Neville and Harry

A/N: This is what you get when I watch too much Phineas and Ferb. I apologize for the terrible renditions of a Scottish accent and a French accent.

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. Characterizations of Hedwig are based on Rorschach's Blot's writings.

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"Harry, I know what we're gonna do today."

Harry gave Neville a thumbs up.

Neville gained a slightly shifty appearance. "Want to ask it today?"

Harry smiled and cleared his throat. "Where's Hedwig?"

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In a secret lair underneath Longbottom Manor, lights flashed on illuminating the secret lair of Agent O aka. Mother Owl aka. Hedwig Potter. She landed silently with voluminous wings on a specially designed perch. Absently snatching a large fat rat missing several fingers in her powerful beak, she snapped its neck and then tossed it high in the air only to swallow it whole (magic!).

"Well doon, lassie! Aye canna remember ever witnessin' such a sight before. Boot, let's get down ta business. The target's a rat ah-ni-maagus and-" But Agent O interrupted.

Pointing at her stomach with her wing, Agent O fluffed her feathers and somehow looked very smug.

"Ahh... Aye see. Gu-reat job, Agent O. On toppa things as usual. That'll be all, then."

"Prek!"

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Hermione pushed open the gate to Longbottom Manor's back garden. "Whatcha doin'?" she asked.

Neville winked at Harry before hurrying off to make some additional adjustments. Harry smiled at Hermione. At that very moment she could have sworn she felt little, pink heart bubbles popping all around her face. If she'd had a mirror, she would have seen that there were additional miniature hearts in her eyes. Transparent ones otherwise she'd be blind, but hearts nonetheless. Moving closer to the object of her affection, she added, "Or to be more grammatically correct. What are you doing?"

Harry's smile turned into a grin. "We're building a machine to attract Veela."

Hermione's little floating hearts crumbled and turned to dust only to be blown away by a convenient gust of wind.

Seeing the crestfallen look on Hermione's face, Harry dropped what he was doing, raced to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Hermione, dear sweet Hermione... don't look so sad. Believe it or not, Xelan's writing this. So, even though Phineas was woefully unaware of Isabella's feelings for him, in this story, we're definitely supposed to be together!" And Harry kissed Hermione thoroughly enough to make her toes curl.

"Boyfriend patch, check!" she mumbled after the kiss ended. With a dazed but happy smile, Hermione asked, "So... why the Veela attractor?"

Harry shrugged. "Never been done before and Neville's always wanted to meet a Veela."

Neville shouted from around the machine, "Yeah and I wouldn't turn down at date with one either!"

Harry and Hermione chuckled and they squeezed each other tight. Harry called over absently, "You done yet, Neville?"

"Ready as she'll ever be! Ready for a test run?" he shouted back.

"Ready!" answered Harry. He looked to his girlfriend and she gave him a nod. "All right, flip the switch!" He called out.

-Flip-

The machine began to hum loudly for a moment and then seemed to just shut down.

"Huh? Blew fuse maybe?" Hermione asked Harry.

Harry was watching Neville as he stood around looking confused at their invention's apparent failure. "No, I don't think so," Harry answered Hermione with a calculating look in his eyes.

-Tap-

Neville turned around to stare at a vision of blonde loveliness.

"Excusez-moi. I am look-ing for a position as ze' Governess or as ze' Au Pair. Are zere any openings at zis' Manor?" Inquired Fleur Delacour of Neville Longbottom.

Neville fainted.

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From a second story window in the neighboring manor house, an old biddy in a hideous pink cardigan croaked-err-called out loudly from behind her binoculars. "M.o.M.! Oh, M.o.M.! They're at it again! Longbottom and Potter are doing something that blatantly violates the reasonable restriction of underage magic!"

"Dolores, if I've told you once, then I've told you a thousand times, don't call me M.o.M.. My name is Cornelius, and while I am the Minister of Magic and my title can be abbreviated as M.o.M., you shouldn't use it as a form of direct address. It's rude."

Dolores had hopped-err-run into the Cornelius' room and grabbed hold of the elderly man. "No time for that now, M.o.M., there's busting to be done!" She dragged the minister over to the window. "See! See! I told you I'm not crazy. I told you!"

The annoyed man straightened his bowler hat and peered down into the yard. "And what, pray tell, do you believe is down there that proves you aren't crazy?"

"What!?" she exclaimed. Even Cornelius was hard pressed to think of it having come out as anything other than a perfect imitation of the croak of a disgruntled toad. Shaking in anger, Dolores proclaimed, "It's as plain as the warts on my nose; that strange contraption down there in the Longbottom's back garden." She pointed hysterically.

Cornelius raised an eyebrow. "That? My dear slag, that 'strange contraption', as you put it, is what Muggles refer to as a lawn umbrella." He said in a pitying tone.

"A WHAT!?" she demanded.

"Come now, I can't imagine you aren't aware of such things. I mean, I know you're a mediocre witch at best, but it's similar in concept to an umbrella except for the blocking of sunlight instead of rain."

"I KNOW what an umbrella is. That ISN'T an umbrella!" Dolores declared.

Cornelius borrowed Dolores' binoculars, inadvertently choking Dolores with the strap and took a closer look at the purported NOT umbrella. "No, no. It is most definitely an umbrella. It's circular as well as concave. Look how it also casts a large circular shadow underneath."

"Grrk..."

"What was that, Dolores?"

"Grrk..."

"Oh, do speak up, you're mumbling again. And speaking of mumbling, that is also intolerably rude. Hmm… most definitely an umbrella. See for yourself." The bumbling man handed her back her binoculars.

"A-air..." She wheezed.

"Did you say something, Dolores?"

-Wheeze- -Cough-

"Toad-I mean-frog in your throat?"

"Minister... if that THING is an umbrella, than how do you explain all the buttons and knobs located at the base. Also, I could swear an oath to you that the so-called umbrella was moving and humming loudly. Explain that!"

Cornelius' eyes narrowed. "I will thank you to remember your place, UNDER-secretary." His lips twitched a bit as he contemplated what to say next. "In addition, while I know you despise Muggles, Harry Potter is a half-blood and grew up with them. I'm sure that's just some sort of very fancy, Muggle lawn umbrella. And another thing, at this moment, Potter is a valuable commodity and I won't have you making up baseless allegations. I don't have to remind you that all the young people vote the way he does. Either finally find me some proof to your allegations, or kindly shut it."

Dolores' pale, pasty face turned reddish pink in anger.

Leaning out the window, Cornelius called, "Potter, Longbottom, Granger, and your blonde, stunningly gorgeous friend out there, please come over for some snacks if you have the time. I always enjoy spending time with the voting public!" He waved to them and then went inside to talk to his house elf about preparing some refreshments.

Dolores leaned out of the window to glare at the four young people in the adjacent yard.

-Splat!-

A half-digested rat had landed on the enraged woman.

Hedwig flew down to her human, and despite having a beak, she looked particularly pleased with herself.

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"Oh, there you are, Hedwig. You're just in time for snacks."

"Prek!"