Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

"Ow!" Pyro yelped as he banged his head upon arriving in the next time period. "Hey, who turned out the lights?"

"There is light. There is just not very much of it," Piotr squinted looking up.

"There's not much of anything in here," Remy noted gazing around. The Acolytes were crammed inside a small stone holding cell. Light peeked in through a tiny barred window set high in one of the walls. "Where the heck did we end up? Some kind of jail?"

"Looks like it," Mastermind wrinkled his nose at the cell's rough sleeping mat and old-fashioned commode. "I knew we would all end up in here eventually. I'm just surprised it hadn't happened sooner!"

"Jail? Nooo!" Pyro wailed. "I can't stand being in jail! The pressure's too much! The walls are closing in! I can't take it anymore! Aaaggghhh!"

"Shut up ya lunatic!" Sabertooth snapped whapping Pyro on the head. "You've only been here ten seconds. How can you have broken already?"

"Especially since your brain has already been broken for years!" Mastermind added. "Whatever is left of it."

"Sorry," Pyro blinked rubbing his head. "I just had a little panic attack. Being in the slammer brings back a lot of bad memories."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that," Piotr patted Pyro's shoulder sympathetically. "But do not worry. We should not be here too long."

"Yeah, good point," Pyro nodded. "This is just a little stop. We'll be outta this place soon. Hey, maybe I'll get a chance to meet Martha Stewart!"

"I'm afraid you're over a century too early for that," Remy said as the time machine finished clearing up. It read:

March 12, 1872 A.D.
Beechworth, Australia

"Hmmm, well that's not a lot of help," Mastermind said studying the screen. "Pyro, where in Australia is Beechworth?"

"I dunno," Pyro shrugged. "But the name does sound kinda familiar..."

"Whaddya mean you don't know where this place is?" Sabertooth snapped at him. "You're from Australia, aren't ya?"

"Oh, and I suppose you know about every single city and town in your country?" Pyro shot back.

"Quiet," Mastermind hushed while focusing his powers. "I think someone is coming. On second thought, make that more than one!"

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped. "What do we do? There is no place to hide!"

"Stay calm. Whoever it is will probably just pass by," Remy said.

"I don't think so," Pyro pointed as they heard the heavy cell door being unlocked.

"Oh dear," Piotr gulped nervously. "What do we do?"

"Get the heck outta here!" Sabertooth growled and prepared to charge the door.

"No! Just stay still and be quiet!" Mastermind hissed as his eyes began to glow.

"Prisoner Number 10926!" A harsh voice barked as the cell door opened and a sallow-faced young man trudged in with his legs in chains. He had short dark brown hair, hazel eyes and appeared to be in his mid to late teens.

"Bloody turnkeys," The man muttered as the door was shut and locked. He sighed at the seemingly empty prison cell and moved to lie down on the mat.

"Ouch!" Pyro yelped as the man unknowingly stepped on his foot.

"Huh?" The man froze at the unexpected noise. He stared at the mat in confusion before attempting to lie down on it again.

"Ow! Get off!" Pyro hissed as the man stepped on his foot again.

"What the?!" The startled man gasped and jumped back from the mat in shock.

"Aggghhh!" Mastermind cried as the man unknowingly elbowed him in the face, causing him to lose his concentration.

"Stone the crows!" The man yelped as the illusion of the empty cell disappeared to reveal the Acolytes. "What the devil...?!"

"Way to go, genius," Remy gave Mastermind a look.

"Hey, he hit me in the face!" Mastermind snapped rubbing his nose. "Am I bleeding?"

"Not enough," Sabertooth grunted.

"Um, hello," Piotr waved at the man who was clearly still in shock.

"Whaaa?" The man gaped at them.

"G'day, mate!" Pyro smiled cheerfully. "How ya goin'?"

"Who...who are you people?" The man finally managed to get out. "How did you get in here?"

"Uh...room service?" Piotr suggested.

"What he meant to say is," Remy interjected smoothly. "We're just a group of temporally...I mean temporarily displaced individuals. Our being here is just a little accident."

"Bloody oath it is," The man managed to get out. "I know gaols that have been packed to the brim before, but this is ridiculous!"

"So we are in jail," Remy nodded at the confirmation. "I should have known."

"Well where did you bloody well think you were? The bloody Parliament House?" The man gave him a look.

"Please do not mention blood," Mastermind groaned looking sick. "I am still trying to forget all the gory images I saw before we ended up here."

"Oh boo hoo. How terrible that must have been for you," Sabertooth mocked indicating his still blood-stained clothes. "At least it wasn't your blood that was spilt after someone sliced you open a few times!"

"You were what?" The man gaped at Sabertooth in shock.

"Do not ask. Do you not want to know," Piotr paled a bit as well. "Sorry to be taking up so much of your cell space, Mister...uh..."

"My name's Ned. And don't bother apologizing about being in this tip," The man grumbled taking a seat on the mat. "I'm not even supposed to be here!"

"Really?" Remy raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Because the charges brought against me are false!" Ned shouted heatedly.

"Sure they were," Mastermind drawled sarcastically.

"It's true!" Ned declared glaring at him. "A bloke named Isaiah Wright was staying at our home when his chestnut mare went astray so we lent him one of ours. Wright left saying that if I found the mare I could keep her. Later I did and since she was such a real beaut I decided to take her into Wangaratta to cut the flash."

"Huh?" Piotr blinked.

"He means show off," Pyro translated.

"Oh," Piotr nodded.

"I stayed in Wangaratta for a few days, even letting the publican's daughter ride the mare around town," Ned continued. "On the way home I was stopped by a fat Cons named Hall claiming I needed to sign some papers. The moment I dismounted after arriving at the station the bloody oaf grabbed me by the collar claiming the mare had been stolen!"

"Huh?" Mastermind frowned. "You mean Wright had stolen the horse?"

"Yes, but of course neither I nor Hall knew that at the time," Ned explained. "All Hall cared about was having me to blame. He even tried to shoot me!"

"What?" Piotr gasped. "That was not right! Were you hit?"

"No," Ned smirked at the memory. "Hall misfired three times. By then I had grabbed him by the collar and threw his fat gut to the ground! Then I straddled him, drove in my spurs and made him squeal like a calf!"

"Ha!" Sabertooth chuckled. "Way to stick him!"

"If only it had lasted," Ned sighed. "It took seven men to drag me off Hall and tie me up. Only once I was bound did the fat coward dare approach and pistol-whip me in the head. Five times!"

"He what?" Pyro roared in outrage. "Talk about police brutality!"

"That's not the term I would use," Remy muttered darkly.

"I was later hauled into count and charged with horse stealing," Ned recounted bitterly. "I told the judge I hadn't known the mare was stolen and that Wright was the one who had given her to me. But Wright never appeared to back me up! And Hall claimed he had read in the gazette that the mare had been stolen, but the mare had only been gazetted as stolen five days after he had tried to arrest me!"

"Five days?" Piotr blinked in amazement. "What a liar!"

"That's not all," Ned continued. "I was also accused of personally stealing the mare. Which would have been quite a feat considering I was in this very gaol the day she had been stolen! The gaol's governor even confirmed it!"

"And you still ended up here? What a travesty of justice!" Pyro declared feelingly.

"Wait a second," Remy cocked his head to the side. "Why were you in jail the first time?"

"That's not important," Ned waved the question aside. "Eventually the charge against me was changed from 'horse stealing' to 'horse receiving'. And I was sentenced to three years hard labor while that mongrel Wright received only a year and half! I swear if I even see that stinking maggot-head again..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sabertooth growled impatiently. "I'm tired of listening to all this junk. Let's get outta here."

"How do you expect to do that?" Ned snorted. "Break down a wall?"

"Exactly," Sabertooth grinned and gestured to Piotr. "Russian..."

"Uh, maybe we should just use the door," Piotr suggested. "You know, to prevent doing too much damage and keep a low profile."

"Yeah, because we have been so successful at keeping a low profile and not causing damage so far during this trip," Mastermind drawled sarcastically.

"We don't even have to worry about damaging the dumb door," Remy snorted in contempt as he moved towards it. "The hinges are on the inside."

"Well that's a stupid design," Pyro commented as Remy easily used his powers on them. "A real cell door won't have any hinges at all."

"Strike," Ned blinked at the missing hinge pins. Piotr had blocked his line of sight so that he had not seen Remy use his powers. "How did you manage to do that so fast?"

"It's all a matter of skill," Remy smirked wiggling his fingers. He gestured to the door. "Shall we?"

"Let's go!" Sabertooth grinned kicking the door down.

SKREEEEEECCCHHH!

BAM!

"Aaahhh!"

WHAM!

CRASH!

"Oh dear," Piotr gulped at the broken railing running just outside the cell. The Acolytes were on the second floor of a double-rowed prison wing. The discarded door to the cell lay below them on the first floor on top of an unconscious, unlucky prison guard. "Sorry!"

"Oy, what the devil?" Another guard was heard shouting. "Something's going on over there!"

"Uh oh, they're on to us!" Pyro yelped.

"Come on, let's go!" Remy urged dashing out of the cell. Sabertooth had already taken off. The rest of the Acolytes quickly followed them.

"Hey, wait for me!" Ned yelled running after them.

"Alert! Prison break! Prison break!" Guards were heard mobilizing while hurriedly spreading the alarm.

"So much for keeping a low profile!" Mastermind snapped as he ran.

"It's not too bad," Pyro said as they descended a staircase to the first floor. "At least we don't have to worry about anyone taking pictures or catching us on camera!"

"Which way?" Sabertooth growled stopping at an intersection. A pair of unconscious prison guards lay at his feet.

"That way!" Ned shouted having managed to catch up to them. "It's the shortest way to the yard!"

"Great!" Sabertooth roared down the hallway scattering whatever guards were foolish enough to get in his way.

"Stop them!" A group of guards appeared on an upper catwalk, some of them armed with revolvers.

"Look out!" Piotr quickly armored up and interposed himself between the guards and his teammates.

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Stone the crows!" Ned exclaimed as he was shielded from the bullets. He gaped at Piotr's armed head and torso. "I've never seen anyone wear armor like that before, much less smuggle it into gaol! What kind of armor is it?"

"Uh...well...it is...um..." Piotr fumbled for an explanation.

"It's a trade secret of his," Remy provided quickly. "Personally outfitted and homemade!"

"I'll say," Ned gazed at it in admiration. "Hmmm, maybe I should get a set of armor like that..."

"Less talk, more running!" Mastermind snapped as more guards appeared from another intersection.

"Right!" Ned nodded as the Acolytes headed down another hallway. He turned to follow them only for a section of the upper catwalk to fall and hit him on the head. "Oooh..."

"Hey, Ned's down!" Pyro stopped and prepared to go back.

"Forget him!" Remy snapped pushing Pyro forward. "He belongs in this time period! He can take care of himself!"

"We got one!" A high-ranking prison guard shouted as Ned was hauled up and unceremoniously dragged away. "You've really done it this time, Kelly! I'll see to it that you are sent away to Pentridge for this!"

"Wait a second. Did he just say...?" Pyro blinked as realization struck him. "Hooley dooley, it's him!"

"What?" Mastermind snapped absently.

"It's him! It's him!" Pyro squealed in excitement. "It's Ned Kelly!"

"Who is Ned Kelly?" Piotr asked in confusion.

"The bloke we just shared a cell with!" Pyro chirped in amazement. He stopped and quickly started heading back. "Come on! We gotta save him!"

"Forget it!" Remy snapped while gesturing for Piotr to grab Pyro. "We aren't getting involved with him!"

"No!" Pyro wailed as Piotr easily carried him away. "We can't leave yet! I didn't even manage to get his autograph!"

"Will somebody shut the stupid Firebug up?" Sabertooth roared tearing through a heavily barred door. "His bloody caterwauling is really getting on my nerves!"

"What do we do now?" Mastermind asked coming to a halt. The Acolytes had stopped inside a bare, solitary room. "I thought you knew where you were going!"

"And I thought you were intelligent!" Sabertooth snapped at him. "Clearly looks can be deceiving!"

"Guards are coming," Remy turned and readied a handful of cards. "Looks like we're gonna have to fight our way out after all!"

"Wait!" Piotr held up a hand. "Why can't Mastermind just use his powers to create an illusion and make it look like we are not here?"

The Acolytes stared at Piotr for a moment. "Oh, yeah. I guess I could do that," Mastermind blinked.

"Then do it!" Piotr shouted.

"Right," Mastermind's eyes glowed just as a group of guards appeared. They stopped to look into the room, saw it appeared to be empty and quickly moved away.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," Remy quipped putting his cards away. "Why didn't you just do that in the first place?"

"Or better yet, why did you not just use your powers to wipe that guy Ned's memory of us and put him to sleep until we could leave?" Piotr asked.

"Because I didn't think of it, okay!" Mastermind snapped irritably. "I'm hungry, I'm filthy and I haven't had any coffee yet!"

"Excuses, excuses," Remy mocked. Mastermind glared at him.

"Well, at least now we should not be bothered while we wait for the machine to finishing cooling down," Piotr sighed. "And we did not do too much damage here."

"Yeah, the prison officials will just chalk all this up as a botched escape attempt," Remy nodded. "And since none of us are listed as prisoners anyone who spotted us will just think we were a delusion."

"Except for Ned Kelly!" Pyro piped up. "He got a good look at us. Maybe he'll mention us to someone."

"Na, he got hit in the head pretty well," Remy noted. "It'll probably end up giving him amnesia or something."

"Awww," Pyro pouted. "But I want Ned Kelly to remember me."

"It probably does not matter either way," Piotr said reverted to his non-armored form. "After all, how could we possibly end up having any kind of influence on him?"

Historical note: Ned Kelly was an Australian bushranger, bank robber, murderer and gang leader. His legacy is controversial having been viewed as a murderous outlaw, political revolutionary and folk hero. He is most famous for wearing a homemade suit of bulletproof metal armor consisting of a helmet, chest and shoulder plates weighing a total of 97 lbs (44 kg). While many theories have been proposed over the years, the source of Kelly's inspiration for creating the armor has never "officially" been determined.