Chapter 21 – You Light Up My Life

Horace pulled up a seat the couch as James passed him a beer. Juliet and Amy were in the kitchen cleaning up. It had been nice, but a little strange to have the boss and his lady friend over for dinner and few hands of Bridge. James still hadn't gotten the hang of the game and would have preferred poker.

"So how did you know that Juliet was the one?" Horace asked without preamble.

James's eyebrows rose as he considered the question. The one? What the hell?

But he had to give Horace an answer, so he popped the top of his beer and took a sip to give him time to think.

The first time he and Juliet met, she'd tasered him. Then he thought she was an Other spy. Then they got stuck together after the people they'd both been hung up on had vanished in a timewarp. Since then, they'd just been having a good time. Making the most of it. Playing house.

Weren't they?

This kind of introspection made his head hurt. But he remembered something. James is right, she'd said there in the jungle. Even though she hadn't believed his idea was any better than anybody else's, she still backed him. And when Juliet backed him, everybody followed.

"I made a command decision on the boat during the storm," James finally said aloud. "Everybody else questioned it, but she stood by me. I knew right then I could count on her. I've been counting on her ever since."

Horace nodded. "Funny how these things grow, isn't it? I mean, Amy and Paul had been on the outs for a while before he was killed. Paul wanted to leave the island and Amy wanted to stay. They went on that picnic that day to try to patch things up between them."

Horace glanced into the kitchen where Amy stood by the sink. James could hear her laughing with Juliet. "I'd been friends with both of them. I'd been through it too. My ex left me because she didn't want to be here anymore and I couldn't leave. When Paul died, I didn't even start thinking about Amy in any way other than as a friend until this one night out of the blue."

James kicked back and gave his friend an encouraging smile. "Go on," he teased. "Spit it out."

Horace took a sip of his beer and actually blushed as he continued, "She came over early to help me set up snacks for a staff meeting at my house back a couple of months ago when Peterson was still here. Well, afterward she hung around to help clean up too. Having her there with me, just washing dishes in the sink – well, it felt right. So I kissed her."

"I'm guessing she didn't slap you or anything," James surmised, "seeing as how you two are over here as a couple."

"No," Horace laughed. "She didn't slap me. I asked her to marry me last night and she said yes."

"Well, that's fantastic, H! Congratulations! When's the big day?"

"Next month, nothing fancy. But I was hoping that maybe you'd stand up with me, best man style," Horace ventured, then took another sip of his beer.

That was unexpected. They'd known each other just over a year now. "Sure I will, if you want me to. I'm honored," James replied.

"Amy is asking Juliet to be her maid of honor, too. Our jobs here aren't exactly the kind that lend themselves to making close friendships, you know. Amy heads up recruiting and regularly pisses people off when she assigns them jobs they feel are beneath them. Of course, I regularly piss people off just by trying to keep the place running. But you two always keep it real with us, you know." Horace looked James in the eye then and added, "Out of everybody on this island, I know you'll be straight with me. Thank you for that."

James considered just for a brief second the enormity of the lies that stood between him and Horace Goodspeed. Then he recalled a promise he'd made the man over a year ago, that they'd be good members of the commune. And they had. When it came down to the safety of the people on this island, James would shoot Horace straight. That was his job.

"I appreciate the trust you put in me," James answered and put out his hand. Horace shook it, then pulled him up off the couch into a brief man-hug.

Just then, Amy and Juliet came out of the kitchen, Amy grinning ear to ear. "She said yes, Horace!" she squealed. James winced a little at the excitement, then stepped over to give the bride-to-be a congratulatory kiss on the cheek.

"Fantastic! So did Jim. We've got ourselves a wedding party," Horace declared happily and the two lovebirds exchanged a kiss. James stepped past them to stand next to Juliet.

"I have to wear a bridesmaid's dress," Juliet sighed in a whisper. "It's 1975. It will be awful. I guarantee it."

"As long as my tux ain't powder blue, I'm good," James answered, putting his arm around her and kissing her hair.

Fortunately, the couple didn't want to wait for elaborate finery to be ordered from the mainland and James and Juliet got away with wearing a plain suit and summer dress. The yellow floral dress, however, was seriously covered in ruffles. "You look like Debby Boone," James declared.

"Who the hell is Debby Boone?" Juliet asked as she stood before the hall mirror, adjusting the barrette in her hair one last time.

"'You Light Up My Life'? You don't remember that one?" When Juliet shook her head no, James sighed. "You ain't that much younger than me, sweetheart. 'Feelings'? Remember 'Feelings'?"

"Sorry," she answered calmly, then looked up at him in complete innocence. "Am I wearing enough lip gloss?"

"You look like you've been sucking a pork chop, so I'd guess you are," he teased. When she turned back to the mirror with a tissue to begin removing some, he took her hand in his and stepped in front of her. "I was teasing. You look absolutely beautiful. Don't go changing to try to please me."

"Oh I do know that one! Billy Joel! I love Billy Joel!" she cried joyfully.

"Well, I know all the lyrics to 'Piano Man' and I'll sing it to you tonight when we get back. But right now, we gotta go or we'll be late," he declared, pulling her toward the door.

She grabbed her bouquet from the side table and they walked out of the house into the sunshine of a beautiful wedding day.

-0-

That evening, the party wound into to the night under the paper lanterns lighting the patio. Miles was on his third piece of cake. Jin toasted the bride and groom and left early.

James wished he and Juliet could bug out as well, but as members of the wedding party, he and the ruffled maid of honor were obligated to stay until the last rice fell. She leaned against his shoulder and his hands rested on the sash at her waist as they swayed together to the sounds of Neil Sedaka and John Denver.

"Time in a Bottle" began playing over the makeshift sound system. "There never seems to be enough time to do things you want to do once you find them," he sang into her ear.

"Time, huh?" Juliet looked up at him. "We just found thirty years' worth."

"I know," he laughed. "Crazy, isn't it."

Then her eyes went dark and she frowned and put her head back against his chest. "They're all going to die," she whispered. "Sometime about twelve years from now, all these people are going to die."

"Shh," he ran his fingers into the curls of her hair and rubbed her neck gently. "We won't let that happen. Before it does, we'll warn them."

"But it happens, James. We know it happens. I've seen the bodies in a big pit, all wearing Dharma jumpsuits with their names on them." Her voice shook and her fingertips dug into his arms.

"Did you see LaFleur on any of them? Or Juliet Motor Pool?" he asked.

"No," she answered quietly.

"Then don't worry about it right now. We can't do anything about that tonight," he assured her. "Right now, you just dance with me and be happy. All we've got is right now. We can't ask for anything else."

The song finished and he took her hand to lead her back to the refreshments for another glass of champagne. He figured they both needed it.

She drank her champagne and looked up at him again and gave him a tremulous smile. "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, running his fingers over her cheek.

She nodded and they headed back out to the dance floor to the strains of Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You."

"I forget how pretty this version is," Juliet commented. "I always think of Whitney."

"Whitney who?" Amy asked as she and Horace danced past. "This song just came out."

"Not Whitney, sweetheart," James covered. "You're thinking of Barbra and a totally different song."

"Oh, yes, you're right," Juliet forced a laugh. "I think I've had too much champagne."

"We're about to toss the rice and make our getaway," Horace stated. "Not that we can go far, just to Hydra for a few days. Maybe we can feed the polar bears."

"We need to build a little cabin in the woods," Amy suggested. "Some place we can just run away to when things get weird."

"That's not a bad idea, Ames," Horace agreed. "I'll start checking out some plans."

Juliet had stiffened in his arms during this discussion and he rubbed her back to let her know he understood. He'd heard too many tales of a cabin in the woods to feel entirely comfortable himself. He wondered for a minute how Hugo was making it back in L. A. He hoped he was safe and happy at home.

When the music stopped, Horace stepped out into the center of the dancefloor with Amy and announced their departure. Quickly the guests grabbed handfuls of rice from the baskets on the table and made a double line leading down toward the boat dock. At the head of the line, James shook Horace's hand while Juliet gave Amy a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

"You guys have fun," James called as the newlyweds ran through the line in a shower of rice. At the foot of the dock, Amy turned back to toss the bouquet to the women who gathered around her.

"Go get 'em, tiger," James encouraged her with a little push as Juliet hesitated.

"That's okay," she said, taking his hand and leaning against his arm instead. "I don't need it."

"Come on, Debby. Let's go to the house," he suggested with a smile.

"I still have no clue who Debby is," she declared, stifling a yawn.

He slipped his arm around her waist and began to sing softly, "You light up my life/You give me hope/To carry on/You light up my days/And fill my nights with song." At her look of mystification, he added, "My Aunt Noreen loved that song. And you don't remember it?"

"Keep singing," she instructed. "Maybe it'll come back to me." Then she gave him one of her most even of even looks, the kind that promised all kinds of quality time together if he played along.

"Rolling at sea adrift on the waters/Could it be finally I'm turning for home?/Finally a chance—" He froze. With a smile, he covered by humming a few bars. "Sorry. I forgot the words," he lied.

He hadn't forgotten the words. They were imprinted on his brain in bright flashing letters. Finally a chance to say 'Hey, I love you.'/Never again to be all alone. His heart pounded in his chest.

In his previous relationship lexicon, 'I love you' had become nearly as meaningless as 'I'm sorry.' He'd only said it one time and meant it. And the person he said it to hadn't returned the favor. Then she'd used him as her backup lay, left the island, and never come back.

He used to lie in bed and wonder if maybe he shouldn't have said it. If maybe she'd have kept her interest in him if he'd stayed just a little more mysterious about his feelings.

That was then, this is now, he reminded himself. Kate was gone, Juliet was here.

Soon he lay in bed and watched Juliet take down her hair. With every pin she removed, a long, looping blonde curl cascaded down her back. She picked up a brush, but he called out to her. "No. Leave it alone. Come to bed, Blondie. Just the way you are."

He pulled back the sheets and held out his arms to her. She lay down next to him, that long blonde hair spiraling across his chest. Maybe it was the night of Seventies love songs. Maybe it was seeing Horace and Amy so happy together. All he knew was that he'd left something unsaid between them.

"Hey," he began, not sure exactly what he meant to say next.

The glow of the bedside lamp illuminated her face when she looked up at him.

"I have to ask you something," he continued weakly.

"So ask me." She smiled at him with a smile that healed him.

"Why me? Why did you pick me?" he asked.

She frowned a little and shook her head. "Why did I pick you, James?" she repeated in confusion.

"Yeah. You knew all about me. You knew my story, what I've done, who I am. You should have run away from me. Why did you stay?" The words just tumbled out of him and the instant they did, he wished he could rein them in.

"Forget it," he backpedaled. "Forget I asked."

"No," she stated firmly. "That's okay. I want to answer. I read your file back when Ben first came to me and told me about the plan to take you, Jack, and Kate. You sounded like a terrible person with a terrible past."

His heart sank. He shouldn't have brought it up.

But she continued, "I changed my mind about you when Richard came by. He picked up your file and glanced through it. Then he put it back down and said, 'Don't judge this man by what you see here. He's much more than this.' I tried to get him to explain, but he wouldn't say any more. I'm guessing he was remembering now."

"He was right, James. You are so much more than that file. I picked you because I wanted to. I wanted to be with you," she declared and her touch on his cheek sent a wave of peace through him.

James lay there and considered her words, his fingers playing with the curls of her hair. "So, do you love me?" he heard himself ask anxiously. She'd never said the words to him. He'd never said them to her. By some sort of unspoken agreement they just didn't go there. But in that moment he needed to hear them from her. He needed to know.

She was quiet against him for a long moment. "I'm not very good with relationships, James," she finally stated in a whisper. "I thought I loved my husband, but he didn't love me. I had an affair with a man on the island but Ben had him killed. I'm not so sure about loving people anymore. Let's just keep doing what we're doing and not worry."

"So what are we doing? Playing house? Killing time?" James asked, his voice thick with sudden emotion.

"We're sticking together. Just you and me. I've got your back and you've got mine," she replied, her arms gripping him even tighter. "Maybe that's better than love." She took a breath then continued, "Maybe that is love. I just know that I need you here with me. I couldn't do this without you."

That would have to be his answer, he decided. She needed him. She wanted him.

Then she turned the question back to him, "Do you love me?"

"Yes," he whispered. "Yes, I do."

"Thank you, James," she answered and snuggled closer to him, her breath warm against his neck.

He tangled his fingers into her hair and tried to just let himself be with her, with her arms around him, in this safe and quiet place that belonged to them, but he wanted to hear her say it. He wanted to hear her say the words.