Okay, so we're at Chapter Twenty-One and I think I've done relatively well churning this out before some ungodly amount of time has passed. I won't say that it's any good because honestly I wasn't feeling much of a spark through the whole chapter, but I want to get into the habit of writing and posting filler chapters when I'm stuck on certain areas. I'm currently watching Season Five of the show so hopefully I'll be able to stick sort of closely to that with this, it's just a case of deciding if I want the Final Conclave or if Abraham should take Lexa's place etc, it's a bit complicated for the time being but I'll sort things as quickly as I can!
Massive thank you to the guest reader who reviewed my last chapter, I noticed that not a lot of people have viewed my more recent ones so it was truly lovely to hear back from one of you. honestly, just one review every now and against makes me certain that carrying on with this is the right thing to do, so thank you and please review again if you have time!
So... enjoy!
'Rivers turn to oceans. Oceans tide you home.' Ah yes, Driftwood by Fleetwood Mac. River knew the song well and had fond memories of her grandmother singing it in a jolly, upbeat manner around the home that the family all stayed in on the Ark. It wasn't at all a jolly tune, but Eviana Nivalis had a way of bringing light to even the darkest moments. If River hadn't hid her face in her father's coat, she would have known that her grandmother even continued to smile as Chancellor Jaha opened the airlock behind her and committed her to the darkness of space.
Never before had River been so glad to see water again. When she woke, wrapped up in Abraham's arms on their stinky death-couch, Thorne screaming in her face, she couldn't help but lurch forward and kiss the snowy fawn. They'd been back on the boat for two nights and were officially headed home. They'd done it! They'd done all they could for the reactor and had practically sprinted non stop back to the boat.
Upon their arrival, River had never been so glad to smell the stink of fresh shit when the boat's doors opened, but fresh shit was good! Fresh shit meant that Thorne was alive and well. She cleaned all that up pretty sharpish and hugged the little guy as he screamed directly in her ear for a good two minutes.
Grinning, River gently rolled from Abraham's arms and tucked their blankets back around him, trying to keep him all warm and tucked in. Naturally, he opened curious eyes and grumbled sleepily. "Go back to sleep." River told him gently, smiling down at her stunning assassin and kissing his forehead.
With a light chuckle at her good mood, Abraham did as he was told and lay his head back down, holding the covers in his arms as if they were River.
Grinning as the boat rocked, River walked to the very back of it and dangled her feet off the edge. She stayed there and watched the sun rise, glad for the company when Raven limped over and slid down beside her. Neither of them had apologised vocally since falling out on the beach and almost coming to blows with one another, but they'd fallen into an easy peace which involved them just not being assholes to one another.
River almost couldn't believe that they were heading back with good news. The initial plan had been that they would head to a second site, but after using the long distance radio to contact Alpha Station, they'd been told that their second station was actually not giving out any pulse and was presumed to be dormant. There was no use in risking their lives to check it out, so they didn't.
Sadly, the survivors couldn't retrieve Jasper's body, but Monty had cried somewhat happy tears upon finding Jasper's stupid goggles in the boat. He quickly took to wearing them around his neck to make sure they were never misplaced or broken.
"So," Raven breathed out, breaking the silence between them. "we're headed home. Crazy, right?"
Nodding, River thought of home. It felt as if they'd been away for so very long, leaving home with no assurance of returning, yet there they were. It was crazy indeed. "Pfft, you're telling me, Reyes!" She exclaimed, her good mood shining through. "Honestly, every second since we got back on the boat feels like some kind of a dream, like we're gonna wake up back in those woods."
Her face turning down, Raven shook her head. "Fuck those woods." She grumbled, low and tough.
Thinking about everything that had happened, River nodded. The assessment seemed fair. "Fuck those woods." She agreed.
A couple of seconds was filled with soft footsteps approaching and then stopping. "Fuck the woods?" Came Clarke's voice, tired but still trying for humour. "That sounds like a less than sound idea." She joked. River could respect a tired woman trying to make jokes.
Scoffing, Raven spun. "What the hell else are we meant to fuck, Clarke-y? River and I don't swing that way!"
laughing aloud, River turned and winked at Clarke, giving Raven a playful shove. "Hey, speak for yourself, I happen to think Clarke's looking pretty fuck-able right now." She stated, amused when Clarke smirked and raised a brow as if to say 'really, guys? Shut up'.
For a second, Raven just laughed, but once she was on top of it again, she playfully regarded Clarke for a moment. "Sure, come to think of it, has she done something with her hair?" She was speaking to River, but of course their teasing was aimed at the Commander of Death herself.
Sighing jokingly, River nodded. "She has, she's trying to seduce me." She explained with a shrug as if it was the only outcome. "Listen, Clarke, if you wanna join me and Abraham, I'm sure we'd both welcome you with-"
Blushing beat red, Clarke quickly put a stop to things. "Oh god, River, stop!" She sputtered out, having River and Raven all but falling off the boat laughing.
"Nope, I know what it is." Raven gained her composure a moment before River, quickly jumping back in. "Clark doesn't want to fuck the woods, she's looking all pretty for Niylah!"
"Niylah? Who or what is a Niylah? Also, why is this the first I'm hearing of it?"
"Raven!" Clarke snapped, her blush deepening. "Niylah's no one- I mean, she's not no one, but I mean she's... she's, well-"
And then River understood. "She's not Lexa." She voiced, her voice softening for Clarke's sake.
"She's not Lexa." Clarke admitted, her own voice holding a note of sadness for the woman she'd clearly loved.
Nodding, River looked up at the blonde with a smile. A comforting one she hoped. "And you feel guilty?"
"Is that so crazy?" Clarke asked, small and seeming defeated.
"Fuck no. But also yes." River shrugged as she spoke, eliciting the same shrug from Raven.
Clarke scoffed. "What?"
Shrugging in a large gesture, Raven took over. "Yeah, it's a grey area." She told Clarke, clearly having experienced it with Wick after losing Finn.
"Very grey." River added, thinking for but a moment about Matt. "Like worryingly so."
"I don't follow." Clarke admitted sheepishly.
Sighing, Raven leaned back onto her elbows to get a better angle looking up at the blonde. "Clarke, there's no rule-book on this. Moving on? It doesn't all happen at once."
"If this Niylah chick makes you feel good, then Lexa would be happy for you." River added with a sure nod.
Cackling, Raven spun on her side to face River, amusement in her eyes, "Oh, dude, you didn't know the Commander. She'd have fucking murdered Niylah!" River quickly smacked Raven upside the head, noting how Clarke didn't look too thrilled when Raven spoke about Lexa in a less than favourable way. "Ow!"
"Not helping!" River snapped, making a point to Raven of looking up at Clarke. "Look, Clarke, the world is trying to end around us, yeah? I'm sorry for being blunt, but Lexa is gone. She wouldn't want you to be all sad and stuff, right, so if Niylah makes you happy, then you have to be happy. You have to take what you can before it's gone."
"Right. Yeah. But... yeah."
"Good, so, what's your plan of-"
River, unlike Raven, had noticed Clarke's stutter. Stutters mean something lately. "But what, Clarke?" She asked, shutting Raven up.
Well, shutting her up for a moment. "Huh?"
Sighing, Clarke began to fiddle with her own fingers and thumbs, a sure sign of nerves. "I just, it's nothing, okay?"
Raising a brow, River gave Clarke her most oh come on look she could muster. "Clarke. Come on. Don't fuck with me."
"Whatifthere'ssomeoneelse."
Eyes wide, Raven spun to look back at Clarke. "How many fucking words was that, Princess? Jesus Christ!"
How many words indeed. River hadn't been able to catch any of them, but if Clarke had been willing to open up once, they River hoped to get her to do it again. "Again but slower?"
Sighing, Clarke took a deep breath, drawing it in before releasing it with purpose. "What if there's... someone else?" She asked, holding her voice as steady as she could, ignoring the way it shook a tiny bit.
River smiled her comforting smile yet again. She knew it wasn't easy to be torn between two people, especially while still thinking about your dead lover, so she wanted to help Clarke. "Then tell us everything and we'll help." She replied, seeing a similar smile on Raven's face.
Nodding, Clarke opened her mouth to talk only to squeak and screw it shut when Bellamy wandered towards them, grinning impishly. "Hey. Mornin', you guys. Anyone hungry? We've got some fish and some nuts. Not the best haul, but it's better than the seaweed we thought we'd be stuck with." He greeted them all from just beside Clarke. If possible, it looked as if Clarke was even more nervous, and that's when River understood. "Hey, Clarke." Bellamy then added, ducking his head a little nervously, possibly to hide the little glint in his eyes.
Aware of River's knowing gaze, Clarke smiled awkwardly back and replied. "Bell. Hey, hi. You okay?"
Chuckling, Bellamy cleared his throat and stood up straight. The whole display was almost painful to watch, but River continued to do so because she lived for a bit of drama. "I'm good, Clarke. We're away from that place, we're in one piece. I'll be better once we're home, once we've said a few words for Jasper, you know?" Bellamy's voice deepened towards the end as his words were no long about Clarke and River could see how much death weighed upon him and Clarke. It was probably worse since Jasper had been one of the original Hundred.
Nodding understandingly, Clarke took a soft breath, no doubt thinking about Jasper. "Yeah, of course. And for Helios."
Inappropriate as ever, Raven piped up. "Who the fuck is named Helium?"
Smacking her leg quickly, River shot in before anyone got pissy with her. "Octavia's horse. Helios."
Raven's features darkened at that. She had certain feelings about the horse. "Right, the good meat that we're having a funeral for." And there it was.
Seemingly only just now aware that he and Clarke weren't alone, Bellamy shuffled awkwardly on his feet. "Well, uh, I'll go wake the others. Time for a shift change." He muttered, mostly to Clarke, before shuffling away with speed and red cheeks.
Silence fell over the three for a second, but River wasn't going to let that happen. "So... Bellamy, huh?" She asked directly up at Clarke.
"Oh!" Raven exclaimed, apparently not having seen anything that just happened right in front of her.
Groaning loudly, Clarke looked utterly defeated. "Maybe? I don't know! I mean, I think so, but maybe it's more a familial love? There's been something there for a while, even before Lexa, but now she's gone I just- I don't know. Nothing makes sense without her." Her voice grew small to the end and River understood. The world was large and scary, more so without a loved one.
"You know, Clarke, take it from someone who lost both parents and the man I loved all in the space of a few hours. This place, no matter how hard we try to save it, it's out to kill us. You don't need to figure out exactly what you want from everyone in your life, but for what it's worth, Bellamy fawns over you like you're a bucket of water and he's on fire." River's words, although silly, were actually surprisingly wise for her. "I don't know this Niylah chick, but if she cares about you then she'll want you to be happy, even if that's without her. Same goes for Bellamy."
Looking a little spaced out, Raven just nodded. "That was a lot." She stated.
"Does it even matter anymore?" Clarke asked, trying to find meaning in this maddening world. "I mean, sure, we stabilised one nuclear reactor, but that doesn't mean the other teams will be successful. Becca told me that less than six percent of Earth would be habitable once the Death Wave comes-"
Scoffing, River shook her head. "That's why it matters now, Clarke!" She exclaimed, amazed that she wasn't seeming to get it. "Look, Abraham and I are opposites, right? He'd fuck someone up for looking at him wrong, I'd probably just sleep on it. If the world ends then I wanna spend my time with him, with you guys. The people who count don't stop counting when shit gets tough. If the world isn't ending, then fuck, even better! Either way, we owe it to ourselves to create the world we want to live in. That includes relationships, whether they're purely sexual, purely friendship, purely hunting partners."
"Right, you owe yourself happiness, Clarke." Raven chimed in, smiling softly.
With a long, tough sigh, Clarke nodded. "Thanks, you guys. We're gonna hit home in a few hours, so come and get some food and get packing." While Clarke walked away, River noted the way that uncertainty made the blonde go from being their leader to a scared young woman, just like the rest of them.
Turning her attention to Raven, River smirked and raised a brow. "So, Reyes, you're what, a half a day -maybe a day- from seeing Wick."
Alas, Clarke's mood seemed to have infected Raven. "Yeah."
"You don't seem as thrilled as you have been?"
"Yeah, well, he's not exactly a survivor, you know? I know he stayed back to help work on the Ark, but that doesn't mean he's still alive. Come on, let's go." Just like Clarke, Raven too then got up and walked away, leaving River sitting on the back of the boat, feet dangling over the edge, with her mood still relatively intact, but with a few sad sacks on-board with her.
"Fuck me, the mood on y'all today." She grumbled, lying back with the shake of her head and closing her eyes.
.
.
.
.
.
When land finally came into view, even Kane stepped away from the controls for a moment to simply look at their home with fond eyes. The boat's crew each took their time to simply admire what exactly they had a achieved.
River, impatient as anyone to get back onto dry land, leapt into the water when Kane announced that they should turn the boat around and back it towards land to make it easier to take out should they need it again. As far as River was concerned, that was too much time. What shocked her, however, was when Octavia jumped in after her.
Knowing that Octavia wasn't a strong a swimmer as she was, River didn't move as quickly as she could have, but they still made good time and beat the boat by a good two or three minutes. The second the feet of the warrior and the sole survivor touched firm ground, they sank to their knees and stuck their fingers in the earth beneath them. Octavia looked over at River and laughed. They looked ridiculous, drenched through to the skin, falling all over the soil as if it was the best thing since sliced bread.
Before long, Clarke, Kane and the others were stepping onto land, no one bothering to unload the ship. Abraham chuckled as he neared River, pulling her to her feet and drawing her to him. "To wear wet clothes is stupid." He stated quietly into her ear.
Smirking, she leaned up to get as close to his ear as she could, but her mouth just about reached his collarbone. "I'll bet you'd just love for me to take them off." She teased, stepping back out of his grasp and taking a few steps backward towards Octavia who was smiling knowingly and shaking her head. "C'mon, big guy, your move."
It dawned on River in that moment just how much had changed on their short trip. If Abraham had flirted with her before leaving, she would have probably tried to smack him, but now? Well, now she wanted to get him in her Station and lock the doors behind them both for a few days at least. "I shall be sure to make my move later." Abraham stated boldly, pulling River from her thoughts just in time to watch him smirk and walk ahead to where Clarke and Kane were already talking in hushed voices into the radio between them.
"We have a problem." Clarke stated almost immediately. River couldn't help but groan. When were they going to get a damn break? "Jackson and my mom's boat got back in a few days before us, they're in Arkadia now and they said that the Black Rain has already come. They're also treating some people for radiation sickness..."
Clarke's words hung awkwardly in the air, it was clear that there was more to be said, so why not say it? "Clarke-" River started, but Abraham spoke over her.
"They're treating Azgeda." He growled, sure of his words.
"No!" Clarke amended quickly. "No, not Azgeda. It's Luna."
River looked at Abraham now that everyone was stood together around the radio. She watched as his face shifted to something dark. "Who's Luna?" River asked, wanting to know who could elicit such a reaction.
"Luna is not worthy of treatment." Abraham growled. "She is Natblida, like myself and Lexa. She was to fight in Lexa's conclave, but she ran after killing her own brother. She is a coward and I will gladly execute her for-"
"She's the only one who survived." Clarke's words cut through Abraham's, but that large man looked even more angry with this news. "My mom thinks it might be the Nightblood. The only thing that Luna has that the others didn't is her Nightblood, Mom thinks that it might have kept Luna alive."
"I like to think that Lexa's spirit is keeping Luna alive if only to see her dead at my feet." Abraham's voice, deep and deadly, was not to be taken lightly. No one spoke for a moment after these words and even River wasn't too sure what to do. Was this Luna chick really so bad because she didn't want to kill a bunch of kids for a throne. She didn't, however voice this. She would ask Abraham later when they were alone, she could get through to him then and really hear what he had to say, otherwise he would remain stiff with everyone around.
An awkwardly dead air settled over the group as Clarke and Kane continued to talk to Abby and Jackson over the radio. Clarke asked the more medical questions, while Kane asked what they could possibly do with this information. It came about that while they'd been gone, Jaha had somehow come up with the idea that some doomsday cult or something like that had left bunkers; huge bunkers with air filtration systems and space enough for thousands as well as the means to produce food should the ground become inhabitable.
It seemed already that no one was putting much stock into them having done their share of saving the world. The sad truth was, as far as they understood it, that the Death Wave was coming no matter what, it was just a weak prayer that things wouldn't be as terrible as the name implied if they managed to reach nuclear hot-spots in time and stabilise them. River, however, knew that the Death Wave was probably given its name for a reason and not a nice one.
"So Jasper died for nothing?" Monty's voice, so very hollow, was heard by all.
"Monty-"
"Yes." Octavia cut Clarke off sharply, no longer smiling. None of them were smiling anymore. Gone was the joyous group of survivors who were simply happy to see land, because now they knew. They knew that their mission may as well have not happened. "Jasper died for nothing. We accomplished nothing. Jasper died, Kane got shot, we all ran ourselves fucking ragged for this and-"
"O, we couldn't have known." Clarke, however, didn't sound as if she wanted to fight.
"Guys." River snapped. They were finally fucking home and no one was taking a damn second. "Guys!" She boomed when they continued to squabble. "Shut the fuck up right the fuck now, I'm sick of you all crying! We did what was the only thing we could at the time, now we have other shit to do, let's just do our other shit-"
"And then keep shitting until we die?" Octavia scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and giving River a pointed look.
Laughing humorlessly, River shrugged."What the hell else do we do? We can't just stand here and complain. You think Jasper would want us to just whine about our problems? I didn't know that lanky bastard for long, but what I understood was that he'd want us all to pour a few drinks tonight then pick our asses back up in the morning and move on with what we gotta do. The world ain't gonna save itself and it sure as fuck doesn't look like we get to rest until it's done."
"Tonight we rest." Clarke confirmed, reaching out and placing a hand on River's shoulder in thanks. "We eat. We drink. We live. Then, tomorrow, we help make sure there's a world left to live on when all of this is over."
The walk to the stashed Rover was an awkward one. It didn't matter how many times Clarke put inspiration into the others, there was always a clear vibe in the group that no one was really feeling it. The worst part was that no one really understood the situation. It wasn't clear whether or not the Death Wave was going to wipe them all out or possibly not since their victory over the nuclear plant. Everything was unclear and it seemed that none of them enjoyed uncertainty.
From the Rover, the group drove first to River's Station. It took a good number of hours and they were all noticeably glad to see it empty. Of course, those who had family and loves ones would have loved to see them, but the survivors were happy in that moment to simply be alone in one another's company.
Everyone was busy doing something, from Bellamy unloading the Rover, to Abraham fixing a forgotten snare, to Clarke setting up the long distance radio indoors. Octavia and Raven busied themselves with setting up blankets for everyone inside, Indra set out to hunt small nearby animals, Monty set about putting together a small shrine for Jasper, Tekken helped Abraham by checking the other snares. Selfishly, River simply opened the small closet in which she had spent so much time. Her shelves were still in there, untouched, her blankets were still just as she left them.
She couldn't help but fall into them, and so she did, curling up with a groan and closing her eyes, relishing the feel of their stale warmth against her icy skin. She thought about the state of the world, how everything that had happened had lead to this exact moment in her life. She almost asked herself if this was their punishment from up above, the middle finger of some celestial being, but she dropped that pretty quickly. She knew that none of this was about morality. They weren't being punished with an apocalypse, this was the way of their world. She couldn't say she blamed it though, she sometimes felt like just starting over and it wasn't as if she'd had the petty quarrels of man happen on her skin.
Before she knew it, the brunette was asleep. She hadn't even closed the door to her closet, meaning that everyone could see her as she spilled over the small space she'd made for herself so very long ago. As she slept, she dreamed of a better world brimming with beautiful life. In her dream world, there was no such thing as stupid nuclear reactors, no Death Waves, no Grounders or Skaikru, nothing like that. There was just peace, just harmony, just love.
While River lay sleeping, before too long the others stopped working. Indra returned with her haul of a few rabbits, a squirrel and a few birds of varying sizes, Octavia had started a fire and everyone had huddled around it. Clarke and Kane spoke in hushed tones, though their words were fond and not at all being hidden.
It felt alien to most of them now, being out of the confines of the boat and actually being able to rest. Resting on the ship had hardly been easy with all of the threats, but being home or at least near to home meant that things were looking up. They could all calm down, even if not fully.
River was woken when a few words were said for Jasper. Monty, Raven, Bellamy, Kane, Clarke and Octavia wept. Their tears drenched the already sodden ground beneath their feet, reminding them all of the sacrifices that the ground demanded. River though somewhat bitterly that perhaps Jasper was the lucky one of them all. Of course, she didn't voice this though, but it was there, swimming around her groggy mind. Later in the night, moonshine was guzzled down by all, leaving no one on watch, though the survivors hardly cared anymore. They drank deeply, they ate well and they had a merry night in name of everyone who they had lost.
For the first time in a long time, the usually vigilant group let down their guard. None of them cared for safety, none for modesty nor for anything much. By the time they all stumbled to the collection of blankets that littered the floor, they were thoroughly drunk with full bellies, wet feet and merry but heavy hearts. Perhaps, had they known, they wouldn't have slept so easily. Had they known that Azgeda soldiers marched through the streets of Polis, taking the city by force, they wouldn't have drank quite so deeply. Had they known that Roan seated himself on the very throne that Nithaihefa and Wanheda still saw as Lexa's, they would had carried on in the Rover instead of staying at The Station.
Alas, they didn't know. They couldn't have known. And so they slept. River and Abraham, a curious pair, were the last to fall asleep after a somewhat pathetic failed attempt at sex that left them both still very much clothed and simply lying on top of one another, their alcohol infused breaths mingling while only Monty sat awake. He sat at the door and looked up at the stars, wondering if Jasper was sat up there, staring down at them all and laughing at the state of them. Smiling, he nodded. That was exactly what his best friend would be doing, he knew that much.
I've never been shy about the fact that Jasper isn't a favourite of mine, but I wanted to do right by him and give him a good send off, I'm sorry there was so little of it, however.