God's Dice

Disclaimer: Please see Chapter 1 for full disclaimer.

Chapter 21: Could This Be The Power of Doubt?

"Fools say in their hearts, 'There is no God.'
They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds;
There is no one who does good."
-Psalms 14:1

For those standing in the present, gazing ahead of themselves through the thick fog that obscured the future three months appears as just a distant outline; something too far out of reach and almost a lifetime away. Yet, gazing in the opposite direction, towards the past made the same amount of time appear so short, and so seemingly inconsequential through the acquired lens of hindsight.

That said, it'd been three months since my confrontation with L had brought Mello back to Wammy's House under the premise of generating the bond and connection that only a select few knew anything about. Looking back at it, I couldn't quite be sure what to make of everything that'd happened, and everything that had come into being because of it. It all seemed to fall into place just beyond the means of my control; as though of their own accord the once crashing waves had evened themselves out into a gentle roll.

I didn't like to just let things happen like this. I didn't like the feeling of things happening, and changing without my understanding of what was shifting and how that was happening. And yet looking back all I could register was the change from one state to another. This wasn't to say that suddenly things between Mello and myself had become anywhere even close to uncomplicated. But things were different, and in the very least I could say that the sense of normalcy I had fought for had been reinstated. As for everything else… well, for perhaps Mello's sake alone I suppose I attempted to learn how to let things lie without so many questions.

If he was willing to give things an honest chance, as L had instructed, then I would hate to have such an opportunity be ruined by my own incessant questions and observations.

However, just as the waves were smoothing themselves out, I felt the settling electric through the air that reanimated everything. But this change was different, affecting not Mello nor myself so much as everyone else around us. I knew this feeling. I'd felt it so many times dealing with Mello, which made it so much more intriguing to witness it working with everyone but me for once.

This was the growing sense of doubt that was slowly choking everyone locked within these walls.

I sat off to the side of the common room, reconstructing my blank puzzle despite the intrusive darkness that ensnared the space and further stifled the clarity of my actions with each passing moment. Yet still I pressed onward, needing something to do with my hands for just a bit longer. In the back of my mind I could almost hear Mello's frustrated comments about how the execution of my own agenda shouldn't be done at the expense of his own eyes. Though, if that was the route he wanted to go, then the same comments could be made regarding my teeth and his chocolate addiction…

An artificial light emanating off the television in the corner broke through the pervasive darkness. A small group of orphans stood around it, their eyes plastered to the screen, though the only ones among the group for whom I paid any real attention to were Ren and Mimi and the way she oscillated between holding his hand, and letting go again. I couldn't help wondering what was going on between their mental link, or why she relied on that action specifically.

For as best it could, Wammy's attempted to exist entirely closed off to the rest of the world and entirely off the global radar as much as they could control it. But this divide was extended to us, as well, keeping us away from the current events of the world. I believe Roger's foolish justification was that too much involvement in the events of the world would somehow inhibit our performance. As though that justification didn't in itself foster naïve mindsets.

Regardless of what the rationale was, it did little to curb many of the children's curiosity. But as the words filtered into the thick air around us, it seemed as though what had at one time been innocent curiosity was now a door no one knew how to close, or how to handle the information flooding out.

The drone of the female newscaster's voice became all that kept the air from drowning us all beneath the tense currents. "Today, five more criminals have fallen victim to the mysterious killer now being referred to as 'Kira'. The whereabouts, motives, and even the method of his killings still remain a mystery to the law enforcement offices that are pursuing him. The continuation of his killings has led many to question: How can he be stopped? Should he be stopped? For more on this, we go-."

"They're not going to stop him?" One of the younger girls spoke up, tearing everyone's attention away from the newscast and back into our shared imprisoned reality.

"Of course they will. Well…. Those law enforcement offices won't. But L will. He's the best, after all, and he wouldn't turn down a mysterious string of murders like this." One of the other boys said.

"Nobody knows how Kira is doing this." It was Ren who spoke up this time. "This threat…. This Kira obviously knows what he's doing. If he's killing in a way that can't be traced or followed… Does L even stand a chance? Do we?"

"Ren, stop." Mimi spoke quieter. I looked over in time to watch her take his hand once more, as though the physical contact would assuage the harrowing validity underlying his words. That being said, I had mused before on the peculiar fact that honesty and truth was only ever appreciated by people when it seemed to fit their own preconceived notions of what they wanted to hear. People could be so irksome…

But Ren did have a point. How could someone, even L himself, ever hope to fight against an enemy that he couldn't see, let alone pinpoint to one location? That was what I wanted to know more than how it was that he had managed to kill so many without even the slightest of traces left behind.

Almost immediately I began to feel the familiar tingling sensation crawling up my arms, breaching into my mind as the door to the common room was pulled open. 'Evening.' I sent over to Mello; offering no other move to acknowledge his presence.

His appearance wasn't surprising to me, as it preludes one of the strange routines we'd somehow found ourselves fallen into over the few months; one which neither of us had ever really initiated, let alone ever discuss, as so little ever was concerning the bond, or our actions regarding it. Things just… always seemed to fall within these repetitive motions, and I could only assume that I personally was too intrigued by the sense of normalcy that it too took on, as well as my own surprising willingness to just fall into it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, not to me but rather to everyone else who continued to stand around the TV like statues that had been carved from stone by the reported words. I saw from my peripherals the way they turned to him and immediately the atmosphere seemed to shift from the once almost perpetual destitution.

"Mello, what do you think?" One of them asked.

'Don't indulge them.' I offered with a slight exhale, 'It's really not worth it.' As far as I was concerned, they had allowed themselves to get pulled into this, it was their responsibility to deal with those consequences.

"About what?" He asked, arms crossing almost warily over his chest. Of course he didn't heed my advice. He rarely ever did, and in hindsight I couldn't be sure why I ever thought each time would hold different results than what history had shown me.

"About the murderer. Kira." The kid continued, "How do you think he's able to kill all those people?" As the words were spoken I couldn't help but look up just a bit, watching the subtle way his stance changed as the subject of what he'd gotten himself into rested upon him.

Within our bond I listened attentively to the way his mind went to work considering over the relatively few details he, or any of us, knew about this criminal. He worked through things so much different than I did, it always fascinated me to listen to him work. "How…" I heard him muse, flipping through the list of victims and the observed similarities the targets shared in their status as criminals, and their death by heart attacks to find any possible nuances available.

'I told you not to indulge them…' I said.

"Shut up." He sent back, and I could hear the scowl within the very words themselves. "I'd say it's a poison of some sort." He finally responded to the group who waited in anticipation.

'Nothing found in the blood.' I added.

"Administered through the air. There wouldn't be any traces left in the blood." His eyes stayed trained on the group; remaining perfectly poised under the stare of an audience.

'How would he possibly be able to localize that down to just one person within densely populated areas like a jail, much less without getting caught?'

"It'd have to be under the careful workings of a mass group of people, all of them sharing the same misguided a very misguided sense of justice."

I sighed, looking back to the half completed puzzle situated before me, 'Dull…'

"Shut up! Nobody asked you." I could feel his form tense in every muscle of my own body; I reached up to spin a lock of hair.

"Maybe." The boy responded back to Mello; the room remaining quiet for hardly a single moment before he broke it once more. "What about you, Near? What do you think?" Immediately the attention of the entire room falling upon my shoulders, though it was the increasing level of tension I felt from Mello which primarily concerned me, for through our bond I felt how the innocently intended question brought out an air of invalidation to Mello's own conclusions. Suddenly his inferiority complex made a bit more sense, and in that moment God seemed just a bit more sadistic.

"My own conclusion on the matter wouldn't interest you. They're hardly so dramatic, as I tend to prefer reality to contrived delusions of truth."

"Just say it!" Mello demanded, the hostility finally rising to the surface.

For his sake alone, I let my own conclusions meet the air, "Whether we're dealing with an individual or a collective is irrelevant, although I seriously doubt the latter is what's occurring here. Relying on that many people leaves too much room for human error, and Kira's actions are careful, meticulously conducted."

"Don't doubt the power of human collective." Mello pressed.

I shook my head, placing a puzzle piece into place. "I don't doubt it; in fact it is just that sense of human collective which leads me to believe that his reign will continue on for a long while. What we're dealing with is not a criminal, but instead someone with an incredible god complex; who is egotistical enough to think himself just enough to be the one to pass rightful judgment." I stated.

"Beyond that, I think the act of attempting to deduce his methods of killing from our disadvantaged positions is a fruitless effort. After all, his actions allude to the fact that there is far more behind this that we don't know; that's not broadcast or perhaps even known by any law enforcement. Therefore I think his mentality is what we should be paying attention to above all else, as it is what will most likely directly impact us."

"How?" The boy asked back, his voice seeming to grow a bit more hollow.

"Well," I clicked another piece into place, "If this continues then to those around him he will exist as the last true mouthpiece to the heavens. If that's true then what do you think that makes L? What does that make us?" I paused, listening to the silence pervade the room.

I could hear the static of Mello's thoughts working through everything I'd said, but hidden beneath that I could sense a brewing state of fear. Why? Because we were all ill-equipped to handle something of this magnitude? But if that was the reason, then one would have to consider whether or not anyone was ever truly capable of handing anything in this line of work.

"What does that make us?" Ren asked, his tone a heavily laced exhale of doubt. Doubt in L, in us, in himself. Why was that the response, and to what extent? This was an interesting development for sure. A part of me wanted to know how far I could push this sudden appearance.

"In this case I suppose it would make us the heretics; no better than any of the other criminals he's targeting; which makes us worthy of nothing more than the same fate of those others he judges. I suppose it's only a matter of time until he comes after us, considering he's proven he can find and target the best of criminals who are in hiding." I placed the last blank puzzle piece into its slot. "He'll serve some form of divine punishment for the position we've taken on a side of the board we didn't know we were choosing."

"Alright that's it, you're done. Let's go." Mello interjected, bringing a small smirk across my face.

'Have I gone too far?'

"Do you think? You don't realize what your words do to people, Near"

'I did warn them…' I thought, grabbing my puzzle and standing up. "If there is anyone who can stop this terror, though, I'm sure it would be L. After all, the progression of history has shown that justice tends to prevail over merely leaving these matters in God's hands." I added as my final statement before heading out of the room, Mello following only a few moments later.

-:-

"Why do we do this?" I asked aloud as the door to my bedroom was closed, effectively separating us away from the otherwise speculative eyes of those on the outside who couldn't help but try to evaluate the state of where Mello and I stood with each other. For as good as our outward appearance may have been in terms of keeping things appearing normal, we did live in a building of children trained in noticing subtle changes.

"Hm?" Mello muttered, otherwise ignoring me as he moved to lie down on my bed, his arms folding behind his head. Despite his audible confusion we both knew what I meant, but I understood the response to be his way of postponing answering so he could find an answer for himself rather than just saying the first thing to come to mind.

"This." I stated, as though that even remotely clarified my inquiries. "You've been coming here to sleep more and more frequently. Why is that?" I asked curiously, out of my own inquisitive nature which against my better judgment when dealing with Mello still continually sought to define elements that existed around me rather than because his actions bothered me. I couldn't quite properly align the words together to state that, but somehow his relative calm disposition implied that he understood my intentions.

"Just makes sense, I guess." He said with a slight shrug. "I don't like dealing with you, or your damn mind during the day, but…" His words trailed off momentarily as he worked to untangle the strewn fragments of words that lay on his own mind, though this time I could only hope that my own silence implied my desire to have him elaborate. Though… perhaps not so much because I didn't understand, but more because I wanted to hear him speak the words I so often thought I could hear whispered through his mind. "You're a lot quieter at night." He finished

"I should assume so, since I'm sleeping."

"That's not what I mean! You're just… quieter. Your mind is a lot easier to work with when you sleep. I understand it better."

I turned to look at him, an expression of intrigue crossing me. What exactly did he mean? What was Mello seeing of me when I wasn't watching? How intriguing... "You should be careful," I said, going towards the bed to lie down. "Perhaps I'll have to start reading into you again. What would I find there, I wonder?"

"Hatred, probably."

"I don't doubt it." I stated, slipping into bed. But the real question was rather: hatred for what or for whom, and for what reason? Those were question which I couldn't help feeling the need to search for. Perhaps this nightly routine together would grant me such an opportunity to find out. I could only hope to be so lucky.

-:-

'What are you going to do now?' I asked out to Mello as we surreptitiously exited from my room the following morning. The usual conclusion of this routine was for Mello to wake up before dawn and go back to his room before anyone else woke up. But on the weekends, as it was today, I'd began to notice a bit of a trend in him, in which he allowed himself to linger a bit longer, until it was sure that everyone was up and already going about their business.

"I don't know. Not important to you, though." There was no hint of annoyance to his words, as though the curt response was slung in my general direction out of principle alone rather than from any real sense of irked nature. I'd have been more surprised if he responded any other way, of course.

Well if that was going to be what things came to, then I'd had more than enough practice in these maneuverings. 'Perhaps you should study. There is a test this week, and your deductive performance yesterday with everyone shows that you're certainly in need for more practice.'

He exhaled a heavy breath which brought a small smile to my face as I watched the sure sign of growing frustration brew within him. His fingers laced through his hair, "Near, don't make me punch you this early in the morning. I don't even think Roger is awake yet to punish me for something like that."

Just as we were about to round the corner, Mimi suddenly appeared from around the other side, nearly running into both of us. "Oh, Mello, Near, Sorry. Have either of you seen Ren this morning? We're supposed to go play with the others outside but he's been missing all morning." She explained, looking between the two of us.

Mello shook his head, answering simply: "I just got up so I haven't seen him. I'll send him your way."

She smiled with a small nod, her hands reaching up to comb through her hair, which instantly caught my attention. "Thanks." With that said she moved past both of us, continuing the way she'd been heading down the hall.

Mello continued to move onwards on but I stayed in place, eyes trailing after her, 'Did you see?' I reached out, the words stopping him once again in place.

"The look of worry?" Good, he too had noticed. After all, he had always been better at recognizing human emotions and responses than I.

'Something's going on between them.'

"So let them figure it out."

'Don't be so self-absorbed, Mello. It's our duty to figure out the workings and the truth behind this mystery.'

"It's not a mystery, he's just missing." He added, though through his tone and the way he turned back to face me I could tell that he wasn't entirely overlooking my posed idea.

'Missing… Why is that the word you choose to use?' I posed, 'He's been gone hardly any time at all.'

"It's the word she used." The words ignited a spark in his mind which suddenly rest upon what it was I had been implying. "So he's not just gone, he's missing to her. There is definitely more going on here. Even so, it's still not our place to go snooping into their business. Besides, since when do you care about anything like that anyway?"

I couldn't help shrugging, "It's her word choice." I stated, "It's the worried look, the way she combs her hair when she's nervous to have something to do with her hands. However, I suppose if playing with the others is more interesting to you, then by all means." I took a few steps ahead of him, looking back to meet those enthralling azure orbs. "I'd have to suppose then that you're not up for the challenge."

I watched his eyes narrow on me, on one hand silently damning me for purposefully pushing all the correct buttons to fire up his need to step up to a challenge, but on the other hand feeling within himself that self-constructed desire which dictated that he could not back down from a fight of this caliber, regardless of how simple it actually was. I couldn't help feeling that that was exactly what I wanted from him -to feel that fire coursing through his veins as though it was my own, and experiencing that inexplicable burn to win.

Maybe if those exact feelings didn't necessarily transfer over to me Mello would actually stand a chance against me.

Through our bond I heard him say in a low tone, "Why do you do this to me?" But it wasn't a question so much as an accusation, and at the same time one made not in dissatisfaction, but rather in almost reprieve, or relishing. That was interesting…

He turned around without another word sent my way. 'Where are you going?' I sent over, curious only about his instantly decided methods.

"Well," He answered aloud, "In an investigation, usually the best course of action is to question those who know the person in question, first. Any good detective would know that." He commented.

I stayed quiet, allowing him to move away from me, regressing back further down the hallway that we'd just come from; when he finally reached the limit of our bond I turned back towards the stairs and continued the way we'd been heading originally. 'That may be true. But you are assuming that the person is indeed missing, rather than her words being the fault of human error. Missing, after all, is distinctly different from someone who is unable to be located. Therefore, the best course of action is to follow Mimi's general course of actions and attempt to locate him before questioning others.' Regardless of semantics and terminology, people were subjective and prone to forgetfulness.

Honestly, neither option was too reliable in the scheme of things, but it would certainly be interesting to see who came up victorious.

I proceeded to the bottom floor, to the main corridor where most of the rooms within the institution connected onto. It stood to reason that if Mimi was unable to locate him then he couldn't be outside, and since Mello was already covering the area upstairs, my prerogative became the surveying of actual options within the center area of knowledge of the institution.

It seemed likely to suppose that he would attempt to study on a day off, but it didn't seem quite right. As I stood in the center of the hall observing all the closed doors and filing away the knowledge they each contained, as well as each of their individual likelihoods, I couldn't help but think that if it was within the purview of his imagination to study on a day like today, Mimi would have already considered such an option.

'Perhaps he didn't want her to know where he was, then; perhaps this is something he'd rather keep from her.' I thought to myself, considering back to my own interactions with the two of them; particularly of the underlying doubt I had sensed from them both when it came to their own standing with one another. For they may have been destined to be soul mates by the divines, but Mimi had thrust them into a partnership far sooner than Ren would have ever liked. 'Perhaps that's it…' Could this be a fostered sense of doubt materializing in one of its most common forms among couples; the actions which led to so many crimes?

'Cheating?' I thought. Could something like that actually be kept away from one's mind when around their partner? Could one actually repress such a level of guilt? 'Maybe there is no guilt.' But if there was no sense of guilt then he wouldn't be so difficult to locate.

Regardless of whatever interpersonal events were occurring beneath the surface of their relationship, the fact of the matter was that in my own there was still a race to be won, and thus I still had my own prerogatives to think about. With that in mind I started down the empty hallway, checking first the library on the off chance that my probabilities had been mistaken.

When that space had been cleared, I considered looking elsewhere within the institution, but standing alone in the space seemed to send a strange pull on me, dictating that I first check the classrooms which sat empty and unused due to the weekend. The feeling was subtle, just a whisper through my mind which said I needed to check everything before moving on.

Yet there was something more… something which made me unsure whether I wanted to impede the still space.

I slowly moved over to the back end of the hall, to one of the lone classrooms placed in the corner, away from the rest. Pushing back all the sensations swelling within me from an unknown source in favor of my usual objectivity, I pulled the door open.

Immediately a wave of cold air was released from inside the dark room; an eerie chill slipping out along with it and seeming to make its way into my bones. All of those reactions hardly fazed me as my eyes immediately locked onto the other side of the room.

My stare widened and all the air held in my lungs came rushing out. Time itself seemed to screech to a halt and I found myself lost in the scene I'd walked into.

Situated on the floor, leaning against the wall directly across from me sat Ren's body, eyes closed, form slumped just slightly. From my prone position I could see the gashes which ripped into his wrists; and the pool of blood lying stagnant around him. The stench of copper hung in the air like a thick summer heat, burning my nose, blinding my eyes, and holding me paralyzed in place.

My body grew rigid until I could barely force air into my system, my thoughts racing and too fast to be held onto, fluctuating between using my trained abilities to place a time of death on him to playing out what events could possibly lay in the future as a result of my discovery. Behind it all though something in me screamed about the power of doubt, and of sin.

By his form rested a paper, words scribbled on it which read: 'May God have mercy.'

God… always the one to throw life astray. Why? I couldn't even formulate the proper words needed to consider the point. The longer I was paralyzed in place, unable to break from this abysmal nightmare, the more the scene before me burned into my retinas and shook my entire being until I could no longer remember how to move, let alone breathe. Only one word appeared beneath the screaming of my mind; rising from the background into its own shout that I swore would make my ears bleed.

'Mello… Mello, please.' I repeated, unable to control myself or thoughts, 'Mello!'

A/N: Welcome to part two of God's Dice! You thought this was just going to be a simple introduction chapter to a whole new part of this story! Nope! Character death, chapter one! (Well… twenty-one) Anyway… I'm so excited to be writing this again and to be able to clear up the open ended parts I left from the first section, so hopefully you're just as excited to read this! If this chapter wasn't an indication enough, this story is going to be a roller coaster of a ride. Also, I should note that because of school this summer for the time being I'll only be able to update every two weeks, not once a week as I did before. That way I'll have time to properly plan and write and edit instead of rushing. So, with all of that said, please be sure to let me know your thoughts and comments!

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-Forbiddensoul562