A/N: In a previous chapter we learned that Fitz was adopted. More on this and family ties, including a special family heirloom in this chapter.
RECAP: Last chapter: Karen decides to call Olivia 'mommy'. Fitz's parents arrive from Italy. They love Olivia and are very happy she's marrying their son. Roberto Grant offers Fitz a loan.
To Andy: Even though you'll never read this, this is for you. When I look into your eyes I marvel at the sweet innocence and the wonder of you. *And in my eyes you will remain forever young.
May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam.
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home.
And my you grow to be proud, dignified and true.
And do unto others as you'd have done to you.
Be courageous and be brave.
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young
May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong,
Build a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabond.
And may you never love in vain.
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
And when you finally fly away, I'll be hoping that I served you well.
For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell.
But whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you win or lose,
Forever young, Forever young
* Forever Young by Rod Stewart
THIS CHAPTER WAS EDITED MAY 11, 2017
xxx
"I still don't understand what's the problem, " she paused with a sly grin,"Fitzy."
He smirked back, "hey, it's been a long time since anyone has called me that..."
"Except for your mom, you mean," she traced a finger across his chest. She then leaned in and pecked his lips. "She calls you Fitzy all the time."
He gave her one of his best boyish grins combined with a little shrug as if to say 'what are you gonna do'. He ran the tip of his fingers down the side of her face, softly brushing her cheek. "Did I ever tell you you're absolutely gorgeous?" He said studying her features.
She smiled at that. "So what is exactly the problem in accepting a loan from your dad?" She persisted.
Fitz took a deep breath. "I don't want to accept money from my father. He's already done a lot for me. He...well my parents put me through college."
"I thought you said you paid him back in full..."
"I did. But my parents made a lot of sacrifices for me when I was growing up. They've worked hard all their lives. When they came to this country they came with nothing. They worked days and nights, double shifts, triple shifts, they lived frugally. Ten years later, they had the down payment for a house. This house." He paused. His Livvie was listening to him in rapt attention. He kissed the top of her head. "They finally made it, the American Dream was finally theirs... except they couldn't have any children. They went to specialists and nothing. Finally, they decided to adopt. The first time, the birth mother changed her mind a couple of month later and they had to return the baby. It took another couple of years before there was another child available for adoption," he paused to gather his thoughts. "I couldn't have asked for better parents. They dedicated their lives to making sure I had everything they thought I needed."
"So you think it's wrong for you to accept help from your parents because of all they'd done for you and you don't have the right to ask for more." she interjected. "
Fitz couldn't help but hear a slight criticism in her tone, "I heard that the bakery is not doing that well and..."
"I'm sure your dad would not have offered unless they could afford it, "she cut in. "You feel as though you can't repay all their sacrifices... I get that. But the parent/child relationship is like that. Parents make the sacrifices, but there is joy in the sacrifice. You can't take away your parents' joy in raising you and nullify it." she sat up in bed cross legged. Her eyes brightened as the ideas took shape in her mind. "Picture this. Flash-forward twenty, thirty years. Teddy is married and about to start a family. Instead of thanking you, he tells you one day how sorry he is that you had to sacrifice so much for him...all the therapists you hired, all the time you spent reading and learning all there was to learn about autism, staying home for six months, giving him your undivided attention even when you were physically and mentally exhausted...for putting his needs above your own time and time again?" She shook her head. "How would you feel then? Would you want him to feel bad about all that or just grateful? You would want him to feel grateful but not guilty as though he robbed you of something, right?" She went on without waiting for a response. "you know why? Cause you would do it again, you would make all the sacrifices and more all over again without the slightest hesitation...without expecting anything in return...cos' that's what it means to be a parent, " she concluded passionately.
Fitz tucked an arm under his head and stared at her momentarily speechless.
Olivia didn't know what came over her. She had spoken with such conviction as though she had many years of parenting under her belt when in fact she still had some doubts about her own ability to parent. Even though she was doing the very best she could with Teddy and Karen, there was always a nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her she wasn't good enough or that she would screw up along the way.
But she couldn't keep letting her step father's voice have the last word. The man no longer had the power to rule over her. She was now free from his emotional abuse any and she could choose to not listen to his voice because in the end, his opinions didn't matter.
Olivia needed to keep reminding herself that indeed, she was doing her best parenting Karen and Teddy and that was good enough. And she vowed to herself she would keep on repeating this little mantra over and over however many times it was necessary until she believed it with every fiber of her being.
"You know what?" He spoke suddenly and waited a few seconds until he was sure he had her complete attention. "You are right, I would make the same sacrifices for Teddy over and over again. Except that sacrifice in this sense is not something painful or a cross we must carry. Sacrifice just is, it's something you do without a moment's hesitation, it's when someone else's needs are more important than your own. Sacrifice is love's middle name; love and sacrifice are interconnected and cannot be separated...in fact, neither one can live without the other."
Olivia nodded, smiling. "Absolutely."
xxx
Today Karen had a playdate with Crystal, Patty's daughter from across the street. Olivia walked her to Patty's front door, hoping to spend sometime just visiting. She'd been wanting to do this for a while, glad to have a chance to get to know her neighbor.
This was the neighborhood Fitz grew up in. Olivia recalled him telling her that back in those days everyone minded everybody's business. It wasn't that much different now, except that overtime some of the original owners of this small community had moved away. Most of the homes dated back to the late fifties, early sixties. They retained their own personality in stark contrast to the cookie cutter style from the later style homes just a couple of blocks away. Some of the homes including their own had undergone major remodeling in recent years : second story additions, opening up the floor plan between kitchen' and family room, or multiple room additions.
Patty (petite, brunette, late thirties) welcomed them with a warm smile. Karen and Crystal immediately ventured together to the swing-set out in the backyard.
"Would you like something to drink?" Patty offered. "Soda, apple juice, fruit punch?"
"Just some water, please," she replied taking a seat in the family room. While she waited for Patty, she played peak-a-boo with Patty's 8 month old who was happily entertained bouncing in a stationary walker.
Patty's three year old son burst into the room, stringing along a roll of toilet paper behind him.
"Robbie, no! You can't play with toilet paper, I told you," Patty handed Olivia her drink and then snatched the toilet paper roll from her son. "Excuse me just a minute, Olivia," she said before heading for the bathroom. Little Robbie ran out of the room at high speed knocking over a potted plant.
Olivia put her drink down and went to pick up the plant while Patty shouted, "Robbie, don't run!"
When Patty came back in the room, she found that Olivia had swept up the mess on the hardwood floor with a broom she found in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry. Robbie can be quite a handful." Thanks for cleaning that."
"Not a problem," Olivia replied taking the broom back to its rightful place.
Patty motioned for Olivia to sit back down on the couch beside her. "I just rescued my jewelry from being flushed the toilet, "she signed as Olivia sat beside her. "Thank goodness I went there to check before it was too late. Otherwise we'll be calling our friendly, 200 dollars an hour plumber." She grimaced. "Say," she went on indicating she was getting ready to change the subject. "I hear that you are a clinical psychologist, " she prompted. "Would you mind if I ask you a professional question?"
"Sure," Olivia replied already guessing that this was about Robbie. As far as she knew, Fitz had shared quite a bit of information with their neighbor. Patty knew of the divorce and Mellie's move to New York. She also knew of Teddy's autism and that Olivia had been Teddy's therapist. In addition, Patty was also aware that Fitz and she were now living together.
"Do you think that Robbie might have ADHD? He's only three but he's got the energy of triplets rolled into one. He's always getting into trouble." She spoke with aggravation, watching Robbie through the sliding glass door out in the backyard playing with the girls. "My crystal was never that way at this age.
Olivia didn't mind the question. It wasn't the first time she was asked for her advice while socializing. "Patty, Robbie's an active little boy, and at this age it's hard to tell without a formal assessment. But honestly, I would wait on that. I think he's far too young to be saddled with a label that will affect how others treat him throughout his childhood."
"It would seem easier just being able to rule it out sooner rather than later," she countered.
"Maybe so. But I would advise you to wait until he's at least in first grade before seeking a formal diagnosis."
Patty looked confused and conflicted. "But do you think he might hyperactive?" She persisted. "I'd just like to know..."
Olivia could hardly believe she was being asked for on the spot diagnosis. "I wouldn't know that without a formal assessment. I can refer you to a colleague of mine." She glanced over at the kids through the sliding glass door. Robbie was pestering the girls. "He's highly active, yes… but he's only three."
Right then, Crystal came in the house visibly upset, "Mommy! Robbie threw my dolly over the fence!"
Patty marched off to the neighbor's house with the girls to retrieve the doll. Olivia stayed with Robbie and the baby. While they were gone, Olivia engaged Robbie in play. He proudly showed her his Thomas the Tank Engine collection and set all fifteen trains on the coffee table for display. Robbie was only a year older than Teddy and they had their love for Thomas in common. Wouldn't it be perfect for Robbie and Teddy to become friends one day? Olivia thought wistfully.
She suspected Robbie's behavior was a call for attention. After all, he had an older sister and a younger brother all competing for parental love and attention. He may also be in need of some discipline.
After Patty and the girls came back from the neighbor's, Karen asked Olivia a question calling her 'mommy'. Patty cocked her head, intrigued which did not go unnoticed by Olivia.
After having a snack, the girls went back outside. Robbie entertained himself with the trains.
"It was Karen's idea to call me mommy."
"Oh, you don't have to explain." Patty smiled sincerely. "Karen needs a mother...both kids need a mother. I'm really happy for you and Fitz. We never socialized much when his w-" she cleared her throat. "Hmm. Well, Mellie had her own friends and was not very interested in hanging out with us, if you know what I mean. "
Olivia nodded. "The girls get along so well," Olivia said watching the girls swinging together in the backyard. "Whenever you want to bring Crystal over for a play-date, just let me know...I mean it." Up until now Karen had been the one coming over for play-dates but she saw no reason why they couldn't have Crystal over. In fact, she was looking forward to entertaining Karen's friends. Both Karen and Teddy would benefit from frequent contact with other children.
xxx
The following weekend, Fitz went to visit his parents' who were staying at a friend's house just a few blocks away, in the same neighborhood. They were renting the house from friends on a temporary basis until they returned to Italy. He would have brought Olivia and the kids except that his mother had specifically asked him to come alone as she needed to have a private conversation just the two of them.
After socializing with his parents' friends, Fitz and Lucia sat quietly side by side for a few moments in the living room with a cup of coffee. Fitz was about to tell his mother that he was going to accept the loan his father had offered in their name when she surprised him with something else.
"I have something important to tell you, Fitzy."
"What is it?"
I have not been well lately." She said gravely after a long moment of silence.
Fitz cocked his head trying his best to quiet the alarms going off in his head. "What is it?" he reiterated unable to mask the worry in his voice. "I mean you look fine. Maybe a little thinner than you used to be, " he studied her face closely. "But you were always talking about losing weight..."
"I have cancer."
His expression darkened. Surely he heard wrong. "Mom?" he murmured barely above a whisper. His gaze dropped to her hands wringing on her lap. He reached out his fingers stroking over her wrist before curling around her palm. Tears welled in his eyes as he watched the pained look on his mother's face.
"Well, then, you beat it!" He exclaimed fighting back the tears. "These days people live with cancer...they live many, many years...there's chemotherapy and-"
"Son, I'm afraid I'm not going to be here much longer." She cut in and then fell strangely silent. He could tell there was more she wanted to say but she was holding back.
Fitz didn't have major complaints about his parents or his upbringing. The only regret, the only thing he would have changed about his parents if he could was their obsession to cutting all ties with the past. Breaking ties with the past also meant they had failed to teach him their native language. Sometimes, he would hear them speak Italian to each other but they always spoke to him in English. As a result, his Italian was seriously lacking and not good enough to carry on a conversation.
It was in moment like this that he wished he could communicate with his mother in her native language. Even though her English was excellent, he still felt that she could express herself better in Italian.
A long time ago, long after he left home, Fitz had asked his mother why they had not wanted to speak Italian at home while he was growing up. Back then, she shrugged her shoulders and said they wanted to give him all the advantages and none of the disadvantages of having Italian as his mother tongue. They had wanted him to succeed in this English speaking world and felt that a second language would be more of a handicap. The end result had been decidedly shortsighted as he missed out on the opportunity of becoming bilingual.
Lucia Grant reached over to caress her son's face. It was a sweet caress. When she spoke again, her hand had returned to her lap. "I don't have much time. It's stage three cancer, they say. That's why I wanted to talk to you..."
A wave of sadness overcame Fitz. Somehow, he eventually found his voice again. "Since when have you known? How does dad feel about this?"
"He thinks I can get better cancer treatment here in America."
"I agree. Nowadays is not the same as when your mom died of cancer fifty years ago. People live with cancer many years," he persisted. He reached for her hand. "Mom, there's always hope. Please tell me you're not giving up. I need you, the kids need their grandma...even Olivia needs you. She just lost the one person that had been like a mother to her."
Lucia gave him a pained look mixed with gratitude. 'Oh, Fitzy, your the best son a mother could ever have...you know that?" She said with tears in her eyes. The day they had adopted Fitz had been the happiest of her life. Even her wedding day could not top that, although of course, she would never say that to Roberto.
"Stay here in America, mom. We'll find you the best doctors..."
Lucia smiled a bittersweet smile. "I have to go back..." her poor son was so determined to see hope where there was none.
"Please mom."
"I have to go back and say goodbye to my sisters...but I will be back." she trailed off. Yes, of course she was coming back. She wanted to spend what little time she had left near her son and grandchildren.
Lucia broke eye contact to dig for something in her purse. It was a small velvet blue box, she opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring.
"This ring belonged to my mother. It's very old, one of a kind. It even has a name: Doux bebe, which means sweet baby. Her father gave it to her when she was sixteen the day of her debutante ball. He bought it at an auction in Paris. She gave it to me on my wedding day as a blessing of my union to your father. She said to keep it to give it to my firstborn one day. I was her first born you know. "
Fitz took the box in his hand and studied it. It was indeed beautiful, unique. "Mom...why now?" He asked wanting to cancel out the reason why she was doing this.
"I didn't give it to you when you first married Mellie..." she paused for effect. "Something about your marriage to Mellie didn't feel right. I remember I took it with me to the reception intending to give it to you before you left on your honeymoon," she shook her head at the memory, "but something didn't feel right. Something kept me from giving it to you. Now I know why...I couldn't in good conscience give my blessing to that union...because it was not meant to be."
Wow, Fitz was blown away by his mother's words. She had not wanted Mellie to have the ring because it had not felt right. If only he'd listened to his parents whenever they tried to get him to reconsider his decision to marry Mellie. He shook his head, dismissing the thought. No use lamenting about the past. The important thing was that now he was making the right choice in marrying Olivia.
"And now, having met Olivia in person, I get a completely different feeling, " she smiled graciously as though she'd been reading his mind, "she is the right one. I can see in her eyes how much she loves you. So you should give her the ring on your wedding night...for her to wear it along with her wedding band or to save it to pass on to your children if she'd rather do that."
Fitz put the ring down on the coffee table in front of them. Then, he reached over for his mom's other hand so that he held both of her hands into his. He was so overcome with emotion he was at a loss for words.
xxx
Three months later
Teddy started jumping up and down, screeching and flapping his hands when his father pulled out one of his Thomas the tank Engine musical books. Ever since he was a baby, Teddy had shown a clear preference for this particular book and the instrumental songs it played.
It occurred to Fitz that this was the way his non-verbal son always showed his happiness and that was never going to change.
Yes, it was pessimistic.
But that's how he felt today.
So for once he didn't imitate him. He didn't jump and down and flap his hands and join in his world as Son-rise therapy described. Today, it just felt as though he was making fun of him, as though he was celebrating his weirdness.
He felt ashamed of thinking that way.
But most of all, he felt discouraged. Not that was the norm but today had been particularly difficult. He had tried to incorporate Sparky into therapy time (defined as periods of time during the day where he would give Teddy his utmost attention) and every single one of his attempts had utterly failed.
He'd found that training the dog and working with Teddy at the same time proved to be particularly difficult yet he kept trying.
With an exasperated sigh, he put Sparky back in the enclosed patio (he had installed a doggie door that led to the backyard), shut the door and turned his attention back to Teddy.
The bottom line was that he was pissed. He was pissed at God. Why would God allow a beautiful little boy be afflicted with such a debilitating condition? Why couldn't Teddy be like other little boys that make eye contact and laugh and talk up a storm when they're happy?
Fitz was thinking he needed a break of some sort. He was sitting cross-legged directly across from Teddy, just watching him. Not imitating him in his rocking back and forth. He simply sat watching him, doing nothing, just being with him.
And that's when Olivia and Karen arrived home from trip to the grocery store.
Fitz sat "Hi, honey, sorry we took so long," Olivia said while she and Karen put groceries away in the kitchen. They had enough groceries now for a month or so it seemed. "We made an extra stop at Walmart. Karen needed a tri-fold display board for a project."
"A project?" Fitz questioned. He didn't know they did those kinds of projects in kindergarten.
'Yeah, daddy. I'll bring my stuff to show you," Karen dashed into her bedroom without waiting for an answer.
He had stuff to do. Namely shower and grade some papers for the online class he was teaching and of course, help Karen with her project. But most of all he needed that break.
"Hi, Teddy," Olivia came to sit by him cross legged after setting the tri-fold board on the kitchen island. She then gazed at Fitz. One look was all it took for her to understand how he was feeling.
He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's been a long day."
"I'm here now. I'll be with Teddy now while you take a break and grade your papers."
Fitz pecked her lips and went into the kitchen and wait for Karen to come back with her project.
A moment later, she lifted Teddy into her arms thinking she would take him into the playroom. There were some new things she wanted to try with him. On her way there, Karen flew past her with her art supplies back to the great room. She went past the sliding glass door that lead to the enclosed patio. Sparky had been laying head down, chin on the floor and with his eyes closed. But the minute he sensed movement, he perked up and wagged his tail excitedly.
She felt sorry for the little pup. He was still staying with them on weekends and going back with Amanda during the week. What the heck, she would just bring him with her to the play room, she decided, opening the sliding glass door to let him inside.
"Sparky, come," she commanded him to follow her but the Beagle had a mind of his own and marched straight to the master bedroom. Olivia rolled her eyes. What was up with that? Normally Sparky was quite obedient.
"Sparky?" Olivia murmured shifting Teddy on to her other hip and following the dog to the bedroom. Sparky was now sniffing around the full length mirrored closet doors.
Teddy wiggled to get down. As soon as she put him down, Teddy moved to stand in front of the double sided mirrored closet doors. His eyes widened and shifted back and forth between Sparky and the image in the mirror. Fascinated, he bent down to put his hand on the dog's back.
Olivia chuckled. What do you know, there was a cracker wedged between the slider and the door that connected to the other mirrored door. Sparky was licking the crumbs off with gusto. How the cracker wound up there seemed to be a mystery.
Teddy lifted his hand off Sparky's back and stood motionless for the longest time just staring at his own image in the mirror.
Olivia's smile faded the very instant she realized from watching Teddy's expression, that something had somehow clicked into place. There was a hint of recognition in his gorgeous blue eyes that she had never seen before.
Teddy's face broke into a huge smile as the seconds ticked by.
Mesmerized, Olivia watched as Teddy moved forward to touch the image.
"Ma," he mumbled, the palm of his hand against the mirror but looking straight at her.
A little shaky, Olivia dropped to her knees behind Teddy and put her hands on his shoulders. This was one of those moments in life that rocks you to the very core. It was one of those moments that take you completely by surprise as a flow of emotions hits you with such force that you don't know whether to just cry or to laugh.
Their eyes met through the mirror's reflection and stayed connected for what seemed like an eternity. And at last, Olivia smiled back.
YES! He was finally making AND maintaining eye contact with her. Oh, My God! This was the moment she and Fitz had been waiting for. "Yes, yes, Teddy, that's you in the mirror," she said trying to restrain her excitement, suddenly afraid that one wrong move on her part would break the magic of the moment. "Teddy, it's you, it's you, that's you in the mirror" she mumbled, tears of happiness openly welling in her eyes. She then took his hand and held it to her chest, "Teddy, I love you so much, sweetheart."
Teddy continued to stare back into his eyes, grinning as if she'd been gone on a long vacation and he was glad that she was finally back home.
Feeling as if she was watching herself in a movie, she rose to her feet. She had to get Fitz in here right away. Taking a few steps toward the door but still facing Teddy, she called Fitz's name as loud as she could without shouting and startling Teddy. More than anything, she wanted Fitz to see this with his own eyes. Only then would she believe that this was truly happening.
Ten seconds later, Fitz poked his head through the bedroom door.
"Look," Olivia mumbled her voice barely audible, her gaze shifting to Teddy.
Fitz took in the whole scene and instantly captured the significance of the moment.
He moved slowly toward Teddy even though really wanted to run. "Hey, Teddy," he murmured dropping to his knees.
"Da-da," Teddy said meeting his gaze through the mirror.
"Yes, Teddy, yes...I'm da-da, I'm daddy." Fitz repeated elated, all choked up. He reached over to touch his cheek with the back of his hand, as if afraid Teddy was a mirage. He cried when he realized it was real, this was really happening. This was the moment he had dreamed of, this was the moment he had faithfully waited for even when it had all seemed in vain. And this was the first time he cried like this in his entire adult life.
Olivia knelt beside Fitz. Fitz turned to her and held her gaze, overjoyed. He cupped her face for a moment and pulled her into a hug. This was the woman he loved; this was the woman who had made it all possible.
He pulled back to gaze into her caramel eyes. "Liv, please tell me this is real."
"It's real, it's real!" she laughed and cried at the same time.
Teddy turned around to look at them both without averting his gaze which was what he normally did. Fitz and Olivia were stunned. There was nothing fleeting about Teddy's eye contact; it was steady and purposeful. And they both felt he was finally there with them.
Overcome with joy, Fitz moved to pull Teddy into a hug while holding out his other arm to Olivia, and she readily joined them into a brief three way hug. Teddy wiggled himself free after a few moments to turn his attention back to the mirror.
"You did this," Fitz gazed at Olivia with immense gratitude and flashing a celebrity smile. "This is a miracle...and you did it, you did it, Liv. You're a miracle maker."
"No, no...Don't you sell yourself short," Olivia readily replied, "You're the one...this wouldn't have been possible without you. You're the miracle maker."
"Okay, duly noted." He chuckled. "We did it together, we are both miracle makers."
A/N:
This last scene was going to be part of the final chapter but is now a transition scene to what's to come next. I have a lot planned for this fic. I've got one main story-line (Olitz centric) coming plus a couple of other subplots along the way :) More on Fitz's parents in the next chapter.
I hope you've enjoyed this chapter as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
With the holidays coming, I will be taking some time off for writing but still I would hope to get two more chapters out before the end of the year. If for whatever reason I take longer than 4 weeks to update, do give me a wake up call, ok?
Thanks to all for your support. All comments very much welcomed.