Chapter 21

Toshiro hadn't cried like this since Kusaka's death.

There was just too much. Too much hurt, too much regret, too much wishing that things could've been different. Part of him wished that he'd never had this power to begin with, but then he'd remember Momo, and what had happened with Aizen. Would she have died if he hadn't been there? He didn't know. Still, he felt a kind of security in knowing that he had power that he could use to protect her.

Or kill her.

Just when he thought the tears were running out, the vision would stab him between the eyes. His sword, piercing her… it was too painful, too unbearable to even think about. It couldn't end like that! He'd rather kill himself, then have it end like that!

But then… what about that vision he'd had yesterday morning, while he was meditating that first time, the one about him and Momo in the future? Wasn't that a vision, too? But how could it be? It directly conflicted with the "vision" he'd just had…

He suddenly remembered that he hadn't told Yoda about the nightmarish "vision" yet. He quickly wiped his eyes (again), struggling to find his voice amidst the humiliating sobs. If anyone in Soul Society got wind of this, he'd never live it down. On that note, it was almost a good thing that he'd had a breakdown in front of someone he didn't know very well, as opposed to breaking down in front of, say, Rangiku, or one of the other captains.

Gosh, he felt so stupid. Like a complete crybaby. And you know, the worst part about it was that Yoda had been right – he was acting like a child. He hated it. He was a flippin' captain! He should be above all this stupid emotional crap!

"Seen many Jedi Masters cry, I have," Yoda said out of nowhere, causing Toshiro to jump. "A sign of weakness, it is not; a sign of compassion, it is."

"Would you quit that?!"

Yoda looked at him innocently, as if to ask, "Why? What did I do wrong?"

"That whole mind-reading thing! At least pretend like you didn't hear it, jeez!" He let out a heavy sigh, took a couple deep breaths, and softened his voice. "I want to tell you… about this, dream, I just had. I know you said it was a vision, but… I'm not sure. I had another vision yesterday morning that completely conflicts with it."

"Hmm…" Yoda took his hand off of Toshiro's shoulder and sat next to him. "Unheard of, conflicting visions are not. Depending on what you saw in each, differ, their meanings will." He laid his cane neatly across his lap, and looked up at Toshiro. "Now," he said, his voice that of a tender parent, "what see in the first vision, did you?"

Although he was a little embarrassed, he told Yoda every detail he could recall from the first vision. He was only embarrassed because he knew that the vision would make it pretty obvious that he "liked" Momo as more than just a friend. It was strange, though… In a way, he felt like he was talking to his granny; and, somehow, that made it okay.

The second "vision" was much more difficult to talk about. Fortunately, whenever Toshiro started getting choked up from the pain, Yoda would send out this calming ripple of reiatsu, and a good chunk of the pain would just drift away. It was amazing, Toshiro thought, that these Jedi could be so insanely empathic and concerned about others, and at the same time (at least from what he had observed), be highly skilled warriors. Their whole attitude was miles apart from what it was in Soul Society.

It was… refreshing.

Yoda sat thinking for a few moments after Toshiro finished. The silence in the room felt rather comfortable, actually. Toshiro was fairly certain he'd never given a monologue like that in his entire life, at least, not about himself. He'd had to give informative speeches to his squad before, but that was part of his job, so it didn't really count.

"A warning, the second vision was," Yoda said softly.

Toshiro looked at him. "A… warning?"

Yoda nodded. "Always in motion is the future. Your conflicting visions, show you different paths, they do. Depend on your choices, which path you take will."

Toshiro went back to staring at his hands. "What choices?" he asked at an almost inaudible level. "How do I prevent… the second vision… from happening?"

Yoda shrugged. "Know, I do not. Answer that question, only you can."

Toshiro snorted. Yeah, like that did him any good.

The room was quiet for a moment before Yoda spoke again. "Said earlier, you did, that a child compared to others in Soul Society, you are."

"Yeah. So?"

"Act as… mature as you do, do others your age?"

"Tch, no. Other kids my age… well, most of them wouldn't even be able to attend the Shinigami Academy. It's not like I'm the youngest Shinigami or anything, but… I am the youngest Captain. The only other high-ranking Shinigami that I know of who's younger than me is the eleventh squad's Vice-captain. And if you ask me, the only reason she's the Vice-captain is because her Captain's the one who picked her; from what I understand, he found her as an infant in one of the bloodiest districts of Rukongai, gave her a name, and started carting her around everywhere. She completely acts her age: she runs around and bugs the other Captains a lot (mostly Captain Kuchiki, I've heard), and is just very annoying in general. Matsumoto thinks she's cute, but I just can't stand her."

"Why act your age, do you not?"

Toshiro shot him a look. "Uh, 'cause I'm a captain."

Yoda's ears raised, and he looked slightly amused. "So?" he chuckled. "Over eight hundred years old and the Grand Master of the Order I am, and still act like a youngling on occasion, I do."

Toshiro's instinctive reaction was to shoot a rebuttal back at him, but he couldn't come up with anything decent, so he stayed quiet.

"Your entire adult life, you have, to act like an adult," Yoda said as he playfully poked Toshiro with the end of his cane. "Take advantage of this time to act like a child, you should."

Toshiro reflexively swatted the cane away. "Yeah," he muttered, "that'd be nice if I actually had time to act like a kid." He rubbed his shoulder where Yoda had been poking it. "Freakin' Matsumoto never gets her flippin' work done, so I'm always stuck doing it instead."

Yoda chuckled. "An easy fix, that should be."

Toshiro stared at him. An easy fix? A way to get his lazy-butt Vice-captain to actually do her job? Really? "I'm listening."

Yoda grinned. "Your Vice-captain she is, yes?" Toshiro nodded. "Then, control over some part of her job, you must have."

"Hmm…" Toshiro thought for a minute. He could see exactly where Yoda was going with this. Suddenly, it hit him. "Her salary!" he said quietly. "That's it! Matsumoto goes shopping all the time, so if I threaten to cut her salary…" He smiled. "Thanks. That-"

His cell phone rang.

He half-gaped, half-glared at it. "What the heck?? Who the heck's calling me at this time of night?" He stood up and walked towards his haori, then reached in and pulled out his phone.

His eyes shot open.

"Hinamori…?!"