Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one.

Chapter 21: Love is Not Easy

What am I going to do. I know I'm happy here, but every time me and Draco are together, we cannot keep to ourselves. I have to touch him, he has to touch me. This all leads to kissing. Kissing that cannot happen. I cannot admit what I feel for him. This can't be true. Someone please pinch me now. Let me know I'm dreaming!

Hermione was at a loss. She wanted to stay, but did not know if she could. She couldn't be around Draco without anything physical happen. And she was most certainly not ready to admit to any feelings she might possess.

"Why can't I just figure out what I want and need to be happy? Why can't I have a book that gives me all the bloody answers?" Hermione screamed at no one in particular. This wasn't easy for her. She didn't have the answers, and for once, she would have to search her heart and not a library to find them.

After pondering for the evening, she decided she needed to leave. She had to ask Draco to let her go. She couldn't be his captive. For her and her child's sake she needed to leave. She was falling for him, and it couldn't be allowed to continue. The only way to make this right was to leave. But, was it the right decision?

Draco had been in the library when she had come to him. She said she had been thinking.

When isn't that bloody girl thinking? When ever I see her, her face is screwed up in concentration as if she needs the answers to some Potions problem.

"I think it would be best if you allowed me to go home. I can't be around you and not be with you, but being with you would sacrifice everything, and I'm not ready for that now, or maybe ever. I promise if you let me go, i won't out you. I'll keep it all secret, and no one will know what happened." She looked at him with pleading eyes.

Dammit Hermione, why can't you admit you love me. I see it. The way you look at me, the way you have begun to treat me. You have hit the same damn speed bump I did. You want to say it, but don't think you can. But, what is stopping you? You have no other girl to stand in your way, I already love you more than you will ever understand, what is it? What is keeping you from telling me the truth. It cannot be Potter, you have already thrown aside your 'undying' love for the saint. Please, just tell me the truth!

"I cannot let you leave. I cannot let you get away once more. I gave up on you years ago, and I will not do it again. A Malfoy will always get what he wants. I want you. I want to be with you always, I want to be a family. A real one, one like I never truly had. Do you not see that I could many women from our world, but I have still continued to choose only you through the years?" She was watching him in confusion. She did not understand.

"What do you mean years? You told me you loved me yes, but years? I think you are mistaken. You hated me in school," she was so lost,a nd he could tell she needed an explanation he was not yet ready to admit to her.

"I can't tell you now, maybe sometime, and since you are planning to stay for a while, we will get to it in the future." He stood up, walked over to her and placed a delicate kiss upon her forehead. "I need to go and make sure dinner is being properly prepared. I have a surprise in mind." With that he left.

She just stood, still lost in his words. She could not make any sense of what he had told her. There was no way she was what had desired in school. It didn't add up. She had assumed he had a secret all while they had been living together, but her? No, it wouldn't make sense. At that time Malfoy Sr. was still terrorizing the youngest blonde's life. But, if it had been the secret, it would explain the civil attitude he had held toward her all seventh year.

Why couldn't he tell me know. Not only will he not let me leave, he won't explain anything to me. I'm no child. I should be allowed to know. It has to do with me, so shouldn't I be informed?

The balls on that girl. Home? Back to Potter? I think not. I cannot allow her to leave. I need her to realize what she means to me, and what i mean to her. She loves me.

Draco walked to the kitchen. He could smell the wondrous feast the elves were preparing. Only the best for him and Hermione. He would have it no other way. Tonight was going to be special. The elves carefully were preparing all of Hermione's favorites. She had made it through the first trimester safely. The time when most women spontaneously abort. She had made it past that, and although the child she carried was not his own, he still wanted to treat it as his.

He wondered if she even knew that the worst months had passed. Since learning of the pregnancy, Draco had researched everything that would happen and everything he had to be prepared to face in the upcoming months. He didn't want any surprises.

He checked on everything, and slowly headed back upstairs, where he noticed Hermione stationed in her usual seat in the library. He couldn't even tell by looking at her that she was with child. Her body was still as perfect as he remembered from all those years ago. Her stomach still as taut and flat as ever. But soon he knew it would swell, and finally the show what secret she hid. He continued his way to his room. He needed a shower and time to think. When should he tell her his story. Would she ever need to know when it started?

Hermione sat down and continued to think about what he could have meant. Her mind was racing with questions she needed the answers for. She wouldn't be able to do anything until she knew.

Why can't you just tell me? But, who am I to say anything? I can't even tell you the simple truth, nor can i hide it. I want to say I love you, but I do not know if I really mean it yet. I still have feelings for Harry. How can I tell you what I am feeling?

She rose and held her stomach. Her mind wandered to whether her baby was a boy or girl. Whether it would be as great as her and Harry. Would she allow ti to be raised by Draco? Was Draco going to accept it as his own? More questions she needed answers to. Would she ever get her answers?

She wandered to her room to change and look presentable for dinner. Draco had said he had a surprise for her. She wondered what it could possibly be.

You and all your fucking secrets. What am I going to do with you?

She smirked to herself and redressed. Thinking what the future would really bring. This wouldn't be easy was the only answer she knew for sure.

HARRY'S POV:

How could someone he had seen and almost held in his own arms be so hard to get track of? If he had the right time and people he could raid the Malfoy mansion, but lately no one had been on his side. No one believed him. Even Ron, who had seen her with his own two eyes had lost hope. Only he carried the love and strength to find her, but no one would let him be alone. Everyone feared what he might do. They didn't want him to do something he may soon regret. Such as, finding Hermione.

What he couldn't fathom was why had they given up? What did they fear they would lose form gaining back the smartest witch of their age? She was what they needed to win, did they not see that? Yes, he had to be the one to actually raise his wand to Voldemort, but she was his strength. She was the one who had always been there. Without her, he wouldn't know half the magic he did. She had taken her time to teach him spells to protect himself as well as to attack.

Ron could plan a perfect battle, but without the knowledge she had given them, they would be lost. That's why he couldn't give up. They had considered she had moved to the dark side. Maybe it's lust had finally caught her eye. She had always been good at dark arts. But he would not face this possibility. She had too pure a soul to be turned so evil.

He had to devise his won plan. He needed to get alone and get into the mansion. Night would be best. While everyone was asleep, he would go and check it out. The mansion wasn't very far away. And if no one was up to babysit him, he could go undetected. He had to know for himself. He wouldn't let her go. Not now, not ever. Even if he had to kidnap her to get her back. She was coming home.

When everyone had gone to sleep, he slowly crept his way to the door. He had to be at least 20 yards away from the headquarters to apparate undetected. He ran to his destination and whispered for the manor. He was there faster than he could have snapped his fingers. All the lights were out. How strange. It looked peaceful inside. Then he saw light radiating from two windows on the second floor. In both, he saw silhouettes. One, belonging to a female, and the other male. He could only assume it was his mark, and his girl.

A/N: Yea... Happy? I updated within the week for once.. and yea.. it's a little longer than usaul:) Hope you guys all like it, and if it's greatly appreciated I might get to anohter update this weekend!

Do you think Harry should take Hermione with him?