Chapter 21

(Bella's POV)

Morning seemed to come too early. I had forgotten to close the curtains and the bright light hit my face. I groaned and rolled over hoping to find sleep again. It was one of the worst nights of sleep I had since being here. I woke up once to find myself in my bedroom when I had fallen asleep on the couch. Then again after that from some dream I had. It was one of those dreams where the memory was lost but the emotions were left behind. I woke up feeling frightened and scared but scared of what I didn't know. I remembered wiping the cold sweat from my forehead with my blanket. The dream was empty but my brain kept nagging me to remember. I tried in vain to rack my brain of any clues but nothing came to me.

I sighed, might as well get up. It wasn't until my feet hit the floor that I remembered I actually had plans. The barn was awaiting my presence. I hurried to brush my teeth, toss my hair in a ponytail and throw on some clothes. I almost ran out of the bedroom.

"Hold it!" Esme shouted. I screeched to a stop to see her hands on her hips and her lips fighting a smile.

"And where are we going in such a rush?" she asked.

"Oh." I blushed. "I was just heading to the barn, if that was okay?" I would have been worried about her response but the smile she seemed be trying hard to not show, told me that it was okay.

"Not on an empty stomach you don't," she told me. She walked over to the microwave and took out a plate. "Bella, you need to remember to eat and eat often. Honestly, you shouldn't even be running around, just eating. That is what you should be doing, you're skin and bones." She shoved the plate in my hands.

I was going to tell her I wasn't hungry or that I would eat later, until I saw the plate. Bacon, over easy eggs, hash browns, and my favorite: corn beef hash were stuffed onto the plate. My mouth started to water.

"Esme, you're a goddess," I told her. The food looked and smelled amazing; oh I bet it even tasted better too. Esme laughed and walked into over to the stove while I placed my food on the table and began to dig in, I almost had to remind myself that it was rude to not use eating utensils.

"Oh Esme," I shamelessly groaned. "It's so good!"

She laughed and sat down next to me with a cup of tea for her and a glass of cold orange juice for me.

"Glad you think so." She laughed again. She waited a few moments before she spoke again. "Bella…may I ask you something?" she seemed unsure.

"Sure," I said undisturbed, I refused to even meet her eyes as I ravaged my plate of food.

"Are you okay?" She asked me.

"Yeah, the food is really good," I assured her a bit confused. Didn't I just thank her?

"No Bella, are you okay?" she asked again.

I heard my fork hit the plate. She wasn't talking about the food. I bit my lip, what was she expecting me to say?

There was the issue with people you didn't know. In society it seemed taboo to appear weak but what about if you really were weak? I knew I was weak, mentally and psychically, I was well aware. I had been broken down, used and abused, I knew it and she knew it. Did matter to her that I appeared weak? There were some things in life that are better left unsaid. Was this one of those things? I hated to appear weak. I had been so strong before that night. I had always been stubborn, my father always told me stubborn to a fault. Yet, here I was. Did she ask because it seemed that obvious?

"What do you mean?" I whispered. My appetite was now gone.

"Bella, I just want to know that you are okay. I understand there is a pain inside no one can come close to understanding. For someone who was not in your shoes, it would be moot to even try to understand it. I know there is a long way to go for you but I just need to know you're at least okay…here…with us."

I thought about it for a moment. What did it mean for a person like me to be okay? Was not cowering in the closet the definition of okay? I had impressed myself with how far I have come since I first woke up here. It wasn't that I thought I was trusting too quickly but that I was around the right type of people to trust. They left me alone but did not make me feel like an outcast. I was in a place where I wasn't sure where I was.

"I dunno," I finally told her.

"That I can understand, I won't push you but please if you need anything do not stop yourself from asking. We want to do all we can to help you, I mean that." She looked like she wanted to cry.

"Thank you Esme," I told her as I patted her hand.

"You're welcome. Remember, I said anything." She dabbed her eyes with her shirt. "Now, you finish eating," she ordered as she got up from the table. "I have too many chores to do to sit around and worry about you," she said in a stern voice but it failed completely in authority.

I tried to finish my breakfast but it didn't have the taste as it did before. I finished the corn beef hash and then put the rest down the garbage disposal. I just hope Esme didn't hear the sound that would have given me away.

I was a little irritated with Esme, I had to admit. I was doing okay this morning until she had to bring it up. I sighed, closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths at the sink.

"Put it in the box and open it later," I repeated to myself a few times.

Without a second thought I walked out into the backyard and headed straight for the barn. I noticed from a few feet away that the barn was empty and there was a wheelbarrow in the aisle.

"Hey, you," I heard a voice come from one of the stalls but saw no one, I knew it was Edward. "You were still sleeping when I fed the horses and put them in the pasture."

"Esme made me eat breakfast," I replied looking around the barn.

"Yeah, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact we were going to clean stalls." He laughed.

"I don't mind cleaning stalls," I hinted, it was true that I actually didn't mind.

"Perfect timing," he said as he walked out of the last stall. "I just finished laying the bedding in the last one. There is not a lot to do here for right now. If you want we can go check on the horses?" He asked me.

"Lead the way," I told him. I was just happy I wouldn't have to go back inside, just yet.

I stepped off to the side and just like yesterday, he took the lead. I followed behind him around the barn where several paddocks were right next to one another. The one on the right was filled with several horses while the one on the left was occupied with the buckskin mustang.

"Why is he all by himself?" I asked Edward as we reached the fence.

"Well, he was recently gelded but with his temper issues and the work it takes getting him in and out of the barn, just figured it safer to keep him solo for a while," he explained.

The horses on the right side heard us and began walking over to us. I made a clicking sound with my mouth, calling to them.

"You've been around horses," Edward stated rather than asked.

"I had…well, have a horse…back home," I told him.

He gave a nod of acknowledgement and we stood there watching the horses in an uncomfortable silence for a while. I looked at the buckskin from across the pasture and then I remembered my questions from last night.

"Edward," I began, looking at the mustang. "How long have I been here?"

He didn't say anything; he was silent for a while. I peeked in his direction and saw that he was leaning against the fence. I gave up on him telling me when he finally spoke.

"Bella," he spoke quietly. "Do you really want to know?"

At first I didn't understand, why would I ask if I didn't want to know? Then I figured out what he meant, do I really want to know? Did I want to know how long I was in the hands of monsters? Did I really want to know? Finding the answer to this question would open so many doors, doors to new questions. Logically I knew that I should not ask, that getting better and getting through life until I am reunited with my parents was the thing I needed to do. Yet, the question was too unbearable to remain unanswered.

"Bella, look at me," Edward stated in a hard voice. I was taken back at the seriousness of his face, how hard his green eyes were. Part of my mind noted how beautiful his eyes were, even though they seemed hard. "Think this through Bella, think long and hard. Think about it and then think about it again. We both are aware you might not like the answers to your questions." He took a breath, seemingly trying to calm himself before he spoke again. "If you really want to know I will tell you Bella, just be sure you want to know." His voice had turned soft.

I was left standing there in utter shock. After Edward's rant about thinking things through, he stormed off. Seriously, what was with this family and creating awkward moments? I turned to look back at the horses and almost screamed. He had been so quiet that I didn't even hear his approach. I placed my hand over my heart and giggled at how frightened I had been.

"Didn't see you there." I greeted the mustang who was so close I could reach out and touch him. The horse seemed to only come near me when Edward wasn't around; I had to fight a smile.

I leaned up against the fence and watched the mustang graze. Remember the dinner conversation I tried to come up with a name yet, like the dinner conversation I came up empty.

Spirit maybe, he did look just the mustang stallion from the Disney movie but it just didn't fit. Not to mention I just couldn't stand Matt Damon. As I pondered a few names and even spoke a few out loud to the horse, so didn't seem to care either way. Two things happened simultaneously.

A chilly breeze blew in from the north and sent a shiver down my spine. Then, the hair on my neck stood up. Fear engulfed my insides making me was to become sick. It started in the pit of my stomach and swelled up and spread into my entire body. Someone was watching me, I could feel it. My eyes danced around the paddocks looking for a sign. The horses were undisturbed as they continued their grazing.

The wind, my mind tried to calm me.

No. No, it was not the wind. The breeze had passed and I felt someone's eyes on me. I wiped the sweat off my forehead before I even realized what I was doing. My eyes darted on the mountain top; I could have sworn I saw something move…my mind started playing tricks on me I tried to reason.

I turned around to go find Esme or Edward, someone, anyone. As soon as I turned my instincts screamed at me to turn around and I did. This time a few horses had picked their heads up and were staring at the mountain range. Almost exactly where I thought I saw something move… I think. Every spot looked the same as the other. I slowly started backing up not taking my eyes off the mountain.

I couldn't take it anymore the fear inside me was threatening to erupt. Someone was watching me I knew it, I felt it. I was like the dumb girl in the horror movie, the one who screams hello into the eerily dark house after the power lines had been cut. She is in every scary movie, the stupid one who refused to run and left the viewer screaming at the T.V. to run.

I wasn't going to be that dumb girl; I turned around and ran as fast as I could back to the house. I ran past Edward who was carrying a saddle from the barn. He called my name but I was already halfway to the house. My body screamed in protest, I was way out of shape. Even my shoulder, which had been healing nicely, throbbed.

I heard a pursuit behind me and I looked back, it was Edward and he was quickly gaining on me.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed as I swung open the door and ran to my room. I wasn't sure he heard me or if he had obeyed my command. I slammed the door, went underneath the covers as if they could hide me and cried.

I cried for being weak, for knowing logically that there was nothing there but my instincts insisted there was. My brain and my body clashed trying to explain the fear inside me. I didn't want to be weak, I had been weak enough. I didn't know how long I had been crying or when exactly I had cried myself to sleep but I was awoke by heavy footsteps and labored breathing.

A hand shook the door knob, my heart thumped as I peeked through an opening from underneath the covers. The door slowly opened with a long creaking noise. There in the doorway stood a large figure, a male figure.

"Edward?" I whispered no answer. "Emmett?" I asked.

"Guess again Kitty." The man laughed.

"James!" I whispered in shock, how did he know I was here? Where was Carlisle or Jasper, any of them? How did they not hear him come in?

I screamed as I heard the hard footsteps of his feet running towards the bed.

Thoughts?