„Yuri…don't you think you should slowly start leaving this room again?", Yuuri asked cautiously leaning against the door frame. "I do leave this room…I do even leave this apartment, if I might remind you", the blonde skater replied snappishly. The Japanese sighed. "Yes, you do. But I meant that you should go outside to do something else than head to skating or ballet practise." – "Hm.." The older skater made a step towards him. "See Yuri, you've been hiding yourself away in here for quite a while now. And it's not like you go to practise voluntarily, we have to drag you out to go. We…we are just worried about you. We don't want you to perish in this bed. Don't you think it's time to open the curtains in here, let in some light and go out an have some fun? It might help you to distract yourself. I bet Mila would be happy to take you to the city to go shopping." Yuri snorted. "As if I'd spent time with that hag. I don't need anyone to distract me. I'm fine", he said and turned towards the phone in his hands again and acted like he was scrolling through social media. He heard Yuuri sigh resignedly. "Ok, if you say so" and then he left the room.

At first, Yuri had felt bad for lying to his friends who just wanted to help him, but over the course of the last weeks, he had become used to it. For the last two weeks he had been lying. He wasn't fine, he wasn't even okay. He had never imagined that one single person could have such an impact on his life. But lately, he had realised that he wasn't as self-sufficient as he always had imagined. Since Otabek had left, he wasn't himself anymore. Starting from his look in the mirror, that resembled rather a corpse than a young successful skater, to the fact that he did only speak when it was really necessary, nothing of his normal self was left. He tried to act like everything was okay, but what the others looked at was only an empty shell.

Frustrated, he threw his phone against the wall where it rebounded and hit Potya who had been sleeping next to the Russian. Furiously hissing, he looked daggers at his master and jumped off the bed. "Sorry…", Yuri whispered. He had spent hours looking at the black screen waiting for a message from Otabek, but it had stayed silent all the time. At first he had been devasted, then angry and now…Now, the Russian felt like there was nothing left within him. Like all emotions, all of his power and motivation had left with the Kazakh. All the things that he had loved to do, to skate, to dance and to quarrel with his rink mates, everything was covered by thick grey fog poisoning the air around while extracting all the joy in his life.

More than once, he had considered calling or texting Otabek, asking him to come back or to at least explain himself, but he had been too afraid that he wouldn't reply, or even worse, that he would reply in a way that would hurt him even more. All kinds of scenarios had formed in his mind causing him nightmares and hours of being kept prisoner by his own thoughts that were plotting against him. Poisoning his mind, they had crept into every millimetre of him fuelling his fears more and more. The only way to make them shut up was keeping himself busy with practise. But due to his weak condition, Yakov and Lilia sent him home after only a few hours. Maybe he would be able to train longer if he started eating normally again, but only the smell of food repelled him and he had to force every single bite to stay in his stomach.

For more than two weeks now, Yuri was living with the pig and Viktor. For more than two weeks, he had left their apartment only to go to practise and only if Otabek wasn't there. He had tried to go there, tried to face him, but he had been too weak to stand up against the pain that tortured his body as soon as he saw him. When he went to rink a few days after the Kazakh had moved out, Otabek had already been there, skating on the ice. His movements had been as graceful as ever and his look didn't revealed any of his emotions. Just looking at him had churned up so many different things in Yuri, he had been so overwhelmed, he wasn't able to move. Thousands of feelings were crushing into him – joy, desire, disappointment… However, when Otabek discovered him, the gaze he darted at the Russian made the latter run to the bathroom and throw up. If it had been indifferent, Yuri would have been able to handle it, but the coldness that sent shivers through his body had missed any sign that there had been a friendship between them. Viktor, who had found him in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, his arms rested exhaustedly on the toilet seat, had picked him up and carried him to the car again. Normally, Yuri would have thrown a tantrum if anybody had only dared to lift him up like a bride carrying him around in public, but back then, he had had a hard time to stay conscious, so he hadn't cared at all. Back at Viktor and Yuuri's apartment, the older skated had laid him in bed, whispering that he had asked Yakov to reschedule his practise times.

So as he couldn't make his mind shut up with sports, he had tried to use other methods. During the first days, Yuri had only laid in bed peering at the ceiling and listened to music, so he wouldn't have to hear his thoughts. But soon, he had noticed that most of the music he had on his phone were bands and songs Otabek had recommended to him. It seemed like most of his taste of has been shaped by the Kazakh. Spending his time online on SNS hadn't been an option either. He knew that Otabek didn't use Instagram or Twitter frequently, but he didn't even want to spot the smallest hints on what he was doing. Of course, he was curious and although he had hurt him so much, Yuri wanted to see him, even if it was just a picture of him, but he convinced himself it was better not to know what he was up to. Seeing him living his life like Yuri had never existed would cause more damage and the Russian wasn't sure how much more he was able to take. So to make sure, he didn't came across any type of news on the Kazakh, he had logged off all of his social media accounts and turned off his "Last Seen" option, so he wasn't able to see the other's anymore.

Of course, his sudden withdrawal from social media had been noticed by his surroundings (what those "Yuri's Angels" could be speculating, he didn't want to know at all), but most of all his bad condition had drawn the other's attention. The Russian had stopped counting the times he had been asked if he was fine and if they could help him. The only one that didn't tick him off was Potya. He had been close to him without looking at him with pitying and worried eyes like Viktor and Yuuri, not asking him about how he felt, but only laying next or on top of him keeping him company, calming him down with his soft purrs.

Yuri knew that he couldn't continue like this. He needed to pull himself together and try to get back to his usual self again, although he doubted that he would ever be the same without Otabek. It would hurt seeing him again, being reminded of what had been, but he couldn't hide like a child forever. Maybe with time, this wounds would at least stop bleeding, however, until then, he had to try and pretend like he was over him for his own sake. Staying inside trying to mend his broken heart hadn't helped so far and it wouldn't if he continued to stay in any longer. Yuri tried to get up from the bed, but as soon as he was standing, he felt faint and he had to sit down again. Maybe he should start off by eating again. Although his piroshki, made following his grandfather's recipe, would surely provoke his appetite, his stomach wouldn't be able to handle such a rich meal. Thinking of what he could try instead, he remembered a small bakery close to his apartment that sold tasty small low-calorie pastries. A stab hit his heart when he thought back to the times he had been sitting in the affiliated café with Otabek talking for hours. Taking a deep breath in, he tried to convince himself that confronting himself with places which reminded him of Otabek might help him, if he ever wanted to return to his own home. Determined to get his life back again, Yuri left his room, walked by a confused looking Yuuri and a startled Viktor, put on his shoes and jacket. "I'm out", he said turned towards the other skaters and left the apartment. However, if he had known what he expected him outside, he'd rather hid under his blanket forever.