Chapter 20 Review:

*Rick's dad, Nick shares his story with Rick and Kate, including that he's dying.
*Rick end s up showing Nick a picture of Martha and Alexis.
*When Nick is taken to the hospital, Rick is called to his bedside. Kate and Alexis accompany him. Nick tells Alexis that her father is a good man.
*Despite the bad blood between them, Rick makes sure his father's last days aren't spent in pain.
*When Nick passes away, not only do Alexis and Kate stand beside Rick, but Ryan, Esposito and Lanie come to his side as well to support him.

Chapter 21

May 3, 2012

It's so nice to have Rick home again. I understand that the time in the Hamptons was good for him and helped clear his head, I just wish that my schedule had allowed me to be with him there for more than just the weekend.

Now that he's back, he seems to be back to his old self, and I'm so thankful. Since the day he got his father's letter he's seemed so burdened and down that I suggested that maybe he should see Dr. Burke. At first he resisted, but after I brought it up again, he told me he thought he just needed some time away, and if that didn't work, he'd go see him. I'm relieved that it did though. I've missed him. Not just his physical presence this last week, but "him" these last several weeks.

Welcome back, Rick.

Kate didn't have anything else to say and tossed her pen on the nightstand before flipping back over the last several pages she'd filled. Most of her most recent journal entries were filled with concern over Rick and his situation.

His pains had become her pains. His concerns, hers as well. She had been his strength when he was weak, just as he had done for her so many times before. They were so in sync in mind and body that she felt with him, not just for him. So needless to say, his relief was also a relief to her.

While she read the journal in bed, his bare foot met hers under the covers, causing their eyes to meet.

"You OK?" Rick asked.

"Yeah, you?"

"I am, now that everything is settled and I'm back home with you."

Kate could see the sincerity in his eyes and it made her heart swell with awe. She'd never felt so needed by someone before.

He leaned past his laptop he was working on, and captured her upturned lips with his own.

The simple kiss stirred the familiar heat deep within her that she'd come to embrace.

"Are you almost done for the night or are you still working?" she asked as she scooted closer to him.

He shut down the computer and slid it to the nightstand on "his" side.

"I haven't written anything in twenty minutes. I've just been staring at the screen and trying not to think about the sexy woman next to me, who was busy writing in her journal."

"I could have written later. You should have told me!"

"No way! I wouldn't interrupt that. I know how it is when you want to get something down, its good not to waste the moment."

"Well it's hardly a novel. You have deadlines and editors hounding you. If you get a burst of creativity, of course you need to take advantage of it!"

"Well I try to, but I meant journaling too."

"You journal?"

"You knew that."

Kate shook her head from side to side, before resting it on Rick's bare chest.

"I swear I've told you that before."

"I really don't think so. I'm sure I would remember that. What do you journal about?"

"Anything, everything."

"Wow. Specific. I'm overwhelmed."

Rick caressed her shoulder. "Well I write about a lot of things. Don't you?" He moved his hand quickly, attempting to swipe at her book. She moved just as fast though and kept it out of his reach. But he knew her well and anticipated the move, allowing him to grab it as she shifted positions.

"Hey! Give that back."

"Oooooh, so you can ask about mine, but yours is a secret? I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Rick wagged his eyebrows, letting any and all connotations take their full meaning.

"Hahaha. Very funny. No. I don't want to read yours per say, I was just wondering what kinds of things you write about."

"You, us, Alexis, Mother, work, worries, hopes, dreams, things I want to remember one day. Normal journal stuff. What about you?"

"It started off as an exercise Dr. Burke suggested. Pretty much just talking myself through the fears and nightmares of the shooting and my anxiety over my mom's case, but even then, somehow you seemed to sneak into almost every entry. Now it's more about just my everyday life, something I like to do to solidify memories or just work out the stuff in my head. A lot like yours I'm guessing."

Rick rolled on top of Kate, stretching to put her unopened book on the nightstand. "You know, if you really wanted to read mine, I'd let you. It might be a little weird, but I have nothing to hide from you."

He dipped his head to lightly drop kisses on her cheeks and eye lids.

"Thank you. And even though I think I'd be too embarrassed to actually let ANYONE read my journal, there's nothing I'd hide from you either. For me, writing in my journal is kinda like baring my heart and soul so completely that its almost raw, if that makes sense. And I'd tell you anything you really wanted to know that's in it, but right now the words in there are just for me. Does that bother you?"

"Not at all. I can respect that completely. I think that's just part of who you are, and I love who you are so that's OK."

Kate lifted her head from the pillow so as to bring her mouth up to his. Midway through the kiss, she shifted her weight and flipped them both so that she was on top.

"What did I ever do to deserve a man like you?"

Rick grinned playfully, with his eyes dancing in the low light. "I have no idea, but it must have been something wonderful!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning Kate and Rick got ready to head to the station side by side. He picked out one of his outfits from his closet and began to dress only to realize they were matching. This happened often, and each time it did, it sent the person who's home they were in back to their wardrobe.

When Kate noticed that they were both wearing blue button downs, jeans and blazers, she swapped her blouse for a purple tunic style shirt and leather jacket instead.

"You know, I think we should plan out clothes for the week in advance so this doesn't keep happening."

Rick said as he pulled on his socks.

"Then we'd have to know which place we were staying each night too. And with crazy work hours that could get tricky."

He shrugged and stood up from the bed. "Or..."

She paused and raised her eyebrow at him. "Or, what?"

"Or we could just always stay at the same place."

Kate shook her head. "That won't work either. You need to spend time with your family, and I have to be here to feed the fish and just relax in my own home and stuff."

"What if my home was your home?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act so shocked. That can't be the first time you've thought about it. Things have been serious between us now for a while. We spend almost every night together, and the nights apart are hell. We have drawers and closet space at each other's places, so we're practically living together anyway... just in two locations. I love your place, but like you said I need to be by my family and there's just not enough room for Alexis and Mother here. But I have plenty of space for all of us. Bring your fish and your books and everything. I'll make room for all your things, we can make it work. Or if you wanted tostart fresh, I'll call my designer and we can pick stuff out together. Ooooor I suppose we could even find something new to call our own."

As Rick spoke, he drew closer to her. By the time he stopped to read her reaction, he was standing in front of her, holding her hands.

Kate's heart pounded and she felt her body break into a cold sweat. Living together! That's just a step away from marriage! That's a serious commitment. Not that I'm not committed, but that's so big!

Words weren't forming on her lips so she continued to stand still, except for the slight tremble in her hands, staring at Rick as if he just announced he was pregnant with alien twins.

"Honey you need to breathe."

Kate took an intentional deep breath in and out, which cleared her mind slightly. "I think this is a little soon, don't you?"

"No."

"I've never lived with a man before. I mean it's practically ma..."

"Marriage?" he asked hesitantly.

She nodded numbly.

He swallowed deeply, drawing her eyes to his Adam's apple as it bobbed.

"Well, um, uh, I'm not saying that that scenario doesn't hold its appeal too, but I agree that perhaps that's a discussion for another day. Right now I'm just suggesting we keep doing what we're doing already... just under one roof."

"But then I'd have to give up my independence."

"I'd never ask you to give that up. I'm just asking you to be a part of my home. I suppose we could even keep your place, just in case, if that's what you really wanted."

Kate could see that even though he suggested it, he really didn't want to do that. Keeping her place was like keeping her foot in the door. It was a tangible reminder that she wanted an escape route, that she wasn't sure enough to jump in with both feet. She didn't want that either.

"I can't give you an answer right now. No, this isn't the first time I've thought about it, but I never assumed it would be so soon. I have a lot I need to work out."

He squeezed her hands. She could see the disappointment in his eyes, and could see his attempt to mask it. He couldn't hide his feelings from her though. She knew him too well.

"You take all the time you need. I won't bring it up again. Just know that the offer is on the table and won't be rescinded. When you're ready, you tell me."

"I will."

XXXXXXXXXXX

The day passed quickly. It was a fairly normal day in homicide. They didn't have a body drop, but there was so much paperwork from the last two cases that all three detectives waded through piles of forms and files until at last their desks were again clear.

Rick had left before lunch to go home and write, but only with the promise that if they got a case, she would call him.

At six o clock, as she was packing up to head out, he surprised her by returning.

"Come to escort me home?" she teased.

He quickly and discreetly kissed her temple.

"I would love to, but no," Rick whispered. "Espo called me. He got a tip that our guy might be back in town. We were going to go check it out."

Kate's stomach churned. It had been more than a month since Rick had mentioned anything about her case. The guy they suspected had vanished in the wind, which she was angry about, yet relieved, because it meant the guys were safe, and their safety meant more to her than her desire for closure.

"I'll come with you then, " she quietly answered as she reached for her gun to check it.

Rick caught her wrist in his strong hand.

"You can't do that Kate and you know it. If it's him and he recognizes you, we're all blown."

"But.." she started to protest, but he shushed her and guided her away from her desk and into the lounge.

"Look, we're just going to go to this bar we think he's hanging out at, have a drink, play some pool and quietly watch him. We just need to know that he's back so we can make a plan. You won't be missing out on anything. I'll be back at your place before you go to bed."

"I don't like this Rick."

"I know you don't, but you want to get this guy don't you?"

"Yes, but not at a price."

"What price? The cost of a couple beers? We'll be fine, we're just keeping our eyes on him. We're hoping to be able to get him on something else and then connect him back to you."

"I don't know. It just makes me nervous."

Obviously not caring that they were still in the station or that someone might see them, Rick wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body tightly up against his. His kiss was hot and probing; it melted her from the inside out and almost erased the worry from her mind.

When he broke away, they were both flushed. "Baby, we'll be OK. I promise."

The argument that there was no way he could promise that, formed and died on her lips as he stared into her eyes.

"Be careful." She whispered on a heavy breath.

"Always."

She reached up and caressed he rough cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too, and when I get home tonight, I'll show you just how much."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Before leaving the station, Kate made a quick phone call. Lanie would be off soon but was too tired to go out, so Kate said she'd bring food over to her place and they could enjoy a girl's night in.

After polishing off an order of Souvlaki and Greek salad, Kate and Lanie stretched out on the doctor's couch nibbling matching slices of baklava.

"This is sinfully good." Lanie announced before licking her lips. "I'm gonna have to run an extra mile or two tomorrow."

"I know. This definitely is going to warrant an extra round of sit ups."

"Girl, puh-lease! You could eat this every night for a week and it wouldn't show!"

"Ha! I beg to differ."

"Whatever! You have nothing to worry about. Besides, even if you were in danger of enjoying a few too many calories, I'm sure you and that man of yours could find a few interesting ways to burn them off."

Kate couldn't stop the heat from rising to her cheeks as she recalled how just that morning, her early workout session evolved from yoga to kama sutra within minutes of Rick waking up.

"That's exactly what I mean. You're thinking about it right now aren't you? Your face is about as red as my new handbag!"

Her eyes darted to the leather purse on the coffee table. It was about two shades away from being fire engine red.

"So what if I am?"

"Then you need to give your girl some details. You've been all too quiet about the sack skills. I was starting to wonder if maybe you'd fantasized about it for so long that the real thing just didn't live up to your imagination."

"Oh no worries there. We have a very healthy and, um, fulfilling relationship."

Lanie pursed her lips in a sly smile. "I bet you do!"

Kate put her now empty plate down and picked up her drink.

"So is that your way of saying that he's... adequate?"

Kate choked and sputtered. "Lanie Parish!"

"Well! You're the one who used the word fulfilling in such a deliberate way. And besides, for as long as I've known that man he's insinuated or, hell, outright bragged that he's got the goods. I'm just wondering if he's full of it or he's got a reason to be proud."

Kate's hazel eyes stared at her friend's brown ones for several long beats before her face split into a wide grin. "There are many things that man has embellished or exaggerated... but that's one aspect that is not fiction."

Lanie squealed like a schoolgirl. "Daaaaaaaaaaamn girl!"

The next half hour flew by quickly as the two women swapped girl talk and bragging rights.

At one point, Kate wondered if Rick and Esposito were to overhear this conversation if they would be embarrassed or flattered. Knowing those two, they'd probably strut around like peacocks for a week.

"No wonder you spend almost every night together."

"Yeah the sex is great, but that's not why. It just doesn't feel right anymore to sleep alone."

"And he feels the same way?"

"Yeah, I really think he does."

Lanie smiled warmly. "You sound pretty sure of yourself."

Kate nodded slowly, thinking about the conversation she and Rick had that morning, about his invitation. "He uh, he asked me to move in with him."

Lanie's eyes grew wide. She sat up straighter and turned her body so that they completely faced each other. "What! When? How? Are you going to do it?"

"This morning, out of nowhere! He's obviously put a lot of thought into it and has just been waiting for the right time to bring it up. It totally surprised me though. I mean, I guess I've thought about that happening some day, but I didn't realize he was already thinking along those lines. A part of me wants to run home and start packing. But a bigger part isn't ready for that yet. Living together is a BIG step. What would you do?"

"That all depends. Why do you feel you're not ready? Is it because your relationship isn't that serious yet?"

"No, we love each other and are very committed."

"Is is because you aren't sure you want this to be a long term thing?"

"No, I can see myself with him forever, but forever still seems so far away. I think I'm just nervous that it might not work out, despite how I feel. What's after living together? Engagement? Marriage? Are those things all that different? What does that mean for my career, for my independence? What if he wants more kids? What if he doesn't? I don't even know what I want. Plus he's been divorced twice and we've talked about that, but what if he just can't stay married? What if he gets bored with me? I just can't let myself take that step yet."

"I don't think he could ever get bored with you. But it sounds like you have your answer at least for now. You two need to talk about these things. If you are considering moving in, those next steps are logical assumptions for the future. I think you need to figure out now if you have the same plan. It's one of the reasons Javi and I split for a while. We weren't on the same page. Right now we are again, but we're trying to just take it a step at a time and talk about things before they just blow up in our faces."

"I see that going well... 'Yeah Rick I'd love to move in with you cuz I love being with you all the time but I'm afraid that for one of us that could change, or if it doesn't, that one day I'll find myself barefoot and pregnant afraid to do my job cuz I don't want my kids to know what life without a mother is like, oh and by the way, living in a penthouse is great, but I like my stuff in my space and what if I can't fit into your world.' Yeah that's awesome!"

"I know you wouldn't tell him like that, but what you're saying is all quite valid and he'll understand."

"Maybe. I don't even know if I understand."

"Is he OK with waiting for an answer?"

"Yeah he basically said the offer was on the table and when I'm ready to accept it, just to let him know."

"Then relax, and think it all through, talk to him when you have your thoughts sorted out and figure it out as you go. There's no way you can plan out every aspect of your life right now. Things will come and go. Situations will change, but if you're as committed as I think you both are, you'll work through all of it together."

"Sounds like some pretty sage advice from a woman who doesn't even want to get married."

"I didn't say I never want to get married. I just said I don't want to right now. We're not ready. I'm not ready. I'm fine with that, and Javi's come a round to accepting that too. Like I said, one step at a time."

Kate stared off toward the painting Lanie had hung between the open windows on the opposite wall. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed her friend stifle a yawn. It was getting late.

"Well, I knew you were a doctor, but I didn't realize you were Dr. Freud. I'll have to think some more about it all, but right now, I need to go. You're tired and the guys should be getting back soon."

The women stood and hugged before Kate headed toward the door.

Lanie leaned against the door frame after Kate stepped into the hall. "Thanks for dinner and the company. It's been too long."

"You always say that."

"It's true though, we don't hang out nearly enough!" Lanie countered. "Cuz standing around crime scenes doesn't count."

Kate laughed. "Maybe it should. Seems like that's where I spend most of my time."

XXXXXXXXXXX

She spent the entire taxi ride home thinking over her situation, considering her friend's advice. Maybe it wasn't so bad. If she could sort out her own feelings, she'd be able to talk this all out with Rick soon.

When she let herself into her apartment, Kate tossed her things down on the couch and slowly looked around her place.

Am I stupid for hesitating to give this up? How many women who aren't even in love would be willing to give up their little apartments to live in a luxury penthouse loft? How many would give up their careers and their dreams just to be in a relationship as wonderful as the one I'm in? How many will never know the love of a man as kind and wonderful as Rick? Why am I not jumping into this with both feet? He's not even asking me to give anything up. He's trying to give me all of it and more. But what if...?

The flood of what ifs raced through her head like a movie at double speed. She tried to push them away, but for every one she dismissed another took its place.

She knew she needed to relax, to calm down.

Kate meandered into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. By the time it was empty, she was beginning to feel slightly better, but what she really needed was for Rick to come home and tell her it was all going to be OK.

As she headed to her room to change into her pajamas, her phone began to ring.

In her distracted state, she didn't pay attention to who's ring tone it was.

"Hello?"

"Kate, are you home?"

Ryan calling her by her first name was her first indication that something wasn't right, but the panicked rasp in his voice sent the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

"Yes. Ryan, what's wrong?"

"Get yourself ready to leave. I'm coming to get you."

Fears from the summer, of the sniper coming to finish the job, resurfaced as she started pulling on her shoes.

"Is it him? Is he coming after me? I'll be ready this time."

"No Kate. It's Castle..."

The instant sound of blood rushing to her head almost drowned out Kevin's words, but not quite.

"... he's been shot."

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A/N: Please don't beat me! I know I'm very cruel to leave it there, but it really was a good place to end the chapter. I'm hoping that if all goes well here with writing and my schedule, that HOPEFULLY (fingers crossed) I can give you another chapter before next Monday. So keep your eyes peeled for an extra update.

Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, tweets, PMs etc... from the last chapter. Reading them while sitting in the waiting room for the MRI, kept me distracted and helped me not get nervous! I hear there was a lot of tissues used while reading it! I'm not sure if I'm sad that I made so many people cry or glad that I was able to move you, but either way, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Have a lovely day! Stay warm and dry and safe, and I'll see you again soon!

Happy Castle Monday!

DeBo81