How is it possible that I last updated this in 2014? Damn. Time really flies. I sometimes thought about finishing this story, but I guess I never did. I even wrote two more chapters in 2015, but never uploaded them. I'm not sure if I'm still going to complete this story, though I'd like to. But a lot has changed and I'm not really writing anymore and I'm unsure if I can get back into it. For now I'm going to at least upload the chapters I had already finished. Sorry, I guess, to anyone who was actually following this story back then. Maybe you'll find and like this update.

Ghost of the Past

Chapter 21: The Beginning

The knocking on Ace's door was quiet and almost inaudible at first. It was shy and insecure, like the person that was in front of his room really was not sure if they actually wanted to be there or not.

Ace knew it had to be Marco without him even saying a word. But he did not want to talk to him, he was done talking to him after all. So he simply ignored the knocking, hoping that Marco would get the message and just disappear.

A few minutes passed without anything happening and Ace hoped that Marco had really given up, but then he heard the knocking again. Just the knocking on his door, but no one saying a word. Why did Marco have to be so persistent now? It was already too late anyway. All the talking before had led them nowhere. Ace's attempt at doing something had led them nowhere, either. So what now? Where they just going to go around in circles, repeating this process over and over again, without ever really reaching a conclusion?

There was another knock on the door and then, finally a muffled "Ace?" coming from its other side. That voice definitely belonged to Marco after all. It made Ace angry. Why couldn't Marco just leave him alone? Hadn't he been the one who had suggested they simply forgot about all of this?

Ace stood up and went over to the door anyway. Apparently Marco would not leave him alone before he had done what he had come here for, so he could just get it over with. He didn't seem to have much of a choice after all.

Ace opened the door swiftly and was almost instantly hit by the fact that the look on Marco's face seemed completely desperate. Why did Marco get to look so miserable and pitiable anyway? It was not fair. He was suffering as well after all.

"I'm sorry for bothering you." Marco said, his voice was quiet and he only barely looked Ace in the eye while he was speaking.

Stop making me feel guilty for this, Ace thought. This was not his fault alone. Marco had caused this situation just as much as he had after all.

"Come in." He said, although he had actually wanted to tell Marco to leave him alone instead. Why could he not just do that? Why did he still believe that they could possibly come to some sort of agreement if they talked about this over and over again?

He still made room for Marco to enter his room and quietly closed the door behind them.

Then they were just standing there opposite each other for a moment in complete silence, none of them wanting to be the first one to speak.

Ace allowed himself to look up after a while, his glance merely brushing over Marco. His chest and Whitebeard's mark on it were completely unscathed now. Marco looked like nothing had ever happened back there at the marine base. But Ace still had his screams ringing in his ears and before his eyes he could still see blood running down the other one's body.

"I didn't want you to get hurt." He suddenly blurted out, breaking the silence between them.

Marco looked up to him in surprise.

"It wasn't your fault." Marco said, his voice calm, but still quiet.

"T-that man... and Akainu... what they did, I..." Ace tried to form a coherent sentence, but somehow the words got stuck in his throat and just thinking back to it, he could almost still sense the smell of burned flesh from when Akainu had poured his magma over Marco. It made him sick and all of a sudden he felt nauseous and completely ashamed and scared, because it had all been his fault. If only he had never dragged Marco to that marine base, none of it would have ever happened.

What did it matter that Marco could heal his wounds? That had not made the pain he must have been feeling any less. Worse yet, his healing powers had enabled them to torture him even more, because he wouldn't have died so easily.

And what if they had not managed to escape? Probably by now, Marco would already be dead and it would have been his fault. His fault alone. And all just because he wanted to impress him. He felt sick. Overwhelmed by this sudden rush of guilt.

"I'm so sorry..." Ace finally brought out. His hands were clenched to fists and tears dwelled in his eyes. "If I had never forced you to come with me..."

"Ace." Marco interrupted him, his voice was so soft and forgiving it almost scared Ace, because of all the things he wished that Marco would get angry at him. Yell at him. Punch him. It wouldn't make right what had happened, but it would have been a start at least.

"I won't deny what happened back there was hell." Marco said and it made Ace flinch.

"Although the wounds have healed, I can still remember the pain very clearly." Marco lifted his hand to look at it, just as if the cuts were still there.

"I'm not saying going back to that marine base was a good idea." He finally looked up to Ace, whose gaze had been resting on him this entire time, unable to look away from him, knowing that he deserved anything Marco would throw at him now.

"But I came with you to protect you." Marco continued.

"And while all of that happened, my one and only thought was protecting you. I don't know what I would have done if they had dared to touch you." He said and desperation had found its way back into his voice.

"Why...?" Ace brought out quietly. There were tears spilling from his eyes.

Marco only looked back at him questioningly.

"Why won't you get mad at me?!" Ace raised his voice as he spit out the words. "I almost got you killed! So why? Why won't you yell at me, Marco?! Just..." He made a step forward, so that he was now standing right before Marco. "Just say what you really think! Say that you hate me for what happened! They tortured you, Marco. They tortured you for hours. And you're saying its fine, because it wasn't me? It's my fault it was done to you!" His fists came down on Marco's chest and he dropped his head, shacking and his speaking interrupted by piercing sobs.

"How is it okay that you got hurt? Why can you just brush it off like nothing ever happened?!" Ace just did not understand it. How could Marco still be so nice to him after everything that had happened? How could he still say that protecting him was more important than his own life? There was nothing important about Ace after. Nothing. But Marco…

"That's the only thing the phoenix gave me." Marco said calmly, his thumb brushing over Ace's cheek to wipe away some of the tears.

"That's the only way I can protect anyone. And the pain I have to endure for it?" A weak laugh escaped his lips. "I deserve all of that."

"Ace." He said quietly, lifting the other one's head up to force him to look at him. "What happened to me was not your fault. I know it was your idea to go there and it definitely was a stupid idea." he sighed quietly. "But I was the one who agreed to come with you. And besides... you were not the one who did it. So don't blame yourself for what happened." His hand left Ace's cheek and instead he took his still clenched fists into his hands.

"I would never hate you." He finally concluded.

Ace took his hands back almost instantly and bringing a little more space between them again, he wiped way the rest of his tears with his arm.

He was still unbelieving of what Marco was saying and he did not fully understand it either. But there was more that was still bothering him.

"Why did you come here?" He asked cautiously. He remembered when Marco had woken up and called that woman's name. He remembered that he had decided to stop this farce. That he had decided to forget about this all. All of this back and forth that never let them anywhere.

"To talk to you, yoi." Marco replied.

"About what?"

"About us."

Ace looked up to him suspiciously. "We already talked about us plenty lately. I don't think there is anything else we need to -"

Marco interrupted him. "There is." He said.

"There's something I should have told you about from the very beginning and if you are still willing to listen, I would you about it now." Marco hoped that Ace would understand. What was the point in not telling him if it led them nowhere? Maybe it was time he finally dropped his defense and told Ace what had happened in his past. He should finally tell him the real reason why Ace should stay away from him. Why they could never be together. And then all of this could finally be over.

"What do you mean? What do you want to tell me?" Ace asked cautiously, his heart suddenly beating rapidly in anticipation. He had said that he did no longer want to talk to Marco about them, but if Marco had actually finally decided to tell him what had been bothering him all this time, if he had finally decided to tell him why he was always pushing him away when he himself had said that he loved him, then maybe Ace would be willing to give this one last try after all.

"If you give me one last chance, I'll tell you everything, yoi." Marco replied firmly. He was sure of it this time, he would go through with this. Ace deserved the truth more than anyone.

Ace stayed silent for a moment. He had to think about it. Did he really want this? Did he really want to give this one more chance? Maybe it was better if some things simply stayed unspoken after all. Marco had refused to tell him about his past for so long that by now he came to think that maybe it was better this way.

Maybe it really would have been better. But he could not stop himself from wanting this. From still wanting Marco, even though he shouldn't. If by allowing this one last time he could at least finally receive clarity then maybe this would not be so bad. Even if they still would not come to a conclusion, maybe by knowing what exactly was bothering Marco he could come to understand how the other one was feeling and accept it somehow. Or he could use it to fight for him once more, because in the end the one thing he really did not want to do was to give up.

"Okay." Ace finally agreed.

Marco tried to smile at him reassuringly, but he looked more insecure about what he was going to tell him than anything else.

Still he went over to where Ace's bed was located and sat down on it, looking at the other one expectantly.

So this could take a while, Ace thought as he went to sit down on his chair, looking back at Marco in anticipation.

There was silence between them for a while. Ace did not dare say a word, because he was afraid Marco could change his mind again. Instead he hoped that Marco would simply start telling him everything at his own pace.

"Besides pops, you are the first one I'm ever telling this. There's no one else who knows everything about my past. But I know I have to tell you. You deserve the truth after everything that has happened and I know that maybe I should have told you sooner. It' just that I… I just couldn't, because this really isn't easy…" Marco finally started, looking up to Ace nervously.

"I wasn't always a pirate. Before I met pops I used to live on this island on the grand line. It was a small island, but most of the people there were rich merchants. The islands position made it a good trading point, so specifically the harbor was very prosperous." He paused, seemingly trying to think back to that time.

"My parents died when I was young, so I tried to live on my own. It wasn't easy. I worked really hard, taught myself how to read and write and did any odd job I could find to gain some money. Back then may dream was... to go to the sea. I was hoping that one day, one of the captains of these huge trading ships would take me with them." He sighed.

"Of course none of them was interested in someone as worthless as me. Back then I never thought about becoming a pirate or anything like that. I just wanted to be useful, I wanted to find my own place in the world, work my way up to somewhere where I could live happily." He looked over to Ace with a smile. Reminiscing these old memories was somehow nostalgic. When he thought about it now, he had not changed so much from back then, he was still working hard every day to keep this place he had found for himself.

"I was about your age when I met Charlotte for the first time." He suddenly said, but even just saying her name stung and left a bitter taste on his lips. It reminded him what came many years after he had met her. It reminded him that he would never regain the happiness he had had back then. Never again.

"She was like me. She wanted to leave that island, no matter what. But unlike mine, her parents were really wealthy, she could have had anything she wanted. Anything and anyone. And yet, back then, she chose me." A weak laugh escaped his lips.

"Her parents did not like the idea, but they would have done anything for her. Her father once came to me and told me that if I promised to protect her and keep her close to them that he would not stand in our way. Just because she loved me, he had said. Because he did not want her to suffer from a broken heart. I had known it had been her dream to leave that island, but for us - from that day on - I stopped talking about the sea. I stopped talking about how I would someday take her with me to see the world. I did that, so that we could be together. Instead I told her how much I wanted to be with her and that I wanted to start a family with her, right there, on that island." He paused for a moment and looked over to Ace.

"Of course that had not been a lie." He said as if he needed to defend himself for his actions back then.

"I really wanted to have a family. I had never had a family, but when I was with her I really, genuinely thought I wanted to try having a family. And back then I thought, we could still travel the sea later. Maybe settling down first was not such a bad idea."

Ace had averted his eyes from Marco. Why was he telling him all that? Did he really need to know just how happy Marco had been with that woman? Was Marco trying to tell him that he would never be able to reach her after all?

"We got married a few years later." Marco continued without noticing that Ace was starting to feel uncomfortable. "Her parents gave us a small house to live in and everything was..." He searched for the correct word for a moment, but then with a smile said: "Perfect."

Ace flinched at the word and the content look on Marco's face that accompanied it. He had almost wanted to interrupt him, but he had to remind himself that this was his only chance to finally find out what was going on, so he remained silent in spite of how he was feeling.

"We lived there for a few years and back then I thought that must have been true happiness. And then one day, we got the news that would change everything." Marco's expression suddenly darkened as he stopped again. He was still looking into Ace's direction, but he was not really looking at him anymore.

Ace swallowed. "What happened?" He urged, his voice sounding coarse.

"She..." Marco tried, but then stopped again. The memories were heavy on his mind. He did not understand why this was all still so hard when it had happened such a long time ago, but even just speaking about it now seemed almost impossible. And yet he had to tell Ace, he had promised that he would after all.

"She got pregnant." He finally said, letting out a shuddering breath after the words and clenching up his hands in the fabric of his trousers.

The memories were suddenly so lively and real as if it had just been yesterday that she had come home, bursting through the door and told him the news. He had been overjoyed. He could barely believe his luck. He was going to be a father. They would have a child, they would finally have a family of their own. There was nothing else that could have made their lives more perfect than that.

If only things could have been like that. If only they could have been a happy family.

But even back then, fortune had never been in his favor for long.

Ace swallowed hard and dropped his glance. Maybe he had already expected something like this, but hearing it was somehow different after all.

"Marco…?" Ace asked almost anxious when the other one had stayed silent for a while after saying that.

"Yeah…" Marco replied absent-mindedly. "We had wanted children for quite some time, but it never really worked out. Her parents once even said how they wished that Charlotte had married someone of her class instead. But there was nothing wrong with us, it just didn't work for a while. So when she told me she was finally pregnant that day… I was more than happy. I already pictured us as a happy family, living in that small house. With my child growing up there in peace." He sighed again, bringing his hand to his forehead.

"Just that that was exactly the problem. She would not grow up in peace. She wouldn't grow up at all." His voice almost cracked at the end. This was too hard. He did not want to talk about it anymore. Wasn't it bad enough that he had already lost everything he had held dear once? Why did he have to remember it again now, why could he not just forget about it all?

"I'm so sorry, Marco." Ace said when he realized what Marco had just been implying. "I didn't know, I…"

But Marco interrupted him harshly. "Of course you didn't. No one was supposed to know about this after all." Then he sighed again.

"Sorry." Marco finally said after a moment of silence. "I didn't want to yell at you like that."

"It's okay." Ace replied quickly. "If you'd rather stop here… that would be okay…"

But Marco knew that nothing would be okay if he did not tell Ace the whole story. Just knowing this would not change anything. It might make Ace feel pity for him, but that was definitely not what he wanted at all. He wanted him to understand, he wanted him to come to the same conclusion he had once made: that they could never be together. That there wasn't even the slightest chance of them ever being together like that.

"I had told you that the island was mostly inhabited by rich people. That's why we were often targeted by pirates and bandits… a few months into Charlotte's pregnancy that's exactly what happened. But it was different that time. There were way more attackers than usual… I had told her to stay at our house, thinking that she would be fine there while I went to try and help out at the harbor." He made a small pause again, his face had warped into one that was full of regrets and fear, just as if it was all happening again now.

"I had been wrong." He finally added. "When I got back to our house later I found that someone had broken into it." Marco's hands were trembling, just like back then. He remembered opening the door to rush inside. He had called her name, but received no reply. That's when he saw her. She was lying in a pool of her own blood at the foot of the stairs.

"They had tried to take her with them, but she had resisted. One of them had pushed her down the stairs. When they realized what had happened they just left her there." A quiet sob escaped Marco's lips, just thinking about these memories was more torture than anything that had happened at the marine base.

Ace had gone completely still. His eyes were wide and fixed on Marco. He has had a bad feeling at the beginning, but with every word that Marco spoke it got worse. He almost did not dare to speak and yet, he definitely needed to know.

"Did… did she…?" He found himself unable to speak the word. Asking if she died was just too cruel.

Marco looked up and then just stared at Ace for a moment.

"She didn't." He finally said. "Not back then, no. But from that day on it was almost as if she had died."