21. I'm Lost Without You

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I'll leave my room open till sunrise, for you.
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you.
Where are you now?
I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming.
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this.

Are you afraid of being alone? 'cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'cause I am.
I'm lost without you.

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When Gabriel reappeared in the Winchesters' motel room, there was no one there. He raised an eyebrow and looked around, until he noticed there was a note on the bed, and on it was an address. He sighed, and sat down.

The archangel thought about what he'd just witnessed. The Norse gods going down without a bloody and earth-shattering fight? That was a first! But the thought saddened him too much to make a joke out of it. They had been his family for a long time, after all, and seeing them so helpless and weak really touched him.

Not to mention, the source of such fear was her.

He couldn't stand to think about how ruthless and hollow she looked. That wasn't her. He had to do something. He had to turn her back… he had to.

A memory came back to him, of the time they spent in London. Christine had wanted to stay longer than necessary, she said she had missed it so much. That day they were walking around Kensington, and Christine showed him all the places she'd lived in and loved. She was basically dragging him around, hand in hand, enthusiastic and just plain happy. Gabriel remembered chuckling at how excited she got when she showed him a spot in Hyde Park, and she told him about how her first kiss happened there.

"Who was the lucky winner?" Gabriel asked, smirking to hide a hint of jealousy.

"Her name was Julia," Christine sighed. "I was fourteen. She was bloody gorgeous."

"A girl, huh?" he smiled, and she chuckled. "Nice," he wiggled his brows. They walked around the park for the whole day, just talking and laughing, and he remembered thinking how he could just go on like that forever.

He sighed again, trying to ignore the tears that burnt in his eyes. He struggled with the need to tear everything in the room apart, and took a deep breath. He had things to do. Sitting there and whining wouldn't help anything, so he absentmindedly snapped his fingers and went to the address he'd read on the note.

He found himself in a big pretentious house. Castiel and the brothers were in front of him, and jumped up at his sudden appearance.

"Dude!" Dean greeted him. "How'd it go?" he asked.

"Not good. She has the knife," Gabriel sighed.

"She was there?" Castiel frowned.

"Yup," the archangel said, popping the 'p'.

"And she's got the knife. Is that a bad thing?" Sam asked.

"Well, it's not a good thing. But—wait. Whose house is this?"

"Balthazar's," Castiel answered. Gabriel pulled a face at him.

"Balthazar. Seriously."

"He has the weapons," the angel explained.

"I do, indeed," Balthazar said, appearing on the stairs above them. "Good to see you, Gabriel."

"Douchebag," Gabriel muttered under his breath.

"Looks like you broke the world again," Balthazar smirked, slowly walking down the stairs. "So what can I do for you?"

"We need the weapons," Castiel commanded.

"No, we don't," Gabriel interjected. "Your plan sucks, Cass."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because none of Balthie's weapons are useful to us," Gabriel explained, then shrugged and turned to Balthazar. "Sorry, bro."

"Do you have a better plan, smartass?" Dean asked.

"Of course I do," the archangel smirked. "Get me dead man's blood. Gallons of it."

"How do you know that's gonna work? Chick isn't exactly a normal vamp," Dean snorted.

"It's gonna work, Dean-o. Trust me," Gabriel retorted with a sad smile.

Christine had wanted him to test everything on her, to know what to be afraid of. Dead man's blood had worked on her exactly like it did on all vampires.

"Gabriel, you're suicidal," Castiel stated, reading the plan in his brother's mind. Gabriel gave him a dirty look.

"Well, Messenger," Balthazar said. The archangel turned his angry stare to him. "I'll come to your funeral."

"It's the only plan we've got, ok?" Gabriel snorted. "Be positive, people!"

"What's the plan, exactly?" Sam asked.

"Get her alone, injected her with dead man's blood, get the knife, destroy the knife, and live happily ever after," Balthazar said, then smiled at Gabriel, who snorted.

"That is suicidal, dude" Dean stated.

"Ya got a better idea?" the archangel grunted. Dean opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again and sighed. "Didn't think so."

"Ok, even if that works... what about Lucifer?" Sam asked.

"One problem at a time," Gabriel sighed.

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"You look worried, Christine," Lucifer said, watching as she stared blankly in the mirror. Why do I even have a reflection?, she wondered. "Christine?"

"Yes?" she said, and sat down in his lap.

"You look worried," the devil repeated, being fairly sure that she hadn't heard him the first time. He ran his fingers through her long dark curls.

"Worried? No, I'm not worried."

"Don't lie to me," he commanded, his voice growing deeper.

"The angel, he—" she started, unable to disobey.

"Gabriel?" Lucifer spit out.

"…yes. Gabriel," she repeated. Saying that name made her feel weird, but it also felt like she'd said it before at least million times. She shook her head. "He looks so familiar," she whispered, afraid that her admission would enrage Lucifer.

"Familiar?" the devil snorted. She shouldn't remember anything! he thought, worried that her memories may be slowly coming back. Was the knife's influence getting weaker? Was that even possible?

"And he looks so sad," she candidly added. Lucifer's eyes shot up again and she got a little scared. He looked furious, and she wondered why.

"What do you care of he looks 'sad'?" the devil yelled at her, pushing her away. Christine fell on the floor.

"I—I don't…" she whispered. "…know."

"You don't know?" he yelled again. "You don't know?" he repeated, even louder.

"I…" she started, but he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up to face him.

"You don't care. Say you don't care!" he hissed, tightening his grip on her.

"I—I don't… I don't care," she whispered, scared out of her mind. He pushed her away again, and again she landed on the floor.

"Good," he stated. Christine was crying now, but he was too angry to care about that. She stared at him, pleading silently for forgiveness, though she had no clue know what she'd done wrong. The devil stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Christine slowly crawled on the bed and held the pillow tight, sobbing. She didn't understand what was happening; why was Lucifer so mad? Didn't he love her anymore?

Nothing made the littlest bit of sense in her head, but then the sight of Gabriel's caramel eyes came to her mind. His eyes were so soothing and loving, yet so terribly sad.

Lucifer never looked at her that way.

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The song in the beginning is I'm Lost Without You by Blink 182.

The story got longer than I intended, but still, the end is nigh...

Let me know what you think, people (: