Chapter nineteen: Echo

JPOV

June 14, Thursday

Eve had liked the Cullens very much. How could she not? They are all very charming.

She had a wonderful time talking with Esme and she even wanted to let Esme design and decorate the nursery. Their mountain house was a piece of art and it had inspired Eve. When I called Esme to ask her - I had gathered all their phone numbers again - she was delighted. She said nurseries were her favorite. As soon as we knew if we're having a boy or a girl she would start.

That we would find out this afternoon. We had an appointment at two, and we were both really excited for this second echo.

I had totally warmed up to the idea of becoming a father. I was not so scared anymore. Confident that I would be good enough. For both my wife and this baby.

"I think it will be a girl. I have this feeling…" She said dreamily in the car on our way to the doctor. Her hands held her belly affectionately.

"No way, the force in those kicks, it's definitely a boy."

"Girls kick just as hard when they are babies."

"Still. I believe we're having a son."

"Maybe you just want a son, to play sports with."

"Maybe you just want a daughter to dress up."

"I'd be happy with a boy just as well, it doesn't matter to me."

"Same here." I smiled at her.

"Just imagine if it's a girl how she would grow up and fall in love with Dean."

"He's six years older, no way I let him come near her." Did I just sound like Edward now?

"Come on, he'll be like her big brother, he's the sweetest kid."

"Yeah, she would be lucky having a brother like him."

"Although six years is a big difference for kids. He'll be tired of her soon enough."

"Maybe he'd rather have a baby brother."

"I hope Leah will come around and be our friend again as soon as the baby is born."

"Yeah, me too. I thought she would be handling things better by now." I had a feeling she was angry with me. For more than just getting my wife pregnant.

Maybe for Nessie as well. But if she was jealous of Ness, pushing me away is not the right way to get over it. Or maybe it was. For her.

"I hate that she is hurting." Eve said compassionately.

"Me too. But there's nothing we can do. Seth has to look after her."

Staying away from her, sexually, was not that hard, but knowing that Leah was grieving was hard. I wanted to comfort her, make it better.

But other than sex, we had no way of showing each other we cared.

I would be forced to talk to her next week though. There was another business meeting in Chicago, the presentation of a new model we were going to sell, and although I'd rather not go there with Leah, knowing what those used to lead to, there was no other option. It was the logical thing for us both to go. I had seen in the booking files that she had gotten two rooms this time.

We were over and we both knew it.

I just hoped we would be able to be civil with each other there, because here she kept avoiding me, and she seemed to be pissed. It could be a nasty breakup week. I didn't look forward to it.

Me and Eve didn't talk much about Leah.

Since we had been at the Cullens, she had surprised me with her perception. I hadn't thought she was stupid, but she noticed things that even I didn't notice. Therefore I believe now that she knew all along about me and Leah. Maybe that is one of the reasons she is radiant and beaming all the time now. Now I had fully chosen her and her alone.

With the Cullens she had for instance shown her perception by saying about Edward that he was a little weird, as if he could look right through her. She had a feeling that the doctor was the leader, although it seemed odd to her that four young couples living together needed a leader, a father figure that was their own age. I told her they all looked young for their age, my age, because of some vitamin mixes the doctor brewed. Now I see how perceptive she is, I wonder if she bought it, but she never mentioned it.

She had noticed a massive tension between Jasper and Ness as well, something I had not, even though I knew about it. I thought they hid it well.

Eve said they hid it too well and therefore not at all. Maybe some other vampires would notice then as well.

I thought about Ness and what she had told me four weeks ago during our honesty game.

She loved me.

It had shocked me. I needed time to think about it. But she asked me not to treat her any differently and especially not to run. She said she would be happy just being my friend.

And close friends love each other right? And if she was in love, then it could pass. Just like she was waiting for her renewed crush with Jasper to pass.

I was glad to have her in my life again. Hadn't realized how much I had missed her. Being close to her, holding her, watching her being caught up in something, it all brought back happy memories without pain.

In some ways I loved her still as well.

When we arrived at the doctors office, I saw how Eve's excitement grew. She is always a calm and composed person, but now she was practically bouncing up and down. It would have been funny, if I wasn't just as eager and nervous.

The doctor smeared the cold jelly on her now giant tummy. I remembered from last time that I could not recognize at all what the doctor was showing on the screen. But the fetus had been so small then. I had heard from other people, mainly clients in the garage willing to give me all their advise, that the second echo is a lot different. You get to see the hands, the feet, the head. We really looked forward to that.

When the screen was turned on, however, all we saw was a grey mass. The doctor frowned and moved his camera thing over her belly.

And then there it was. A little head. Our baby on the screen.

Eve saw it as well, and grabbed my hand, overcome with emotion. With her other hand she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, not wanting to miss a second of this introduction with our baby.

"Hello there" she said in an unsteady voice.

The image shifted so that we now had a clear view of the tiny baby, we saw the head and the little arms, it all looked so perfect.

I couldn't believe we had to wait another twenty weeks until we could hold this little midget of ours. I could not make out if it was a boy or a girl, but sure the doctor would know how to find out.

He kept moving the camera around and we wondered if he couldn't see. Sometimes the baby is in a wrong position to see the sex on the echo. That would mean we would have to wait, before we found out.

I managed to take my eyes away from the screen and look at the doctor. He was still frowning.

"You can't see the sex can you?"

"I'm sorry." He said.

I was going to say it was okay, that we would be happy with our baby whatever it will be, but then he continued.

"I can't find a heartbeat. I'm afraid your baby has died. I'm terribly sorry…"