I don't know why. I don't know how. I don't understand how we didn't notice anything. I mean… we did notice, but we all were in denial. We knew that now. We knew it when we were sitting in Rob's kitchen, waiting for him to come back home. We used the spare key we all had for each other's places, in case we needed to disappear or hide anything business related. Now, we were sitting at his table, a place that I had never dreaded as much as I did now. I look at Andre and Adam. Andre is looking at the floor, shaking his head every now and then, probably absent mindedly while Adam tapped his fingers on the table, looking straight forward at nothing. I know what is going on through their minds right now. It's exactly what is going through mine. We got our orders two days ago, after Rob got out on bail. We knew we didn't have much time and that he wanted to pick up some things he could give the FBI as evidence. We knew that he would be gone soon one way or another. And we knew that there was one thing we had to do.
I have to admit, I never had a problem with hits. It was always business. It was always people that deserved it. It was always done because they had brought themselves into this predicament. But now, that it happened to one of us; to someone I considered my brother, it wasn't business anymore. It couldn't be.
"Isn't there anything we can do?" Adam spoke up.
"Believe me; I've been thinking about it myself until now." Andre responded. Both let out loud sighs.
"I mean just… get him out of the country. Hide him somewhere and tell Aldo that he's dead or something." Adam said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I knew this was going to happen. I fucking knew!" He yelled, slamming his fist on the table hard. "I should not have given in to his idea. I should have known better."
"How the hell should any of us have known?" Beck spoke up, deciding that one of them needed to keep the rational mind. "He lied to us. He looked right at us and lied without flinching a single time. And now, he's ready to sacrifice all of our heads to save his own." Beck finished, Adam calming and sitting back down while Andre stayed silent.
I didn't want to believe a single word I said there. None of us wanted to, but they were the fucking pill called truth we all had to swallow now. I regret not putting my foot down a long time ago, the moment I felt that something was going wrong. But again, I was in denial. We all had been in fucking denial. And we all were going to pay for it now.
"So we are going through with it?" Andre asked, his voice lacking any of the usual strength and confidence.
"Yes. We have to. We can't let a rat get away." Beck said, every word burning as it left his throat.
The three stiffened up when they heard the door unlock and open. They knew that it was Rob and Trina coming back. They heard them banter about nothing in particular as they entered the kitchen, flinching when they saw Beck, Andre and Adam sitting there.
"Wow. Hey guys. You really scared me there." Rob said, a smile appearing on his face.
Now that I know, now that I see him, I want to kick myself so hard in the balls until I spit them out for not noticing. He's pale as a ghost, he's barely got any meat on him, the bags under his eyes are completely visible and his look is as tired and glassy as anyone's I've ever seen before. I've never felt so fucking stupid in my life.
"Hey. Is everything alright?" Trina asked, her oversized sunglasses covering the rings around her eyes and good placed makeup hiding her paleness.
"Roy wants us to pick up some important stuff from one of the Irish guys at the dock. He wants us all to go, I don't know why." Andre explained. Rob looked nervous for a moment, the idea of doing something for the mob now making him nervous, but that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.
"He can't give us a break, can he?" Rob asked, shaking his head as he put his hands on his hips.
"You know how he is. We do everything, and he's getting richer." Adam said with a chuckle.
"Alright, let's go." Rob said. "I'll be back soon." He told Trina as he gave her a kiss that lasted a bit longer then all the previous ones they shared in front of the others.
The four walked out of Rob's house and got into the car, Andre driving and Rob sitting shotgun. Beck looked at Adam, who had his cold, emotionless expression on while Andre talked to Rob about their trip to Vegas and everything they had seen there, even sharing a few laughs with him.
"Hey, you missed the turn to the docks." Rob said, but Andre didn't respond. He turned around, but neither Beck nor Adam looked at him. Rob's smile faded. His carefree expression dropped that moment as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He turned back forward, leaning back in his seat as his hands began shaking. A few minutes later, Andre parked the car further out of town, in the middle of a deserted farm. The four slowly got out of the car, none of them uttering a single phrase. They walked for a while, Beck going first as Rob followed him, Andre and Adam behind him. They stopped a few minutes later, as Rob's eyes landed on the whole dug in the middle of the field.
"Why?" Beck finally asked, the question coming out in the form of a choked sob. He swallowed quickly, shutting his eyes and reminding himself what Rob was willing to do to them.
Rob didn't answer immediately. He first looked at Beck for a moment before slowly turning his head and looking at both Andre and Adam. They're expressions read anger. Dissapointment. Sadness. Betrayal. Regret. Rob saw them all. He knew them long enough for that. He knew them well enough for that.
"Since the war was over, I couldn't sleep. Whenever I did, all I saw were people dying around me. Like they did then. Every one of our friends, our colleagues, our family I watched die again and again, every time I fell asleep. I saw you three get shot every time. I saw you die in front of me every fucking night. I tried to choke it down in alcohol, but no matter how much I drank, it never worked." Rob began.
"No matter how much I drank, the nightmares didn't stop. Every night, I watched you guys die, and I couldn't take it. When I went to Vegas, I stayed awake for four days at first; doing everything I could so I didn't fall asleep. Trina was worried herself, but she had no clue. I never told her, as I never told you. One night, one of the dealers there told me he had something to keep me awake. Something that would both calm me down and make me feel better. Make me feel good again. He told me to try it. One line. One, single line of coke. It was all it took." Rob added.
I wanted to go to Vegas again and break every single bone of that dealer with my bare fists. I wanted to beat the crap out of Rob for never telling us about his nightmares. I knew that not all of us could survive this without consequences. That was why he had buried himself so much in work after it ended. He tried to distract himself. He tried to do anything but remember. Why didn't I understand this earlier? Why didn't any of us understand?
"I felt so good that day. I felt like I had no worries in my life. Like I was unstoppable. It was when I asked Trina to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. It was when I made plans for my future. It was when I figured out a way for all of us to get something out of that white stuff. The money for you guys, and the high for me."
"Why didn't you tell us? We would have helped you!" Andre yelled, grabbing Rob by his jacked. Rob didn't look at him, he didn't whimper in fear; he didn't flinch for a moment.
"I thought about it. I also spent a few nights with my gun in my mouth, thinking about pulling the trigger. But I didn't have the guts to do any of those two. So I kept going. I did everything I could to hide it. I wore darker clothes to hide my weight loss. I blamed all on the lack of sleep. Hell, Trina even managed to cover my paleness with make up for a while. It worked. Everything worked out so well until I made that mistake. And now I'll pay for it." Rob said, the last part coming out in the form of a desperate chuckle.
"And then you made a deal with the FBI to rat everyone out. Even the three of us." Adam said, not moving from the spot he was standing on.
"Like I had a choice. I got pinched. Don't you get it? Aldo would have killed me anyway. I know to much. I'm not Italian. He wouldn't take the risk. I knew that the moment I saw one of the agents steal the tape from the recorder when none of his colleagues looked. But I didn't expect him to send you guys. I didn't think Roy would do this." Rob explained.
"What are you talking about? You would have gotten a few years, sat half of them through and been out. Prison is not so bad for us. We live like kings there." Beck told him.
"Yes, except if you are caught for something they don't approve. We all know why Roy, Dominique, hell, even Aldo looked away. We were making so much money for them, they didn't want it to stop. But with drugs, you can't get out. You can't get away. Especially me, an addict. To them, I don't have a soul anymore. I sold it for the white powder, just like they did for the money years ago. They never approved of the drug business. They knew that if we got caught, if they got dragged into it, no favor from a politician could help. No sum of money could fix that. So why take the chance. Going into the protection program was my only chance of surviving." Rob explained.
"Did Trina do coke when you came to Vegas?" Andre asked. Rob only shook his head no.
"When David chased her out, she was so depressed. She didn't stop crying. She even wanted to hang herself at one point. She felt like a complete waste of air. She felt useless; as if she had disappointed everyone. So I did what I thought was the only thing that could calm her down again. I gave her some of the coke, and it worked. Be she got hooked worse than me." Rob explained, his words calm, yet full of regret. "What's going to happen to her now?" He asked.
"We don't know." Beck told him. It was only half the truth. They knew what was coming. They only didn't know how it would happen.
"Can… can you do me the favor and get her out of this? For old times sake." Rob asked, a little bit of hope left in his voice. He didn't look at any of his friends. He looked down at the ground, not wanting to see the disappointment in their faces anymore.
"You know that we can't do that." Adam told him.
Rob only nodded in response. He looked up again and gave each of his friends a small smile as he took his glasses off and put them in the front pocket of his jacket. He slowly began walking towards the hole that was roughly fifty yards away. Memories flooded his thoughts, memories with the guys. Memories with Trina. He remembered the first time he had met her. How he had fallen in love with her. Now, he knew that it was him that ultimately destroyed her. It was him that put her on the road to self destruction.
He remembered how happy he and his three brothers were when they took over their first racket successfully.
He remembered how proud they were of him when he found out everything necessary for it. He remembered how proud Roy was of him for stepping into the footsteps of his father.
He remembered how he was able to take care of his mother with his hard work.
He remembered how he had wasted so much time on random girls that didn't mean anything to him.
He remembered how he enjoyed every second he had spent with Beck, Andre and Adam.
He remembered how happy he was when Beck pulled through after getting shot.
He remembered how happy he was when they all came out of the war alive and well.
He remembered how happy his friends were when they saw their girls again.
He remembered how happy he was when Adam and Cat announced their engagement.
He remembered how happy he was when he saw how Andre was planning his future with Tori.
He remembered how happy he was when he saw Beck change so he could make Jade happy again.
He remembered how happy he was when Cat asked him to walk her down to the aisle.
Now, he wouldn't even be there to witness the happiest days in the lives of his brothers.
He heard the hammers of the guns slowly being pulled back. He was standing in front of the hole, looking right into it. He heard the loud sighs his friends breathed out. He could swear he felt their doubts, their hesitation. But there was no turning back.
He knew that it was something they didn't want to do. But they had to. It was something that had to be done.
He asked himself if there was an afterlife for him. If he would ever see his friends again. If he would ever see Trina again. Oh Trina… He thought. If there was an afterlife, he knew where he would go. There was a special place in hell for rats. For traitors. It was in the ninth circle of hell, right with Lucifer, Brutus and Judas. And Trina didn't deserve to go there. He would never see her again. He wished he had kissed her one second longer before he left.
The last thing he heard were three bangs, all happening around the same moment. In an instant everything went black, as the life faded out of his body.