Last week I forgot to mention that The Tale of Marie Susanne was featured on the website 'Choices of a Demigod.' Thank you, Lily of the Chosen! And thanks to everyone else for the nice comments! It's lovely to open my e-mail account to find my inbox flooded with comments, favourites and subscriptions.

As I hurried out of the sports equipment store with a baseball bat in my hand, cringing at the loud noise of the burglar alarms wailing, I couldn't help but wonder if Apollo had been right. Surely a proper, honest, good-hearted, kind, faithful Mary Sue would never steal anything? Was I less Sue-ish then what I had once been? Was I really becoming... ordinary?

"Good! You got it!" ViraTrixten cried, rushing over. She snatched the baseball bat away without a word of thanks.

"I found the perfect car!" she called over her shoulder as she hurried towards a nearby shopping centre.

"Wait... car?" I demanded, running to catch up. "I thought that we were going to use that baseball bat to smash the window of a boat, and then steal it!"

"We are," ViraTrixten said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "but you don't expect me to walk down to the dock, do you?"

She had a fair point. I followed ViraTrixten into a multi-storey car park, weaving through expensive cars of every colour. Finally, we came to a halt at a silver Mercedes. I snorted. I really shouldn't have expected anything different.

Ebony and Amandor were leaning casually against the car. Amandor looked up and nodded as I approached while Ebony stared vaguely into space.

"You stole the baseball bat?" he asked. I nodded.

"I feel like we really are turning into delinquents," I said. ViraTrixten sighed as she approached the window of the car.

"Marie, we became delinquents when we trashed your stepdad's house," she snapped. Expertly, she picked up the baseball bat and sent it swinging around directly into the car's window. Shattered glass flew through the air, and I shielded my face with my hands.

"We're going to be on the news again," Amandor said absently. ViraTrixten shrugged and stuck her hand through the shattered window, unlocking the door. I watched as she clambered inside.

"Who does this belong to, anyway?" I demanded.

"I don't know. Some person." ViraTrixten's indifference sent a jolt of anger through me, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.

"Get in," she called from the driver's seat. The passenger door swung open, and I hurried forward before Amandor got a chance to ride shotgun while I was left in the back seat with Ebony.

"So, to the nearest dock?" I asked.

"Yeah, and with the most expensive yachts," ViraTrixten said.

"Here's a map" Amandor called, throwing his find at the back of the head. I unfolded it and inspected the mass of squiggly lines.

"Okay, turn right when you reach..." I began.

"Well?" ViraTrixten snapped.

"Erm... just keep driving south. We'll probably end up somewhere around the beach."

"Great," ViraTrixten mumbled, and the car shot forward.

"Guys, the Bermuda Triangle is miles away," Amandor said from the back seat. "How are we supposed to get there?"

"On a boat. Duh."

"But it'll still take ages!"

"He has a point. Maybe we could steal a plane!"

"Erm, no," I said. "Bad idea. Zeus hates children of Poseidon, and he hates Mary Sues as well. What do you think he would do if we went flying through the sky?"

There was a short second of silence.

"Right. Ocean it is." Amandor's voice was firm. I leaned back in my seat as the car tore in a relatively southward direction.

"Hey, look! We're almost there!" ViraTrixten cried. I glanced up. Before us stretched the ocean- powerful blue waves crashed against the shore of a small beach as I watched.

"Great! Now to find a dock! With expensive yachts!" ViraTrixten cried eagerly. I bit my lip as she veered the car around and sped forward, keeping right next to the line of san don the beach.

"ViraTrixten, there's a-" I winced as the wheel of our car crushed some innocent baby animal.

"There! Up ahead!" Amandor cried. I flinched slightly as ViraTrixten's foot completely flattened itself against the ground and we sped towards the dock which was now in sight. Closer... closer... and disappearing behind us.

"ViraTrixten, what are you doing? There was a dock right back there!" Amandor cried.

"Um, hello? Did you guys see those ugly things there? I am not sailing some ancient train wreck across the North Atlantic Ocean! What if someone saw me?"

"ViraTrixten, we'd be in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. There would be no-one to see you."

"That's beside the point!"

I sighed and leaned back in my seat as ViraTrixten and Amandor began another round of their bickering. Perhaps I could strike up some weird, distorted form of conversation with Ebony.

"So, Ebony," I said casually, twisting around in my seat. "um... how are you going?"

"Gud" came the reply.

"Oh... well that's good."

"Yah."

I wanted to facepalm myself. I was having an awkward conversation... with Ebony. Things could officially not get any sadder.

"HOw r u?"

"Good, I guess. Are you excited to go sailing?"

"Yah, buyt i dunmo how 2 work a bote," she said sadly. I raised my eyebrows.

"Don't worry, we wouldn't let you steer, even if you did live under some strange delusion that you can operate a boat," I said in my best comforting voice. Ebony seemed to notice the insult, because she gave me her signature goffik glare.

"Wel ate lest im not a pedo," she snapped. I frowned in confusion.

"Ebony, I'm a teenager. I'm not a creepy fifty-year-old man you met on the internet. Is it even possible for me to-"

"Yah! Nd u r 1."

"Okay... well... um... I like your...makeup today," I began. I was just about to compliment her on her ripped fishnet stockings when ViraTrixten cut across me.

"I hate to interrupt your conversation of paedophilia and ugly goffik makeup and whatever in Hades else, but I think I've found our ride."

I turned to peer out of the window just as the car screeched to a halt. Then I saw what ViraTrixten was pointing at.

My jaw dropped. My eyes widened so much that they were in danger of falling out. From the spluttering noises I heard from the back, I was assuming that Amandor was choking on his own tongue.

"ViraTrixten... you cannot..." I choked, "be serious."

"Isn't it great?" ViraTrixten said happily. I didn't say anything, because while I couldn't exactly agree, I wasn't able to disagree either.

I had been expecting a yacht. Something shiny, silver and pretty. Something huge, luxury, and belonging to a billionaire. Something which would be virtually impossible to steal. That would have been practical- at least by ViraTrixten's standards. I could have lived with that.

But a bloody luxury cruise ship? She was insane! Huge wasn't the right word to describe this. Humungous, colossal- completely, utterly impractical... those words pretty much summed the whole thing up. I could have fit an entire suburb inside it.

"Okay, it looks to me like all of the rich passengers have left to go explore the city. So that means that we only need to deal with the crew," ViraTrixten said.

"You're crazy," I said faintly.

"They should be easy enough to handle," she continued, blissfully unaware of our shock. "If we can take out one guard and grab his stun gun, then all of the others will be unconscious before they have time to blink."

"Are you completely insane?" Amandor snarled. "You want to steal a cruise ship?"

"Yes," she said stubbornly. "It's perfect! Just do as I say and it'll be fine!"

I shook my head. ViraTrixten's idea was insane. Ludicrous. Absolutely impossible.

"No," I snapped. "There is no way that any of us will ever go along with your crazy, delusional plan! Nothing can make us!"

TEN MINUTES LATER.

"I don't believe this," Amandor muttered as ViraTrixten strode out of a public bathroom wearing a low-cut, close fitting top combined with a short black skirt. Expensive Italian boots clicked onthe ground as she walked, and a Coco Chanel handbag dangled from her arm.

"Do I look rich and spoiled enough?" she asked.

"You didn't need the costume for that," I muttered. Amandor grinned his appreciation.

"Great. So, I distract that one guard, and then you guys get inside and take out all of the other crew members. Got it? We'll meet in the captain's quarters once we're all sure that there are no other people on this boat. "

"This is a stupid plan!" I cried.

"Your plan was stupid. Mine is brilliant. Now let's move!"

ViraTrixten strutted towards the ship. I watched as she made her way up, along the jetty and finally came to a stop at the entrance to the boat, where a guard was standing to attention. Amandor, Ebony and I all hurried forward, ducking between and around random objects in order to stay out of sight.

"Excuse me sir," I heard ViraTrixten say. I could practically sense her eyelashes batting. "I'm afraid I left my purse on the ship. Would you mind if I went and got it?"

"Of course not, ma'am. Could I please see your ticket first, please?"

"Oh, of course! How silly of me! Let me just get it." ViraTrixten began digging around her Chanel bag while the guard leaned over her.

"Now!" I hissed, and together Amandor, Ebony and I rushed forward and past the guard's turned back. It was inevitable that he would eventually see us, but we were trying to hold off that moment until we were actually inside the ship. Sure enough, we heard a shout from behind us.

"Hey! What-" his voice was cut off by a grotesque gurgle. I didn't turn around, not really wanting to know what ViraTrixten had done to him.

"This way!" Amandor cried. We spun around a corner and were instantly met with another guard. He rushed towards us, and Amandor hurried forward to meet him.

Crack.

I winced at the noise made by Amandor's knee hitting the poor guard's groin. That wasn't something that was going to leave the guy willing to keep his job.

"We need to get to the captain's quarters!" I shouted. "If we can call all of the crew up there, then we can take them all out at once!"

"Good plan!" Amandor yelled, and ran down another passageway. It reminded me of being back in the Labyrinth, running through all of these twisting hallways. Amandor seemed to know where he was going, so I followed him without hesitation.

The trip to the captain's quarters was quick and (reasonably) uneventful. We maimed eight crew members, knocked twenty unconscious and might've killed one.

"Here we are!" Amandor cried as we reached a set of double doors.

"Okay, so when we go in there, we just throw them all overboard?" I asked.

"Pretty much."

"I still can't believe we're doing this."

"Me neither."

"You guys ready?"

Amandor nodded, clutched his stun gun (which he had taken from victim number 3) and swung the door open. I lunged forward, ready to take on some sailors.

"Hey, everybody!"

I gaped in disbelief. Sitting in the captain's chair was ViraTrixten. She was smiling happily, and, to add to the image, had placed a sailor's cap on her head.

"ViraTrixten?" Amandor said.

"Sure am!" ViraTrixten said with a wide smile. I had never seen her look so happy. "Did you see the pool? And the luxury suite? This is going to be great! But first we need to get rid of all those pesky crew members."

ViraTrixten reached across the desk and produced a microphone. She smiled at us broadly before hitting a button and speaking loudly and clearly into the mike.

"Attention, everyone! Could all crew members please make their way to the main deck? We have an urgent matter to attend to!"

ViraTrixten smiled once more and switched off her microphone.

"You guys might want to bring some weapons. This is going to be fun!"