't beg. If he truly didn't want to know, didn't feel it worth her risking her life over, who was she to disagree? It was his background she was attempting to dig up. His identity. Ultimately it was his decision whether he wanted her to continue with her research or not. Quistis realized that she should have involved him more in this search.

Nida's eyes sprang open and he looked over at her, swallowing.

"You may have...?" he finally said, slowly, then clamped his lips shut. He wasn't going to ask. He didn't want to know. Did he?

"I think so, yes. I need to confirm a few things and...well, I was going to tell you about this in any case, but if I can find where your parents were buried, we can request an exhumation and a DNA test to be sure that it's really them."

It was too much. Nida shook his head violently and stood up, unable to sit still. His face was expressionless, but Quistis could see his tension in every movement of his normally graceful body. He prowled into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, his back to her.

"DNA test?" he asked, his voice sounding muffled. "And what if those bones we dig up, assuming we even find them, aren't a match? You just keep digging? Chasing down rabbit hole after rabbit hole? What if we never find them? What if my parents were tossed in a mass grave with everyone else that died that day? Tossed out like trash..." His voice faltered.

Taking a deep breath, he finished quietly, "how long before you say enough is enough? This could take years Quistis. Years. And you may never find them at all."

Then he whirled and stalked back to her, eyes blazing, "meanwhile, he's out there, waiting for you to slip up. Waiting for the right opportunity. You know as well as I do that it only takes one minute. One second where your attention is on something else and...he'll have you. People like him Quistis, they don't stop. He will never stop hunting you."

Standing up slowly, Quistis faced him with her chin held high, eyes flashing, and she stated, "Let him come. Maybe we can finally end this...this game, once and for all. You're right Nida, he won't stop. But I won't let him stop me! I won't let fear stop me...and I won't let you stop me either."

Nida stared at her in shock. "Quistis... he means to kill you! I don't want you to throw your life away just for..."

"What makes you think I'll be throwing my life away?" she asked with false sweetness. "Have you so little confidence in me then?"

"NO! That's not it at all! This is not about how good you are as a SeeD! This is about being smart and not taking unnecessary risks!" Nida shouted. "You know it'll only end when one of you is dead!"

"Maybe that's what I want!" Quistis snapped. "I'm tired of looking over my shoulder, flinching at every sound and feeling so broken inside that I barely recognize myself! I'm tired of playing his fucking game! Maybe I want him to come for me so I can finally kill him and be done with it!"

Nida's face went dead white, and he asked, "and what if he kills you instead?"

"Then it won't matter anymore, will it?" she answered coldly.

"It won't matter? It won't matter?" Nida asked in stunned disbelief. "It matters to me! Do my feelings even count? Is this even about me or finding my identity or is it really about your vendetta? Because that's what this is turning into!"

"Maybe it is, now. And maybe it was long overdue." Quistis answered. "I'm not afraid."

Silence fell and they simply stared at each other. Quistis' heart hammered so hard that she was surprised that it didn't leap out of her chest. Nida was right, this wasn't just about him anymore, though it had started out that way. It was about regaining the last piece of herself that Sean had stolen from her. Nida couldn't possibly understand that.

She had told Nida that she wasn't afraid, tasting the lie as she spoke. No, she wasn't afraid, she was terrified. And while Sean lived, she'd always be afraid. So she would use that fear as her weapon to lure him, and put an end to the nightmare once and for all.

"Quistis..." Nida was saying in a strangled voice, eyes bright. "Does it matter to you, at all, that I love you?"

Quistis' heart stuttered to a stop and she had to remind herself to breathe, before she answered, "Of course it does, Nida. And I love you too..."

"But you're still going to do this."

"Yes."

"Can you at least wait a few weeks until after the games? I'll be free to help you then. Hyne knows I want the man dead as badly as you do..." He began, voice trembling slightly.

Quistis shook her head, "I need to do this on my own. It's my fault I let him do this to me in the first place. My mistake. I can't let you, or Squall or Irvine or anyone else here clean up my mess."

Nida closed his eyes in sudden anguish and sat down heavily, dropping his face into his hands and spearing his hands into his hair. It was getting long again, Quistis noticed distractedly, the inky strands sliding through his fingers like silk. She swallowed, fingers suddenly tingling at the memory of its smooth, soft texture.

"I can't stop you." he said in a dead voice. "But I won't watch you throw yourself away either."

Quistis frowned, "Nida?"

"Go home Quistis. Call me when you're done with this."

Quistis suddenly went ice cold as his words sunk in.

"This isn't...you're not..."

"No." Nida shook his head, not meeting her eyes. "But I think we need a break, sweetheart."

Quistis swallowed, eyes suddenly stinging.

"Okay." she said, taking a shaky breath.

She hesitated a moment, then slowly reached over and reclaimed her tote bag. Nida didn't move or look up, and she frowned, suddenly confused at the turn things had taken. Would this "break" be a permanent one?

She walked to the door alone, her boot heels clicking in the heavy silence. Upon reaching the door she stopped and turned around.

"Nida?" she said softly. When he finally looked up to meet her gaze, the hurt in his eyes made her want to weep.

"I still have to confirm this but...If I'm right, then your name is Christopher Alaric Nida. You were born in Deling City, and as of this last February second, you are twenty-three."

She turned and left, closing the door softly behind her.

Author's Notes: Well... FINALLY another update. I really dithered a lot over this chapter, had to redo some parts three times before I finally got it where I wanted it to be. It kept going off in directions I didn't want it to. Too many tangents would confuse the story and that's not what I wanted. I wanted an emotional upheaval between these two, because quite frankly, they were overdue for a fight. Every relationship has its rough patches and they hadn't had one yet. and wise or not, Quistis has a definite motive for continuing her activities, quite aside from actually gaining some valuable knowledge about Nida's identity.

And Nida...well, he DOES have issues with Quistis' digging, and those will become more manifest now that she's spilled some of her information...

As for me, well, life's been kicking my ass on a regular basis, which has made it difficult to update consistently. I DO try to write when I have the time, but the demands on my time have multiplied to an alarming degree. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. So, I do try to keep up with this and other stories but my life has gotten rather demanding lately, and shows no signs of calming down any time soon.

About Nida's NAME...well... seemed like a good idea at the time...