Under the Same Moon Chapter 21: Heartbeat, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight.

Heartbeat - The Fray

Oh you got a fire and it's burning in the rain
Thought that it went out, but it's burning just the same
And you don't look back, not for anything
'Cause if you love someone, you love them all the same
If you love someone, you love them all the same

Oh, I feel your heartbeat
And you're coming around, coming around, coming around
If you can love somebody, love them all the same
You gotta love somebody, love them all the same
Singing, oh, I feel your heartbeat

I'm trying to put it all back together.
I've got a story and I'm trying to tell it right.
I got the kerosene and a desire.
I'm trying to start a flame in the heart of the night

-O-

Bella

After I tucked Macy in, there was no way I could've gone to sleep, even if I wanted to. I couldn't take my mind off of Edward. Since moving to Texas, he was usually on my mind anyway, but after watching him take care of my daughter – not as though he was just doing his job, but with actual emotions involved – I thought of only him.

I decided to send him a text message.

Thank you for taking such good care of Macy. She's talked non-stop about you since we got home. Do you still want to meet up? I'd like to take you out to dinner... we should talk, but also, I want to show my thanks. – Bella

At the hospital, it was so tough to be around him- but at the same time, I didn't want to be apart from him, either. It was a confusing situation.

How's Mace feeling? – Garrett

She's okay, sleeping now. Nasty bump tho. – Bella

Hate being so far away. Have her call me first thing in the morning. You okay? – Garrett

I will. Yeah, I'm fine... just freaked out still. I hate seeing her cry. Felt like a horrible mom. – Bella

My heart skipped a beat when Edward's reply came in the middle of my texts with Garrett.

She's a sweet girl – most talkative kid I've been around. Yes, I'd definitely like to meet up with you. No thanks necessary, Bella. Are you okay? I hated seeing you so worried – wish I could have helped someway. – Edward

You're not a horrible mom, B... she's a crazy kid, always doing things that she shouldn't. Don't be so hard on yourself. Get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning. – Garrett

Garrett and I were probably the oddest divorced couple ever. We were still friends. I still loved him as a friend and as the father of my child. When I first found out he'd cheated on me, it was torturous, to say the least. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't because of the feelings I still had for Edward. Once I got over the initial shock and realized I had to be an adult for my daughter's sake, I let go of any anger and began making plans for my future. Regardless of what was going on with Garrett and me, I still needed him as a friend- which he still was.

I wondered if it would bother Edward that I didn't hate my ex-husband. Would he be okay with me staying friends with Garrett? Why was I even asking myself these questions? No matter how much I wanted to be someoneto Edward, I couldn't see how it would ever work out.

I'm okay now... well, not really. I think I'll stay up to watch her sleeping all night. Crazy, huh? And you did help – you were so good with her. So good that she felt comfortable enough to talk your ear off. Are you free this week sometime? Or do you want to go after the campout? – Bella

I really wanted to meet up before the camp-out. Everything was already so awkward between us, and I knew without a doubt that Jasper and Alice were going to try to "push us together" as much as possible during our weekend of camping. I knew I would feel a lot better about spending the weekend with Edward if I got over some of my anxiety.

I'm free all week. And I would really like to see you before the weekend, if that's okay. Let me know. I'll meet you wherever. Texarkana, Marshall, or in between. I hope you get some sleep. You can always text me if you need anything at all... though, I'm sure I am the last person you'd turn to right now. – Edward

The emotions that came over me as I read his text led me to do something I'd never thought I'd do.. I dialed Edward's number without thinking of what I was going to say to him. He just had to know that he was alwaysthe person I needed.

Before I could decide that it was a bad idea to call him, he answered on the second ring. "Bella?"

"I just... hi," I replied, feeling very lame. Lame, stupid, pathetic; those about summed it up.

"Hi... everything okay?" he asked. Just because we had spent a little time together and were texting, didn't mean we were at the point that I could just call him. I'm sure he was completely confused.

I wasn't okay. I hadn't been okay for ten years. "You were wrong, Edward. You don't know how many times I've needed to come to you... I just don't want you to think... to think that I hate you or... I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I just..."

"After tonight... you avoided looking at me, and I could tell that I made you feel, I don't know... uncomfortable, maybe? Or I thought the likelihood of you hating me was pretty big. Not that I blame you."

"I've never hated you," I said, keeping my voice firm and steady. "Never."

"I never hated you either, Bella. I, um... it just really fucking sucks that back then, everyone seemed to be working against us."

"I know... if I was actually talking to my dad, I... well, it doesn't really matter because I don't consider him to be my father anymore anyway. It doesn't surprise me how much pain he caused back then."

"I hate Emmett and Rose. I never thought I would say that, but I do." He paused for a moment, letting out a quiet yawn. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get into all of this over the phone."

"Don't apologize. There's a lot that we should talk about, but you really should get to bed. I heard you say that you had to work tomorrow… and it's really late." As always, my heart hurt at the thought of something happening to him; like falling asleep on his way to work because I kept him on the phone too late.

Edward let out a small chuckle and another yawn. "Yeah, I guess I should get some sleep. But listen, I was thinking... I'll just drive to you sometime this week. I know you'll have your hands full with Macy and everything. Can you meet up sometime around seven or so? Any day will work for me."

My heart raced just thinking of having dinner with him. "Um... Thursday?" Alice usually picked up Macy from gymnastics for me that day, so I knew it wouldn't be a problem to let her stay at their house a while longer. Heck, Alice would probably suggest that she spend the night so I could spend more time with Edward.

"Sounds great. How about TLC? You liked that place, right?"

It was a little restaurant downtown, nothing fancy, but a place that held so many memories. "Yeah."

"Okay, I'll meet you there at seven." I could picture him running his free hand through his hair, tugging at it nervously. "I'm... really looking forward to it. Thanks, Bell, for agreeing to this."

"Thanks to you, too..." I couldn't say anything else because hearing him call me Bell again – it was different than anyone else calling me by that nickname. Different in a good, sweet way. "See you soon."

"Sure thing. Call if you need anything. Bye."

"Bye."

-O-

The week seemed to drag as I looked forward to Thursday. Though I wasn't expecting anything out of our meeting but possibly rekindling our friendship, I couldn't have been happier. And I was relieved that we'd get some of the awkwardness out of the way before the camping trip that Jasper threw together.

"Are you dressing up at all?" Alice asked as I surveyed my closet for something nice, but not too dressy for work. TLC was just down the road from my office, so it didn't make sense for me to go all the way across town to change, especially when I could use a couple of extra hours to get caught up on some of my work.

Sighing into the phone, I pulled out my light gray pantsuit and hung it on the closet door. "I can't wear some little black dress, Al... I have to go to court tomorrow. And I don't want to change at work because I might run into someone and then I'd have to answer a million questions."

"Well, at least–"

"I'm thinking my gray pantsuit... white or black beneath?"

"Black. And those sexy black heels I bought you last Christmas. And don't forget to accessorize, girlie."

Alice was like a sister, mother, and best friend all in one. I knew how to dress myself, of course, but I always took her suggestions. "I will."

"Don't worry, sweetie... you could be in sweats, and he'd still think you were the most beautiful woman in the room."

That made me laugh. "And just how many glasses of wine did you have tonight?"

"Haha, Bella. I know love when I see it... and that boy is still head over heels for you."

"That boyis now a man... and we have no idea how he really feels. I mean, I... as much as I would love to–" I stopped myself, not wanting to admit it aloud just yet, "I think it's too soon to make those kinds of assumptions, that's all."

Alice let it go and changed the subject, knowing that I couldn't handle talking about Edward and me any longer. She was a persistent person who pushed when she needed to, but knew when to stop, as well.

After an almost sleepless night, and a very long, boring day at work, I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror, a half hour before I was to meet Edward. Even though I wore make-up, there were still circles around my eyes from lack of sleep. Between worrying about the large bump on Macy's head to dinner with Edward, I'd developed a small case of insomnia.

Booth or table? I'm a little early, pulling up now. – Edward

Either... doesn't matter to me. I'm just headed that way now, walking there since it's down the block from work. – Bella

A few seconds after I sent my text, I saw Edward in the distance, exiting the restaurant and looking in my direction. Like a man on a mission, he took long strides toward me and before I knew it, he was standing a few feet away, determined and smiling.

"Hi," I said, feeling so shy and insecure, like I felt ten years ago when we started dating.

His sweet smile melted my heart even more. "Hi, Bella."

"Hi," I replied stupidly.

Chuckling, Edward stepped forward like he was going to hug me, even lifting his arms, but stopped suddenly. "I'm guessing you're as nervous as me?"

"Terrified," I admitted with a small laugh.

"Let's get some food in us, eh? I think I remember having to-die-for-terrific cheesecake... and we both know how much you love that."

Those were my exact words ten years ago when he and I ate there. Forgetting that I should be one of thoseteenagers around Edward-always worried about the perfect body-I raved about the cheesecake so much that he went back and bought an entire one just for me.

Pushing aside my memories, I walked alongside him as he made casual small talk. He asked about Macy and how her head was feeling. And he asked if I was okay or still worried, like I had been on the phone a few days earlier.

It felt like I was dreaming – being with him again. I never thought it would be possible for us to have dinner together. And yet, there we were, standing a foot apart, forgetting about our past and the pain we'd gone through.

"I'm glad you agreed to have dinner with me. It's just... really good to see you again," Edward said, starting the conversation after we were seated and ordered our dinner. He knew I was too shy to start up any kind of topic with him. Sometimes I thought Edward knew me better than I knew myself.

"It's good to see you, too. I honestly never thought I'd see you again."

"We were bound to run into each other at some point in our lives."

"Yeah... but I didn't think you'd want to see me, much less have dinner with me."

"I know you probably won't believe me, but I didn't mean to seem mad when I saw you in Marshall. I was utterly shocked. I figured Jasper would have told me that you were here, in Texas... I'm sorry if I came off as rude."

I hated thinking back to that day, seeing him with someone else and feeling so stupid- like I didn't have the right to feel jealous. But I was; insanely jealous. And I acted like a coward, hurrying off and leaving him standing there to witness my ridiculous behavior. "I... I was such an idiot that day."

"Bell, we were both caught off guard. That's it. Don't insult yourself."

I nodded, not knowing what to say next.

"So... are you liking living in Texas?"

Thank God that Edward always knew what to do or say. "Yeah... love the house, of course... and the location. And though my job is really stressful, it's nice - actually doing something with my life."

"What exactly do you do for CPS?"

"I do different things there; interviewing families, home studies... but mainly I decide on placement. The parents will give me a list of possible family members or friends for the children to be placed with... so I find the best possible placement and work out a safety plan."

"I always thought CPS workers had the hardest jobs when I worked in the hospital. It takes a tough person to do that job. And a person with a good heart. Like you."

I felt my face flush at his compliment. "Thanks. It is really hard, but I know that I'm doing something that actually makes a difference... so that helps me get through the hard times. And you... a doctor? You certainly have a stressful job."

"Nah, it's not too bad, especially now that I took over my dad's practice. Daily visits of colds and routine check-ups. Kind of boring."

"And don't forget... little girls who are extremely injury-prone."

Edward laughed, and my heart ached at how much I missed that sound. "Yeah, can't forget that. She reminds me so much of you."

"Yeah, though she hasn't broken any bones yet – I have her beat on that record, thank God."

I was amazed that we could have an easy-going talk, pushing aside the aches of our past. He insisted on ordering me cheesecake, even though I was so full I couldn't fathom eating one bite of the scrumptious dessert. We both took it in to-go boxes. I knew that around midnight, I'd probably be hunting down a late-night snack as I thought about him, and so the take-out box was a great idea.

After much debate, Edward insisted on paying for my meal. I'd wanted to buy his, as a thank-you for being so nice to Macy, but there was no way I'd win that argument.

"Just means we'll have to go out again sometime..."

That suggestion alone made my heart beat faster. "Definitely."

He walked me back to my office where my car was and leaned against it as we continued to talk. "You're sure you don't mind me coming on the camping trip? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything..."

"Absolutely not, Edward. I mean, unless I make you uncomfortable?"

"Hell, no, Bella. Never. I'm glad to spend any amount of time with you. In case you haven't noticed, I've missed having you in my life."

My shyness crept up, like always, but I pushed through it and replied honestly. "I've really missed you. More than you know."

"Good. That's really good."

"Yep." Such a lame response.

"Yep," Edward repeated, making me laugh.

"Thanks again for dinner... and the terrific cheesecake. I can't believe you remembered that."

"Of course I did... how could I forget? I remember everything about you, Bell." That voice – the low, rumbled and sexy one that gave me tingles – it was back and making me crush on him all over again. But I knew what it sounded like when he was inside me, telling me he loved me. This was way more than a simple crush. I was a grown woman, still hung up on the only man I'd ever really loved.

After a moment of silence, we said our goodbyes. I made him promise he'd text me once he got home, like I always did in the past.

"I know this may sound forward but... come here," Edward requested, as he placed his hands on my arms and pulled me to him. "I've thought about you for so long... it's hard to stay away."

My arms wrapped around him as he squeezed his around my body. I let out a small gasp, wondering how I'd ever be just a friend to Edward. For ten years, I didn't have his arms around me, and now that they were, I didn't want him to let go.

-O-

When I saw him the day after our dinner together, I didn't feel as awkward as I thought I would. He was right; we needed to have some time alone before jumping into being around everyone and camping together. Macy was already so friendly with Edward, thanking him for taking care of her head. She made friends easily and was never shy - so unlike me. She even insisted on Edward sitting in the very back with her, and he instantly accepted her offer.

"And you know what? One time, my mom slammed the car door on my finger... and I didn't even cry."

"Wow, I bet that hurt," Edward commented.

"Yep. And you know what? I wanna be a doctor someday... but I don't wanna give shots 'cause that's just mean."

Edward chuckled. "But shots help you get better."

"And they make you cry, Dr. Edward."

I loved hearing his hearty laugh. "You don't have to call me Dr. Edward, Macy. Just Edward."

"Oh, okay. And you can call me Mace. That's what all my friends call me."

He was perfect with her.

My own brothers avoided getting in a conversation with Macy, knowing she was going to talk their ear off, but Edward didn't seem to mind. He seemed genuinely engaged in their topic of choice, which happened to be how Macy could be a doctor and what she should expect. It made my heart race as I listened to him speak so sweetly to my little girl.

The lump in my throat just about choked me as Edward motioned where to turn off to. I remembered everything about our trip to his grandparents' place. Which was now his. It was the place I'd thought about for so long. The day we'd spent there was so perfect.

I glanced to the backseat where Edward sat next to Macy and caught him looking at me. We smiled, silently acknowledging our past there. Everything was so different now, but my heart was still in the same place.

Edward had constructed a road through the woodsy area of his property that lead to the clearing we'd ridden to on four-wheelers all those years ago.

"Wow, this looks... kinda scary, Edward," Macy said, examining her surroundings.

"Nah, it's not, baby," I replied to her. "It's pretty, I think."

"Yeah, but Momma, you're gonna sleep with me, right?"

I laughed and reach back for her hand. "Yes, sweetie."

"And Edward, you and Jasper will make sure nobody tries to get in the popper thing?"

"Yes," Edward said, laughing.

It felt so nice being with him and feeling free to actually laugh – to have a good time. I missed being with him that way. What I didn't miss were the glances that Jasper and Alice gave occasionally, their matchmaker minds in overdrive.

Edward and Jasper began setting up the pop-up and tent as Alice and I unloaded our bags and played with Macy and Brandon. I couldn't stop looking at Edward, appreciating how amazingly good he looked. He looked the same, but even more toned and muscular – not too muscular, just right. The sight of him using his muscles as he lifted some of the heavy equipment was something I would definitely dream about. I felt guilty for taking such pleasure in seeing him in that light, but there was no denying that he was still the sexiest man I'd ever laid eyes on. And those arms. I remembered being in those arms as he made love to me the first time.

After camp was set up, Jasper and Edward started a fire and began grilling hot dogs for us. Macy begged for a s'more before dinner, and with my permission, Edward caved. He made her the 'Edward Cullen Special' – a double-sized s'more. I snapped a picture of them sitting side by side – Edward eating his extra large s'more and Macy's face covered in chocolate.

It was so great to make new memories there, but I couldn't stop thinking about the old ones.

After everyone settled down that night, I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a short walk. Grabbing the flashlight, I quietly tiptoed out of the pop-up, passing Edward and Jasper's tent as I headed toward my favorite spot. It's amazing what your mind can remember after being away for so long. I remembered the exact spot where Edward and I sat on the tailgate of his truck, watching the fireflies while I wished he would kiss me. I remember counting the number of trees circled around us, trying to think of anything but Edward's lips on mine.

I was the ultimate lovesick teenager.

Lovesick.

I'd always pictured myself getting married in the very spot where Edward and I watched fireflies swarm around us. And I would've had a late night wedding. Just the glow of the moon and some candles. And Edward.

How could I not think of him when I was there – at the place where I first discovered that I loved him more than anything?

-O-

Edward

"I thought you were afraid of the dark?" I asked, keeping my voice low and walking slowly over to Bella. She was absolutely gorgeous, the glow of the moon shining down on her. And she had no idea.

With a quiet sniffle, she turned her head away and wiped her eyes. "Yeah," she sighed with a small laugh. "I am... but I couldn't sleep. Just thinking... and I love this place."

I lowered myself to the log she sat on, and casually wrapped the blanket around her. Finally, she turned her face to me and smiled softly. I wanted, more than anything, to wrap my arm around her; to give her any other kind of comfort than just sitting beside her and being silent. But I didn't know how to react to her. I knew she had been crying – that much was obvious – but what was she upset about? Did it have anything to do with us? Being there, it brought back so many memories, even though we only spent one day together... but it was such a memorable day for us. I think I fell in love with her that day.

"It's so pretty here," she whispered.

"Yeah, I love it. I stay up here sometimes in the summer."

"I don't know what Jasper was thinking when he suggested camping in wintertime. Alice is a sissy when she's cold."

"Eh, I think it's Macy. She could probably talk him into just about anything," I chuckled, nudging her shoulder. "She talked about Christmas the entire time you and Alice were out getting groceries... had Jasper make a list of birthday presents and Christmas presents."

"God..." Bella groaned, shaking her head but smiling widely at the mention of her little girl.

Even at her young age ten years ago, I knew she'd make a great mother. Her face lit up just hearing her daughter's name. Regardless of what had happened in the past, she had a beautiful child, and I had a chance to prove to her that I wanted to be with her again. I wanted to be a part of her life. Any part. Though she had been back in my life for only a short time, I knew I couldn't live without her again. I would take whatever she would give me.

"It was cute, but I hope Santa is ready to break the bank."

"Santa is doing a really crappy job of shopping this year. Not one thing bought so far... and she wants this 'Tangled' bike that everystore is sold out of. I saw it a few months ago and thought they'd have plenty at Christmas... I mean, who sells out of that when the freaking movie came out lastyear? So Santa is going to be in trouble."

I hadn't been able to get her to talk that much, but anything to do with Macy and she opened up. "I can check the Wal-Mart in Marshall... and I'm going to Longview next weekend, so I can check there, too."

Smiling widely, Bella looked directly at me. "You'd do that?"

"Of course, Bell."

She sighed and dropped her head, staring at the ground. "What have you been up to for the last ten years?"

Shocked by the change of subject, I didn't quite know what to say. "Um... just school and work."

"Come on... nothing else?"

I hated thinking of the ten years I'd spent without her. "Well, I did some traveling."

"Where to?"

"London... Paris... Africa..."

"Africa? Wow. I bet that was awesome," she replied, shifting her body toward me. "I've always wanted to see Paris."

"Yeah, it's pretty there, but Africa was my favorite. I spent a semester there, working at a clinic for children. But I was glad to come back home."

She nodded as tears formed in her eyes. "And no engagements? Serious girlfriends?"

I was shocked that she jumped right into that topic, though there was nothing to tell. "No... I mean, there was one girl during my residency that I dated for a while, but it didn't work out. I was too busy and so was she."

Tears fell down her face and she turned her head to the side, trying to hide them as she wiped her face once again. "What about the one I saw you with at the Light Festival? She was really pretty."

She wasn't you.

No one could ever live up to you.

"That was only our second or third date... never anything serious."

"She could've come on this trip... I hope you don't think I would make things awkward or anything. I know I acted like a fool at the festival, but I don't want to keep you from your girlfriend, Edward."

It was laughable that she thought I could be with anyone else with her back in my life. "I was never withher, Bella. We were just dating... and I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks now."

"Oh."

I gave up fighting the urge and put my arm around her. "Tell me more about you."

Bella let out a sad laugh and relaxed her body slightly. "Nothing much to tell. Got married... surprise pregnancy... found out my husband was cheating on me... and had to watch my mother die. Not an ideal life, but I'm thankful for my girl and the time I spent with my mom."

"I'm so sorry about your mom, Bell..." She cried softly and I pulled her closer to me. I held my breath as she rested her head against my chest. "I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. I wish I could have been there for you. I shouldhave been there for you."

"I hate myself..." I was about to interrupt and tell her that she shouldn't ever say that about herself, but she continued and I knew I needed to let her get it out. "I hate myself for wishing I had made different choices back then... not been so immature about us, but I was scared. And I hate myself for regretting my choices because I got Macy out of it all. It's just so... so confusing."

"Bella, I... you shouldn't think about the past. Regardless of what happened, it brought you here... you're where you've always belonged. You have family here who love you... and whether you want me in your life or not, I'm going to be in it." I didn't know how to tell her my feelings. I felt like I wasn't making any sense at all. I needed to tell her that I never stopped loving her. Ever. But was it too soon to say those words? "I made mistakes in the past. Horrible mistakes that I regret... and…" I paused, taking a deep breath. "As much as I wish Macy was ours... it doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters anymore because you're back in my life and I... I've just missed you."

Bella hiccupped, keeping her face pressed against me. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I was horrible to you."

"I'm sorry, too. I was horrible as well."

"You weren't. I was so stupid, Edward."

"Stop, Bella."

"Please accept my apology. I can't live with myself if you don't."

"Of course I do. And please accept mine."

Letting out a quiet laugh, she nodded and sat up, her big brown eyes staring into mine. "I do."

"We should get you back to the tent. You're going to get sick." She was shivering almost violently, even with the blanket and my arm wrapped around her. "And you've got some major shopping to do, young lady, so you need to stay well."

"Yeah, I guess so."

I stood and pulled her up with me. I felt like I was nineteen again and dying to kiss her. And though we'd worked through a tough conversation, and I'd hinted to her about how I felt about her, I knew we weren't to the point where I could kiss her.

I had time, though.

When I looked to my future, she was all I could see. Missing out on ten years together was nothing when I had the rest of my life to show her that we were meant to be together. And she knew it. Everyone knew it. I would always love Bella Swan.

-O-

(Sorry for the lyrics at the beginning - I know some hate that, but I heard this song and immediately thought of this story... In fact, I wrote this chapter while listening to it.)

As always, thanks for reading and for putting up with the long delays. The next chapter is almost finished, so there will not be a long wait again.

Thanks a million to Jen_328 for her terrific beta skills and Teacher1209 & Jadsmama for pre-reading.

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

BTW, how did you all like Breaking Dawn? I thought it was wonderful. Some odd moments... but for the most part, it was just as I pictured it in the book.

See you guys soon!

Fic Rec:

Land in My Arms by luckyirishtart ... it's complete and kept me glued to my phone today. Edward in a flightsuit...? Um, yes.